The (rather pointless) Redwall Forum Show

[Nightfire]

Alright, here it is:

-Nightfire walk out on stage wearing all of her adderskin regala.-

Nightfire: Hello, audience, and welcome to the Redwall Forum Talk show! This show is even better than Slgar the Cruel: Coast to Coast! Now, first let me introduce our visitors today! With me are Cobreedan and his friend, Kirby...
Cobreedan: Hello. I want to eat the audience.
Kirby: Poyo!
Nightfire: Skarlath the Kestrel...
Skarlath: Khreeehahkhaa!
Nightfire: What in the name of acorns is that supposed to mean? Anyway, the last visitor we have is Skalrag of Marshank!
Skalrag: Hi. Can we please make the Kestrel leave? I really don't like feathers...
Cobreedan: You won't like sssssnakesssss either after I am through with you!
Kirby: Poyo!
Skarlath: Kree! I will not leave! I have a right to be here, too! That pink ball thing had better stop saying that!
Kirby: POYO!
Skalrag: (gently tugging on Nightifre's vest) Can the snake leave too?
Nightfire: (sighing) Okay, people, please do not  start a fight. We had that the last two episodes.
Kirby: Poyo!
Nightfire: I shall assume that ye are agreeing with me. Now, for tonight's episode, we are taking callers from Mossflower, Southsward, Salamandastron, ect. Oh, here is our first caller! On the line is Badrang the Tyrant. Hello, Badrang.
Badrang: Hi, squirrel. I jus wanted to say something to Skalrag.
Skalrag: What?
Badrang: Where've you been, you lily-livered swab?! My cape needs washing, my boots need shining, and most importantly, I keep having nightmares about that stupid mouse!
Skalrag: (getting up from his chair looking angry.) You killed me, you...you...STOAT! I don't serve you!
Nightfire: Whoops, just lost that caller. Next up is...oh boy...Slagar the Cruel! Why are we getting all of these calls from vermin?
Slagar: Hey! Squirrel, you take back that comment about my talk show!
Nightfire: Why? It's true. On your talk show, all you do is insult the guests.
Kirby: POYO!
Cobreedan: Hello, foxy...let me sssshow you to eternity...
Slagar: Aaaaahhhh!!! Why is there a snake on your show! Aaaaahhhh!
Skarlath: Khreeh! Cowardly vermin, scared of a snake!
Kirby: Poyo!
Skalrag: Okay, shut up with the poyo thing, Kirby. It's just as bad as Halfchop saying 'Kachunk' all the time!
Kirby: Poyo! Poyo poyo poyo!
Skalrag: Aaahhhh! Stop it!
Kirby: (sticking his tongue out) Poyo!
Nightfire: Okay, next caller, before this gets out of paw. Up next is...well, speak of the devil, it's Halfchop and his buddy,  Plumnose! Hello, boys. I half to say, you two are the only vermin I've ever met who I haven't wanted to brutally kill.
Plumnose: Uh..uh....thanks, Ib think.
Halfchop: Kachunk!
Cobreedan: Oh, great, now we have two idiotssss who only sssspeak one word.
Skarlath: I actually have to agree with you, snake! (flaps his wings emphatically)
Plumnose: Id gots a question fer Skalrag.
Skalrag: Go ahead, as long as it has nothing to do with feathers.
Nightfire: Oh, please...(facepalms)
Plumnose: Well, uh...Halfchop and I were wonderin' uh...'ow do youb catcher fish?
Skalrag: Umm...with a rod and line, usually.
Cobreedan: Great, now I am hungry!
Kirby: Poyo!
Cobreedan: You sssaid it, pal.
Nightfire: Boys, it depends on the fish. Never go after pike or grayling. Stick with trout.
Halfchop: Kachunk!
Plumnose: He says thabs. (phone line disconnects)
Skarlath: Well, that was random!
Nightfire: Well, what else did you expect? Okay, the next caller had better be neutral or a goodbeast, otherwise something is going to die!
Skalrag: Everybody, duck for cover!
Nightfire: Quit being such a baby.
Cobreedan: Our next caller issss on the line, squirrel...
Nightfire: Don't call me squirrel, otherwise you'll find out just how I got my adderskin vest!
Cobreedan: Asssssmodeussssss...
Nightfire: Ooh, I'm soo scared. Twit. Asmodeus died ages ago.
Skarlath: So did Skalrag, Slagar, and everyone else who's been on this show.
Nightfire: Well, whatever. The next caller is...oh, finally! Mariel of Redwall. Hello, Mariel.
Mariel: Hello, Squirrelqueen. I just wanted to say...if you all don't start behaving, I'll give you all a whack with my Gullwacker! Anyway, that's it. Honestly, theDibbuns at Redwall behave better than you lot.
Nightfire: Okay, I sense a fight on the horizon. Thank you all for coming!
Kirby: POYO!!!

