~Finding You~ Discussion topic

[rachel25]

OK just started this story today if you want a link here is one Enjoy  

[cairn destop]

The prologue has a lot of potential elements in the story.  Many of these point to an interesting tale.  The disfigured child / kit, the relationship between the rat the child of the first wife, and the king.  There is a  potential of another child via a second mate, as something tells me the king is not going to remain unmated if he needs an heir and has disowned the deformed one.

On a technical note, there are many things I can note.  Most come from my exposure to a different writing sits.  Understand I have broken these "rules" myself.  All offered as constructive:




1 --- The story is too distant from the reader.  There is nothing to give us a connection between the characters.  It comes across as an historical account and not a story.  It may work in the prologue, but not in the main body of the tale.  You want the POV character identified and the writing active.

2 --- The two best ways to get a story active is via dialogue and the limited use of the verb "to be."  In most cases, this verb makes your sentences passive.

3 --- Too many ideas in the one paragraph.  You do a weather report, a physical description of a character, a little wistful thinking, the birth, and the reaction, all in one.  Each idea should be expressed in a separate paragraph.  I understand the need for brevity in a prologue, but as written, it comes across as rushed.

4 --- Add line spaces between paragraphs.  This keeps the text from running into the next section.  As written, some of the dialogue tags became blurred.  It also makes the story easier on the eyes when reading if there are blank lines between paragraphs.

5 --- Beware of pronouns, best you give some of these minor characters names so we know who is talking and which character is listening.  This is especially important if any of these characters reappear within the story.

6 --- Be very careful of the exclamation point, too many can change them into fancy periods.  The one following the pronouncement of the wife's death is appropriate, but the others can be eliminated via the dialogue tag.

[rachel25]

I am going to introduce the charictures in chapter one which I am writing right now I'm also quite new to writing and I'm not that good with computers so I have to get my mum or sister to help me with them thank you for your good advise I will try to do all you said thank you again

[Maudie]

I like the story, it is very creative, but it could use a little help, and I'm sure I'm not the one to help, but I'll try.

I've noticed how in your other stories you tend togo one or two chapters and then stop. I understand this, I do it all the time, but I recommend that you try to choose whichever story you like the most and stick with it, even if you just write a paragraph now and then.

Try to use punctuation other than periods, even if you only use periods and comas. I've noticed that if you are not at the end of a sentence but you need just a small pause, you just don't use punctuation, I would recommend a coma in these cases.

I encourage you to keep doing your best, you have the makings of a great storyteller, even if you are not quite sure how to put you story into writing.

[rachel25]

thanks and yeah I know that I don't stick with stories and write chapters when  I should but it all depends on my mood and I've just felt like writing this story for the last few days  I am going to go and write a new chapter for Toriaportia or Sapphire Necklace soon promise 

[Maudie]

Good.

Also, if you were to write a short story or two, just a few paragraphs long, it might help you stick with your longer stories.

[Gabe The Warrior]

I suggest separating your sentences into paragraphs in chapter 1. It's kinda hard to get into when you're reading a block of text. Separation helps provide steps and importance to what the story is trying to convey.

Also a little bit of dialogue would also help. Just listing actions throughout the first chapter is difficult to read through for me in my opinion.

[rachel25]

Good.

Also, if you were to write a short story or two, just a few paragraphs long, it might help you stick with your longer stories.

I have written a short Les miserable Fanfic and my sister posted it on her fanfiction website but I have got another short Fanfic idea developing but I haven't written it yet.   Thanks Gabe for comment I'll go and do that now    Oh and Mask that help you suggested I just found it my sister who LOVES writing insisted on helping me with my Fanfic I can a sure you things will change  

[rachel25]

Chapter 3 has been posted 

[rachel25]

*bump* sorry that I haven't written another chapter  yet I'm waiting for my dad to give me a flash drive then I can type on my sister laptop when she's at collage 

[rachel25]

Chapter 4 is up sorry it took so long enjoy and if you can please tell me what you think 

[Maudie]

I would read it right now but the battery on this iPad is almost gone, so, yeah.

[rachel25]

It's alright just when you do read it please tell what you think 

[rachel25]

are people still reading my story because if not I'll just post it some where else 

[Captain Tammo]

Just started reading it now! don't feel discouraged i think it's well written so far!

EDIT: just finished it! I think it is awesome so far! it reminds me of Disney's version of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" with Fang's condition. When is the rest coming out?