Overlord's Orders XII

[Maudie]

I would be honored to join, Overlord.

[Jasper]

Registrations are closed. I am glad each of you is able to play, and I hope you have fun in this round

Sirens blared loudly, and a deafening "Kachunk, Kachunk" sound in the background shook the air unceasingly, accompanied by the screeching and grinding of mechanical saws, hammers and machinery. None of this seemed to bother a figure dressed in red and white, as he pored over an impressive array of official documents and files. The figure pulled out an red marker, marked a large X over a thick file, and tossed it to the side of his desk. He tapped a big red button in the center, and the siren blared with renewed intensity. Several smaller figures marched into the office and began to clear the files thrown to the side: stacking them up and marching out. The sounds of sirens and machinery died out at last, and Overlord Jasper took off his hat and sighed.

He loved his job, and had chosen it over all others, but that was another story for another time. Now another matter, one that he had been looking forward to all day, deserved his attention. He set down his last file and the last sounds of the factory petered out.

"Quitting time. Always the best, and worst, time of the day, Jasper murmured to himself.

He turned and looked around cheerfully at the blank faces of the nine figures contained in front of him. Each one had his or her legs latched to the floor, and arms latched to a bar above them. These latches could only be released by a lever on the left side of the Overlord's desk, but he had no intention of releasing them. Yet.

"Hello there. You're probably wondering why I have summoned you here, considering that your work today in the factory is done. Well, you're about to find out."

"As you know, this is the busiest time of the year for our ... business. You see, Christmas is only days away and, as Santa Clause, I am terribly busy with more important things than you. That's why I'll get straight to the point: I have a job for you. You have proven yourselves loyal and efficient servants in the factory, but this is a far more important job than that. The success of Christmas itself depends on you, and you can prove yourselves, and each one of you can become much more than just another elf in the factory."

"The task is relatively simple. You see, the Grinch has stepped up his game this year. He has hired mercenaries, thieves and built a mechsuit. He is out to steal Christmas at all costs, and I'm talking about a direct assault on the factory. You lot are to go to his home up on Mount Everest and settle the situation diplomatically. He plays an integral role in cutting the roast beast at the feast, and it wouldn't due to upset him to the point of war. Just convince him of the power of Christmas and bring him back so we can have the great Pre - Christmas feast! I will use some of my Christmas magic to teleport you to the base of the mountain - I would teleport you to the top, but The Grinch has power of his own, and I'm afraid he has summoned a great cloud to block any attempt at such a thing."

Jasper reached across to his computer and clicked once, and the servants in front of him dissolved into snowflakes.

A day or two later...

"When I said I wanted you to prove yourselves, I meant in a good way! We will have to cancel the feast, because the roast beast will certainly not be cut, as is tradition, in the current state of things! I have word that a massive avalanche at Mount Everest has wiped out climbing camps and small outposts! What on earth were you doing in the Mechsuit firing torpedoes at the mountainside? In addition, The Grinch has declared all out war on this factory, and my best diplomats are having trouble even getting an audience with him! What possessed you to try to devour his original slice of roast beast? He has saved it from the very first Christmas we had together! He might well manage to steal Christmas thanks to you terrible elves! Explain yourselves.

[Delthion]

Most gracious and kind of the Clausians, it is no fault of mine that the Grinch has been made to be irritated! It is the work of the Gryphon, he said that we should leave it to him as he used to be the Ambassador of Iraq, obviously, he has not seen much action because as soon as he entered and said good day, the Grinch flung him out of the mountain, apparently in a language known only to the Grinch, the Gryphon had called him a "Useless oaf," I had seen a dictionary and looked up what Gryphon said. Then the Grinch used the Mechsuit to bombard him and the mountain, we managed to escape but then the mountain came crashing down! We tried desperately to calm the Grinch but to no avail, he went on bombarding all of the surrounding countryside and I was forced to flee.

[Søren]

Sir, not only did James do that, but he also grabbed the slice of beast and shoved it down his mouth, for what reason, I don't know.
I was trying to stop him, but he shoved me and told me that he hated the mission. When Deletion ran, I had to follow because James had accord a weapon at some point. He had a lead pipe and threw it at me. the Grinch was attacking us as well, so me and Del ran for our lives.