(Nightfire shoos the guests off from the stage before Cobreedan can start eating something)

[Tiria Wildlough]

Hahaha! That made me laugh.
I did one with Ranguvar Foeseeker. Here it is:

The Redwall Forum Show
Ranguvar Foeseeker Special
Redwall Musician: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Redwall Forum Show! Now, before we start, I have a little announcement to make. HeadInAnotherGalaxy couldn't be here, so we invited DanielofRedwall, another member of the redwallabbey.com forum. Welcome, DanielofRedwall!
DanielofRedwall: Thanks, guys.
Redwall Musician: And, as a special guest, we have Ranguvar Foeseeker. Welcome, Ranguvar, and Nightfire, thanks for arranging this.
Tiria Wildlough: Nightfire, am I supposed to be surprised by this? Because I'm not.
Skalrag of Marshank: Oh, well. It'll be interesting, anyway.
Tiria Wildlough: I wasn't disputing that.
Skalrag of Marshank: Hey, Nightfire, how did you arrange this?
Nightfire: I found Ranguvar's Facebook page. And—
DanielofRedwall: Oh? I didn't know she was on Facebook.
Ranguvar Foeseeker: You're never too old to learn. Anyway, we managed to meet up—
Tiria Wildlough: It's dangerous to meet people you know from the internet.
Nightfire: Will you guys stop interrupting? Anyway, Ranguvar, go on.
Ranguvar Foeseeker: We became friends straight away. I don't know if Nightfire is really related to me, but it's likely. After all, there aren't all that many black squirrels running around here, are there?
Skalrag of Marshank: I suppose not. But Ranguvar, is it true that you fought with your teeth and claws?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Too right.
Tiria Wildlough: And did it taste nice afterwards?
Nightfire: Tiria!
Tiria Wildlough: Sorry. I just couldn't resist. Ranguvar, can you do your warcry?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Sure. Listen: YAYALAHOOOO!
DanielofRedwall: *Jumps* And I thought Nightfire had a loud voice.
Nightfire: Well, you thought wrong.
Tiria Wildlough: Ranguvar, what does it feel like to have the Bloodwrath?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: It feels boiling mad.
Tiria Wildlough: (Saracastically) Thanks, that was SO helpful.
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Sorry, I couldn't go into more detail, but you're really not aware of much when you're in Bloodwrath.
Nightfire: I know.
Skalrag of Marshank: Redwall Musician, can we have a badger in the next episode?
Redwall Musician: I don't know. I'll see what I can do.
DanielofRedwall: Can we have Sunflash the Mace? Can we have Skarlath, even?
Redwall Musician: I don't know! I'll really try.
DanielofRedwall: Ranguvar, what did you think when you realised that Luke was going to crash the Goreleech into the Tall Rocks?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Grrrr! Don't even mention the name of that ship to me! *Her eyes start to turn red*
Tiria Wildlough: *Reaches for sling* Uh, Redwall Musician...?
Redwall Musician: Ranguvar, snap out of it, please!
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Oh, sorry. *Shakes head* I don't know what came over me just then. Sorry. And DanielofRedwall, to answer your question, I didn't really feel much, I was just intent on destroying that crew.
Nightfire: Ranguvar, did you travel a lot before you were captured? I just wondered.
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Oh, a bit. I never really left the archipelago, though.
Skalrag of Marshank: And how come that archipelago was never mentioned in further books?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: I really don't know, Skalrag.
DanielofRedwall: Ranguvar, did you watch the Redwall TV series? Did you like them?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: I watched the first one, Redwall, but I wasn't very pleased with it, so I didn't watch any more.
Tiria Wildlough: (In a whisper to DanielofRedwall) She was probably jealous that they didn't make one of The Legend of Luke.
Nightfire: She wasn't jealous, and I'm sure that if they had made of The Legend of Luke, it would have been wonderful.
Skalrag of Marshank: *whispers* Oh, you reckon?
Redwall Musician: I'm sure it would, Nightfire. Ranguvar, what are your thoughts on this?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: If anyone makes a movie of Redwall, I'll personally scrag them. Oh, and I have a question for DanielofRedwall. Daniel, are you a kestrel?
DanielofRedwall: Of course.
Ranguvar Foeseeker: Oh, yes.
Tiria Wildlough: Ranguvar, weren't you disappointed or scared at all when Luke crashed the Go—the red ship into the rocks?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: (Shouts) I am the Foeseeker! I do not know the meaning of fear! Yayalahooo!
Tiria Wildlough: Alright, alright! Keep your hair on!
Skalrag of Marshank: Why is your warcry 'Yayalaho'?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: It's the warcry of all black squirrels.
Skalrag of Marshank: But how do you know? You're the only black squirrel in the series?
Ranguvar Foeseeker: You'd be surprised at what goes on backstage.
DanielofRedwall: Backstage. Heeheehee.
Redwall Musician: I think that should be all for today. Ranguvar Foeseeker, thanks for being here. Bye, everyone!

