Overlord's Orders! XIV

[Søren]

Well Sir, it's easy to explain. You see, everythu g was going to plan, until we arrived in Wyoming. The dog breeders, while nice people, don't keep up a clean barn. They asked us to clean up for them. We figured it could be the least we could do. You see, we cleaned their barn, but there was a lingering stitch. We couldn't figure out what it was. I lit a scented candle to clear the air, but Plugg burst in with a poor dog's tail on fire, and threw the poor animal at the alcohol cupboard yelling "VIVA LA FRANCE!" Well, this caused several bottles of whiskey to fall on the candle and the poor dogs tail and a explosion occured. The whole barn was on fire! We ran out, the four of us. The barn was burning down. It was spreading to the crops! Sky wasn't doing anything, just sitting there and I told her to grab a water hose and help put the fire out. Then she said something......uncharacteristicly rude. Well, I had no idea where LT was, so I tried to put the fire out by myself. But time traveling Indians cut the hose line and there wasn't a bucket in sight! By then, the fire had scorched everything and went out on its own. Well, I chased the Indians, and followed them to their camp. They had a bunch of technology and dead animals. Strange mixture, I know, but the truth. Anyway, they were roasting something, and then a huge group of them arrived. I realized I needed to blend in, so I knocked one of the guards out and dressed up like him. They said they were going on a Buffalo hunt, and all were invited. They were handing out bow and arrows, so I decided to play along and to take my chance when it came. The Indians had pinned down a huge heard of buffaloes, and as they closed in, I attack the one who sabotaged the farm. This caused a stampede in which most of the Indians were trampled on. I returned to the farm to find LT arguing with the farmer. Plugg was lighting dogs tail and screaming about a lack of cake, Sky was kicking the dogs, and yelling at Plugg to save her. I tried to help her, but Plugg got in the way. Sky had it under control anyway. Plugg gave me the four dogs that were left saying "Trust me, they're legit wolfhounds." I objected, and said to get some real wolfhounds. But Sky grabbed their leashes and said it would be fine and left the farm with the four scraggly dogs. I followed her, protesting peacefully, but by then we had to return to the meeting site.

[Skyblade]

OOC: I edited my post before you posted. It says that nobody helped me with the Wolfhound attack, so you might want to fix that, Sor
But yay! I survived to the top four...but I feel like it's getting more challenging now.

IC: Sir, you know that I was not behaving as terribly as these people portray me. Please do hear me out.

When we got there, I immediately set about to gather the Wolfhounds or clean the farm - anything to help. However, Sand, who was trying to gather the Wolfhounds together so we could take them back, said that something was terribly wrong with them. It seemed like someone or somebody had tampered with the dogs, making them act more aggressive than usual.

So he told me, "Listen. Since the wolfhounds are so dangerous, I'll bring them out two at a time. I want you to wait under that tree until I bring you two, and then you take care of them while I get the others."

I decided to go with his plan, as it was coming from Sand and it seemed sensible. However, while I was waiting under the tree, I realized that somehow, Soren and Plugg had caused a fire! Soren yelled at me to get a water hose. I was upset because yet another mission was going awry, so I replied, "How can someone be so stupid?" Soren misinterpreted me and thought that the comment was aimed at him, but it was actually at myself, because I felt so bad and was unfairly blaming myself for the incident. He left very cryptically right after that.

I was looking for a nearby water hose or fire extinguisher to stop the fire when the two Wolfhounds I mentioned earlier attacked me. And Sand was supposed to lead them gently towards me, not let them ambush me and nearly kill me! After I escaped, as I mentioned earlier, I went and found Soren and Plugg because I knew that I couldn't take back all four of these Wolfhounds back by myself, especially since they wanted to kill me. Plugg was saying that we should take these four random dogs instead of Wolfhounds. He was saying that these were the real ones, but he whispered into my ear that he was actually covering up because he was scared.

I was about to say, "It will be fine, Plugg, let's take these dogs back to the farmer and get the actual Wolfhounds." But Soren interrupted four words in, protesting before I could say more. He kept protesting to whatever I said and didn't let me explain anything. I realized that the four scraggly dogs may not be safe in the farm because of the fire, so I decided to take them outside of the farm to rest, be safe, and recover, and go back for the Wolfhounds and let the farmer know so he wouldn't be missing the four dogs. However, Sand suddenly appeared and said that we had to leave at once. He took the leashes of the four dogs and ran off with them. I yelled at him to stop, and tried to explain that we had to go back for the Irish Wolfhounds, but it was hard to get a word in with Soren and Plugg arguing with me. By that time, it was too late anyway, and I had no choice but to go with the other servants to the meeting site.

[Søren]

Sir, while I did interrupt Sky a few times, I only thought she was acting foolishly. I was mistaken in that small aspect of this mission that was blown by Plugg and Sandpaw.

[LT Sandpaw]

Of all the pilots Sandpaw looked the most calm never once putting in a word edgewise letting the others argue it out until a awkward silence fell over the group allowing Sand to step forward.

