Redwall Abbey

Hello servants to my will  :D

These are the sign-ups for the 12th round of Overlord's Orders. This round, to the horror of the players, will be "Overlorded" by me.  :o

but rest assured that I will consult the experts if the need arises.

Quote
The Rules
We will have an overlord (or overlady), who will be all powerful and control the game.
Everyone else will be a servant of theirs to do his or her bidding, which will be a new assignment at the beginning of each round.
The game begins by the Overlord issuing a task, sending out their servants, and then summoning everyone before them and questioning them about whether they got the thing they wanted.
Any given round may have anywhere from a developing storyline and plot to pure and simple tasking. At times, the gamemaster (Overlord) may deviate from the general pattern and do something different at the end than just another task.

Example Round:
Let's say the Overlord might have wanted a jeep to use.
Stage 1: Introduction
The Overlord sends out their servants on a task and they return, and the Overlord will question their servants and ask them why they failed to bring them the thing they wanted (which will invariable happen, no one ever succeeds).
Stage 2: Defenses
Players can then blame their failure on some random thing (like maybe an elephant destroying the jeep) or someone else in the game; anything to shrug themselves off from fault.
Everyone can then blame someone, themselves, keep silent, or introduce some sort of new feature that happened while acquiring the item (in this case, a jeep). Eventually, the Overlord will process the information and decide who failed.
Stage 3: Punishment
The person chosen to have failed by the Overlord is then thrown out, vaporized, or something creative, by the Overlord's orders. The idea is to not be this person, and to survive as long as possible.

Likely, the Overlord will choose the best defenses as survivors.

Player defenses may not exceed 750 words per post. Unless your post has gotten noticeably quite long, you are unlikely to be hitting this limit.

Inter-game rules: The winner of any round is given host-ship of the next game. This can tie in with them going from servant to overlord, or it can be original.

General Guidelines:
Free roleplaying, or game spam, is fine. This means having yourself eat a banana, talk about the weather or river dance.

Whenever someone says something about an event, it becomes fact. It is what happened. If someone says an elephant destroyed a jeep, then anyone calling that person a liar is for certain lying; the jeep was destroyed by an elephant. What's up for telling by someone else is, for example, who set the elephant on the jeep. Also, a character doesn't know what someone else's motives were in doing or saying something -- they can speculate on those motives, but saying about someone, for instance, that "they meant to kill the Overlord" is not automatically factual.

Godmoding pertaining to persons should be restricted to some extent, just try to keep things with at least a hand in plausibility. Powerplaying is allowed. However, it cannot affect players between tasks. For instance, you cannot have a servants contract a disease and be unable to speak, or even die. You can have them be sick during the task, but you cannot impede them during the Sessions before the Overlord.
Normally, the Gamemaster will have technology restricting servants to a base during the game to prevent physically roleplaying and keep the game focused on its purpose. Overlords can power play.
Also, you cannot use an excuse like being brainwashed or cloned during the task. You are you - and you are responsible for what you did wrong.
All posts after the game begins should contain IC text; there should be no posts that are only OOC chatter.
No "backseat moderating". You may ask the Overlord whether someone else's post violates the rules, but do not tell that person, whether by making an OOC comment or PMing them, that they are in the wrong. The Overlord is responsible for managing the game.
Remember to keep things civil, stay inside the board rules, keep all hands and legs inside the game until it comes to a complete stop.

Past Overlords:
Overlords Order's I (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=722.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders II (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=888.0) - James Gryphon
Overlord's Orders III (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=948.0) - DanielofRedwall
Overlord's Orders IV (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1088.0) - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders V (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1246.0) - Redwall Musician
Overlord's Orders VI (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1549.0) - Tiria Wildlough
Special Holiday Round 2012 (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=3022.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders VII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=3361.0) - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders VIII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=4241.0) - Romsca
Overlord's Orders IX (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=6441.0) - rusvulthesaber, James Gryphon/Tiria Wildlough
Overlord's Orders X (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=6679.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders XI (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7007.0) - James Gryphon

Servants to the mighty Jasper:

1. Soren (who thinks he will be unleashing wrath upon this round.)
2. Delthion (the soon-to-be married man.)
3. James (the master himself!)
4. Psybox (the legendary)
5. Sandpaw (the one who wants to try this again)
6. Tagg (the original)
7. SilentSam (who is back!)
8. PluggFiretail (the last minute signup.)
9. Mask (Who is honored to join)

Against my better judgement, IM IN. Can we please call it Overlords Order XII: The Wrath of Soren? ;)

I'm in, last round was amazingly fun! ;D

I'll be in.

Oh no, the great master has entered...

Hahahahahahah, soon-to-be-married Del.

I will join!

Psy-box! The greatest of all the forum lurkers has joined!

I'm in I want to try again 8)

Deal me in.

I must redeem myself!

Sorry! Can't do it this time! Maybe next round.

Well, IIII'MMM BAAAAACCKKK. PUT MEH ON THAT LIST!

I'm very happy to have each of you involved - I wasn't sure how attendance would be since a simple member was trying to follow up James, but you lot certainly are full of surprises.

I want this round to be about having fun, writing and my total dominance over all of you! Bwahaha... er ... I mean my democratic leadership of my loyal and willingly subjected subjects.  ;)

That being said, I know we had some hitches in the last round - some caused by me - and we're hoping to minimize similar incident. For that reason we've edited the rules just slightly - seen in bold, red and underlined (I like to make it look pretty.  :) )

The general idea of this is this:

-If you have a problem with a post, just message the Overlord. He can take care of it!

-If the problem isn't really a big deal, just keep rolling! Try to stay from OOC posts - especially if they don't have BIC content accompanying it.

-Brainwashing/mind control, while a clever way to excuse yourself, is not completely usable. You are responsible for your actions one way or another.

That being said, it's really about having fun, so I hope to keep the technicality side at a minimum. It makes the game less enjoyable, when we really should be having fun accusing one another of ridiculous things.

So basically: Check the rules I've edited into my first post.
This round will not be referring back to previous rounds, so don't worry about being up-to-date on those.  :)

As far as starting - I believe Friday evening or Saturday morning is the best time to get this show on the road. I hope you are all as excited as I am to see how this all turns out.  :)

Last minute sign - ups if anyone wants to join.

(Can I be a last minute sign up?)

I would be honored to join, Overlord.

Registrations are closed. I am glad each of you is able to play, and I hope you have fun in this round

Sirens blared loudly, and a deafening "Kachunk, Kachunk" sound in the background shook the air unceasingly, accompanied by the screeching and grinding of mechanical saws, hammers and machinery. None of this seemed to bother a figure dressed in red and white, as he pored over an impressive array of official documents and files. The figure pulled out an red marker, marked a large X over a thick file, and tossed it to the side of his desk. He tapped a big red button in the center, and the siren blared with renewed intensity. Several smaller figures marched into the office and began to clear the files thrown to the side: stacking them up and marching out. The sounds of sirens and machinery died out at last, and Overlord Jasper took off his hat and sighed.

He loved his job, and had chosen it over all others, but that was another story for another time. Now another matter, one that he had been looking forward to all day, deserved his attention. He set down his last file and the last sounds of the factory petered out.

"Quitting time. Always the best, and worst, time of the day, Jasper murmured to himself.

He turned and looked around cheerfully at the blank faces of the nine figures contained in front of him. Each one had his or her legs latched to the floor, and arms latched to a bar above them. These latches could only be released by a lever on the left side of the Overlord's desk, but he had no intention of releasing them. Yet.

"Hello there. You're probably wondering why I have summoned you here, considering that your work today in the factory is done. Well, you're about to find out."

"As you know, this is the busiest time of the year for our ... business. You see, Christmas is only days away and, as Santa Clause, I am terribly busy with more important things than you. That's why I'll get straight to the point: I have a job for you. You have proven yourselves loyal and efficient servants in the factory, but this is a far more important job than that. The success of Christmas itself depends on you, and you can prove yourselves, and each one of you can become much more than just another elf in the factory."

"The task is relatively simple. You see, the Grinch has stepped up his game this year. He has hired mercenaries, thieves and built a mechsuit. He is out to steal Christmas at all costs, and I'm talking about a direct assault on the factory. You lot are to go to his home up on Mount Everest and settle the situation diplomatically. He plays an integral role in cutting the roast beast at the feast, and it wouldn't due to upset him to the point of war. Just convince him of the power of Christmas and bring him back so we can have the great Pre - Christmas feast! I will use some of my Christmas magic to teleport you to the base of the mountain - I would teleport you to the top, but The Grinch has power of his own, and I'm afraid he has summoned a great cloud to block any attempt at such a thing."

Jasper reached across to his computer and clicked once, and the servants in front of him dissolved into snowflakes.

A day or two later...

"When I said I wanted you to prove yourselves, I meant in a good way! We will have to cancel the feast, because the roast beast will certainly not be cut, as is tradition, in the current state of things! I have word that a massive avalanche at Mount Everest has wiped out climbing camps and small outposts! What on earth were you doing in the Mechsuit firing torpedoes at the mountainside? In addition, The Grinch has declared all out war on this factory, and my best diplomats are having trouble even getting an audience with him! What possessed you to try to devour his original slice of roast beast? He has saved it from the very first Christmas we had together! He might well manage to steal Christmas thanks to you terrible elves! Explain yourselves.

Most gracious and kind of the Clausians, it is no fault of mine that the Grinch has been made to be irritated! It is the work of the Gryphon, he said that we should leave it to him as he used to be the Ambassador of Iraq, obviously, he has not seen much action because as soon as he entered and said good day, the Grinch flung him out of the mountain, apparently in a language known only to the Grinch, the Gryphon had called him a "Useless oaf," I had seen a dictionary and looked up what Gryphon said. Then the Grinch used the Mechsuit to bombard him and the mountain, we managed to escape but then the mountain came crashing down! We tried desperately to calm the Grinch but to no avail, he went on bombarding all of the surrounding countryside and I was forced to flee.

Sir, not only did James do that, but he also grabbed the slice of beast and shoved it down his mouth, for what reason, I don't know.
I was trying to stop him, but he shoved me and told me that he hated the mission. When Deletion ran, I had to follow because James had accord a weapon at some point. He had a lead pipe and threw it at me. the Grinch was attacking us as well, so me and Del ran for our lives.

((OOC: I had a really long thing typed that I had to delete now... oh well.))

OOC: If you're a long writer (like me), the thing to do is check who's online -- if another guy is posting, then you have to wait until he's done, then react. I've been ninja'd like three times before.

"Here we go," Gryph said, somewhat abrasively. "Blame it all on me, and ignore the entire reason I had to do those things in the first place."

"The reason why I had become the Iraqi ambassador is because I could spend most of my time in a warm climate. The slightest bit of winter weather makes me sick, so when your Majesty told me we were going to visit the Grinch, I knew I wasn't going to like the mission. Nevertheless I soldiered on, and determined to use my diplomatic knowledge to make sure it was a success."

"Unfortunately, I wasn't familiar with the Grinch's language. Delthion assured me that he had a Grinch language dictionary, and coached me in what I should say. I'm a speed-reader, so I would have preferred to look at the dictionary myself, but he refused to let me look at it, saying only "It would confuse you". When I insisted on reading it, he instead handed it to Tagg, who threw it off of the mountain we were climbing. I wasn't sure at all whether the phrase Delthion gave me would be good, but I went ahead with it, since he seemed so emphatic about it, and I assumed he wouldn't deliberately cause the mission to fail. Well, we can see what came of that."

"As for the slice of beast, normally I would have never eaten it, but in this case, I knew that it was poisoned. I had heard psybox and Sam murmuring amongst themselves as we climbed the mountain. I didn't think much of it, but right before we entered the Grinch's reception chamber, I heard Sam say, "Let's make sure that it can kill him". Well, later on, psybox took a vial out of his pocket, and poured it all over the slice of beast. There was a chemical reaction, and then poisonous fumes started coming off of the slice. I knew that it was a choice between the Grinch getting fatally poisoned by anti-Grinch gas, or my eating it and getting gravely ill, so I ate it. Soren tried to stop me, and I don't blame him for that; he didn't know any better. I commented "I hate this mission" because I was already sick, and knew how much worse it was going to get after I ingested poison."

"As for the lead pipe, it might've looked menacing, but I wasn't using it as a weapon. I had actually found it on the snow. It had come from the dam system that was supposed to prevent avalanches on the mountain. I knew that the dam was in danger of breaking, and threw the lead pipe at Soren, who was closest to the dam, hoping that he would put it back in its place. Instead of doing that, he ran away. I tried to fix it myself, but it was too late; before I could do anything, the dam broke, and the avalanche started."

"I hope this account will make it more clear to your Majesty who is actually to blame for this fiasco."

Most gracious and wise of all the Clausians: Actually, I did not give Gryphon that word, I gave it to LT, who was asking what is the worst insult in the language of the Grinch, I told him that but he wouldn't believe me, I yelled it at him several times after this, I didn't hear Gryphon ask for it, I am very sorry for our carelessness in this situation.

"Well, that certainly was a fanciful way of explaining things thus far. Really, the sensible way of looking at the whole situation is to begin with the first mistake anyone made: Smearing the dictionary with the worlds highest grade of honey. Afterall, Mt. Everest's bees are notorious for loving honey of all kinds and having a particular fancy for that kind. We were attacked quickly, and I of course was given the dictionary by Delthion instead of Plugg Firetail taking responsible for his smearing attack. I tossed the book off the mountain the second I saw any bees. The bees are terrible enemies of, well, everyone, but especially people who deny them access to honey. It was when Plugg again brought out his jar of honey that things really went downhill. Soon, he ran and smeared an entire dam with the stuff, and a swarm of bees were soon dislodging parts of the dam, none crucial but an item previously mentioned by my compatriots. Sam, for his part, also realized what a serious problem this was, and tried to ward off the bees. Tripping and fallling into the jar of honey however was probably not his plan, but it had an effect on the situation. The bees were not to be seen but by him for the rest of the mission.