[DanielofRedwall]

Hahaha, that's good. These ae quite entertaining, and that summed me up perfectly. Seriously, can we have Sunflash and Skarlath? I'd love to talk to them, me and Skarlath can be, like, kestrel buddies!

[Nightfire]

I'm going to write another one:

-Nightfire walk out on stage to everyone's applause.-

Nightfire: Hello, and welcome to the Redwall Forum Talk Show! (looking pointedly at the masked fox sitting in the audience) And this show is even better than all of the others out there! Now, as you all know, I am a berserker Bloodwrath warrior. But, I signed a contract saying that I would act like a normal woodlander as long as I am doing this show. Well, then! Our guests today are: Gonff the mousethief...
Gonff: That's Prince of Mousethieves, to you matey.
Nightfire: Well, whatever. We also have with us Blaggut, former boatswain of the Pearl Queen, and now a carpenter in the Mossflower river. Welcome, Blaggut.
Blaggut:  Thankee. I never did like bein' a boatswain.
Nightfire: Our last guest of the day is...oh boy, it's Vilu Daskar. Welcome to the show, Vilu. (muttering under her breath) And don't expect to leave alive, vermin.
Vilu: Hey! I heard that!
Nightfire: So? What's your point? Anyway...Gonff, just why, exactly, do you call yourself 'Prince of Mousethieves' when there are no other Mousethieves to be prince of?
Gonff: I dunno. Just sounded better. Hey, Blaggut, could I request a boat from you for my liddle Gonflet? Ever since we gave the Honeysuckle to Log-a-Log's tribe, I've been missin' sailing.
Blaggut: Shure! Do ye need a liddle boat ter sail on, or a big galley ship?
Gonff: How about a medium-sized boat?
Vilu: Will you please stop talking about boats? Reminds me of the Goreleech.
Gonff: Why? Go cry up a tree, vermin!
Vilu: Arr! I'll get you fer that! (dives at Gonff, who skips nimbly away)
Nightfire: Settle down, boys! (grabs Vilu and forcibly shoves him back in his chair.)
Vilu: Owowoow! That my good right ear!
Gonff: (sticking his tongue out impudently) Good! Serves you right for enslaving' my best mate's pappy!
Blaggut: That tellyphone thingy's ringing, Nightfire.
Nightfire: I didn't expect to take callers on this episode but...Oh! Hello, Ranguvar!
Ranguvar: Hello, Nightfire. I just wanted to say something to Vilu. I knew that if I actually came here then I'd go into the Bloodwrath.
Vilu: What do you want, squirrel? You've ruined my life enough already.
Ranguvar: I'm waiting for you...don't leave the studio if you want to live, vermin! Hahahahaha! YAYALAHOOOOOOO!!!
Vilu: (diving under chair) Get that mad squirrel away from me!
Nightfire: She's not here, Vilu, she's on the phone. (muttering) Pity. Alright! I thing this should end another episode of the Redwall Forum Show!
Blaggut: Thankee fer letting' me coma an' all, but I prefer boatbuildin' ter arguin'.
Gonff: Thankee fer the silver bone handled dagger, varmint!
Vilu: Hey! That's mine! (chases Gonff from the stage as Nightfire escorts Blaggut out)

-APPLAUSE-

[DanielofRedwall]

Some good ones here! I've got one in the works. Cluny coming up!

