Overlord's Orders XVI

[Søren]

Well, if the calls were made with the new phone before either of us used it, then someone from the beginning and phone company is plotting against you, oh Overlady.

[Izeroth]

 "Normally, Gryphon's assertion that Orange Hand virus is harmless would be correct. What Gryphon does not realize, however, is that this was a special, mutated form of the virus. I knew that its killing capabilities stretched far beyond insects and other common pests, and I wasn't going to wait to see what effect it had on my comrades. No good act goes unpunished, I suppose."

"When Soren began singing (rhythmically screaming might be a more accurate term), I had no choice but to join in. Somehow, you see, Soren had gotten it into his head that he was a master magician, and was singing the 'lyrics' to a highly dangerous spell. I was forced to yell over Soren's singing, drowning out his voice and thus negating the spell's effects."

[Søren]

My lady, as we all know, there's no such thing as magic. Anyone who believes there is, or even pretends there is, is simply stupid. Of corse, Izeroth knows this, so by spell he must mean the forth definition of "spell", meaning a splinter of wood. I keep it in my pocket, it has the lyrics to Veronica Sawyer Smokes, by AFI carved into it. It's hard to read if you don't have 3/3 vision as I do. Izeroth once pricked himself with it by accident when he wanted to sing the song, that must be why he thought it was dangerous. Anyway, it's a nice song, but you have to sing loud. I didn't really want to sing, but James told me that he loved the sound of my singing, and wouldn't get the food if I didn't sing that song over and over again. So I did. It was to get James to actually do his job. All for the betterment of the mission, my lady.

[Jukka the Sling]

My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

It wasn't poisoned.  It just contained high fructose corn syrup, which if consumed in large amounts, could drive Long-furred Hydranian cats (which is the breed of Skye's cats) hyper.  It's common knowledge that high fructose corn syrup does that to Long-furred Hydranians, so I assumed that Soren knew and gave half of the food to him, telling him to only give each cat one spoonful, and no more.  I knew that one spoonful each wouldn't be harmful, and in fact has great health benefits to Long-furred Hydranians.

Also, as we were leaving the flaming library, I saw James slip quickly away with a shopping cart full of library books and several of the library's spare fire extinguishers, cackling evilly to himself.  I didn't think much of it at the time, being too concerned with getting your key (which I truly believed was in Skye's special backpack) to safety.  It seems to me that James deliberately stole library books and fire extinguishers in order to sabotage our important mission.

[Søren]

My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

It wasn't poisoned.  It just contained high fructose corn syrup, which if consumed in large amounts, could drive Long-furred Hydranian cats (which is the breed of Skye's cats) hyper.  It's common knowledge that high fructose corn syrup does that to Long-furred Hydranians, so I assumed that Soren knew and gave half of the food to him, telling him to only give each cat one spoonful, and no more.  I knew that one spoonful each wouldn't be harmful, and in fact has great health benefits to Long-furred Hydranians.

Also, as we were leaving the flaming library, I saw James slip quickly away with a shopping cart full of library books and several of the library's spare fire extinguishers, cackling evilly to himself.  I didn't think much of it at the time, being too concerned with getting your key (which I truly believed was in Skye's special backpack) to safety.  It seems to me that James deliberately stole library books and fire extinguishers in order to sabotage our important mission.

APPARENTLY, Jukka forgot that I have a severe mental disorder that blocks out memories of anything related to high fructose corn syrup. Maybe she should have written a note, or done it herself. I told her all about it. But it's not my fault that I am this way, someone dropped Delthion on me when we were babies.

[Mhera]

The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

[Søren]

My lady, I can explain. As soon as you dispatched us, the first thing that happened was that Jukka went completely mad. She started yelling about how they had a great deal on shopping carts on Amazon, and she ordered 500 to be delivered to the dealership. When we tried to tell her what she did wrong, she pulled out a paintball gun and shot at us. Something must have happened, because someone hit me over the head with a Porche tire wrench, and tied me up. I woke up in the passenger seat of a 918, upside down with my face where your feet go and my feet where my head should be, doing 225mph at a track  called "The Nurburgring". Izeroth was driving. How exactly they got the Porche to Germany, I have no idea. But I remember every bump on the road and every twist in that 13 mile track. I blacked out again because of the tumbling. I woke up here, ma'am. I have no idea what happened with the paintball fight at the dealership, but I think it's all connected to Jukka and Izeroth.

[Skyblade]

Skyblade bowed her head, trembling slightly. "I'm very sorry, Overlady; I was serious about making sure this mission turned out to be a success.

I tried to stop Jukka from getting the shopping carts, but then she, Russa, and Amber started a paintball fight; I don't know why. Although I did my best, amid the pandemonium I couldn't stop Jukka from sneaking out and ordering the 500 shopping carts.

I was the one who knocked Soren out, but he left out the part when he got a gun and started shooting the cars you asked us to keep safe. If it weren't for the perfectly safe and fine shields I had put around the cars to protect them, they would have been ruined. I knocked him out at once before he could damage them more.

Anyway, Soren's shooting broke the shields I installed, leaving the cars open to being damaged by the shopping carts and paintballs from the paintball fight. I tried to protect the cars, but instead I got brutally hit by the paintballs.

At this time, Izeroth and Amber cryptically disappeared - I believe they left together. Jukka and Russa were racing one of the shopping carts around and driving it right into the cars on purpose. I tried to stop them, but Russa ran the shopping cart over my leg and damaged it horribly. I couldn't get up or even move, and I was helpless during the rest of the mission.

I had nothing to do with the incident with the 918. This is the first time I'm even hearing about it."

[Izeroth]

 "I was guarding the cars with the utmost viligance, making sure nothing would happen to them. (None of the other servants bothered to guard the cars, of course-- why do that when they could pass the chore off onto someone else?) Suddenly, without warning, someone whacked me on the head, knocking me out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the driver's seat of a car, staring at the barrel of Russa's loaded M1911. 'If you want to live, drive,' she said. I took the hint and went around the track."

"After we had gone around the track a few times, Russa knocked me out. I woke up back in the garage, staring at the broken, paintballed remains of the cars. None of the other servants were around-- I guess they still had something 'better' to do than care for the cars.

[Skyblade]

"Well, I'm so sorry, Izeroth, for not guarding the cars. I was too busy installing the protective shields around them to ensure that they would be safe. In fact, the shields would have kept the cars safe, but Soren ruined them when he shot the cars with a gun for reasons I don't know. And then, with the shields gone, the paintballs and shopping cars damaged the cars.

I wasn't around when Iz came back because I was at the hospital after my leg got totaled."

OOC: Should be my last post unless someone attacks me

[Lady Amber]

OOC: Claimed post.

[Søren]

OOC: Claimed

[Delthion]

The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

OOC: The 918???!!! That's one of the fastest hybrids in the world! I think it's only competitors are the Mclaren P1 and the Ferrari LaFerrari!

[Mhera]

OOC: I googled "Most expensive Porsche" and the 918 came up

[Søren]

The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

OOC: The 918???!!! That's one of the fastest hybrids in the world! I think it's only competitors are the Mclaren P1 and the Ferrari LaFerrari!

OOC: He's correct. Also, the P1 is wayyyyy better.