"Plugg  having a fascination with honey was even more of a problem than that.  I have reason to believe he was trying to contact a special agent. It should also be noted, my Lord, that in that moment he seemed to be laughing at something a hedge just said. That is alarming since hedges are generally of a pro-Grinch sentiment around the mountain and plateau, since they've suffered many casualties recently."

As for me and psybox putting poison into the  beast, well Soren  almost had us pushed off the mountain. But he let us live if we put poison into the ham and killed the grinch, since Soren doesn't like grinches. Also the honey, was Soren. He tripped me when I tried to ward the bees off, and thus I feel into the honey. Please forgive me O great overlord.

Your graciousness, it is true that I had Sam and psybox drink a substance, but it wasn't poison.
You see, Delthions had told us the words that each of us needed to brush up on, in order to translate into the Grinches language. Mine was "BBQ sauce" which translated into pioson (actual pronouciation). Sam and psybox were refusing to try it, but I needed an impartial party to test if my sauce. They thought I ment poison, and started acting hystericaly. I just put the sauce on the beast, and that's when the chain of events started. I assure you, besides what's been established here, I have no knowledge not any involvement in any affairs that are against your will.

Mr. Santa sir, What has been said about me is true, I did ask for the worst insult in the Grinch history from Delthion because I wanted to insult Sam without hurting any of the other elves feelings, As you know Sir we are very sensitive to insults and I didn't want any of them getting agitated beyond reason. And the only reason I wanted to insult Sam was because he kept putting snow down the back of my jacket, and he wouldn't stop.
When we reached the mountain James accused me of being on the naughty list for three minutes in the past, and that I wasn't trusted with these delicate negotiations, I was waiting outside with the gift sack for the Grinch as a peace offering with Plugg when the Grinch came out like a maniac cashing the other elves in a Mech suit. Me and Plugg ran and while fleeing for our lives he was laughing at my attempts to not lose all the toys. He tried to contact a friend of his to collect them later knowing his friend had good relations with the Grinch.

While the others were trying to appease the Grinch I was buried under piles of snow from the avalanche, and I have no idea what was going on. It took Plugg several hours to dig me out, being the only one willing to do so. By the time it was time he got me out the others had fled and went into hiding, we only just managed to get off the mountain and get back here to report to you sir.

Oh Great Overlord, I do not consider myself at all to blame for the failure of this mission. Whether the others agree is yet to be seen.
You see, my lord, I was assisting the Gryphon in trying to negotiate with the Grinch. I did not see the poison that was put in the roast beast. All I saw was that James suddenly sprang up and stuffed it in his mouth! When I heard the Grinch's roar of rage, I grabbed James, who was beginning to look a little green, and told everyone to leave. They must have misheard me, and confusion ensued.

(OOC: Sorry if that does not concur with the other accounts. Reading them was confusing me.)

Enough! While you have all done an admirably horrific job of carrying out my orders, I am Santa, and I hold my servants to certain qualities. I can forgive this failure, but I will not so easily forgive the next one. This is a business, not a place for you elves to mess around. You nearly killed a centuries-old Grinch! Be careful next time! Now, back to the qualities I hold my servants to. I expect effort, at the very least. Indeed, next time I may expect more than effort. This time, however, one of you contributed nothing to the situation: Psybox!

A blazing light blinded everyone and when they looked back at Psybox's spot, nothing was there!

"Now, now. You're fellow elf is fine, no need to worry. I've beamed him to an enclosure at the zoo. The pig enclosure, in fact. He will eat pig slop and blend in by covering himself in mud and filth. Let that be a warning to you if you should dare fail me again!

Now, as much as I will likely regret this, I have another task for you. As you know, the reindeer aren't quite as fast as they used to be, and we've had to split the trip. Now five sleighs split the world into five parts for the trip. You lot are to create your own sled, assemble a team of reindeer and ride to bring presents to all the girls and boys. If you should fail the consequences will be dire. You cannot allow this to slip through your fingers!

a few days later

Look at the top of my reindeer's head! You see how the hair is peeled back as though he'd been standing in a tornado? That's because I had to ride at double speed to complete my run and your run! I'm exhausted and so are my reindeer! You could have destroyed Christmas for a fifth of the world! What on earth were you doing?

I told you to assemble a sled, but I have reports that the "sled" you were riding was merely all the parts I provided you with randomly attached at ridiculously. In addition I told you to assemble a team of reindeer, but you were spotted without any reindeer, trying to lift off with James and Sam hitched up as though they were reindeer! You honestly thought they would be able to fly at the speed of a real reindeer, or at all? Finally, when a brave reindeer volunteered and got you off the ground, you crash landed in a small town and went on rampage! I warned you I would not be so kind this time around. I can guarantee you that one of you will regret their failure a little bit more than the others.

"Mask took charge of the mission, saying that as the only girl she was the only one smart enough to guarantee success. She said that the sled should be built first, and that then we could assemble the reindeer and leave. In theory, that sounded like a good idea. In practice, the result was nothing short of catastrophic. We had a set of plans to build the sled, but Tagg boiled them to make "paper tea", which he claimed we would need to stay warm on the trip. With no plans to work from, LT Sandpaw superglued the pieces together at random, and said that it was 'good enough for government work'". It looked only vaguely like a mode of transportation, but Plugg said that it looked great."

"With that done, Mask sent Delthion and Soren to get the reindeer. But after five minutes, they were trampled by fleeing reindeer! Maybe that had something to do with their polar bear disguises. Anyway, Sam said that he thought I would make a good reindeer, as my nose had turned very red after being exposed to the miserable winter weather. LT agreed, and they ganged up on me and tied me to the sled. Tagg said that we should stop fighting, and tied Sam to the sled next to me, saying that we needed to learn to work together by pulling the sleigh."

"So we tried to pull it for about half a hour. Your other servants did nothing but laugh and point at us. Finally, a super-reindeer from the planet Krypton came and graciously offered his services in moving the sleigh. Mask thought it would be better to let me and Sam keep trying, but thankfully Delthion saw reason and told the reindeer that we needed the help. In a flash, we were up, up, and away as he hitched himself up at super-speed, threw everyone into the sled and took off."

"Unfortunately, Soren and LT are afraid of heights, and started shrieking as soon as they realized what had happened. The reindeer's ears were super-sensitive, and he became agitated by the loud noise, lost his equilibrium, and crashed outside a town in southern Kentucky. We happened to be next to a mall, and Plugg said that he saw you ringing a bell next to a bucket, and that we should ask you for advice. When he dragged us over there, though, it was an impostor! Mask said that this must be a trick by the enemy, and started blasting everything in sight with a freeze ray gun. I will let the other servants describe the ensuing carnage."

Sir, it is true that Me and Deltion were sent to get the reindeer. But Mask had told us that if we didn't wear polar bear outfits, then the reindeer would be afraid of people not from their continent. Me and Del thought this was stupid, but she insisted that we wear them "for cuteness sake". Delthion, always looking for ways to impress the ladies, threw his on and shoved me into one. He said I should be his "wingman" with Mask.
While Del ran to the reindeer pen and I sorta waddled over, the reindeer were freigtened and stampeded us.
By the time me and Delthion made it back to the sled, James and Sam were tied up and they were leaving without us! I flagged them down and got them to stop. While we were struggling to get underway is when the super reindeer came to help.
After a few minutes, Delthion started sobbing and whailing because Mask said she didn't share his affection. He's wailing was so loud that it sent Plugg into his "panic mode". Plugg was one of those "special children ". He stared biting me and chewing on my leg. I cried out in pain, and though it is true Im scared of heights, it was Pluggs chewing that caused me to yell. LT realized what was happening and tried to stop Plugg, but Plugg started to bite him too.
We soon crash landed, and there I ran into the mall to get away from Plugg and to buy a first aid kit to heal our wounds. However, when I came out, Mask was blasting everything in sight. She blasted Tagg to a window and blasted Sam's head to a bench. A turned to get away, but she blasted me to a phone pole. Mask continued on her rampage until morning, when the sun melted the newly-formed glacier. I assure you my lord, this is my only involvement in the situation.

"First off, I'd like to make a quick note about the paper tea. Anyone could see that a few of my fellow comrades were in deep danger of freezing in a  terrible way, so I realized I should quickly memorize the instructions and then make the special tea to save them. It was that Soren guy who went out of the way to try and stop me. My comrades' looming illness was noteworthy. I figured anyone who wasn't blind could figure that out. Unfortunately, Soren was blind. He had glued some white paper (which he stole from me) to his head and ended up breaking all the cups. If it wasn't for that incident, we were all have been a lot warmer, a lot calmer and a lot more capable of following the instructions that both me and the Bird-lion comrade of mine memorized.

"Anyway, about the town. When we got there, I immediately started about trying to assess the damage and how soon we could get off the ground and back on with the mission. Most of my comrades were just shivering and trying to detach their tongues from ice. I tried using hot water to help them out, but some comrade of mine, Mask, stole it and used it to power some freeze gun. How it's powered by hot water I do not understand. She was blasting everyone with the thing, and soon enough the whole thing was looking very dire."

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on December 22, 2014, 03:14:11 PM
Sir, it is true that Me and Deltion were sent to get the reindeer. But Mask had told us that if we didn't wear polar bear outfits, then the reindeer would be afraid of people not from their continent. Me and Del thought this was stupid, but she insisted that we wear them "for cuteness sake". Delthion, always looking for ways to impress the ladies, threw his on and shoved me into one. He said I should be his "wingman" with Mask.
While Del ran to the reindeer pen and I sorta waddled over, the reindeer were freigtened and stampeded us.
By the time me and Delthion made it back to the sled, James and Sam were tied up and they were leaving without us! I flagged them down and got them to stop. While we were struggling to get underway is when the super reindeer came to help.
After a few minutes, Delthion started sobbing and whailing because Mask said she didn't share his affection. He's wailing was so loud that it sent Plugg into his "panic mode". Plugg was one of those "special children ". He stared biting me and chewing on my leg. I cried out in pain, and though it is true Im scared of heights, it was Pluggs chewing that caused me to yell. LT realized what was happening and tried to stop Plugg, but Plugg started to bite him too.
We soon crash landed, and there I ran into the mall to get away from Plugg and to buy a first aid kit to heal our wounds. However, when I came out, Mask was blasting everything in sight. She blasted Tagg to a window and blasted Sam's head to a bench. A turned to get away, but she blasted me to a phone pole. Mask continued on her rampage until morning, when the sun melted the newly-formed glacier. I assure you my lord, this is my only involvement in the situation.

Yes, most gracious and benevolent of the Clausians, I do try to find ways to please the females. But this time, it was only because Mask was blackmailing me, if I did not do exactly as she said I would have all of the blame from both her and her henchman; Plugg. So you see that I was not trying to impress her,when I said I needed a "wingman" I was speaking Grinch and was saying, "This suit is very itchy." Also when I got back and started wailing that was because she said that she was going to pin all of the blame on me even though I had done everything she wanted.

Overlord, I must explain myself after how these boys have misrepresented me.
First of all, I took charge not only because I believed myself more capable of leading than the rest, but also because James convinced me that I should. He wanted to lead it himself, but after his  failure in with the last mission, he didn't think that they would want him to lead.
I was trying to get the sled assembled when I learned that Tagg had boiled our plans to make a tea! At first I was outraged, but when I learned that he did it to save Our comrades from dying of cold, I decided it was fine and I could somehow manage to put it together out of my ingenuity. But when I tried to direct them on how to assemble the parts, they messed up completely. I figured time was running short, so I had better just try and get the reindeer instead of fixing the sled.
So I sent Soren and Delthion to get them. When directing them on how to go about it, I was rather adamant that they wear polar bear skins. After all, it was twenty degrees below zero! I also figured that since deer are usually shy creatures, they would respond better to a familiar species. James told me I wasn't being convincing and to use my "girl skills" to get the oafs to wear the skins. I attempted this, commenting on how "utterly cute" they would be in polar bear skins. Delthion seemed to be relenting, but James told me I needed to try harder, so I told Delthion that he was a responsible person, and that if he didn't do it he would have to take the blame for his mistakes. At that Delthion seemed scared, and said he would wear the polar bear skins.
When they returned with no reindeer I was furious, and angrily said that Delthion was to blame for this whole thing. I didn't know he would be so sensitive as to think I meant everything I said when I was angry!
But then Delthion said that since James looked so red, he would make a good reindeer. I was not in favor of this notion, but the rest of them seemed so determined to have their way that I let them hitch James and Sam to the makeshift sled. As the y tried to pull, I noticed that the exertion was making them warm, so I decided that they should keep doing that. When the Kryptonian reindeer appeared I was at first relieved, but then I realized that if they stopped trying to pull them would lose their warmth. When they begged me to let them off I allowed it.
When the reindeer was startled and left us in the small town, I was wary as we approached the imposter Santa Claus. I was somewhat jumpy, so when Delthion whispered in my ear "It's a trap, they're all enemies." I immediately whipped out my freeze gun, grabbed the hot water from Tagg to power it if it died, and shot the imposter.