[Tiria Wildlough]

I did one of Cluny. You can still post yours, though. Here's mine:

The Redwall Forum Show
Cluny the Scourge Special
Redwall Musician: Hello everyone, and welcome to the fourth episode of the Redwall Forum Show! Today as our special guest, we have Cluny the Scourge! Welcome to our humble show, Cluny. I hope you find it to your liking. Has anyone got a question?
HiAG: Hey, Cluny, who's that goon standing behind you?
Cluny: It's Sir Cluny to you, insolent weasel, and this is my bodyguard, Ragear. I brought him along because I don't trust any of you, specially this bushtailed berserker here.
Nightfire: Oh, really?
Cluny: Yes, really! I can strangle you with both paws tied behind my back! My tail is so strong it can knock you down!
Tiria Wildlough: Then can I pay you to thump out my mats for me? They're getting really dusty, and you could shell peas while you're doing it. Sahahahahaa!
DanielofRedwall: Cluny the Scourge, Tiria's lackey. Nice.
Cluny: Shut your beak.
Redwall Musician: Watch your language, Cluny the Scourge!
Skalrag of Marshank: Cluny, I have a question for you!
Cluny: What?
Skalrag of Marshank: What's your thoughts on Skalrag?
Cluny: Never heard of the beast.
Skalrag of Marshank: Ohhh! Haven't you read Martin the Warrior?
Cluny: Uh...no. Don't plan to either.
Nightfire: Why not?
Cluny: BECAUSE IT HASN'T GOT ME IN IT, YOU WISHY-WASHY SQUIRREL!!
Redwall Musician: I'd better enable the bad language filter. *click*
Tiria Wildlough: What does the bad language filter actually do?
HiAG: It muffles Cluny's bad words. Listen: How are you doin', flickytail, uglyface?
Cluny: You ****** weasel! I should shove you full of ****** spears and leave you in a ditch to die, like I did to that ****** fox!
DanielofRedwall: Ahh. Very interesting.
Nightfire: I have a question for you, Cluny the wotsyertail. What would you do to Matthias now if he was here?
Cluny: I'd first beat him to death, then burn him alive, then skin him alive and feed him his hide. Then I'd make soup out of him.
Skalrag of Marshank: Then I trust you'd eat it?
Cluny: Of course. I wish he was here!
Matthias720: As a matter of fact, I am here!
Cluny: *Stands up* Get over here, mouse! I'll—
Redwall Musician: Wait! Don't hurt him! He's one of our moderators!
Matthias720: Hi, Musician. Are you having trouble with your guest? If you are, just call me. I'll deal with him!
Redwall Musician: No thanks, Matthias, I'm doing fine.
Cluny: Anytime you want, I'll deal with you!
[Matthias720 leaves the room]
Tiria Wildlough: Hey, Cluny, I have something to tell you!
Cluny: What is it now?
Tiria Wildlough: Just for the record, there's an abbey in France called Cluny Abbey.
Cluny: *Cackles wildly*  See? See? I told you I'd conquer the world! I got as far as France! Muahahahahahahaa!
Ragear: Uh, Chief, can you tell that squirrel to go away? Her adderskins are giving me the heebie-jeebies.
Cluny: I'll give you the heebie-jeebies if you don't shut up and let me do the talking!
Ragear: But Chief...
Cluny: Shut your ****** face!
Redwall Musician: Good thing I enabled the bad language filter!
Tiria Wildlough: Cluny, Cluny! I have another thing to tell you!
Cluny: Does it promote what an awesome warlord I am?
Tiria Wildlough: Yeah.
Cluny: Well?
[Tiria takes a little bell from her pocket and tinkles it in Cluny's face. Uproarious laughter from the audience]
Cluny: Yaaaagh! You liar! You said it would promote what an awesome warlord I am!
HiAG: Yeah, it signifies what an awesome warlord you were.
Ragear: *Points his spear at HiAG* Don't you dare talk to the chief like that! 'E's powerful!
Nightfire: *Loads blowpipe with a dart* Don't you dare talk to us like that! I could kill you with this dart!
HiAG: Yeah, it's tipped with adder poison.
Ragear: Adder poison? Save me, Chief! *Cowers behind Cluny's chair*
Cluny: *Moves chair* Oh, come out of it, you blathering fool.
Tiria Wildlough: Oh Cluny, what're your thoughts on Tiria Wildlough?
Cluny: That pathetic little abbey-bred ottermaid? She's a wuss.
Tiria Wildlough: Well, sorry mate, you are talking to her! Sahahahaha! And Ragear, stop waving that spear around. Somebeast could get hurt.
Ragear: I needs ter keep this spear, t'proteck the chief agin mad squirrels an' otters.
Nightfire: Don't you dare call me a mad squirrel! *Aims blowpipe*
Ragear: No! Don't shoot that thing! Save me from the mad squirrel, Chief!
Nightfire: That was the last slip of your tongue, rat! Yayalahoooo!
[Blood rises in her eyes. She shoots the dart, and it lands in Ragear's neck. He falls to the ground, dead]
Cluny: Wha—look what you've done, you berserk squirrel! I came to this show expecting to find respect and honour! Fans shouting my name! But instead I find a berserker squirrel, a loudmouthed otter, a sadistic fox, and a weasel who thinks he's funny, not to mention an insipid host. I was going to spend my afternoon playing Kill4Trophies!
DanielofRedwall: You play video games?
Nightfire: Do you know Metroid Prime?
Cluny: No, I do NOT know Metroid Prime, and I need another bodyguard. SKULLFACE!
[Skullface enters]
Skullface: Aye, Chief!
Redwall Musician: And I think we need to finish. Thankyou, everyone, for being here, and to everyone listening to us, thankyou for following the Redwall Forum Show. Good night.