[Kitsune]

((OOC: I had a really long thing typed that I had to delete now... oh well.))

[James Gryphon]

OOC: If you're a long writer (like me), the thing to do is check who's online -- if another guy is posting, then you have to wait until he's done, then react. I've been ninja'd like three times before.

"Here we go," Gryph said, somewhat abrasively. "Blame it all on me, and ignore the entire reason I had to do those things in the first place."

"The reason why I had become the Iraqi ambassador is because I could spend most of my time in a warm climate. The slightest bit of winter weather makes me sick, so when your Majesty told me we were going to visit the Grinch, I knew I wasn't going to like the mission. Nevertheless I soldiered on, and determined to use my diplomatic knowledge to make sure it was a success."

"Unfortunately, I wasn't familiar with the Grinch's language. Delthion assured me that he had a Grinch language dictionary, and coached me in what I should say. I'm a speed-reader, so I would have preferred to look at the dictionary myself, but he refused to let me look at it, saying only "It would confuse you". When I insisted on reading it, he instead handed it to Tagg, who threw it off of the mountain we were climbing. I wasn't sure at all whether the phrase Delthion gave me would be good, but I went ahead with it, since he seemed so emphatic about it, and I assumed he wouldn't deliberately cause the mission to fail. Well, we can see what came of that."

"As for the slice of beast, normally I would have never eaten it, but in this case, I knew that it was poisoned. I had heard psybox and Sam murmuring amongst themselves as we climbed the mountain. I didn't think much of it, but right before we entered the Grinch's reception chamber, I heard Sam say, "Let's make sure that it can kill him". Well, later on, psybox took a vial out of his pocket, and poured it all over the slice of beast. There was a chemical reaction, and then poisonous fumes started coming off of the slice. I knew that it was a choice between the Grinch getting fatally poisoned by anti-Grinch gas, or my eating it and getting gravely ill, so I ate it. Soren tried to stop me, and I don't blame him for that; he didn't know any better. I commented "I hate this mission" because I was already sick, and knew how much worse it was going to get after I ingested poison."

"As for the lead pipe, it might've looked menacing, but I wasn't using it as a weapon. I had actually found it on the snow. It had come from the dam system that was supposed to prevent avalanches on the mountain. I knew that the dam was in danger of breaking, and threw the lead pipe at Soren, who was closest to the dam, hoping that he would put it back in its place. Instead of doing that, he ran away. I tried to fix it myself, but it was too late; before I could do anything, the dam broke, and the avalanche started."

"I hope this account will make it more clear to your Majesty who is actually to blame for this fiasco."

[Delthion]

Most gracious and wise of all the Clausians: Actually, I did not give Gryphon that word, I gave it to LT, who was asking what is the worst insult in the language of the Grinch, I told him that but he wouldn't believe me, I yelled it at him several times after this, I didn't hear Gryphon ask for it, I am very sorry for our carelessness in this situation.

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

"Well, that certainly was a fanciful way of explaining things thus far. Really, the sensible way of looking at the whole situation is to begin with the first mistake anyone made: Smearing the dictionary with the worlds highest grade of honey. Afterall, Mt. Everest's bees are notorious for loving honey of all kinds and having a particular fancy for that kind. We were attacked quickly, and I of course was given the dictionary by Delthion instead of Plugg Firetail taking responsible for his smearing attack. I tossed the book off the mountain the second I saw any bees. The bees are terrible enemies of, well, everyone, but especially people who deny them access to honey. It was when Plugg again brought out his jar of honey that things really went downhill. Soon, he ran and smeared an entire dam with the stuff, and a swarm of bees were soon dislodging parts of the dam, none crucial but an item previously mentioned by my compatriots. Sam, for his part, also realized what a serious problem this was, and tried to ward off the bees. Tripping and fallling into the jar of honey however was probably not his plan, but it had an effect on the situation. The bees were not to be seen but by him for the rest of the mission.