Most gracious and benevolent of all of the amazingly esteemed Clausians, it is true that I said that James would make a good reindeer, but that was only because he had told me that he actually was a gryphon. When I said that the imposter was an enemy, it was only because Gryphon had told me that there was a communist Clausian training ground very close by, I naturally assumed that they were communists, and Plugg had told me that all communists are hostile to elves. So therefore I was concerned for our welfare, especially Tagg because he seemed to be catching the feared "Ice Plague." I tried to tell Mask that we needed to get out of there quickly but instead she started blowing things up left and right!

Milord, I beg your apologies, I was the victim of a cruel joke by Sam and James.
Whenever we started I stayed out of the way still sore about James bringing up of my three seconds on the naughty list. Then Sam and James came over and said they wanted to make up for James rudeness during the last mission. They then handed me an early present, It was a lovely pair of green and purple glasses, I quickly told them they were forgiven and put on the glasses.
They were smeared with superglue and they were stuck on almost permanently, As you can see Milord they are still on my face, I managed to break the glass later and that helped remove the affects. You see, the glasses made me incredibly disoriented, up was down and down was up, random things were bigger or smaller then they were supposed to be, left was right and right was left. Sam then handed me a bottle of superglue and told me to build the sled.
Normally I am a rather good architect however in my state I couldn't build a thing.
To sum it up the sled was a mess and there was nothing I could do about it. Later when everyone was done making fun of my sled, which they didn't help with by the way. Someone decided to strap Sam and James to the sled. Truthfully I was rather seasick and angry about my predicament so I readily agreed. After getting a little revenge, I got into the sled with help from Plugg and we were off. Because I wasn't very into at the time I had no idea that there was a Super deer pulling our sled. I had my eyes closed so I didn't puke everywhere because I was seasick from the glasses, but when I opened my eyes it was like a nightmare mode. It appeared we were flying upside down and all around. To say the least it was terrifying, I flipped and panicked for a short while until someone broke the glasses. I was then restored to my normal mind and noticed Plugg attacking everyone, I tried to stop him but we crashed. Now with a sever headache and a recent seasickness I was led willing along by my comrades back here.

O great Overlord, these ridiculous stories are partly true. When James and I gave the glasses to LT, I didn't realize that they were prank glasses, as James said that they were normal party ones. And just in case, I looked it up in my Grinch-English dictionary, and there was no phrase for what he said. It is true that I said James was a good reindeer, but that was because I was dizzy and tired because LT and Soren thought it would be fun to force spin me around. I tried to stop them, but they kept doing it again and again. It looked like he was Rudolph. Also, I don't think anyone explain why I was FORCED to be a reindeer-thing. Well, Delthion wanted someone to be the 2nd person to pull the ride, so he said some childish game. "One... Two... Three... NOT IT!!" Then everyone else knew the game, and said "Not it" while I just stood there confused. So, they forced me to be the 2nd one to do it. Also, when I actually was trying to HELP, by helping flying the sled, Plugg bit me.

Your graciousness, I believe I may have some information to shed some light on the subject. I assure you, Del has told me these things word-for-word. I was in no way involved with these events, but was only a bystander.

It's all Pluggs fault.

I was told that Plugg had been masterminding a way to get James and Sam as the reindeer. He did so because he is holding a grudge against James. Long ago, Plugg thought that James has once stolen his would-be "Girlfriend". I heard it was a misunderstanding, but Plugg never let it go. So Plugg put his plan into action. He was able to blackmail Delthion into starting that game that got Sam hooked up to the sled. This is part of the reason that Del confided in me, and told me everything that's happened. Plugg planned on trying to overtake the sled and was going to attempt to drive it into the ground head first and kill James. However, Delthion's own wailing was and crying sent him into that panic mode and thwarted Plugg's own plans. Plug was not to be found after Mask's freeze-ray attack, and had paid her off.
So you see, if it wasn't for Plugg, this whole mission would have gone better.
I also assure you that I have had no involvement nor any knowledge of any of the events of this mission, besides what has already been stated.
We await your judgment, my lord.

Milord, I had no idea my friend Plugg was attempting murder over a girlfriend incident from that long ago, I merely thought he was helping me in my particular predicament at the time. I beg for his forgiveness and hope you can forgive his actions which were not entirely his fault. I know that He would never do such a thing on his own and was most likely under some kind of influence and was being controlled.

I am astounded! You are supposed to be my best servants, and this... well. We will try not to ever speak of this miserable failure again. The very idea of it! One of you has been particularly useless, in fact. That would be Mr. Plugg. He actually worsened things, to be honest. Chewing on legs, evil plots... something isn't right with this so called servant of mine. For that reason Mr. Plugg will be taking an all expenses paid vacation to an island prison in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Perhaps he can think about what he has done there.

Now to deal with the rest of you. I'm afraid, due to the haste I was forced to take in getting all the gifts out, I misplaced two of them. I gave little Billy a shotgun and Redneck Jim a toy dinosaur. Obviously you need to fix this with all haste, before they open the gifts! I hear they are both on vacation right now - but they will be back very soon! You need to get there, switch the presents and get out without being spotted by anyone! No pictures, no sightings, zero, nothing, nada! You could give away the existence of us all if you fail this time! So for crying out loud, be a bit more careful!

A few days later...

Once again you have managed to fail. Allow me to demonstrate the vastness of your failure. Behind me is what is known as a television. I am tuned in to the most famous station - and as you can see you are once again wreaking havoc upon the general population. I don't even want to know how you found a rhino to ride through New York City, which, by the way, is thousands of miles from either of the houses you were supposed to visit. I also don't want to know why you toppled the government of a small South American democracy. Well, actually, I certainly do want to know why! Explain yourselves you miserable failures! It will cost me millions to convince the world you were just dressed up as elves and were out of your minds, not waging war.

I am sorry most gracious and esteemed of all the Clausians, but it was Gryphon's fault that the government fell, you see, we went there looking for Billy, he said that Billy is a very common name in where we were going so he said that he would lead the way. He went there and found Billy who was president of the country, he had had a birth defect so he was little, and he also had just been given a shotgun, Gryphon tried to take it away from him but Billy would not agree. Eventually Gryphon called in his friends from the Iraqi government to decimate the country, they got us out of there and flew us to Iraq, they said that if we would be willing to take a rhino to you then they would be very grateful, I tried to stop Gryphon from agreeing because we didn't have time for such nonsense, but he did it anyway and they flew us to Alabama through NYC, alas rhinos do not fare well in the storage area of a plane, when we let it out to get some air it went berserk and attacked us, Gryphon said that he would deal with it, then he tried to knock the rhino out with a sledgehammer. This made the rhino very angry and charged at Gryphon, Gryphon ran as fast as the rhino did and ran through the center of NYC thus destroying the city.

It's true Milord, but not only did his friends attack the country but when they learned our names they tied up Me Sam and Soren because they don't like the letter S at the beginning of a name. They were planning on executing us for having S at the beginning of our names when Mask managed to save us and sneak the three of us onboard the plane. Mask then spent the next hour or so untying us because she isn't very good with knots. By the time she untied us everyone else came back, Delthion then informed us it would be in our best interests to escape back to the North Pole, which we did.

My overlord, all this is true, and more. James also protested when we suggested we try to get the dinosaur from Redneck Jim and give him a shotgun. Well, we took a vote on what we should do, and James lost. As we were departing to go to Memphis, Tennessee (where Redneck Jim lives), he sabotaged the plane and threatened to kill us if he didn't get his way. It was for this reason that Delthion said it would be in our best I tersfts to return here my lord. We had no alterior motives, no reason to do anything to jeaprodize this mission. We had no involvement in whatever went wrong with James. It's all his fault.
I can only tell you as much as I witnessed, for I was tied up and Mask was taking forever to untie us.

OOC: This is pretty long, but so is the list of attacks on me this time, so there you go. I had to work on this to get it down to 750 exactly.

"These servants' claims are like looking into a funhouse mirror. The details are there, but grotesquely distorted to completely change everything's appearance."

"I wouldn't have had to take charge of the mission at all if Delthion had done his job correctly. We had drawn up a plan that involved us entering through the chimney with personal cloaking devices on, making the trade, and sneaking out. We were at the complex when Delthion turned visible. I'm not sure who was more surprised, the guards or us. The guard captain opened up with his machine gun, interfering with our cloaks and making everyone visible. I showed him that I was an ambassador, which calmed him down enough to stop trying to kill us."

"They wanted to imprison us, but I knew of a law that said that foreign emissaries can appeal to have their case judged by the President. I knew that this president pardoned everyone who came before him, due to empathy for people trying to get out of punishment. So, "Pequeño Guillermo" came back from vacation specifically to pardon us."

"Having done so, he went to unwrap the present on his desk. He might have been reasonable about giving it up, if Tagg hadn't stuck out his leg to trip Guillermo. Once the little president had fallen, he was furious. Mask asked him to open his present before he did anything else. Once he saw it was a shotgun, he became hooked on the idea of using this weapon to execute Tagg. I tried to persuade him against this, but he got angry at me for wanting to save Tagg, and decided to have us thrown in prison after all. I had a right to a phone call, so I called the Iraqi embassy to ask for help. They said they could get us out within the hour by saying we were mental patients under their care. I said (in Arabic of course), "I'll take anything. Go out there and destroy them with your arguments for us."

"Unfortunately, the phone went dead as soon as I said "them", cutting off the last part of my sentence. Soren had unplugged the phone line! I was as surprised as anyone else when the Iraqi death commandoes burst into the room to rescue us, having left a trail of destruction in their wake."

"After flying to Iraq, the Iraqis said that they couldn't spare a passenger plane, but we could use a cargo plane if we did them the favor of transporting a rhino to your base in the process -- a previously scheduled shipment that had been repeatedly delayed. But no rhino, no flight. Since the rhino had been ordered by someone at the North Pole, I agreed. The incident with the S-named people happened at this time; all I can say is that I warned everyone to use pseudonyms, and I'm not sure why Mask made a show of mentioning your real names."

"Anyway, we stopped in NYC, when Tagg insisted on letting the rhino out to 'get some air'. I warned them this would be a bad idea, but did they listen, nooooo. Anyway, I took out my tranquilizing sledgehammer to stop the rhino. It would've worked, if Delthion hadn't been playing with it and stolen the batteries. When I saw that there was a Mafia group having a gun battle, I decided to use the rhino to break it up, knowing that it would attack people making loud noises. Unfortunately, Tagg was behind the rhino poking it with a stick, and it kept chasing me past the gun battle, right into a public area."

"We got the rhino packed up, but the FBI and the NSA deemed us terrorists and determined to stop us. We barely managed to take off from the airport, with secret agents firing guns at us as we boarded our plane. After five minutes, we heard over the radio that the Air Force was being scrambled to shoot down our jet. It would've been best to flee and find a more covert method of travel to get to Memphis, but for some reason the others insisted on staying in the plane we were in. I said, "If we get blown up by a missile, I will kill you", hacked into the plane's autopilot, and set it to go near (but not to) the North Pole. None of them knew how to turn the autopilot off, so I guess that's why they thought it was sabotage."

Most gracious and amazing of the Clausians, what Gryphon is failing to mention is that he had destroyed my cloaking device by throwing water at me. He was laughing insanely when I turned visible and the guards began shooting at us. The only reason I was playing with the rhino was because Gryphon had told me to go and deal with the rhino, he secretly drew me to the side and handed me some batteries. He told me that he swore on his life that rhinos love being electrocuted. I went along with it having no reason to not trust him. But I suffered the consequences, I will never be able to trust Gryphon again.

In addition overlord, it was not of my willing to interupt Gryphons phone call. Tagg had told me that there was a terrorist plot against the President, and that the terrorists were using the phone as a means for spying. Naturaly, we wanted the president to get his gift, so I unplugged the phone line to thwart the terrorist plans. However, Tagg didn't inform me that Gryphon was using the phone. After I had unhooked the phone, he said to me "Greatest practical joke on James ever!" I quickly realized what happened, and tryed to use my cell phone to give to James so he could make his call. However, before I could do anything, Tagg grabbed it and ducked it into the fish tank. He then went to Mask and said "Frestest practical joke on Soren ever!". You see my overlord, this is Taggs fault.

O great overlord, As for the reason that me, Soren, and Sandpaw were tied up, the only reason that Mask told the Iraqi our true names is because James Gryphon told her that she had to tell the Iraqi our true names. We asked if there was anything that the Iraqi didn't like, and James said only the rank "Lieutenant". Thus, the Iraqi being mad at us for having names beginning with "s". I wouldn't think that they would have been mad at LT Sandpaw if James hadn't tricked us into saying his name was just "Sandpaw". Also, I looked up that Iraqi people respect people with a rank. Luckily, even though she wasn't good at untying ropes, Mask risked her life to save us.
OOC: I edited it,

OOC: LT Is actually just and acronym for Lieutenant  ;)

"Cloaking devices are waterproof, or at least they should be if they have their case on them. I don't know what Delthion was playing at by taking the protective case off of such valuable and useful equipment, but that's not my problem. As for why I threw the water at him, it's because he and Soren had been tormenting me doing the same thing all the way on the trip here. I warned them to stop doing it after we cloaked, because the water was visible and could ruin our cover, but they didn't pay any attention. Right before the moment that he mentioned, he said "I'd better use all of my water", and threw all of it at me. I was tired and fed up with his playing around, so I opened up my bottle (which was almost full) and emptied all of the water in it on him. When his cloaking device failed, I started laughing because it was Murphy's Law in action -- of course something has to go wrong."

