Overlord's Orders XVII

[Vilu Daskar]

OOC: I said As soon as we got to the dungeon I took charge, you said I tried to take charge while ya'll were messing with the machine.

[James Gryphon]

OOC: If you want to get technical, that can actually be two separate events. Just because he didn't mention the first time doesn't mean that he said it didn't happen.

That said, long OOC chatter would be better in the OOC thread, or PMed to Izeroth for him to adjudicate. Anyway though, I think I can take care of any discrepancies in my response.

---

"Let me explain more clearly how things got started, and where things went wrong in your servants' attempt to carry out your Majesty's mission."

"It's important that your Majesty knows that Vilu is severely afflicted with delusions of grandeur. He refers to himself as "the Emperor, and the son of a long line of Emperors". He didn't lie when he said that he started bossing everyone around the moment we got there. He told some of us to catch the monsters that could be caught with nets, others to use dart guns, and others to use brooms to sweep small creatures like locusts and tribbles. His ideas actually seemed to be fairly sensible this time, so most of us saw no reason to question them. Sam and Ash said that their doctor had forbidden them to use nets, dart guns, or brooms (which I thought was rather convenient), but that they could make sure we did our jobs correctly."

"As you might expect, they made no positive contributions. In fact, they made things worse. Whenever we trapped a creature in a net, Sam would say that our technique was off. He would then lift the nets back up, letting the ghoul, elf or goblin go, and insist that we do it again. Likewise, Ash went about trying to "correct the aim" of the dart-gun wielders, causing them to miss almost as many shots as they took. Having adequately messed up two teams of workers, Sam and Ash then drafted up teams for broomball and got all of those workers to start slacking off as well. Matthias, who was supposed to be taking care of the tribbles before they could reproduce, was the most enthusiastic player; I think I heard him say he scored three goals."

"Anyway, this continued for thirty minutes, enough time for the tribbles to multiply exponentially. Daniel projected that, now that the tribbles had bred, it would take 17.9 years for us to clean your Majesty's fortress using the methods Vilu had chosen. Clearly, we needed a new strategy, considering that your Majesty had allotted us only a few hours to do the job."

"As Sandpaw said, we had a discussion for several minutes, when Cornflower suggested using the inter-dimensional portal. I would never have recommended it myself if I had known it was experimental technology, but there was a sign on it that read "Unlike all of the other technology down here, this inter-dimensional portal is safe and approved for any purpose, including sucking numerous creatures into other dimensions. Use it to complete the job more quickly." The message was in your Majesty's handwriting, so I assumed that you had left it there to let us know that particular piece of technology was neither experimental nor unapproved for use. Now it looks like somebody must have forged that sign. Anyway, though, that's the reason why we thought it would be a good idea to use it."

"While Sandpaw and his cohorts vainly continued the task of trying to sweep out an ever-increasing flood of tribbles with brooms, Sam, who is a Certified First-Class Teleporter and Portal Operator, began to operate the portal. As Sandpaw mentioned, Ash thought he could do a better job (as usual) and started trying to show Sam how to do it 'correctly'. Matthias hopped into the fight, and the portal began to visibly spin out of control. Vilu shouted, "His Highness the Emperor commands you servants to stop," but by then none of them were listening... and as Sandpaw already mentioned, disaster ensued."

[Vilu Daskar]

My Lord, I called myself an Emperor for no other reason than I thought that my fellow servants might listen to someone who they thought had royal blood, I never actually meant it.

[Matthias720]

"M'Lord, the things which have been spoken of me are true, but greatly exaggerated to make these tale-tellers look good. But to say truly, they were not good; not by a long shot. I proposed early on that we use guns to overwhelm the enemy with sheer firepower, but we didn't have enough firearms to go around. I went off searching through every cabinet, chest, and drawer I could find for more weapons. Some may call that slacking, but I believe I was productive; I found every location were there wasn't a gun of some sort. The few guns that I did find were deposited on the floor of the portal room, to be kept close at hand. Daniel had promised to take my job of tribble-clearing, while I went to search for these guns, so even though I was assigned to the task, I went elsewhere instead. It isn't my fault that everyone else wasn't paying attention to where I went.

After I had finished my search, Sam told me that all the creatures had been captured, so we could knock-off early and play broomball. After scoring several times, Daniel ran in, screaming about the tribbles reproducing beyond containment. That's when Cornflower suggested using the portal to clean up the millions of tribbles filling every nook and cranny. Sam started to operate the portal with a skill that could only be described as, masterful. However, Ashen started raising a fuss over how Sam was "hogging the controls" and made quite the scene. Now I'm no inter-dimensional portal operator, but I did take a few classes on quantum mechanics and string theory, so I insisted that if someone else was to take the controls, it should be me. Well, Vilu didn't seem to like someone who wasn't him in charge, and started to charge towards the controls. I tripped him as he passed me, and he tumbled straight into Ash. Vilu jumped up and took a swipe at me; he missed, and ended up punching Ash in the nose. I put myself between them to stop the fighting, but it was too late. Consequntly, I had to fight to keep them from hurting each other and jeopardizing the portal.

