...but I Escaped Because.......

[SilentSam]

...but I escaped because I died.   

The next person to post is stuck being a Slytherin.

[Jetthebinturong]

But I escaped because according to Pottermore, I'm a Gryffindor. (I consider myself to be a Slytherin, but y'know).

The next person to post is on Alderaan when it was shot by the Death Star.

[SilentSam]

...But I escaped because I don't like Star Wars. 

The next person to post will be trapped in North Korea.

[alexandre]

But I escaped because the Earth's magnetic field short-circuited (Is that even possible?) and north became south, therefore I was actually in South Korea and as such was not trapped.

           The next person to post will be brutally murdered by the person standing right behind them. 

[Russa Nodrey]

But I escaped because there's no one behind me.

The next person to post will spontaneously combust.

[alexandre]

But I escaped because I am not spontaneous, therefore I was ready for combustion and prepared a fire-immunity potion.

The next person to post will be crushed by a giant turtle.

[SilentSam]

...but I survived because the giant turtle was actually a stuffed animal.

The next person to post will die and slow, painful death over the next 1,000 years.

[Amarith Waterspring]

But I escaped because I died a normal death at the age of 97.

The next person to post will suffocate in a giant three-mile in diameter cake.

[Eulaliaaa!]

But I escaped because it was of a normal height and I just stood up. I then proceeded to eat all the cake I could ever want.

The next person will be put in an underground bunker that has no exits and will starve to death.

[Amarith Waterspring]

But I escaped because the bunker was made out of broccoli and I had a shovel so I tunneled out and ate all the broccoli.

The next person to post is trapped by broke-ness and homelessness.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

...but ah ezcaped beauze ah conveniently von ze lottery und zuz 'ad money und zen bought a farmouze tae live in.

Ze next pozter iz forced tae vatch endlezz political debatez on ze troublin' izzuez o' paintin' vheelz blue und ztartin' ze alphabet viz A.

[Jarky Thistlebrush]

...But I escaped because I live in a cave in the wilderness and do not have anything to watch this political debate on. Also it is too dark to see anything.

The next person to post is killed by carnivorous pot plants.

[Arthur Penrose]

But I escaped because I carry a flamethrower

The next person to post has lost their humanity and is slowly dying of a lack of purpose.

[Verdauga]

But I escaped as an undying lich whose purpose is to regain his humanity.

The next person to post is jettisonned into space in a defective shuttle.

[Sailears]

But I escaped because Chief O'Brien was on board and fixed the shuttle in no time.

The next person to post is dragged into a cave by a horde of gerbils.