"As far as the battery and rhino situation goes... I pulled Delthion aside because he had been playing with my tranquilizing sledgehammer. I tried to tell him that it was a dangerous tool, and besides he was wasting power, but he just said "Yeah, sure, whatever", in response to everything I said. I was exasperated and said, "Fine, here's some batteries, put them in and go play with the rhino". He asked me, "Doesn't electricity hurt rhinos?" I said, sarcastically, "Oh no, I swear on my life, rhinos just looove being electrocuted. Try it and see!" I didn't imagine that Delthion could take me seriously. As far as the trust thing goes, well, I didn't trust him much to start with, so I guess that squares us."

"Finally, that nonsense with Mask... as I mentioned before, I had already warned all you people to use pseudonyms, not real names, so I don't know how you could misinterpret me to the extent of claiming I said the opposite. What happened is that Mask said, "You're telling us to use fake names. That's lying!" I said that it wasn't anything of the sort. After a few minutes of arguing, I finally said "You feel you have to use our real names, even though it'll kill some of us; that's ridiculous and unreasonable. If you can't get over this, then don't say anything at all." Sam had been listening to some dreadful music on his headphones, but I guess there was a pause long enough for him to think that I just said "You have to use our real names". It's on record, though, that I never meant anything of the sort, and even warned them against doing so."

  Most gracious and amazingly kind of all the Clausians, the only reason Soren and I were throwing water at Gryphon was because before we left he had taken some Jalapeno Peppers, loudly proclaiming that he was better than everyone else because he had managed to steal the peppers out from under your nose. He then proceeded to eat all of them in one. He screamed shortly thereafter; "I'm on fire! SAVE ME!!!" We proceeded to throw water on him, he continued yelling and screaming until finally, he threw all of his water on me. I hadn't taken it to be waterproofed yet, and I had told Gryphon this before we had set out. He ate another pepper, and screamed again; "I"M ON FIRE!!" I thought that this time I should do it properly and put the fire out with all of the water.

  With the tranquilizer sledgehammer, I was only using it to put Gryphon's lion side to sleep, Gryphon's are very schizophrenic you know. Anyway, I was trying to stop the Lion side from eating me alive, when all of a sudden he switched back to the normal Gryphon! I stopped using it and when Gryphon saw me with the sledgehammer and saw that the battery was being depleted, he flew into a rage and told me to go play with the rhino. I have had a tendency to take everything everyone says sarcastically, but I have been going to therapy. He told me to go electrocute the rhino sarcastically and I assumed that it was sarcastic. But then I remembered that I should always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are not being sarcastic. I did this and went to electrocute the rhino.

OOC: The next round will be starting tomorrow (in 2015! :D ) I hope those who haven't posted yet get a chance to do so!

Jasper Clause eyed each servant angrily. Their excuses and pleadings died off. This is a very serious mistake you all have made. The consequences for all of us at the North Pole are dire. You see, we actually missed the New Year celebration due to all hands being occupied with cleaning up your mess. I would like to inform you that this celebration has never been missed in our history here. I guess this means we are going to be celebrating a bit late. Unfortunately, I had to pay ridiculous fines to fix the rhino ... situation... so I can't put on anything of the sort. Ah yes, I see your eyes are lighting up. Against my better judgement, you are indeed going on another mission. But first I need to make sure nothing like this happens again. One of you has made the naughty list!

As I said before I am a forgiving man. Many of your mistakes were merely your attempts to aid the cause ruined by your pure stupidity and gross incompetence. Mask, however, didn't even manage an attempt to aid the cause - and only added the stupidity and incompetence. Making bizarre issues directly contrary to the more thought out ideas put forward by the rest of the group is something I simply cannot allow.

As our food is greatly depleted, we need something to feed The Bumble. (You know? The monster that bothered Rudolph so much?) Thus Mask will be boiled down into a soup, and given to the creature as a yearly peace offering! Take him away!

Jasper looked at each member with narrowed eyes. Tagg, Gryph, Delthion, Sam, Soren, and Sandpaw, you were supposed to be something new and spectacular in the new era of the Clauses. Do not let me down again or being boiled down into soup will seem merciful in comparison to the treatment you will receive.

Here is your mission. You will all be dressed in ski masks, (which I have specially designed to cover your ears. We spared no expense!) and black jumpsuits. I have provided you each with a weapon. Gryph, this is a silenced .22 pistol. You are not to shoot it unless you are being shot at, and it is to be used to threaten anyone who spots you. Tagg, this is a taser. You are to use it to subdue anyone who spots you and tries to get away. Delthion, this is a grappling gun. You are to use it to get onto the roof (you all will be entering through the ceiling.) Sam, this is a specially designed saw that will cut a perfect circular hole in the ceiling without making a sound. Soren, this is a bazooka. If any cops show up, we cannot be compromised, it would be a ridiculous amount of paperwork, so you take them out with this. Sandpaw, this is not a weapon, but a potion. It will give you years of experience in the martial arts for the whole day, which you will use to subdue enemies silently, ninja-style.

As you may have guessed already, your mission is to break into the Good-Friends Grocery Store. You will be delivered in an unmarked van. This store has been robbed recently, so the security is tight. Sandpaw will use his ninja-skills to sneak in without being spotted by the cameras. He will go through the door behind the desk at the returns area, and take out the security team there. He will then shut off all cameras. Next Gryph is to take out the guards on the east side with his silenced pistol, along with Tagg and his taser. They have guns as well, so you need to do it quietly. Next Delthion will get you on the roof, and Sam will cut a hole. You will go into the grocery store and take everything. This is going to be a huge celebration and I have a lot of residents to take care of! Soren will cover you from the roof, and Delthion and Sam will move all the goods while Tagg and Gryph cover you from any guards inside. You need to get in and get out without being spotted or heard. No one can ever know we did this. There will be several trucks parked in the east parking lot, which you will load everything into. Then you will ride off in the same unmarked van you came in. Any questions? No? Good.

A few days later.

So lets chalk this up, shall we? Soren, explain the massive hole in the side of the grocery store, and the numerous craters in the parking lot and surrounding buildings. You were supposed to be careful when you fired that thing! Sam, why are there perfect circular holes in everything, including the trucks and van, but not in the ceiling? Sandpaw, why was every single camera still active? Tagg and Gryph, you got into a 6-hour gunfight with the enemies, you were supposed to take them out quietly. You left enough time that the police and national guard showed up! Delthion, why did you hit all of my servants multiple times with the grappling gun? Surely they didn't resemble the market's wall to you? You managed to steal maybe a tenth of what was expected of you, and a good portion fell through the holes in my trucks. There will be no celebration this year. Explain yourselves!

Most gracious and esteemed of all the Clausians. The only reason that the grappling hook was fired multiple times into Gryphon is because he was bored with no one to shoot so he started exploring the store and then he found his way to the roof through a secret passage, Sam however was deathly afraid of tight spaces and the dark, so we just went according to plan. Then for some reason, whenever I fired the grappling hook Gryphon moved into the way, he must have been bitter that we didn't use his route, I don't know. Anyway, on the tenth time this happened, Soren saw Gryphon doing this and threatened to blow him up if he did not stop. Gryphon then laughed and continued, so Soren true to his word began firing the bazooka at Gryphon, but he was overestimating the amount of kickback and aimed at the wall, the wall became a gigantic crater and Soren ran up to where Gryphon was to try and stop him from getting in the way of Sam and I. Gryphon finally jumped down and I shot the grappling hook at the building again, but the roof was weakened due to the wall not being there. It must have been load-bearing because a small section of the roof which we were trying to get onto fell to the ground.

O great overlord, the reason that there are hole in everything, except the ceiling is because James  didn't like the route, as Delthion said. After we couldn't get up to the ceiling, Gryphon was bugging me about the saw, and how he liked it and wanted it. Soon I started ignoring him. Soon he said that he would shoot me if I didn't give him the saw in 10 seconds he would shoot me. I thought he was bluffing, until I felt something on my back. It was the gun. He said "last chance", so is gave him the saw. And Gryphon, he "experimented" the saw. That explains why there are holes in everything besides the ceiling.

Mr Santa sir I preformed my mission to my upmost capabilities. During the beginning of the mission I didn't speak to any of the others nor interact and when I drank your potion I was the king of the shadows. I snuck in without getting spotted once by the cameras, I eliminated the security team and turned off all the cameras and any extra security. With that done I back flipped to the top of the building to keep watch a provide an over-watch while the others finished the mission. It would have been completely good mission if Tagg hadn't turned all the cameras back on to look at himself on the video feed.
By the time I found out the video feed was back on cops were showing up by the dozen, explosions were coming from the building. I was sure the rest of the team was murdering each other so I proceeded to quickly and quietly eliminate cops and load the trucks. None of the team saw me during this time because I thought they had gone crazy and didn't want to take them out... Unfortunately there was a lot of holes in the trucks and all my efforts were in vain. When the gunfight began I snuck behind enemy lines and quietly destroyed their leadership allowing James to survive as long as he did. When it was time for us to leave I hid underneath the trucks until the others got in and drove off, I was on top of the trucks and only reviled myself when we got back here, The others were to tired to really care they hadn't seen me once during the mission. But I was there helping where I could.
I beg for your forgiveness for not being able to complete the mission and being unable to work with the team more effectively.
*Preforms Ninja bow* Sir I do believe I still have some of the affects of the potion.

Sir, this is all true. As is the fact that the reason I was firing so erraticly was because at some point, Janes glues a fogged out google glass over my eyes. It projected policemen into my line of sight. I thought I was shooting at police, but was infact shooting at nothing. It's all James fault my lord.

Inspired by my real-life condition.

"I don't know why these people persist in trying to blame me for every single thing that goes wrong. They know what they did and how they're responsible."

Gryph sighed. "In retrospect, I realize that the trouble all started in the van. Soren had been texting non-stop ever since we got in. Tagg, who is extremely curious, asked him who he was texting. Soren refused to tell him, so Tagg simply held Soren down and forced him to give up the phone. Then he started to read it aloud. He had gotten no farther than saying "To: The Grinch", when Delthion grabbed the phone and threw it out the window."

"I didn't know why Soren was texting the Grinch, but even so it seemed like that would be the end of our trouble this mission. Little did I know that it was just beginning. As soon as the van pulled up, a bomb came down on the grocery store and exploded. This wasn't just any kind of bomb, but rather it was a Grinch ooze bomb. Disgusting green ooze slipped and slided its way until it had covered much of the outside of the store. The entire store was contaminated, and I knew that we would have to be very careful with how we entered the store, lest ooze slip onto the food and contaminate all of it."

"For some reason, all of the others didn't even seem to notice this problem. Sam and Sandpaw just raised their hands and said "Shut up" as soon as I tried to talk to them. Delthion and Soren both saw the ooze, but claimed that it was perfectly harmless. Tagg just said "What ooze?", as if he didn't even see it. I knew that I would have to take action to prevent this from causing our mission to fail. All of the route that we had intended to go through was covered with foul disgusting ooze, but I found a secret passage that we would be able to use to get inside the store with. Delthion, however, ignored my suggestion, and insisted on using the grappling hook on ooze-covered walls. I got in the way to block the hook from touching the ooze and contaminating the hook, the rope, and all of us."

"I gave Soren the glasses to keep him from helping the Grinch and sabotaging the mission further. Anyway, after he went crazy with the bazooka, the ooze reacted by spreading itself across almost every flat surface. It was impossible to touch any door or wall without getting ooze on you, and the ooze had formed a big membrane across the crater, keeping us from getting in that way. I asked Sam for his saw, with the hope of using it to cut open entrances so that we could get in and out without touching anything contaminated. He refused. I had no choice; I threatened him with the gun to get the saw from him, and then went to work making holes in things to allow us to enter and leave. Delthion started to taunt me, and went around trying to touch parts of the wall where the ooze was; to keep him or anyone else from getting contaminated, and then contaminating the groceries, I had to saw holes in everything that they were about to touch before they could touch it."

"Anyway, Tagg blew it with the cameras, and the police and security began to arrive. The SWAT teams opened fire as soon as they saw us, without even asking us to surrender or drop our weapons. With us badly outnumbered, it was a desperate battle for survival. I provided cover for the rest of the team. They claimed they would load the trucks, but Soren said some food was unworthy of being taken. I had to keep them protected for about six hours while they debated the merits of Campbell versus Progresso. We were almost all killed thanks to this."

"In spite of incompetence, we actually managed to get enough food to load the trucks, as Sandpaw mentioned. We had enough ropes to tie down the crates that all of the food was in, keeping them secured to the trucks, but Delthion set them on fire. We attempted to drive the trucks out, but with no ropes to secure them, the crates we had all fell out on the roads. With the National Guard hot on our tail, we had no choice but to retreat here empty-handed."

My lord, I must insist, this is only partly true. While it is true O was texting someone, it's wasn't the Grinch. It's was my girlfriend. Her name is Thea Grinchian. However, because of my fat fingers, my stupid phone auto corrected to "The Grinch". Anyway, I was planning on asking her to marry me and O didn't want anyone to know. It's was going to be a surprise to the rest of my lords servants. However, Tagg kept trying to read it.
And my lord, while it is true that the green ooze is disgusting, it is harmless. James failed to mention that he had poisoned Sam. This caused Sam to behave irrationally and started to act delusional. We tried to calm him down, but all he would say was "EYES. IN THE DARK. TWIN MOONS." We all thought this was creepy, but he started to rampage around. It was at this time that the ooze bomb hit us. I have no idea where it came from. The ooze is infact harmless. It is the...returned food... of the Grinches henchman. They have this condition where thy constantly are pukeing. The bomb-makers use this to their advantage by added a scary and disgusting, but harmless ammunition to their bombs.
Also my lord, the reason that I insisted on the fact some of the food was inacceptable is because some of it was contaminated by the same poison James administered to Sam. I was trying to save lives by keeping the poison separate. If it wasn't for whatever reasons James poisoned Sam, the whole mission would have worked.
EDIT: Fixed a problem.

