Groddil's Trial

[Groddil]

Exactly. Treeslaughter isn't a crime, so cross that off the list. Killing a tree doesn't even count towards murder or manslaughter, as trees are not human. The only count you could get me for is illegal deforestation, but you would be charged as well, because you uprooted the tree from its natural habitat in the Australian Bush and transported it illegally to an area where it wouldn't have survived anyway.

So, here we go.

For me, 1 count of Illegal deforestation.
For James, 1 count of Illegal deforestation, and 1 count of smuggling something out of Australia illegally.

[Ashleg]

* Ashleg bursts into the room.

Groddil ole pal!
WHY'D YOU DO IT...WHY??

[Fatch of Southsward]

Groddil... How could you...? On the wedding day, no less...

[LT Sandpaw]

He's GUILTY! Of all charges! Throw him overboard! Public execution! Burn him at the stake! Off with his head! Make him eat nothing but raw jalapenos for a year! He's GUILTY!


Now g'me me money James.

[Lord Daskar]

I think this is 3rd degree murder. Get it?

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Lop of his 'ead!

[James Gryphon]

Killing a tree doesn't even count towards murder or manslaughter, as trees are not human.

I don't know what barbaric customs there are where you come from, but here, if something is eligible to be married, it obviously has and by right ought to have equal rights and protections, and killing it is indeed murder.

As far as the tree's status goes, while eucalyptus trees as a species may have originated in Australia, this one is clearly documented by papers in our government's possession as native-grown. This judge is not amused by your attempt to bring charges against us on such flawed premises, and finds you in contempt of court.

The prosecution, in light of the clear evidence against the guilty, rests its case. The sentencing and execution will be carried out at a date to be scheduled at a later hearing.

Court adjourned!

[Lady Amber]

Who was his wife?

[James Gryphon]

A 19-year-old eucalyptus tree, named Myrtle E. Liddorg, neé Tree.

[Lady Amber]

Wait, it wasn't even any actual forum member?

[James Gryphon]

True love knows no confines.

Of course, it was obviously one-way, considering the murder a certain somebody committed.

[Jetthebinturong]

Though the loss of the late Mrs. Tree is a tragedy, I do not believe Groddil willfully murdered her. If not illegal deforestation, try him for manslaughter instead. There is no evidence he killed her on purpose. In fact it looks as if he was trying to save her.

[Lady Amber]

This was in the middle of a storm. Perhaps Groddil just wanted a fire to keep him warm. Besides, everyone knows a human can't marry a tree.

EDIT: Apparently he actually made it rain. But still, perhaps he gets easily chilled.

[Groddil]

Plus, your whole "anybody can be married murder person rah rah I don't feel like pressing quote" thing doesn't exactly count, considering I was to be married against my will. Plus, we were never actually married. She died before we were able to do that."

[James Gryphon]

...considering I was to be married against my will. Plus, we were never actually married. She died before we were able to do that.

Setting aside the straw man attack, the evidence says otherwise about your two main claims.

You yourself were the one who first brought up the idea of marrying a tree. Maybe you weren't very happy about the concept, but it was still your idea. And in any case, it's been proven that whether you're cooperative or not is irrelevant to the laws of forum marriage.

Also, as everyone can clearly see, the marriage was in fact carried out, and you by your own recent remarks, shown in the court's logs here, and also in this forthcoming quote, showed that you believed the marriage to be valid:

Oh, and I was recently married to a bloody tree for all of a few hours.

Trying to change your story now only proves the illegitimacy of your defense!