"Plugg  having a fascination with honey was even more of a problem than that.  I have reason to believe he was trying to contact a special agent. It should also be noted, my Lord, that in that moment he seemed to be laughing at something a hedge just said. That is alarming since hedges are generally of a pro-Grinch sentiment around the mountain and plateau, since they've suffered many casualties recently."

[SilentSam]

As for me and psybox putting poison into the  beast, well Soren  almost had us pushed off the mountain. But he let us live if we put poison into the ham and killed the grinch, since Soren doesn't like grinches. Also the honey, was Soren. He tripped me when I tried to ward the bees off, and thus I feel into the honey. Please forgive me O great overlord.

[Søren]

Your graciousness, it is true that I had Sam and psybox drink a substance, but it wasn't poison.
You see, Delthions had told us the words that each of us needed to brush up on, in order to translate into the Grinches language. Mine was "BBQ sauce" which translated into pioson (actual pronouciation). Sam and psybox were refusing to try it, but I needed an impartial party to test if my sauce. They thought I ment poison, and started acting hystericaly. I just put the sauce on the beast, and that's when the chain of events started. I assure you, besides what's been established here, I have no knowledge not any involvement in any affairs that are against your will.

[LT Sandpaw]

Mr. Santa sir, What has been said about me is true, I did ask for the worst insult in the Grinch history from Delthion because I wanted to insult Sam without hurting any of the other elves feelings, As you know Sir we are very sensitive to insults and I didn't want any of them getting agitated beyond reason. And the only reason I wanted to insult Sam was because he kept putting snow down the back of my jacket, and he wouldn't stop.
When we reached the mountain James accused me of being on the naughty list for three minutes in the past, and that I wasn't trusted with these delicate negotiations, I was waiting outside with the gift sack for the Grinch as a peace offering with Plugg when the Grinch came out like a maniac cashing the other elves in a Mech suit. Me and Plugg ran and while fleeing for our lives he was laughing at my attempts to not lose all the toys. He tried to contact a friend of his to collect them later knowing his friend had good relations with the Grinch.

While the others were trying to appease the Grinch I was buried under piles of snow from the avalanche, and I have no idea what was going on. It took Plugg several hours to dig me out, being the only one willing to do so. By the time it was time he got me out the others had fled and went into hiding, we only just managed to get off the mountain and get back here to report to you sir.

[Maudie]

Oh Great Overlord, I do not consider myself at all to blame for the failure of this mission. Whether the others agree is yet to be seen.
You see, my lord, I was assisting the Gryphon in trying to negotiate with the Grinch. I did not see the poison that was put in the roast beast. All I saw was that James suddenly sprang up and stuffed it in his mouth! When I heard the Grinch's roar of rage, I grabbed James, who was beginning to look a little green, and told everyone to leave. They must have misheard me, and confusion ensued.

(OOC: Sorry if that does not concur with the other accounts. Reading them was confusing me.)

[Jasper]

Enough! While you have all done an admirably horrific job of carrying out my orders, I am Santa, and I hold my servants to certain qualities. I can forgive this failure, but I will not so easily forgive the next one. This is a business, not a place for you elves to mess around. You nearly killed a centuries-old Grinch! Be careful next time! Now, back to the qualities I hold my servants to. I expect effort, at the very least. Indeed, next time I may expect more than effort. This time, however, one of you contributed nothing to the situation: Psybox!

A blazing light blinded everyone and when they looked back at Psybox's spot, nothing was there!

"Now, now. You're fellow elf is fine, no need to worry. I've beamed him to an enclosure at the zoo. The pig enclosure, in fact. He will eat pig slop and blend in by covering himself in mud and filth. Let that be a warning to you if you should dare fail me again!

Now, as much as I will likely regret this, I have another task for you. As you know, the reindeer aren't quite as fast as they used to be, and we've had to split the trip. Now five sleighs split the world into five parts for the trip. You lot are to create your own sled, assemble a team of reindeer and ride to bring presents to all the girls and boys. If you should fail the consequences will be dire. You cannot allow this to slip through your fingers!

a few days later

Look at the top of my reindeer's head! You see how the hair is peeled back as though he'd been standing in a tornado? That's because I had to ride at double speed to complete my run and your run! I'm exhausted and so are my reindeer! You could have destroyed Christmas for a fifth of the world! What on earth were you doing?