[DanielofRedwall]

Oh, don't worry. I'll find another vermin leader to do mine on. Hmm.... Tsarmina? Ferahgo? I know! I'll do Korvuss Skurr!

[Nightfire]

Oh, great.  Korvus Skurr. How about his crown? That would be funny. I think you portray me perfectly every time, Tiria!  Here's another episode. This time Nightfire is NOT the host:

Redwall Forum Talk Show!
Kings and Queens special.

(A golden eagle flies out onto the stage, flaring his wings. The audience Oohs in admiration)

Raio Rei: Khaaraaahhh!! I am Raio Rei, Thunderbolt King of the Eastern mountains! I have taken over this talk show from Nightfire, who became irritated at how many vermin were appearing. With me today is the Serpent King, Asmodeus Poisontooth! Welcome, Asmodeus, but please don't try to eat the audience.
Asmodeus: Ahhh...it issss a pleassssure to be here...assssss alwayssssss...
Raio Rei: Thank you for that creepy introduction, Serpent King. We have also got Tsarmina, Queen of the Thousand Eyes.
Tsarmina: Hey! That's not my full title, and you know it!
Raio Rei: It would take up too much time to list all of your titles. We have Vilaya, the Sable Quean, and Wild King MacPhearsome here as well.
Vilaya: They...they're watching me! (dives under her chair)
Wild King: Kreehah! Ye truly have stage fright? Ach, awa' wi' ye, ye bairn! Ah shall take your stage spot!
Raio Rei: Today I am going to pose a question to all of you. Let us start with the Wild King first. MacPhearsome, how would you rule your kingdom?
Wild King: Wi' a keen talon an' a fair eye!
Raio Rei: Don't you mean a fair talon and a keen eye?
Wild King: Ach, 'tis meanin' the same thing!
Raio Rei: Tsarmina, what is your response to this question?
Tsarmina: Rule them with an iron claw and no mercy! First I would drown all otters, then drop all squirrels off of a high cliff, then I would imprison young ones, and put the old and infirm to hard labor!
Raio Rei: Wicked Queen! I should have you killed!
Tsarmina: You can't. (sticks out tongue) First of all, I'm one of your guests, secondly, that **** mouse, Martin drowned me. You can't kill someone twice!
Vilaya: Ha! You mean you drowned yourself, pussycat!
Tsarmina: Why you...!
Raio Rei: Please! Stay in your seat! And Tsarmina, watch your language! Vilaya, would you please come out from under your chair and answer the question?
Vilaya: Well, I am the almighty Sable Quean. I rule with stealth and guile, not to mention a poison-tipped...thing.
Asmodeus: The female hasssss no successful strategy. I sssshall answer the question. I rule with fear. No one can assistant againsssssst my might.
Tsarmina: Except a little slip of a mouse that beheaded you with your own stolen sword.
Asmodeus: I wassssss trapped. Anyone could have had that happen. I killed many in my time. Ragear, Gousssssim, I almossssst killed Ssssslagar...
Raio Rei: This may get a little out of paw...or wing, if I let this continue further. This ends another episode of the Redwall Forum Talk Show! (drags Asmodeus out of the stage, who is trying to eat Tsarmina. The wildcat queen joins Vilaya underneath a chair. MacPhearsome just perches on the head of someone in the audience, content to sleep there.)