OOC: Just a slight discrepancy in Soren's post. James did say that the ooze came from a bomb. I'm sure it will be edited soon, just keep it in mind.

Well done to everyone so far. I'm very happy with how this had turned out. Great posts from everyone and I hope it continues as we move on and the eliminations get tougher!  :)

Most gracious and esteemed of the Clausians, while it is true that I threw Soren's phone out the window, I saw Gryphon contacting the police and I heard him talking to them he said; "I am going to try to overthrow Jasper Claus, I know that he will be electing the next Overlord, but I can't risk him giving it to someone else! Send all of the available forces to the place where I will put the tracker, it will be on my friend Soren's phone, then you will join me. Is that alright, Freddie Martinez?" Freddie Martinez as we all know, is your predecessor. He had a bad habit of killing people with chainsaws as he came down their chimneys. When I was taunting him I was actually doing a foreign dance that involved many of the same characteristics of taunting, but I assure you it was not.

OOC: All fixed in it's disgusting glory.

OOC: That's from Star Trek! "Two moons circle." And then with Deannna and her visions! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Gryph rolled his eyes as he listened to the latest wave of accusations. "These so-called 'servants' are getting desperate. From the moment we came here to the present, it's been nothing but non-stop attacks against my character. They're in league against me. I don't know why this is, but I suspect that they're plotting against your Majesty, and feel that the best way to sabotage these missions is to try to frame your most loyal servant. If they were merely incompetent, the laws of probability would dictate that part of their decisions would serve your Majesty's interests."

"I admit that I poisoned Sam, but this was due punishment for his treasonous behavior. From the beginning he has done nothing but plot against you. He attempted to assassinate the Grinch, ruining our relations; he poisoned your Majesty's jalapeño pepper farm, and in his diary, which Tagg stole and read during our trip, he wrote his plans to poison the food that we took from the store. I confiscated his bottle of poison and forced him to drink the entire thing. Unfortunately, he wasn't laid low as one would expect; instead he became even more deeply deranged than he had been. Well, he had apparently hidden a second bottle up his sleeve. Before I could stop him he had poisoned a large quantity of food. Don't blame me, blame the traitor Sam. As for Soren, I saw him smiling when Sam started poisoning things, and he didn't lift a finger to prevent it. He actually smirked when he said we couldn't take the food."

"The man I was talking to on the phone was a friend of mine in your Majesty's secret service, who is undercover in the police department. I was speaking in code. The encoded message warned him of the treachery against your Majesty and also one of the ringleaders I believed responsible for it. The use of the name 'Freddie Martinez' meant that the traitors should be dealt with by any means necessary. I hoped that he could send secret agents to help prevent the disaster, but unfortunately they couldn't get there in time to make a difference."

Great Claus, Mr Santa sir, I apologies for my negligent attitude with the Green Ooze, I must have forgotten that at the time not everyone was a super Ninja, for I could navigate the floors and walls with ease.
As for the accusations about your servants loyalty you may know I have no love for James or Sam for what they have done to me,
*Points at glasses frames still stuck to his face*
The two have sabotaged our efforts to complete the mission sucking off our lack of team work. If it is just selfish attempts at jokes or true betrayal I do not know, I have no part in any group or effort against you and I would like to think my comrades are the same way.

O great overlord, it is true that I was poisoning the food, but it was because James and Tagg were trying to find my diary. I tried to hide it from them, but they kept shaking and punching me. Eventually, they hit me so hard, they knocked me out. I don't know where James got me poisoning your jalapeño farm, and he still thinks I tried to assassinate the grinch? Anyway, I don't remember writing down poisoning the food. I suspect that Tagg wrote it down, as we know he doesn't like me. Anyway, the "poison" that James said was poison, was from the store. I admit I took it, but it said "heavy duty soap". I took the tags off, knowing that the alarm would go off. And if no one knows, I am a clean freak.

"Sandpaw is right about one thing: I'm not a 'team player'. Unlike others, I put obeying your Majesty and accomplishing our mission objectives above conspiracy and treachery. I have done everything I can to sabotage their efforts at counteracting our missions, and I make no apology for that. I will say one thing for their teamwork, though -- they've done a spectacular job in trying to make me seem responsible for everything they did wrong. It's just too bad for them that I'm here to defend myself."

"As for Sam, I was there when I saw him tell that former servant to kill the Grinch in that other mission; I was there when I saw him sprinkle that suspicious powder on the jalapeños, requiring me to take them to save the reindeer from being poisoned, and I was there when he said he wished we couldn't bring back any food. Given his extensive record of ill-doing, I asked Tagg to keep an eye on him. I don't normally approve of violence, but after Tagg, who was reading over Sam's shoulder, caught a glimpse of the words "put rat poison on the food", it was evident that reading Sam's diary was necessary to make sure that we could foil his plot. His staunch refusal (saying "I wouldn't let the Overlord himself read my diary") and threat to stab Tagg with a pocket knife, proved ill intent on his part. Sam got exactly what he deserved."

Yes, most gracious and kind of all of the esteemed Clausians, Gryphon, is right. But he is wrong about one thing, I also put everything aside before obeying you. I was only ever acting for you, I am deeply sorry that it was not good enough, but know that I have tried to the best of my ability to serve you.

O Great Overlord, obviously James forgot his Grinch, "poisoning him" means in Grinch -  "that servant is crazy". I was talking about one of the past servants that eventually "left" because he did... Strange things. We were also practicing Grinch because we were preparing to see him. Anyway, James doesn't mention that it was snowing. I don't know why James overreacted to snow. Also, some crazy person stole my dairy, and I keep finding strange stuff in it. Then, I saw Tagg taking my diary, ripping out pages and showing them to Gryphon but soon they kept trying to anger me, and unfortunately, I fell for it, and threatened Tagg with a pocket knife. And that I said I wouldn't let you read my diary, well that was just a phrase to  say how powerful you were, and how much I didn't want them to see it, but of course I would let you read it. I did say that I wish we didn't bring back food, as Tagg kept saying "I bet you wish that we didn't bring the food. So I said it, being sarcastic.

 Enough of this ridiculous nonsense! Honestly I don't know what to make of this. You horrible lot claim your undying loyalty here, and when I'm not around you commit these disturbing acts that seem completely contrary to it! Elves are supposed to work as a team for the benefit of me! You all are working as individuals, and certainly not to benefit me, it seems. You have done some severe damage to the cause, and it will no longer be tolerated.

Sam, so help me if you ever dare to try speaking Grinch again, I will roast you alive like a Christmas Chestnut! You've ruined half of several missions due to your ridiculous use of foreign languages! That goes for all of you! Teamwork only works when you can communicate, and when you use different languages, communication is no good!

Jasper put a hand on his forehead and sighed in frustration.

Very well... There will be no new year's celebration this year... Unspeakable, but I am afraid you have left me no choice. One of you, he paused for effect, then continued, will suffer for this.

Tagg, you have been mostly silent through this! If these servants are to be believed, you stole Sam's diary and read it? What were you thinking? You should have been focusing on the task I gave you! There is no time for pleasantry and reading in this business. Furthermore, this seems to be an ongoing thing with you. Making tea, lazing around; there is no room for such a useless layabout on my team! Now to punish you. If you like being lazy so much, perhaps it is best that you take a nap every day... on top of a fire ant hill! That seems appropriate! Don't look at me like that, this is fair! I'm giving you a free break every day! Rudolph, you are to transport this elf to my facility down in Texas - the one with the fire ant problem. Thank you...

As Tagg was dragged away by the red-nosed reindeer, Jasper turned back to the remaining servants. So few of you, I must admit this is far from what I expected when I started this venture... nevertheless, let's move on. I think you lot may work better together with the new orders I've given you. Stick to them, and I'll give you one...last...chance.

Have you ever heard of Snow Miser? He is the one who controls winter. He can send snowstorms, cold temperatures, icy winds(you get the gist) anywhere. The only thing stopping him is his brother Heat Miser. Well, this year Snow Miser is being a little uncooperative. You see, he has frozen solid many of the cities that should now be under Heat Miser's jurisdiction. I'm afraid they rather hate one another, and refuse to work it out.

You lot are going to change the weather! I don't care how you do it, but you need to raise the temperatures throughout the world by 10 degrees. We can't have an eternal winter going! Christmas is over, and the new year is beginning! Now go, and do be a bit wiser this time!

... A few days later

The servants were in their normal restrained positions when the door to the office opened. Something resembling a yeti walked into the room. It was Jasper Clause - he was wrapped tight in many layers of cloths, and covered in ice and snow. Coughing, he slowly removed them until he was once again dressed in his normal attire.

Honestly, I can't believe I had any faith in you. You've brought a New Ice age in the Northern Regions! I hear down in the south things are so hot people catch on fire if they walk outside! I hear Tagg was taking one of his naps when he was roasted alive! You realize I may well charge you with the murder of an important prisoner of our organization!? Explain yourselves, and how you did this!

"At Delthion's insistence, we talked both Misers into a peace conference, promising them truckloads of free presents if they would try to work out their differences. With a bribe on the table they agreed, and we started to discuss how and where we would do the conference. Heat Miser said that he didn't care where, but that any temperature under 60 degrees was unacceptable. Snow Miser said the same, except that he said over 40 was too hot. I had foreseen the possibility of incompatible environmental requirements, and recommended that we have a video conference instead of having them meet in person, but Soren said it was necessary for them to learn to compromise. He invited them to the hotel we were staying at, the most temperate location on Earth, and set the thermostat to 50."

"Both Misers were upset at the temperature, and their attitude didn't get any better as we continued. We had decided to hold a ceremonial dinner. Well, Sandpaw got confused, and thought the dessert was supposed to come first. He was supposed to serve carrot cake, but instead he brought out popsicles. Heat Miser exploded in a rage -- he said, and I quote, "SO YOU THINK COLD COMES FIRST?", and melted not only his popsicle but everyone else's."

"In spite of that, we went ahead with the meal. The soup was next, and it was really hot. Heat Miser liked it, but Snow Miser screamed in pain as soon as he tasted it, and froze all of the soup in everyone's bowls. Heat Miser refused to eat any more, saying that food is never as good reheated. Sam said, "So the cold is too much for you", and started to taunt Heat Miser by chattering his teeth. Heat Miser was incensed, melted the bowl of soup in his clutch, and stormed out, incinerating half of the building as he went. Snow Miser was also offended by the hot soup, and got revenge by turning the other half of the building into snow as he left. We managed to survive and eventually escape the island by staying in the temperate zone between the two Misers, but the result for the rest of the world has been catastrophic."

Your greatness, while it is true that I suggested the temperate climate, all modern psychiatrists and diplomats say that communication and compromise is key. But that's besides the point. The point I'm trying to make is that James has left out a few precious details.
While I ended  up being the one to actually say it, James was actually promoting the idea of a temperate climate. He kept pressuring me to tell the others too set that as a location. He said he didn't want any respect of acknowledgement for the suggestion. However, when I finally mentioned it, he had a recorder in his hand and started jumping up and down yelling " HE SAID IT HE SAID IT!!!". I had no idea what he was doing this for, but I have come to realize it now.

Sandpaw tried to get the menu right, but James changed the menu selection and schedule. He said "it's better this way". That they would "appreciate a nice, cool dessert first". Sandpaw was only doing as he was told.

As for Sam's actions, all I can say is this: blackmail. Sam had confided in me his problem, while on the way to the hotel.. He told me that James was sending him blackmailing voice messages. I heard them myself, it was James. He said that he was going to tell the world what he saw in James diary from the last mission. James said something so mean I can't even say it here my lord.

Now your lordship, please acknowledge when I say that I had absolutely no further involvement in any of the events from this mission. Nor do I have further testimony. I am truly sorry for what has happened here today. But it's all James fault.

Mr Santa sir, I would like t apologies for not helping this meeting along, even though it means nothing to you, I understand now that someone tampered with the menu, I brought out the popsicles with the plan to bring hot fudge right after. Unfortunately we were unable to eat either, when I brought out the soup I didn't think they would be insulted by my famous tomato soup.
I was incredible angry at how they had both hated my food, I did not react however and merely stayed in the background and hope the others could fix this mess. I then had the idea to serve hot chocolate and iced coffee, but I couldn't serve it fast enough and the Misers destroyed the town.
If James hadn't messed with the menu or if Sam hadn't started teasing the Heat Miser we may have been able to pull this off.

Overlord, I assure you it was not me. As Soren said, it was blackmail. James would read the things in my diary if I didn't tease heat miser. James had said that he hates heat miser because he thinks that heat should be eliminated. He also said that he would disrupt the peace by turning down the temperature to 30 degrees, and say I did it. It is James's fault for being selfish, and not helping us.

"Let me do my fellow servants a favor and paraphrase what they said. 'OOOH OOOH IT'S ALL JAMES FAULT OOOK OOK EEK EEK.'"

"I was cautious when we started this mission, because I knew that these others were going to spend all of their energy trying to find ways to frame me for problems. They held a brainstorming session, and conveniently 'forgot' to invite me. Right before the event, Delthion seemed to have a change of heart, told me that he wanted to start over with our relationship, and told me they were having a meeting. I brought my recorder so that we would have an audio copy of the meeting, as your Majesty required in section 4.2.31 of the new elves' rulebook. (As it was, I'm not sure any of them had planned to do it, making their 'meeting' in violation of regulations.)"

