Sheevie's Haunted Mansion

[Ouroboros]

* Ouroboros hands Sheev a completed insurance claim form.

Go file this. Should get you a return on this place... which should be nothing but ash and twisted steel by... about four posts time. I would suggest you start running. Enjoy the money.

* Ouroboros starts a nearby Land Rover.

[Kreg]

Please don't burn this place down...

[Ouroboros]

I'm afraid it's too late for that. On the positive side, after the dust settles, you'll be able to enjoy life in a mansion estimated to be 62% larger.

* Ouroboros glances at his watch and realises the fire is only two posts away from claiming the mansion.

[Delthion]

What fire?

[Kreg]

where?

[Delthion]

Apparently the entire Mansion is gone now...pity.

[Kreg]

the mansion is still here..

[Ouroboros]

aaaaaaand it's gone.

Sorry to inform you of this, folks, but you're all now dead having failed to vacate the premises in time.

Can't say I envy you. Fire's rumoured to be quite a painful way to go.

Now, I'm off to go commit more insurance fraud. There's always people looking to cash in on "natural disasters," amiright?

Looking forward to Sheev's new, bigger, mansion though.

[Delthion]

I see nothing but ash...maybe you should visit the Asylum?

[Kreg]

*teleports the ash away and summons identical mansion*

[Ouroboros]

Okay, now you're just being downright rude. Sheev could have gotten a better mansion, one that was 62% larger, but oh no, you had to win, didn't you? 

All that effort for nothing, and now we don't even have a nice, 62% larger mansion. 

Well then. I guess I'll be taking that insurance form back.

* Ouroboros snatches the insurance claim back from Sheev.

If we can't the 62% larger mansion, I suppose I'll just have to have it myself.

Honestly, the nerve of some people. Not even up for a good old fashioned bit of white collar crime.

[Delthion]

* Delthion whispers to Ouroboros.

But since he's dead, he can't have done any of that...

[Ouroboros]

Not my problem anymore.

* Ouroboros sacrifices a goat.

Oh great and powerful Elder Insurance Salesman, creator of contracts and knocker of doors, I summon thee in my hour of need.

[Kreg]

who says he can't have this mansion and a %62 bigger one...

[Ouroboros]

The tax man.

He might be able to get away with having one multi-million dollar property under his belt, but the second that number doubles the IRS is gonna break his legs.