I told you to assemble a sled, but I have reports that the "sled" you were riding was merely all the parts I provided you with randomly attached at ridiculously. In addition I told you to assemble a team of reindeer, but you were spotted without any reindeer, trying to lift off with James and Sam hitched up as though they were reindeer! You honestly thought they would be able to fly at the speed of a real reindeer, or at all? Finally, when a brave reindeer volunteered and got you off the ground, you crash landed in a small town and went on rampage! I warned you I would not be so kind this time around. I can guarantee you that one of you will regret their failure a little bit more than the others.

[James Gryphon]

"Mask took charge of the mission, saying that as the only girl she was the only one smart enough to guarantee success. She said that the sled should be built first, and that then we could assemble the reindeer and leave. In theory, that sounded like a good idea. In practice, the result was nothing short of catastrophic. We had a set of plans to build the sled, but Tagg boiled them to make "paper tea", which he claimed we would need to stay warm on the trip. With no plans to work from, LT Sandpaw superglued the pieces together at random, and said that it was 'good enough for government work'". It looked only vaguely like a mode of transportation, but Plugg said that it looked great."

"With that done, Mask sent Delthion and Soren to get the reindeer. But after five minutes, they were trampled by fleeing reindeer! Maybe that had something to do with their polar bear disguises. Anyway, Sam said that he thought I would make a good reindeer, as my nose had turned very red after being exposed to the miserable winter weather. LT agreed, and they ganged up on me and tied me to the sled. Tagg said that we should stop fighting, and tied Sam to the sled next to me, saying that we needed to learn to work together by pulling the sleigh."

"So we tried to pull it for about half a hour. Your other servants did nothing but laugh and point at us. Finally, a super-reindeer from the planet Krypton came and graciously offered his services in moving the sleigh. Mask thought it would be better to let me and Sam keep trying, but thankfully Delthion saw reason and told the reindeer that we needed the help. In a flash, we were up, up, and away as he hitched himself up at super-speed, threw everyone into the sled and took off."

"Unfortunately, Soren and LT are afraid of heights, and started shrieking as soon as they realized what had happened. The reindeer's ears were super-sensitive, and he became agitated by the loud noise, lost his equilibrium, and crashed outside a town in southern Kentucky. We happened to be next to a mall, and Plugg said that he saw you ringing a bell next to a bucket, and that we should ask you for advice. When he dragged us over there, though, it was an impostor! Mask said that this must be a trick by the enemy, and started blasting everything in sight with a freeze ray gun. I will let the other servants describe the ensuing carnage."

[Søren]

Sir, it is true that Me and Deltion were sent to get the reindeer. But Mask had told us that if we didn't wear polar bear outfits, then the reindeer would be afraid of people not from their continent. Me and Del thought this was stupid, but she insisted that we wear them "for cuteness sake". Delthion, always looking for ways to impress the ladies, threw his on and shoved me into one. He said I should be his "wingman" with Mask.
While Del ran to the reindeer pen and I sorta waddled over, the reindeer were freigtened and stampeded us.
By the time me and Delthion made it back to the sled, James and Sam were tied up and they were leaving without us! I flagged them down and got them to stop. While we were struggling to get underway is when the super reindeer came to help.
After a few minutes, Delthion started sobbing and whailing because Mask said she didn't share his affection. He's wailing was so loud that it sent Plugg into his "panic mode". Plugg was one of those "special children ". He stared biting me and chewing on my leg. I cried out in pain, and though it is true Im scared of heights, it was Pluggs chewing that caused me to yell. LT realized what was happening and tried to stop Plugg, but Plugg started to bite him too.
We soon crash landed, and there I ran into the mall to get away from Plugg and to buy a first aid kit to heal our wounds. However, when I came out, Mask was blasting everything in sight. She blasted Tagg to a window and blasted Sam's head to a bench. A turned to get away, but she blasted me to a phone pole. Mask continued on her rampage until morning, when the sun melted the newly-formed glacier. I assure you my lord, this is my only involvement in the situation.