"Anyway, Soren and the others openly glared at me when I entered the room, but otherwise the meeting seemed to start without any trouble. As it went on, though, it became obvious that the others had no interest in hearing anything I had to say. Case in point: Soren was 'going around the table' for suggestions, but skipped me five times. Then, when I finally pointed out his error, he said "Oh, shut up, you don't have anything to say that's worth hearing". I had been trying to point out the merits of a video peace conference, but the others paid no attention. Meanwhile, Sam and Sandpaw were making ridiculous suggestions, like that the Misers should switch jobs, or that we should hold a foot race and that the fastest Miser would get their way."

"Delthion proposed a conference, but said we should hold it at the North Pole. Soren said the most reasonable place would be the Sahara Desert. They argued for a few minutes, completely ignoring my suggestion for a video conference. Finally, I said that if they wouldn't listen to my prior suggestion, they could at least pick a temperate climate over the biased ones they wanted. I said that listening to my suggestion wasn't about me getting credit, but doing what was right to complete the mission. Soren pretended he didn't hear me, but five minutes later, he proposed the idea I had just mentioned, using my exact words, and acted as though he had thought of it himself. I was so amazed that he actually supported what I had to say, even in a backhanded way, that I reacted as he mentioned."

"The menu selection was Soren's fault. He 'put me in charge' of the menu, but then stood there and vetoed everything that I said. Whenever I wrote something down, he said that we were going to do the opposite. I have some knowledge of these functions, you know, as a former ambassador, but Soren apparently didn't think that was of any value. Finally I proposed a ridiculous menu, which would do the opposite of what we wanted, expecting that Soren would, as before, veto it, thus making the menu reasonably close to what it should have been. Instead, he clapped and cheered, saying "That's the best idea I've ever heard!" I tried to tell him that this would be a mistake and ruin the function, but he said "No it won't, you have no idea. The Misers will love this menu. We're keeping it no matter what."

"As far as the alleged blackmail goes, that was all Sandpaw. They caught a flight early without telling me, trying to leave me behind. I called to see what was up, but only got voice mail. Seeing that I might not make it in time for the function, I gave them a few pointers as how to make things work out. Sandpaw called me a moment later, thanking me for the voice mail, and said that it would be great material for framing me. He edited my message and rearranged all the words to form new sentences blackmailing Sam, threatening the conference, and saying that 'mean' thing. I'd think Sam should have known it wasn't really me, but just my voice -- as I said before, I moved to Iraq to get away from the cold, and it makes no sense to think that I would want to get rid of heat now -- but I guess he left his thinking cap off when he listened to his phone."

Mr Santa sir, what James said is true, while the ridiculous suggestions were merely between me and Sam and wasn't supposed to be taken seriously by the others, we were joking with each other trying to come up with the most ridiculous things we could. Everyone else got that it was a joke but I believe James was under a little stress from the constant attacks from Delthion and Soren and didn't get they were just jokes.
As for the messaging system, it was not me that answered it but Delthion. I had unfortunately lost my phone on mount Everest a short while back. Delthion found it and forgot to give it back to me until a short while before the meeting with the misers, I looked for any missed calls but there was none them memory had been erased. I then asked Soren later and he said he had seen Delthion use it to frame James for blackmailing Sam, He even had a voice bot mimicking me. I was angry but Delthion said it was all just an elaborate joke and he wouldn't think of using it to jeopardize the mission itself. Being gullible I believed him and continued with the mission not giving it a second thought, I had no idea Deltthion would activate the blackmail during the mission itself, I hadn't realized that he would go so far to incriminate James even risking the lives of his fellow servants.

I am sorry most gracious and esteemed of all of the most gracious Clausians, for causing the argument about the location. I was attempting to notify James of all of the plots against him when Soren caught me and said; "Oh, now you're trying to change sides are we? Can't handle anymore lies?" With that he grabbed an icicle from the cold miser and told me that if I did not cause some sort of argument I would pay.

As for the phone, I had found photos of you with the Grinch and the evil elves laughing at a banquet, they appeared to be Photoshopped and I had wiped the phone's memory to prevent you from being blackmailed. When I said that it was all an elaborate joke I was referring to the Photoshopped picture. I found that this was all done by SilentSam, in an attempt to incriminate both LT and James, I told James of this and found Soren there, with an icicle ready to be rammed through my throat. I managed to escape and witness LT trying to sabotage every effort of Gryphon's, I tried to stop him but Soren was after me and I left running. With Soren close behind.

Sir, though it is true that I did the things described here, that not the ENTIRE truth.
Sam had told me that James was recently put in a insane asylum and that he was "unstable" and "mentally insane". He said "You should listen to what he says, he's delusional." (Exact quote my lord.)
For this reason I didn't listen at all to what James said. Sam had told me that ignoring him is the best way for him to come to terms with his condition and start accepting help. So I was ignoring him only for this reason. If I had known that James was in perfect health then I would have never done these things. I am truly sorry my lord, but I was deceived by Sam.
As for Del, Sandpaw had told me that Del was plotting against the Russian government. For some reason, he hated it. Sandpaw told me he was trying to gather a terrorist resistance group, in order to assassinate the Russian president. We all know that killing the Russian president would derail the world and cause mass chaos. I was trying to find Del when I saw him with a small device in his hand, a walkie-talkie. He told whoever was on the other end: "It's time. I'll distract the Gryphon and then you kill the President. James mustn't know it until it's too late, or else he'll have his Iraci people on us." I instantly realized what was happening and tried to confront Del. That is why I attacked him with there icicle and chased him. To save the world, my lord.
I deeply regret the events of this mission, but it was Sam and Del who derailed it.
I assure you, this is all I know. I wasn't involved at all with anything else during this mission and whatever these people try to convince you in thinking, I wasn't a part of it. After these events, I simply left and went to our rendezvous site. From there, I waited until we were delivered here my lord.
I am sorry for the foolishness and hate that unfortunately fills your OTHER servants.

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the wondrous Clausians, it is true that I was saying that, but it is very obvious that Soren did not study for the mission. I was talking to the miser's security details, in the languages of frost and heat. When Soren said I was talking about the plotting against the Russian government, I was really saying; "Wow, the miser seems to be really breaking the ice." And when I was talking about distracting Gryphon, I was saying; "Amazing, the miser seems to be really warming up to him." So aside from the terrible puns I am completely innocent!

It's clear I can't trust your interactions with anyone - including each other. It may displease you to know that I've managed to solve your temperature catastrophe with some connections I have with the time industry. Anyway,

This mission was terrible! One of you seems to be in the middle of these ridiculous clashing accusations all the time. Sam! From Diaries to conspiracies, you're always in the middle of it! Talking about others behind their backs, speaking in unknown languages. I've had enough! I've informed the Grinch of your efforts to ruin his most prized possession and to end his life. He is eager to get his hands on you, and I'm afraid I must oblige him, for old time's sake. I wish you luck; you will need it. The Grinch is very ill - natured to servants who have done him no wrong. I dread to imagine what he will do to you...

Now my next move may surprise some of you. I've gained a good deal of grey hair off you lot, and we've all been very busy lately around the North Pole. I am going to attribute this unexplainable failure of late to the incredible stress you were under. So, I've decided to give you a day off of your duties as elves! Now, now, don't look so happy! I do have some instructions for you! We are going to have a North-Pole wide relaxation day. You lot are to do nothing to disturb the peace. You will remain in your residence area together and relax. You need it, and with you in there, there's a chance the rest of us may be able to relax for a change.

You got all that? Stay in the hall together, and do nothing!

Two days later...

You've gotten more done in the past hours than you have in your previous missions! You set up a boot camp and forced creatures that might have been relaxing to do various exercises while you screamed at them like drill-sergeants. There is currently a giant swamp in the middle of the reindeer-game fields. That will need some explaining. You set off my entire fireworks collection inside the castle - quite a bit of damage that was. You flooded the entire factory in warm chocolate cocoa. Apparently this was supposed to cheer me up and help me relax, since I was still busy in my office. It would have been a nice gesture in a smaller quantity...
That's just the beginning of the list... a very long list. I want explanations for everything you've done! This is just downright inexcusable! You weren't supposed to do anything!

"Well, your Majesty, it all began when I had just beaten Delthion at air hockey for the fifteenth time. He threw a huge tantrum, said that he was sick of the game, and that we should do something else. Soren suggested that we play a board game called "Wreck the North Pole". The title sounded a little iffy to me, but he assured us that it was a fictional story about implausible calamatious events occurring, and that it could never ever ever never ever happen here. He also said that it was your favorite game, and that you had introduced it to him. I still wasn't sure about it, but Delthion said that if we didn't play it he would go on a rampage outside. I figured that playing a board game about wrecking the North Pole was better than the real thing, and disobeying your orders to stay put besides, so I hastily agreed."

"Soren set up the gamepieces. Delthion was the first player. The way the game works is that you roll the dice, move your marker forward, and then pull a card from the deck that's the same color as the square. The first card read "Fireworks go off inside castle -- take another turn". About this time, we heard a very loud noise coming from the direction of your castle. It sounded like explosions, or maybe guns going off. I questioned if maybe we shouldn't stop playing and look outside, but Soren said he was sure it was nothing, and that we should keep playing. Delthion moved again, the next card reading "Water troughs overflow at Reindeer-Game-Fields. Swamp gets in the way. Move back one space." At this point I was sure I heard the sound of water running in the distance, but Delthion said I was crazy and shouldn't bring up such nonsense again."

"This game continued for some time. Sandpaw used the computer system to order us and also you some hot cocoa. Unfortunately, the '0' key got stuck and he accidentally typed in an order for a million cups. The backspace key wasn't working either (Soren likes to eat at the computer, and he's left plenty of stuff jammed in the keyboard). Delthion said to go ahead and send in the order; the order-taker would figure it out. I surmise the order-taker was off-duty, leaving the order to be processed by the automated system -- which produced massive quantities of hot cocoa to compensate for the large order."

"Eventually, Soren landed on the next-to-last square in the game we were playing. It said "Build an army". Soren said "This is the fun part". Completely against your orders, he ran outside and started screaming at various people to get in line. Delthion said, "We've got to stop him!", and ran outside, only to start doing the same thing as Soren! I looked in the hand of cards he had left behind and found a "copy" card which allowed him to jump one square ahead of Soren if he did the same thing that was on Soren's square. Meanwhile, Sandpaw just stood there and looked bewildered. I tried to get Soren and Delthion to stop what they were doing and go back inside, but it was no use. I'm deeply sorry for their failure to comply with your Majesty's simple instructions."

Your highness,it is true that I suggested that we play that game. But I was under the impression it was an innocent game. It was Delthion who used it in a reckless way. While we would play the game, he kept leaning down and text messaging someone outside the resident area. I asked him who he was texting, but he said "just some book forum". I didn't think anything of it until the events started happening outside. I was putting the pieces together in my mind when it was my turn during the bord game. I rolled the dice, and when I looked down, Delthion had his phone screen pointed toward me. It says in big, bold letters "SAY ANYTHING, AND SANDPAW DIES!" I had no idea what was going on, but I decided to not say anything, and try to act normally to prevent Sandpaw from being killed. When James started insisting that we go outside and see what was going on, I tryed to deter him. I was trying to get him to realize the position I was put in, but he wasn't noticing.
When I realized something must be done, I tryed to get away and get help from the people outside. When I ran out, I was yelling and screaming for them to help stod Del from whatever he was planning. But they all of they sudden turned and sayed "Yes, sir!" very loudly and started doing push ups! I tryed to stop them, but Del had ran out and started yelling to do more push ups.
I have no idea what he was doing this for, or what was even going on! I assure you my lord, I had no part in any on the antics of Delthion. After the events described so far, I ran back to the resident center and watched as everything unfolded. However, there was nothing I could do. Especially with me being tied up by Sandpaw. When I returned to the resident building, he grabbed me from behind and tied me to a chair. I couldn't move or get away, but had to watch helplessly for the duration of the mission. I am truly sorry for the events of this mission my lord. But that is my full and only involvement.

OOC: I'm assuming it was me that tied you up. not Del.

What has been said is true, I had no part in any of the chaos started by the game except for the cards I pulled which allowed Delthion to start wreaking the North Pole. When things started going down and Delthion and James and Soren ran outside I was so confused I could hardly do anything. Then I remembered your orders to not do anything. I knew that if we do anything stressful to yourself we would be fed to the penguins.
I grew so desperate I grabbed the first comrade I saw, which happened to be Soren, and tied us together in an desperate and not thought though attempt to escape your anger. Unfortunately after the incident with the S names I have become very good at tying and untying knots. So when Soren wanted to go break up James and Del who were locked in a fist fight with I was unable to untie the Knots due to my tying skill. We spent the next half hour rolling around and bumping into things before we got loose. Del and James were still fighting and unable to help us, when we finally got out we were called up here to answer for our chaos and your stress.

OOC: Wow, you guys don't like me do you? ;D ;D ;D ;D

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians. It is true, that I raged in a temper, but this was all being done in the language of the Miser, a language in which Gryphon had forced me to keep speaking. I had been overpowered by Gryphon's will and was forced to grant him one request, and that was to speak in the language of the misers forever. I found a cure shortly thereafter. But anyway, when I raged in anger, it was not about the game, but about the fact that Gryphon had forced me to speak in this language. I was threatening Gryphon in the language of the misers which stated: "If you do not return me to my original state, I will tell the gracious Clausian." After this Gryphon paled and quickly said that he would play the game and when I tried to tell Soren by showing him my phone with the writing, it was also written in the language of the misers, and it said: "Gryphon forced me to speak in the language of the misers." This Soren didn't understand and was quiet for the rest of the game. When I ran out and yelled for them to keep doing push-ups I was saying that they needed to stop Gryphon from doing everything. But they didn't understand me. I was only in a fist fight to try and force Gryphon to give me back my lingual controls. Gryphon had said the password in a whisper, to fire the fireworks inside it worked and it was set off. I was in no part doing actually doing any of those actions.