The next thing I knew, the portal room was on fire, and Banya and Amber were ripping tapestries from the walls and tossing them through the portal. I tried to stop them, I really did, but by the time I had rushed over to push the emergency portal shutdown switch, it was too late. The tapestries, the guns I had piled up, and a few other items were all sucked in without a trace. You would have to ask Banya and Amber about that, M'Lord."

[Lady Amber]

"I would first like to say that I was not the person who put up the fake note that was in your handwriting.

Like Matthias, Sam had also told me that the creatures had been captured, so we could play broomball. If I had known that they had not been captured, I would have continued working diligently.

Also, I have an explanation for Banya and I throwing the tapestries into the portal. You see, I had read an article online that said that there is a possibility of disabling any kind of portal by throwing in tapestries, draperies, and any other types of heavy cloth, because the fibers of the cloth block the signal that the portal emits, stopping objects from being transported. I told Banya this information, because she was the closest person next to me, and everyone else was busy. She agreed to the plan, and we both started throwing the tapestries into the portal. I tried explaining to Matthias, but for some reason he didn't seem to understand."

[Skyblade]

OOC: This game is so darn fun

BIC: Skyblade stepped forward and bowed deeply. "As mentioned, I used the nets after Vilu told me to. I thought, Why not? Might as well try. However, Sam kept disrupting us, even when I told him repeatedly to stop. It became clear to me that I wasn't going to get anything done this way. I told Vilu this, but he proclaimed rather pompously, "The Emperors knows best." I continued to use the nets, but only because otherwise Vilu would kick me out of the room (in actuality, I was also searching for a better method of killing the beasts).

I was really confused when Sam told me the creatures had been captured, since they were quite obviously still running rampantly around the room. When I objected, Sam told me shut up. He motioned something, which was probably a code, because Ash suddenly tackled me from behind and covered my mouth with super-sticky duct tape. I spent the entire broomball game just getting that off; it was so strong.

Cornflower then suggested using the portal. I did agree that it might work, as Sand said, but I also added that we shouldn't do it regardless since it would be disobeying your orders. James then pointed out a sign on the machine that was presumably written by you. I was still wary, but he and some other servants seemed really confident about the idea. We now know that it was a ruse. If you want to know who was responsible, well, Sage is the only one in the group who knows how to forge handwriting. I certainly wasn't involved.

By the way, I'm the one who ended up stopping the destructive portal. As everything and everyone descended into chaos, I found the switch for the machine and turned it off - had I not, more of your precious belongings would have for sure also been lost. The thing about the tapestries stopping the portal is nonsense. That leads me to believe that Amber's been reading articles from this website called nothingbutlies.com again. The information in that site is, well, all fake. I warned her against using it, but nobody ever listens to me."

[Hickory]

Jeez, it's like you think that forging a signature or something is bad. You should see Vilu: he was enthusiastically goading me into forging the afore-mentioned handwriting that he claimed was "signs for his mum." Just as I figured out the truth, masked men burst into the room and took the signs. They had the symbol of the Emperor on their uniforms: Vilu was planning to incriminate me for something I didn't even mean to do. After being robbed, I left the room and planned to finish off the magical creatures before punishing Vilu for his dishonest actions. Before I got around to that, though, the portal came on. Sensing that its controller, Samuel, was endangering the precious items (and our lives), and seeing that I knew the truth about the "non-experimental, totally safe" portal, I attempted to save as many items as I could by stuffing them into rooms. Thanks to Skyblade, however, I had little success. She removed each item I saved, making them go into the portal. I suspect that she was creating more destruction so she could have more glory when she turned off the machine.

[Skyblade]

"Well, I don't know about Sam, but the items Sage was referring to were actually useless (and unsanitary) creature droppings. They were crowding the room and making it hard to navigate, as well as making us all prone to some type of creature disease. Seeing as how there was no trash can in sight, and by disposing of these I could hinder the other servants' attempts to get rid of your important belongings, I threw them in the portal (with a 10-foot pole, I might add).

I must also clarify something. When someone stops the machine, it doesn't spit back everything that it previously swallowed. What's lost is lost, hence why I couldn't save the tapestries Amber and Banya tossed inside. But it's worth nothing that had I not stopped the machine, the destruction would have been even worse. And also on the bright side, we don't have to deal with those disgusting creature droppings."