[Tiria Wildlough]

Awesome! Can you do Vizka Longtooth next?

[Nightfire]

Not really...he'd probably end up dying, which, as you know, is not allowed on a Talk Show.

[Coobreedan]

Nightfire, the Kirby one was brilliant! Best thingy ever! I was LOL, FOFL, LMFO (laughing my fangs off), the lot. You did Kirby brilliantly! Next I'll do one where King Dedede wants a turn on the talk show because he's jealous of Kirby, so he hires a monster. I'll give you a clue on who the monster is: a cat with BIG anger issues who's name begins with T...

[Nightfire]

Okay...Who in the galaxy is King Dedede??  Here is another one:

Redwall Forum Talk Show
Vermin Leaders Special!

(Raio Rei, the great golden eagle flies out on stage, flaring his wings impressively)

Raio Rei: Hello, and welcome all! Today we are going to interview some of the most nefarious and evil villains in the Redwall World! Nightfire was originally offered the job of interviewer, but she went  into the Bloodwrath and tried to break into the studio to kill our guests. Ahem! We have with us today: Cluny the Scourge! All of you  know this warlord well. He is the first vermin to ever conquer Redwall! (muttering)...however briefly.
Cluny: Hey! I heard that, mattressback!
Raio Rei: I advise you to not call me that, rat, unless you want to be eaten.  Our next guest to come is...Slagar the Cruel! Welcome Slagar, although if I heard even the slightest murmurings of a fight between you and Cluny then there will be retribution.
Slagar: Retri-what? Don't use such big words, featherbottom.
Raio Rei: (sighing and ignoring the fox) Another guest we have with us today is Verdauga Greeneyes, Lord of Kotir. Hello, Verdauga.
Verdauga: Whatever. At least you didn't bring that scumfaced hairball daughter of mine on the show with me.
Raio Rei: (coughing uncomfortably) Actually, I did. Sorry about that.
Verdauga: What?! You can't be serious!
Tsarmina: (walking out on stage) Hello, father.
Verdauga: Don't you dare come near me, wench, or I'll show you the meaning of wildcat fury!
Raio Rei: Enough fighting! Let's get back to Cluny, shall we? Cluny the Scourge, may I ask why you wanted to conquer Redwall so badly? And if you had succeeded, would you have moved on to attempt conquering Salamandastron?
Cluny: You bet I would've. The world needs less badgers out there. Besides, I DID conquer the abbey! It was only that **** mouse that stopped me from continuing!
Slagar: Bell-bait.
Cluny: Watch it, Chickenhound.
Slagar: Don't call me that.
Cluny: Why? Chickenhound, Chickenhound, Chickenhound!
Slagar: I am Slagar the Cruel, Lord of the Mountebanks, Lunar Stellaris, Stella Lunaris! And I coulds bash your skull in with my bolas, rat!
Cluny: Ooh, I'm so scared! What kind of name is Slagar, anyway? Were'nt you going to call yourself 'Redflash' or 'Nightfang?'
Slagar: Shut up.
Raio Rei: If you two do not stop fighting right now, I will eat you both! Now Slagar, how did you end up meeting Malkariss in the first place?
Slagar: That's my business. Why don't you interview Tsarmina?
Raio Rei: I guess I will. Tsarmina? Why did you poison your father, and throw your own brother into jail?
Tsarmina: Simple, really. I wanted his throne. If he died, Gingivere would take his place, so I had to get them both out of the way. So I had Fortunata poison my father's medicine, gave it to Gingivere to feed him, and presto! My brother poisons my father without realizing it, and the two are shoved out of the way. Then that stupid mouse escaped...
Verdauga: That mouse had ten times the courage and fighting skill that you will ever possess. If it were allowed, I would have killed you by now. Raio, do you honestly count me as 'one of the most evil and nefarious villains'?
Raio Rei: Not really, but I needed to shake thing up a bit. Nightfire would have my feathers for a headdress if I interviewed ONLY vermin. Now, thank you all for your patience, but we're out of air time. This brings the end of another episode of the Redwall Forum Talk Show! Thank you for watching, and good night!

-APPLAUSE IS REQUIRED AT THIS POINT-

[Tiria Wildlough]

*Applause*
Nice one, Nightfire.

[Galedeep]

Ooooh, a talk show! Could I be in it?

[DanielofRedwall]

^

I'll write you in to mine, do you want to be an otter?