"Well sir this is very accurate description of what was happening, Soren and Plugg were helping out around the dog farm while me and Sky got the Wolfhounds.

Well when me and Sky got to the wolfhounds pens we noticed they looked hungry and viscous. I immediately noticed something was off with the dogs and pointed this out. I suggested we take the dogs two at a time so we could control them if they tried anything. Well I took the first two too Sky and went back for the next set when the owner came out and started yelling at me.
Apparently Soren and Plugg were goofing off in the barn and setting dogs tails on fire. I suggested pepper spray but the owner demanded we pay him for the damages.

He wanted three million dollars in expenses and if we didn't give it too him he would turn us over to the U.N. He mentioned he had a bunch of Indian friends that would capture us if we didn't pay up.

I have to admit I forgot about Sky who was at that time in peril with angry wolfhounds and began arguing with the owner saying that we served the Overlord and it wasn't wise to make demands of him. I then bluffed saying I would blow up the entire world if he called the U.N and didn't give us the dogs.

Well as you might expect he just laughed seeing right though my bluff and went off to get his Indian friends to capture us. I knew we had to leave fast so I found the others and took the dogs and began running knowing we only had so much time. With the Indians hot on our tail I knew we couldn't go back for the actual wolfhounds and kept running all the way back here.

I had no idea what the others were doing until now and I hope you understand me not going back for the hounds. I was trying to keep my team alive which is much more then they did.

[Søren]

Sir, I wasn't setting the tail on fire, it was just that when the barn caught on fire, some of the dogs tails got burnt. Just that I sorta caught their tail on fire in the since that the barn the caught on fire from my candle and Plugg's unstable mental condition caught their tail on fire. I am partly responsible, indirectly though. And unintentionally.

[Delthion]

  "I am very disappointed in you all. But one more than the others." You see Plugg be forced into a dog suit then have his tail on fire. "It will burn and burn, and eventually consume him. But then he will be ressurected, and the process will begin again. All within the confines of this titanium cage. Oh yes, and did I mention that the last time you failed me, with the bomber. You lost my contract with the Department of Defense, and if there is an ice age in the near future. We will not have any form of defense."

  "But enough of that. Now I have another task for you. I am sending you to Italy to obtain the Fiat G.91:
This will complete my collection of Italian Jets. This time, it's entirely illegal. This might improve your performance, last time was as simple as I could make it. So now I am going to make it more complicated we will be waiting for your arrival on a carrier in the Mediterranean."

  5 weeks later. "Alright, I'm not even going to shout this time. But Skye, you said that you were the best pilot, even though you aren't one, and then you took control of the plane and crashed it into an iceberg near Greenland! Why did you go in this arduous route instead of just flying to the carrier? We even fired up a flare as you were passing us! Soren, I saw you dropping explosive pigs into the water and even onto the carrier! Sandpaw, now, what do I say about your behavior. YOU WERE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT! According to these logs you took control of the entire mission. Which is good, you have been the best servant so far. But then you somehow got your hands on a B-22 and bombed all of the Consulates on Italy! Explain this to me! Before I end your miserable existences!"

[Skyblade]

Sir, please. You know that I only ever want to do the right thing.

We had found the Fiat G.91. I asked Sand to fly the plane back, as we had agreed beforehand that it was to be him to perform the task. However, he told Soren and I, "Ah, I have something to do, so I would rather not do it myself. You fly it back by yourself, Skye."

I stared back at him like this: O_______________________o  "But, Sand," I said, "I may be the best pilot of paper airplanes, as I took an advanced paper airplane class a few months ago. However, this is a completely different matter! I can't fly the plane back!"

Sand replied aggressively, "I am telling you to do it, so do it! I am in charge of this mission, Skye."  Suddenly, he ran up to a random B-22 nearby. I asked Soren to help, but he was too busy mumbling something about "explosive pigs". Seeing as he wasn't helping, I tried to run after Sand myself, but by then it was too late. He was flying the plane away!

I was trying to talk to Soren about what to do next, but he remained as unhelpful as ever. He kept saying how ridiculous it was that humans ate bacon only for breakfast. While I was trying to cooperate, we heard a terrible sound. Bombing! It was coming from the direction in which Sand had flown the B-22. I gasped and realized that he might be in trouble and need my help. Or maybe...maybe... just in case... He was the one responsible for the bombing. Either way, I knew that we couldn't just stand by and do nothing – I doubt you would want that, sir. But the place of the bombing was too far to reach on foot quickly. Only one option was open for us: take the Fiat G.91 to go to Sand.

I tried to convince Soren to fly the plane, as he had more flying experience than I. But instead he sat in one of the seats and kept rambling about bacon, pork, and other meat products. With Soren being like this and not agreeing anyway, I couldn't rely on him to fly the plane back. That's why I flew the plane myself (I will also add that although I am not a pilot, I am actually on the very last stage of becoming one. I just needed to take one more test to be certified. So it wasn't like I knew nothing about flying planes and would get us killed).