[SilentSam]

Oh dear Overlord, I did do some of these things, but most are misinterpreted or exaggerated. It is true that I didn't help trapping the creatures, but it is because I am seriously allergic to the liquid in the darts. And I looked at the brooms and the nets and they were made by the same company as the darts. And I've had... experiences with things that were made by the same company as those darts. You see, for some reason, the company soaks the nets, brooms, and other things in the liquid, because it makes them "stronger". Add the reason I was trying to help people with capturing the creatures is because I was wearing gloves. If I hold onto those things, even with gloves for too long, then my hands will burn, because the gloves are so thin. And I tried to help as fast as I could. About me saying that the creatures were all captured, well, I was told that by Ash, who said that I should say that instead of him because of my "loud voice", I trusted him because he was one of my better friends of us servants. And I never even played "broomball", I said I would be a referee. Banya said that I should draft a team for some reason, and then choose someone to be Captain instead. (I think she wanted to be Captain). And I was just as surprised when Ash put duct tape on Skyblade's mouth. I do admit that he said he wanted to put duct tape on Sky's mouth, and he wanted to shut her up. I joked and said that you should shut her up, and to my surprise, he did. About the portal, I thought it was safe at first, but then Ash tried to take the controls, and  hit a few buttons. I tried to stop it, but Ash pushed me away. And the third time I tried to stop him, he even pushed me to the wall, and used the same duct tape on me and duct taped me to the wall. I tried to call for help, but no one noticed me, even before he duct taped my mouth. I thought he was my friend before that, but apparently he is not. Everyone almost forgot me, but luckily, Sandpaw pitied me, and tried to get it off. Luckily, he found a scissor somewhere.

[Hickory]

Sky is obviously un-taught in teh science of creature droppings. I was moving them into storage - next time such an infestation took place, I could use the droppings to lure the creatures out from their hiding places. She was cutting off my long-term plans for extermination.

[Vilu Daskar]

My King, I have a perfectly good reason for goading and having Sage robbed. It was just after I was hired to be your Illustriousness' servant, I was bet by a acquaintance to do what I did to Sage. The acquaintance was the infamous assassin Rulch and he said if I didn't do it or if I lost he would assassinate your Majesty. What else could I do? Having such a great love for your Highness I took the bet and luckily managed to succeed thus saving you life.                                                                                                                                                                         

[Skyblade]

Sky is obviously un-taught in teh science of creature droppings. I was moving them into storage - next time such an infestation took place, I could use the droppings to lure the creatures out from their hiding places. She was cutting off my long-term plans for extermination.

OOC: Hopefully my last post

BIC: "And this isn't common knowledge. How was I to know random trivia about the obscure science of creature droppings? Nobody told me."

[Lady Amber]

By the way, I'm the one who ended up stopping the destructive portal. As everything and everyone descended into chaos, I found the switch for the machine and turned it off - had I not, more of your precious belongings would have for sure also been lost. The thing about the tapestries stopping the portal is nonsense. That leads me to believe that Amber's been reading articles from this website called nothingbutlies.com again. The information in that site is, well, all fake. I warned her against using it, but nobody ever listens to me."

Nothingbutlies.com is a very trustworthy website. It has such a strange name because it takes commonly known things that people say that are actually not true, and says the correct things about them. That's what they deal with: lies, and nothing but lies. Skye thought the website's information was fake because of the name. In fact, she told me one time that a friend of hers told her that she had received information that said that the website was false, which explains why Skye thought that. However, Skye's friend was actually lying, because all the major websites that review other websites say that nothingbutlies.com is a "very trustworthy website, and has never lied once".

I must also clarify something. When someone stops the machine, it doesn't spit back everything that it previously swallowed. What's lost is lost, hence why I couldn't save the tapestries Amber and Banya tossed inside. But it's worth nothing that had I not stopped the machine, the destruction would have been even worse. And also on the bright side, we don't have to deal with those disgusting creature droppings."

The website nothingbutlies.com stated that if you clog the portal with tapestries, and if you shut it down after, it will spit out the tapestries, because that is what was clogging it. That is why I threw the tapestries in, because I knew that it would fix the problem and that the tapestries could be saved.

[Hickory]

Sky is obviously un-taught in teh science of creature droppings. I was moving them into storage - next time such an infestation took place, I could use the droppings to lure the creatures out from their hiding places. She was cutting off my long-term plans for extermination.

OOC: Hopefully my last post

BIC: "And this isn't common knowledge. How was I to know random trivia about the obscure science of creature droppings? Nobody told me."

Apparently Sky forgot that I had explicitly stated that everybody was to capture creature droppings and in no way dispose of them. She violated this and got rid of the droppings, foiling my plans to eradicate any future infestations of magical vermin as said above.

[Skyblade]

OOC: Sage, I think we should stop

(I'm replying only to rebut a serious accusation)

BIC: "I wasn't around when Sage said the thing about the creature droppings (I think that was after the other servants ruined our house and I left to get supplies to fix it). Perhaps he told someone else to inform me later, in which case it really isn't his fault. But anyway, I didn't know about Sage's order at all."