Important Safety Announcment about Death Defying Beavers (Please Read)

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

As many of you are probably aware by now, we are currently being attacked by Death Defying Beavers. This announcement is here to help you stay safe should you be attacked. I will answer three very important questions now, while there is still time to act:

Q: What is a Death Defying Beaver?
A: A Death Defying Beaver is a newly discovered species of beaver. It has reddish fur with white spots and defies death.

Q: I heard that they have flying bulldozers and brainwashed cannibalistic celery as well as some other stuff. Is this true?
A: Yes, I'm afraid that this is true.

Q: There's Death Defying Beavers at my door! What do I do?!
A: Run for the nearest exit.

I hope that this announcement has been informative and has helped you stay alive during these troubled times. I hope we can all survive these- *knock knock* What's that? *knock knock knock knock CRASH!* OH NO! THEIR AFTER ME GOTTA GO! *runs off*

[DanielofRedwall]

Also, don't bover fighting back with kitchen appliances.

*holds up hand stuck in a toaster*

Yes, it's still stuck in there!

[Redwall Musician]

I heard that the beavers somehow came across alien brain washing rays. These rays are more harmful then the ones they had before. Symptoms are:

1. Memory lose.
2. The want to hug a death defying beaver.
3. The want to get your flying bulldozer license.
4. Being able to use deathly kitchen appliances (aka the toaster).
5. Want of candy and wasabi together.

If you experience any of these symptoms, you may be brain washed. See a doctor if this happens. Unless the doctor is a beaver.
Okay! I got my flying bulldozer license. Sweet! Look a death defying beaver. *hugs beaver* Oh know! They've got cake shooters. Wait what's a cake shooter? *cake hits face* I don't know, but the hurt!!!!! RUN!!!
 

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

You can tell (rarely) if a death defying beaver is near (ish). To do so, you can look (or feel, sense, whatever) for the following:
(assuming they are still valid)
1. You hear their warcry "abhdgasdgasjgf" (valid to continuous change)
2. You hear the sound of dangerous grilled cheese sandwiches (note:with the stoves destroyed this point is out)
3. You feel the urge to run

[Tiria Wildlough]

Also, they can turn into humans. This is all part of their evil plan to conquer the world.
This is how to spot a death-dafying beaver posing as a human:

*If they love egg rolls
*If they tend to speak on the phone in an unintelligible language
*If they say they're allergic to stoves
*If they have a flying bulldozer license
Thankyou

[James Gryphon]

ATTENTION ALL:

The above notice is nonsense! I have taken no notice of any beavers, death-defying or otherwise, on these forums. My most recent flight on my new flying bulldozer (of which I, along with several of my friends acquired our licenses for several days ago) revealed NO beavers online. So, everyone is safe! Don't believe everything you hear, and only ten percent of yhat you see.

Also, an exciting announcement: Candy and wasabi are half-off at the new Ebhdagarigjmion Sushi Cafe. Egg rolls will be handed out free at the door; extra servings available on special request. No baked or broiled food will be offered, but toasters will be provided to heat up cold food.

Finally, athioin adpfovkpl  rtiwtj qwerwket devermever. Fpigjaip alovlk vkbgi tuajo akvpov vfnbion fmvapsmf aewpok jgeuon piozvl arfkpk rgkpk haqrfer werpotpwae mevvimti tpeokvv akpovas. YFrgoijvvv? Vrv! Vkaprokv vkopl avom.

DFkpogkgaopvjmaiopb, aoinboianbbrbionbaoinbdfla, arogkpaokrgopakregopakrg, aperjnioaernhbbbxyil.

Eioajwefgoiafhvoihnxxyoxyim.

P.S. Bring a glove and bat for the game of bat hockey that will break out after the brunch. Don't worry about bringing balls; people will be provided.

[DanielofRedwall]

I think JG's a beaver... HIAG, what did he say in beaver language?

[Matthias720]

He's not the DDB, I'm the DDB.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

I dinnae ken. I dinnae speak Death Defying Beaver. Ask ToR.

[DanielofRedwall]

Alright then, ToR, what did he say?

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

Ah! James Gryphon's a beaver!


Right, of course, what he said.

Finally, athioin adpfovkpl  rtiwtj qwerwket devermever. Fpigjaip alovlk vkbgi tuajo akvpov vfnbion fmvapsmf aewpok jgeuon piozvl arfkpk rgkpk haqrfer werpotpwae mevvimti tpeokvv akpovas. YFrgoijvvv? Vrv! Vkaprokv vkopl avom.

DFkpogkgaopvjmaiopb, aoinboianbbrbionbaoinbdfla, arogkpaokrgopakregopakrg, aperjnioaernhbbbxyil.

Eioajwefgoiafhvoihnxxyoxyim.

The first paragraph is simple. It says: The egg rolls have been equipped to add to our side. Flying bulldozers will take out computers in the cafe. We use toasters because the stoves decided to go on vacation, and they are at war with us across the galaxy.
The rest is more difficult:
Hours: 9-11 AM(Not sure on time, beavers have strange units that resemble the word in standard English "woodchucked dams".)we serve the regular. After that, until 9 AM again, it is off duty as we fly our bulldozers to buy more bats and take more people

The last is more simple, and is a disclaimer:
All information provided here is true.

[Osu]

Ahh, you guys, I don't know what to do! The beavers - they're everywhere, I'm sure of it! I was almost stranded on my roof with nothing but a spatula and two and a half liters of grape juice yesterday until a nice fuzzy brown thing stopped by and offered me a ride in his flying bulldozer. Don't worry, he's human, I asked him. (: He had some very lovely egg rolls, too.

Hey, what do beavers look like? I've never seen one, I don't think. That's what's so terrifying.

[Redwall Musician]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaver

That is the link to the wikipedia page. At least you can see what they look like.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaver

That is the link to the wikipedia page. At least you can see what they look like.

Aye, just add the reddish fur with white spots and the defying of death and you've got a Death Defying Beaver.

[Nightfire]

I secretly command a horde of ten-thousand death-defying beavers. I ain't evil or nothin though. I just learned how to command them so they would not kill me.