OOC: This is mild. Just look back earlier in this game -- for a while it was nothing but attacks on me.

"To claim that I somehow 'forced' him to speak a language is stretching things a bit. What happened is that Soren made a comment about a former servant saying nasty things, then always claiming that he meant it as a compliment in a different language. I said, "What different languages did he use, anyway?" Delthion got out his foreign language phrasebooks, and started looking for the phrases. While he flipped through them, I saw one that read "You must speak the language of the Misers forever", pointed it out, and said, "Isn't that a bit of a ridiculous thing to include in a phrasebook?" Delthion started acting very strangely after that. Soren brought out the game at that time; I reacted as I already mentioned. Then Delthion said, "I'll eat live reindeer if we don't play the game". I was horrified at the idea of his eating your Majesty's reindeer, and as mentioned, thought that playing the game was certainly preferable to Delthion's craziness."

As far as "whispering" anything, claiming that I deliberately set off fireworks is ludicrous. Soren had started playing a song on his RunElf, and I started to sing along under my breath. Little did I know that Sandpaw had set up a microphone to record me doing this. They had heard me singing in the shower on a previous mission, and apparently thought it would be hilarious to record me singing at the next opportunity. I'm not sure why Soren played a song with lyrics that were the same as your top-secret fireworks password, or even how he knew that password to begin with -- it's supposed to be classified knowledge -- but I'm in no way responsible for this, or for Sandpaw setting up the microphone to broadcast to the entire North Pole."

"Whatever Delthion claimed to be saying in some other language that I didn't know, the effect of his communication was that the bystanders were being worked up into a frenzy. I had to stop him, and given how unreasonable he was being, refusing to listen to anything I tried to say, fisticuffs seemed to be the most efficient way to do it. Finally, I'll mention that Sandpaw might've been more effective at untying Soren, if he hadn't been simultaneously using a camera to record us fighting -- I think he said something about it being necessary to boost his meTube channel's rating."

OOC: Agreed, that's why I was backing off until everyone threw everything at me. ;D

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians, when I said "I'll eat live reindeer." It was a phrase that he should know to express your great hunger, but then my phone rang, for some reason LT got it into his head to record something ludicrous and recorded "If we don't play this game." The problem was that he had used a voice changer which he bought off of the black market and put my voice into it which he must have recorded from somewhere. He also whispered to Soren; "If you don't do everything I say then everyone will die." After this to avoid any other embarrassment I triple checked every known language for this phrase using my supercomputer. It didn't match up with anything except what he said in plain English.

OOC: Sorry James but I was tied up with Soren,


BIC: Mr Santa to say that I threatened Soren is an understatement, we were trying to find the worst threat imaginable because I was bored with the game wreck the North Pole and Soren was poking me in the back. Soren was never affected by my threats and just spat worse ones back so we turned it into a threat challenge. As for Delthion claiming I used some kind of device to mimic his voice is true, however he was the one speaking in miser which I do not know and he was also the one texting the codes to wreak the Pole. As you know Mr Santa as you know I no longer have a phone to text with so I had no possible way to start the... incidents. As for James saying I was recording his song was true, He has an amazing singing voice.

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians. I was texting codes, but they were only due to my phone's stupid autocorrecter, and for some reason LT had been playing with it and set the language to your codes so whatever I typed, it translated into one of your codes.

"Goodness, I can't imagine what sort of board game this was that it compelled you to do the actions on the cards. Such things have never been seen in this area." Jasper shuddered before continuing. "We can only assume this game is possessed by some dark higher power, a thing of darkness and terrible glory. I will wreak terrible vengeance on one who would bring such a dispicable thing into the presence of my home. Who's game was it again? Oh yes... Soren's. He seems to be quite the troublemaker."

"Well Soren, I must say I am quite appalled as to the fact that you would bring such a thing to the Pole. I can not speak of how appalled I am that you forced my servants to take part in it. For this reason, I've determined to punish you above the others. I am worried of the effect killing or propagating the death of one with dark connections like you, so you will live. However, I don't want you anywhere around here so... *presses a button and pulls a large lever* you will be beamed into open space, where you will live for the rest of your miserable life. Let it be a lesson to any who dare fail me again," said Jasper with a glowering look at the remaining servants. He pressed a final button and Soren, who had been fading up to this point, disappeared entirely.

"So few of you left... Well, I suppose it's really for the best; the other servants would not have helped my cause with their presence. Not that any of you have, of course. I won't tolerate much more of this behavior. Consider yourself warned."

Luckily, I have another way to give my subjects some relaxation: sending you a long way from here! We will enjoy another day of rest, this time with actual rest. You lot will be sent into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You see, some years ago, there was a scourging storm, and one of my sleds went off course. Apparently the Elves on board were stranded for a long while. They named the place "Neverland" and apparently were forced to eat their reindeer to survive, thus giving them the power of flight. There are Pirates, Indians and dangerous mermaids on this island, as well as a vicious crocodile. As you know, elves are short and young-looking, so the occupants think they are lost little boys inhabiting the island. They are former members of the North Pole, however, so I need to get them back as soon as possible! You will carry out the rescue mission. I don't trust you with my equipment, so I will only be providing you with a small wooden Dinghy. Rowing across the ocean will take awhile, a fact that I'm counting on. I will see you in a few months. Hahahah! ... Oh, and don't fail me again!"

A few months later...

Well, the details of this failure a bit more sketchy to me, since the news doesn't cover the unknown island. I have heard they are blaming a Russian nuclear test site for the massive explosion in the Pacific though. You brought back a single survivor from my former team, and he told me some... bad things about you. Apparently you've been going mad all throughout the island, doing all sorts of horrible things. Run-ins with Pirates, (complete with sinking their ship), wrestling matches with Indians, ridiculous problems with you lot trying to swim after the mermaids (don't you know they're dangerous?!) and you somehow turned the Crocodile into a massive pile of Asparagus. Explain yourselves.

OOC: Well, I had a good run.

OOC: I could have sworn that he was going to kick me...

Most gracious and benevolent of all of the esteemed Clausians, it is true that we did foul things up a bit. But it was LT that talked us into first going to Russia asking for supplies, being that its climate is very near our own. Gryphon and I said that this was never part of the plan but then LT showed us a picture of you being tied up with a gun held to your head, and said that if we didn't go to Russia he would give the order to kill Jasper Claus. I checked this against all dictionaries of all of the languages in existence and no phrase matches it except English. So we went to Russia, and as payment we agreed to take a Russian scientist and his team along with his equipment to the island in exchange for a ship. We arrived at the island and LT saw the mermaids and he suddenly dived in for no apparent reason, naturally Gryphon and I tried to bring him back by diving in ourselves, unfortunately I am a very weak swimmer and I had to go back, Gryphon said that he understood and continued following LT, eventually he caught him and brought him back to the ship. Then we ran into the pirates vessel. While Gryphon was talking to them and it was going well, he told them that he was bringing industry to the island and jobs and gold for all! Anyway, while he was doing this, LT sneaked over to the large guns fastened on the deck of the ship, it happened to be a destroyer, and fired at the pirate ship, obliterating it in one shot. We were appalled, even the Russian scientist! Then when we landed we came across some Indians, who were occupying the place where we were going to build the nuclear reactor. They refused, but LT said that if he could defeat their chief in a wrestling match the Indians would leave and if LT lost we would leave. He started and immediately started cheating, he won, but the Indians saw that LT was cheating but LT denied this, then they began their ritual to sacrifice LT to their sun god. Even though LT did all of these things we could not leave him to the Indians, so we rescued him and found another site for the nuclear reactor. But the crocodile was there the scientist said that it could stay there for experimentation, he quickly assembled the nuclear reactor and then accidentally spilled some chemicals on the crocodile, turning it into a pile of asparagus. Apparently they had built a sentient nuclear reactor and it was allergic to asparagus, it was set to meltdown in ten minutes, we scrambled to get the Elves onto the ship, we needed to let two people stay behind with the Elves to allow more room for them on the boat. LT didn't know how to row a boat, and I didn't either, so Gryphon rowed the boat, but LT was scared of the island, so he insisted to come along, we explained why he couldn't but he wouldn't listen to reason, so he went with no elf, then seven minutes later, Gryphon said that they could take one more and me. The remaining Elves flew over to the destroyer, but the reactor went through meltdown, and triggered an explosion of a hidden deposit of TNT, this blew up the ship and sent LT flying into our boat, forcing us to row for our lives, then we arrived here. So most gracious overlord, it was all LT's fault.

OOC: Dear Lord... James I feel your pain.


BIC: Mr Santa sir... where do I begin, first Delthion is saying it's all James fault, and now he's saying it's all my fault. Well Sir it's a long story spanning several months of hardship and pain, even betrayal by my comrades. You see sir Delthion very conveniently and very confusingly summed up this story leaving out all of his own mistakes and issues.

What happened was this, fifteen days into our journey I began noticing we were running out of supplies before we were half way there. Delthion had taken to getting up in the middle of the night and snaking leaving us dangerously low on food and water. We were very close to my original homeland of Russia so I suggested stopping and getting some extra supplies and a better boat. Of course Delthion had to argue and disagree with everything I said. I think he was seasick and cabin sick bored and ready to be done. Where he came up with the very idea I would be capable of tying you up and threatening your life to control him makes no sense. For one if I was even able to consider doing such a thing to one as powerful as your self sir I wouldn't bother threatening elf Del. As for the picture and the threat, well the picture was his own photo shopped creation that he had texted me on my new phone. The threat I made was later on when me and James were having another worst threat contest.

When we got to Russia which was very close by our current location only a day out of the way, I met my old comrade Ivan. He agreed to help us and even bring a better ship along, he is a big part of the anti whalers and he was a scientist.

We reached the island much faster thanks to Ivan's ship and even enjoyed our voyage, when we finally reached the island I jumped over board. The reason for this action was because I had dropped my new phone over the side and into the water while trying to take a picture, I dove after it being a very skilled simmer and not noticing my comrades jump in after me. Then one of the rude mermaids grabbed my phone and began swimming off with it, even swimming as fast as I could I couldn't catch them. eventually giving up I swam back to the boat only stopping to save Delthion from drowning.

Later when we had spotted the pirate ship we all agreed that the best bet was to talk with them rather then blowing them out of the water. We decided that James would be the best diplomat allowing him to use his skills he learned in Iraq. It was going well when I noticed Del making faces at a group of pirates. When they realized he was making fun of them they swam over to kill him. While Del ran and hid in the cabins me and several of the Russian's with us fought off the pirates. One escaped and told his captain of the battle. The captain decided to kidnap the unsuspecting James and hold him as a hostage. I had no choice while some of the Russians snatched James off the deck and brought him back to our ship. I used an old anti whaler ship destroyer guns and blew the pirate ship sky high. Everyone was angry especially Delthion who had just come out of hiding, he tried to threaten James into agreeing with him but James just laughed him off. My friend Ivan wanted to cover up the killing of hundreds of pirates to protect me, so we spent several hours cleaning up the wreckage.

Later when we started exploring the Island itself we came across a massive Indian village. My friend Ivan did a little black mail and asked to use the site as a plant for his nuclear reactor company he owned. He claimed since he had helped cover up my mass murder I should help him build a plant. Unable to deny my old comrade I agreed and we approached the village rather uneasy.

Once in we learned that the pirates had captured two Indian warriors and held them on their ship, they had died in the explosion killing the Indians inside. Like a fool Delthion had began telling his story of valor of how he had slain everyone on board the ship. Angry the Indians demanded blood by combat, Del who is not skilled in combat volunteered James how volunteered me because I had actually been the one to finish the pirates. I also got the Indians to agree to leave if I won the wrestling match.

Luckily I knew some martial arts and bested their greatest warrior easily. However I had no idea I wasn't supposed to use my teeth and they claimed I had cheated. I was then swarmed by Indians and doomed to fall when James and Ivan rescued me using AK's while Del threw pebbles from the background apparently claiming to not know how to use a gun.

We then found a new site for Ivan's reactor site allowing us to go search for your elves. We found them quickly and began  loading them into Ivan's ship. Unfortunately somehow a crocodile had been turned into asparagus an it was bad for the reactor which was supposed to explode. For some reason Del seemed to think there was not enough room on board for everyone. When questioned he would only say two have to stay behind. Desperate to hurry I told him we were all going to die if we stayed here. I think he was trying to get me killed and insisted I should stay here. Angry I told him we could just sit them on the destroyer for the time being and get away and sort things out later.

we were unable to get the boat far enough away from the island in time and The explosion killed most of your elves and badly wounded me. I was lucky to land near Ivan's ship and we got away safely. Well most of us. Later we found out that Del wanted us off the ship so he could hide all the mermaids he had brought onboard and hidden in the cabins. We threw them off but sadly we were unable to save the other elves.

So Mr Santa sir we went back to Russia and Ivan gave our boat back and we came back here. And Sir I would like you to know I never threatened James or Delthion during that entire trip unless we were doing a contest, and neither did Ivan. And that sir is what really happened during that ill fated voyage.

