Lock this topic! (By New Year's Day!)

[The Skarzs]

Incredible.

(For realsies?)

No. I just love seeing people's reactions.

[Delthion]

Keep in mind that she did this when she was 12-13.

[Jukka the Sling]

@Skarzs  Ah, okay.

My sister once chewed her toenails, and stored them in her mouth. She had the same collection for about five months or so. (I kid you not. And yes, this is the grossest thing on the face of the planet Earth.)

Wat.  She took them out of her mouth sometimes, right?

[Delthion]

Nope.

[Jukka the Sling]

[Delthion]

I know.

Both of my sisters chewed their toenails though. I never approved.

[The Skarzs]

The talent!

[Jukka the Sling]

I just wanna know how on earth she was able to eat with a pile of nails in her mouth...

[Russa Nodrey]

How did she brush her teeth?

[Cornflower MM]

..................................
O.o
o.O
O.O
o.o

[Hickory]

That reminds me of this time (I was about 10 years old) when I sat down for a breakfast with my family. Per usual Saturday mornings, my father had made me bacon and eggs, which I devoured voraciously. Anyone who's had bacon will know that parts of it probably get stuck in between your teeth, that's to be expected, I received my own piece of ensnared bacon. Normal, functioning adults would floss the pieces out after the meal, but, me being 10 years old, who am I to conform to proper dental routine? I went on with my day, bacon-in-tooth.

Now, unlike other small bits of food which might usually become unclogged after a good half-hour of messing about with my tongue, this was one resilient piece of bacon. I had pried with tongue and plucked with finger, but to no avail – I could still feel the piece of bacon wriggling about every time my jowls quavered. At this time, I became resigned to the fact that I had a piece of bacon permanently living in between my left canine and left first premolar. I decided to do what any sane 10 year old would: give it a name. But I needed a witty name, a catchy one, what shall it be? Of course, puns were the first thing to come to mind – Porky, naturally, was a given. It just didn't seem right, however, so I decided to settle upon an even better name: Napoleon. Not only was I preserving the pun, I did it in no other way than making a brilliant reference to Animal Farm, a staple of Orwellian literature (and a book I hadn't even read at the time – that just goes to show its far-reaching influence). Add this to the fact that I was also referencing Napoléon Bonaparte, the greatest political and military leader to grace the Earth, I was all set to live the rest of my life with Napoleon.

We faced hardship, yes, for the next two hours of the day. Napoleon remained heroically defiant, however, much like his troops at the Battle of Wagram (one of Napoléon's greatest victories, of course), and stayed lodged in my mouth until lunchtime. However, upon facing the dreaded corned beef sandwich, Napoleon failed to hold his ground, and after a few vigorous bites of mine, he was gone, washed down my throat. Thus ended the short, yet awesome reign of Napoleon, the shred of bacon.

Coincidentally, I decided to name the piece of corned beef that replaced him after Gordon Ramsay's most famous bovine meal preparation (and, ironically, the man who defeated Napoléon): Beef Wellington.

[The Skarzs]

You don't post for who-knows-how-long except for "Favorite Quotes", and suddenly you are writing essays in the Cellars. O_o

[Hickory]

I'm an opportunist.

Besides, I'll probably go back to quotes in a few days. I just need to find some.

[The Skarzs]

Well then.

[Russa Nodrey]

*Wipes away a tear* Thank you for sharing that with us, Hickory.