Waffles' Bazaar of Curious and Slightly Defective Objects!

[Luftwaffles]

(Because why not?).

Are you looking for the perfect gift to give but are too cheap to buy something nice? Wanna show that special someone that we live in troubled times? Do you think that safety regulations are an eyesore? Then you have come to the right place! For the price of however much you are carrying (and the signing of a document renouncing to sue us) you can get a hold of treasures such as this unique copy of Redwall that's been translated eight times through Google! Or this mysterious mass that once was a cake! Or how about this potato... with an USB port attached to it!

All of this and more can be purchased at WBoCaSDO! (Where even abbreviations are mouthfuls!).

[shisteer of nothing much]

Fascinating! I need a large rock, preferably the sort that's kind of like chalk but is too hard and brittle to actually make much of a mark and took heavy to lift as well.

[Luftwaffles]

Fascinating! I need a large rock, preferably the sort that's kind of like chalk but is too hard and brittle to actually make much of a mark and took heavy to lift as well.

Sure thing, lady!

*Goes to the back of the store and essentially dumpster-dives through the inventory, throwing out objects left and right*.

This rare and unique piece of non-descript rubble comes from the finest of all poorly-guarded construction sites. You'd need to press it with all your might to leave even the faintest of marks, weights about 10 pounds and it'll fall apart if you look at it wrong.

Aaah! Another satisfied costumer!

[Verdauga]

Hello? Yes, I want a weaponized glow stick.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Fascinating! I need a large rock, preferably the sort that's kind of like chalk but is too hard and brittle to actually make much of a mark and took heavy to lift as well.

Sure thing, lady!

*Goes to the back of the store and essentially dumpster-dives through the inventory, throwing out objects left and right*.

This rare and unique piece of non-descript rubble comes from the finest of all poorly-guarded construction sites. You'd need to press it with all your might to leave even the faintest of marks, weights about 10 pounds and it'll fall apart if you look at it wrong.

Aaah! Another satisfied costumer!

Perfect! I assume it's grossly overpriced too? What do I owe you, sir? *digs out wallet* I only have a small amount of cash on me at the moment, but I can do a cheque.

[Luftwaffles]

Hello? Yes, I want a weaponized glow stick.

Fine choice, sir!

*Duct-tapes a spoon to the top of a broomstick, wraps a string of short circuit Christmas lights around it and connects it to a car battery. It's humming ominously*.

Here you. One of my best! Straight from Chiwan! *Gives a full smile, revealing a row of jewel-encrusted teeth*.

Perfect! I assume it's grossly overpriced too? What do I owe you, sir? *digs out wallet* I only have a small amount of cash on me at the moment, but I can do a cheque.

*Points Teer to freshly-installed sign*: "Whatever you fancy for however we fancy!".

*Takes Teer's money and sinks it into greatcoat pocket, then sinks hand in it and measures it*.

Deep enough! You are golden

[Verdauga]

*Looks suspiciously at the contraption, then at Lufty, and finally at the shelves.*

Could I get your finest-non-weaponized-definitely-not-going-to-explode doormats?

[Luftwaffles]

*Looks suspiciously at the contraption, then at Lufty, and finally at the shelves.*

Could I get your finest-non-weaponized-definitely-not-going-to-explode doormats?

Fine, but you are paying for both! *Disappears behind velvet curtain. Whacking sounds come from behind it and, after a while, the shopkeeper comes back, covered in ancient dust and carrying a folded doormat under the arm*.

"This one came straight from Churchill's Kubelwagen. A true historical piece!".

...

"What do you mean Churchill never had a Kubelwagen?! Are you trying to challenge my never-specified and not at all real European background?".

!

[Verdauga]

*Looks surprised.*
Ohh, no, no, not at all! Er, what will this cost me? (other than my dignity?)

[Luftwaffles]

*Looks surprised.*
Ohh, no, no, not at all! Er, what will this cost me? (other than my dignity?)

*Points metal detector (magnet-in-disguise) on Vet's direction and swiftly removes the "catch" from the disc.

There you go, *handles complementary uranium-powered spork*.

[Verdauga]

Thanks. This will get a four-star review!

[Luftwaffles]

Thanks. This will get a four-star review!

*Expectingly refreshes store's page on calculator*.

Nice, very nice.

*Plays Doom on it, as that's actually possible*.

[Verdauga]

(I think it was even installed on an atm.)

[Luftwaffles]

(I think it was even installed on an atm.)

(Would NOT surprise me... but I bet the explanations asked were scarier than anything in-game ).

[Verdauga]

(I'm seriously thinking about installing it on this alarm clock here... )