OOC: Major walls of text... now I know what Daniel and Tagg felt like in IX. Some of it is a little confusing, too. I did the best I could.
Edit note: changed wording of first sentence

"I didn't disagree with the idea of getting new supplies, since we were dangerously low on them, no thanks to Delthion. I objected to the idea of using your money to obtain a new boat, though, which LT Sandpaw had meant to do. He said, "Surely Jaspy Claus didn't really mean for us to be stuck in this rowboat. Let's buy the biggest and most expensive thing they have in St. Petersburg. We can do it; I know Jaspy's secret account numbers." I was displeased with both this disrespect and misuse of your resources, and said so, but Sandpaw waved me off, saying, "Jaspycakes won't mind a bit." I found this remark very creepy, and figuring that I was dealing with a deranged individual, was careful to avoid offending him unnecessarily for the rest of the mission, even playing his ridiculous 'worst threat' game to keep him occupied. I figured that we could stop in Russia, since it was the closest place for supplies, but that I would take action at that time to prevent wasting your valuable money."

"We were buying supplies when Sandpaw literally bumped into Ivan. I tried to tell LT, but he wouldn't stay still long enough to listen -- Ivan is known in diplomatic circles as "the Terrible". He's renowned for blackmail, paramilitary operations, and assassinating everyone that might talk about the above. LT had already agreed to everything, so, fearing that we might be bumped off early if we didn't cooperate, I agreed to the plan previously mentioned, hoping that the elves we rescued could help us turn the tables on him."

"The mission went along as described by these others, with me doing just enough to keep us in our hosts' good graces. Delthion had figured out that Ivan was crooked by the time we got to the island, and began passive resistance. I tried to tell him that there were better ways of getting things done, but he just stuck his fingers in his ears and said "I can't hear you". When we were rescuing Sandpaw, Delthion apparently thought this was to Ivan's benefit, hence his throwing ineffective pebbles instead of helping. You'll have to ask him how helping one of your servants escape wasn't paramount."

"Anyway, I saw the reactor assembly after it had been put together. It looked fine, and should have worked, except that Delthion took a piece of it and threw it into an incinerator. I guess that was the asparagus-proofer, because a minute later Ivan screamed and said that the reactor was going to explode and kill us all in fifteen seconds. Fortunately, I was able to prevent this from happening by a jury-rigged repair involving a pencil, six double-A batteries, and a towel. The reactor would melt down, but it wouldn't immediately kill us all. Ivan was so grateful for my saving his life that he promised his complete cooperation in accomplishing our mission and safe return. I knew that he never broke his promises, and used this to plan our rescue."

"We could have gotten away in time, using Ivan's ship, and saved the lives of all of the elves, but as mentioned before, Delthion stored mermaids onboard. Getting those off took so much time that we couldn't load your servants in time to get the ship out of the blast radius, and they were killed in the explosion. I have no clue why Delthion thought that bringing vicious, elf-eating, nuclear-proof mermaids on the ship was a good idea, or why he prioritized this over the safety of your servants. He will have to explain that."

Mr Santa sir, I must insist that even though Ivan has a rather dark past, that he is a great friend of mine and would never betray me or leave my friends behind. Granted he will use you for all your worth if he can get something out of it but he will never leave you after he's gotten everything he can.
As for my remarks about yourself sir are inexcusable, I admit I was a little cabin sick and tired from all the rowing Because Del wouldn't take his turn. However I was completely sane.

OOC: James, I already said that I tried to help LT but I was a very weak swimmer. :)

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians, it is true that I threw a piece of the reactor into the incinerator. But what they didn't know is that I was being threatened by the Indians, if I did not try to blow up the reactor, everyone except LT would die, they said to me (an exact quote in the proper language.) That LT was helping them because he wanted to become the Claus of the southern hemisphere. The only reason I was sneaking into the supplies at night was because LT had poisoned me and said that if I didn't constantly eat I would die. LT was with the mermaids, and previously Ivan who was working with LT said if I didn't store several of them in the ship, he would throw the nuclear reactor into our vessel and remain on the island. The reason I would not take my turn rowing was because the mermaids that were there were attacking anyone who wasn't LT, he had been flirting with them for no reason, and convinced them to hate every other living being on the planet. Anyway, they became insanely jealous and wouldn't let anyone but LT row!

OOC: Ah but I already mentioned I never threatened you or James outside the competitions, So most of that isn't possible.

BIC: Mr. Clause sir his excuses are becoming more ridiculous by the second. Clearly the Indians wanted me dead very badly and by convincing Delthion to destroy the reactor it would kill me. At that point the Indians seriously hated me and would never work for or with me, They hated me.

OOC: But I already said that they were helping you, and they threatened me, not you. Right?

OOC: I don't know man, this games rules are complicated, I'm going to say that in light of the mermaids it was still your idea because I can't threaten you, but the food poisoning is something I did, that wok for you?

OOC: The mermaids was something that Ivan did...

OOC: Riiight okay you know what were just going to role with it sorry about this Jasper :(


BIC: Mr Santa sir please realize I had no idea the mermaids were on board the ship, however the elf Delthion knew they were on and instead of just warning me of their presence he attempted to keep me from entering the ship. 

Most gracious and benevolent of all of the esteemed Clausians, while it is true that I was preventing LT from gaining entrance to the ship, it was only because he had accidentally gotten the reactor caught on his jacket, I tried to tell him this but he was busy talking with the mermaids, then when I stopped he would try to gain access again, then when I would try to tell him what was going on he would go back to talking with the mermaids.

Delthion, if I am to understand this correctly, you got my elves killed by running around with mermaids! Honestly, I understand why that would seem like a good idea, but you need to learn to put the mission first. Unfortunately, the time of learning has long been over.  The island, as you may guess, is a nuclear shock zone right now. Severe radiation and mutant animals cover the whole place. Delthion, I will be sending you back to the island. Hopefully you will soak up a good portion of the radiation before you mutate and possibly die. It's for the good of the community there - I'm sure you'll understand.

As Delthion dissolved with the push of a lever, Jasper turned to his last two servants. Both of you have been better than my other servants, although you must admit your efforts have been only slightly past useless. However, I have something important to tell you.

Long ago I was given the choice of any universe to travel to - all I had to do was pick. I chose this one, and I don't regret it a bit. What I didn't know, is that it works in a way similar to human airport scanners. As you may have heard, human airport scanners supposedly cause cancer. This effect is similar to the effect of changing universes, except universe changing magnifies it. I have switched universes many times using... well that's of no concern to you. I am afraid I am deeply depleted, and the time must soon come when I succumb to the disease.

I need a replacement. And I've decided that.....

...


...


...


Another version of me must take my place. (Wipe those silly looks of anticipation of your faces!) Now, this other version of me is currently a reindeer, but when he travels here, I've arranged for him to be transformed to replace me. We need to convince him to come. That's where you come in. You will compose a short poem praising and glorifying this reindeer version of me, I particularly like rhymes, and it must be made by you alone. Once you give me your poems, I will submit them to the reindeer. If he likes one of them, and comes, I will grant that writer access to my equipment. Any universe you want to be in... at your fingerprints. I expect to see your submissions soon!

PS: PM them to me! That way you don't get influence off the others poem.  :P I will post both when I have them.

PPS: I will take how funny the poem is into account.  :)

OOC: A poem you got to be serious, ah James you any good at poetry because I'm not, I will try my best though...

OOC: Well done LT, I thought I had victory in my grasp at my last post, I'm not sure where Jasper saw that, but well done!

OOC: GG to you too *high five* I thought I was toast

OOC: I thought you were too! ;D

OOC: Yes. It was incredibly close. I decided to go with the one who most directly ruined the mission :P

OOC: that's cool, I suppose all's fair in love and war. BTW Jasper when do need the poems praising a certain deer?

OOC: Sent mine in.

OOC: Seriously that was fast! :o

James Gryphon

O dear Jasper deer master
It compels me to say
faster than blasters
your hooves move to-day.

Your majestic frame, mighty it be,
puts to shame any who slight thee.
Eyes seeing all, mind shining bright,
will see what is wrong and set it all right.

Great in size, great in mind,
greatly wise and great with hind.
Antlers sharp as swords and long as spears,
drive all wrong to roar in fear.

Unbeatable in all you do,
we all aspire to be like you.
O Jasper so great who art afar
please come to us and rule as Czar.


LT Sandpaw



"Next to our Dasher?"
"He is definitely faster."
"Challenged by Donner?"
"Man, Donner's a goner,"
"Out loved by Cupid?"
"That is leveled at stupid."
"Over shot by Prancer?"
"It's like he's a dancer."
"Ever seen Dancer? "
"No point to answer."
"Friendly as Blitzen?"
"He will easily mix in."
"Powerful as Comet?"
"He's easily Dominate."
"Brave as Vixen?"
"He's never chicken."
"According to you he is greater,
Then all of the eight tiny reindeer.
But better is he,
Then the one of our dreams.
Great Rudolph the king of all deer?"
"Of course I do,
And many others do too.
Red-nosed is no match for his sheen,
Can poor Rudolph's nose... glow green?"

"Hmmm... Both are very strong submissions. I will consult the great reindeer version of me. "

...Later

"Well gentle-elves, I have a decision. Jasper Claus dramatically walked to his board of levers. One of you will soon get the opportunity to travel wherever you want - likely you will become an Overlord wherever you go.

Honestly I am quite glad to be rid of you. There are worldwide searches for the ones responsible for the catastrophes of late, and the sooner you are gone the better.

I must admit this wasn't what I envisioned when all of this got star..." *BOOM*

A massive explosion rocked the factory, and dozens of figures in black poured in. Bullets ricocheted around the factory. Jasper yanked a lever hastily, removing the bonds restraining Sandpaw and Gryphon. He tossed each of them guns and began waving his hands at the opening. Huge blasts of ice screamed and crunched, and several dark figures went down.

"Don't worry, I haven't traveled around the universes for nothing! I can handle this! However, no one will be safe when I unleash everything I've got! I've set up a dimension shifter in the office! Get over there fast! Only one can pass through, my best luck to you both!"

Sandpaw and James began sprinting for the room. A stray shot hit James in the shoulder and he went down. Sandpaw hesitated and then ran back for him. With much effort, both elves made the office. The shifter was like a large potato. Just big enough for one to fit in. Sandpaw and James looked at each other in horror. Each gestured for the other to go, and as they delayed, the factory walls began to ice over, and shuddered. The reindeer that had been called stood on two legs in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall. Apparently he was completely unconcerned about the current situation. He noticed their turmoil and laughed.

"Jasper never mentioned the punishment for failing." He nodded towards a sparking portal next to him. "For you to pass, one of you must jump in here. It disrupts the dimensions and allows another to pass through. I'm fairly certain the one who does that dies. We've been throwing in monkeys, but in the absence of any... well, I'm sure you get the idea."

Sandpaw opened his mouth to speak when a blinding light flashed and the portal vanished, James had jumped through!

He turned to the reindeer, but he just smiled, and gestured towards the potato-shifter.

Sandpaw shook his head and climbed in. A small universe opened up before him. The planets were all at his grasp, all he has to do was touch one. He reached out and... Well, that's another story for another time.

I hope you have all enjoyed this round of Overlord's Orders! I know it wasn't quite as good as it may have been with someone more adequate running the show, but I like to think it was good enough!

I followed the example of James in making the random number generator decide the winner. One player did have a higher chance of winning, and I hope you are all happy with the end result.  ;D

I hope to join you in some future round, but for now, I think my time here is over and done.

You both have my congratulations and best wishes for the future.

Sincerely:

~Jaspa~  ;)

I win!!! I sure hope I did otherwise I'm going to look like a fool, but yay! Good Game James, Soren, and Delthion and everyone else!

When is the next one made? I really want to join...

I'm not too sure how it works but I think I'm the next Overlord so I create the next one, I'll make sure with James before I do however.

You won; OOXIII is yours.

I think this past round was one of the best ever -- Jasper's reign was a breath of fresh air for everyone. He learned from the mistakes of past Overlords, brought a lot of new ideas to the game, and made it so that anybody could pick it up and play. The ending definitely caught me off guard; writing a poem was a unique challenge, something that we haven't seen the likes of for a long time.

Also congratulations to other players; I was happy with the final four, and felt like we got a lot of good contributions from everyone.

Finally, a couple of my favorite quotes not written by me from the round:

Quote from: MaskJames told me I wasn't being convincing and to use my "girl skills" to get the oafs to wear the skins. I attempted this, commenting on how "utterly cute" they would be in polar bear skins.

Quote from: SorenWhen I realized something must be done, I tryed to get away and get help from the people outside. When I ran out, I was yelling and screaming for them to help stod Del from whatever he was planning. But they all of they sudden turned and sayed "Yes, sir!" very loudly and started doing push ups! I tryed to stop them, but Del had ran out and started yelling to do more push ups.

This one was my personal favorite I couldn't stop laughing when I read this ;D

Quote from: James Gryphon on January 06, 2015, 08:31:44 PM
"Let me do my fellow servants a favor and paraphrase what they said. 'OOOH OOOH IT'S ALL JAMES FAULT OOOK OOK EEK EEK.'"

Yes, same here.

Good game LT!

Yay! Good Job LT! Hehe James we did say that.  :P we did want to eliminate you early, so it would be easier later on. It didn't work.  ;D

Mainly due to my selfish ambition to attempt to have a duel with Gryphon at the end. I apologize comrades... ;D

I understood the logic, it was just a little frustrating at the time when it seemed like every post was attacking me. Fortunately, that frustration motivated a creative response. :)

That said, though, the thing about OO is that a great player can find a way out of any accusation. When you go after a guy like that, he'll just find a way to turn it back against you. After I got over my writer's block, the main trouble I had was fitting my defense into 750 words (I didn't count, but I think y'all used considerably more than that pinning blame on me) ;).

Yeah, but what was really frustrating was how you just flawlessly turned it all against us... ;D

Congrats Sandpaw!