While I was flying to Sand, we passed nearby the carrier. Suddenly, I heard two sounds that normally don't mix: explosions and pigs "oinking". I looked back for a moment and saw Soren throwing explosive pigs out of the windows into the water! I would have gone back to stop him, but as I was flying, I couldn't move or we would lose control of the plane. I instead yelled as loud as I could, "STOP THROWING EXPLOSIVE PIGS, SOREN!"

I decided immediately to fly to Sand, so I could get his help to make Soren see reason. But when we got to the B-22 that he was flying (I saw Sand sitting in the pilot's seat, laughing and pointing), we saw that Sand was bombing the Consulates on Italy. He then saw me and flew at a higher altitude, trying to drop bombs on our Italian Jet that we were flying, as well! I screamed and flew away as fast as I could to save the kept as well as the lives of Soren and me. Speaking of Soren, he was still ranting about meat and other types of food.

I chose a random direction because of panic and we didn't have much time to escape, and we ended up going north. Along the way, I saw your flare go up, but thought that it was Sand dropping a bomb and I flew faster. We flew a long way before we lost Sand, who had probably gone back to bomb more Consulates on Italy.

   I called Soren to come help me and decide what to do next. However, when he came, he knocked into me and made me lose control. We crashed into an iceberg near Greenland.

[Søren]

OOC: Dang it Sky, I had a Ninja'd posts that was in your favor. Too late now…
BIC:
Sir, I can explain my actions. You see, Sandpaw had told me that he had some trouble a while back and with the Porkzolli pig crime family. He said domestic animal mobs are the worst. And that he was smuggling slop a crow the Italian border for them, but saved some for himself. (That's the kind of stuff Sandpaw eats.)
Anyway, he said that the Porkzollis were going to give him a break if he bombed the Italian city, where the head of the Beeferoni crime family is. He said if I said anything to anyone, then he would bomb the G.91 too. Well, I could t get a word in to Sky because she couldn't heR me over the sound of the plane engine. I tried to tell her, but she couldn't hear.
anyway, the Porkzollis are notorious for their kamakazi pigs with TNT strapped to them. When they got wind that Sandpaw had other people with him, they tried to board the plane and blow it up. Sandpaw had spilt Fanta Orange soda all over the controls, so our steering was messed up and we flew right by you. Sandpaw had told us that your aircraft carrier was up north, so I thought that the one we damaged was Italian Navy, which is corrupt with Porkzolli mob anyway. I was tossing the pig out the side of the plane so that it wouldn't blow up. But Sand's drink had messed with the engine, and it sputtered a little. That's when I tripped into Sky and we were knocked of course.
And whenever Sky asked me for help, I couldn't hear her over the sound of pigs exploding.
And also, who doesn't love BLTs for lunch?
You see sir, it was all Sands fault.

[Delthion]

OOC: Skye, I was on the carrier. It wasn't destroyed...

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: Wow poor Plugg didn't even have a chance too post. Oh and Soren according to Sky I was never aboard your plane the G.91 but I'll do my best.


A quiet laughter came from the young pilot as he shook with mirth at the stale accusations thrown his way. Calmly he stepped forward and bowed slightly to the Overlord.

"Sir if I may I would like to clear up this mess with a few words of my own. As you can see my comrades and I are at odds and they refuse to confirm the entire story.

We were doing well today glad to be back in service and out on the job and in beautiful Italy too boot. Well we found the G.91 easily and bribed the owner with my gun. It was around this time when Soren started acting weird, something about bacon and pigs. Anyway we had the plane all set up when I went into the bathroom to relive myself.

Once inside the stalls I heard talking though the grate on the floor. Torn with curiosity wonder who would be talking under the bathroom I leaned down to listen and heard something very disturbing. It was the Porkzollis, they were planning on flying a old B-22 too your aircraft carrier and destroying it. They apparently got the information from a lazy servant by the name of Soren who has a very loose tongue when it comes to his BLT which they bribed him with. I knew them well because before I worked for you I worked for them smuggling cow slop which is actually quite tasty.

Well I knew I had to do something so I attempted to contact you to prepare for an attack but Sky had inconveniently poured he soda all over my lap earlier and ruined my phone. So I took matters into my own hands and told Sky too fly the plane back no longer trusting Soren to do anything hoping she would be capable.

There was no time to explain what was happening because the B-22 was revving up and about to take off. I raced over and jumped inside before they could close the door and found myself facing thirty armed gunmen. How they managed to shove that many people inside I will never know but as we rose in altitude I fought for my life against old friends to protect you sir.

I managed to shoot most of them but the pilot was a tough man by the name of Mario. We fought viciously in the cockpit making the plane fly crazily all over Italy bombing poor innocents. I finally managed to smash his head against the controls when I noticed the G.91 fly beneath me. Mario pulled the explosives and I laughed pointing my finger at him saying he would never hit them because Sky was an excellent pilot.

Right about there three of the gunmen grab me from behind and while I'm struggling Mario attempts to destroy Sky and Soren by chasing them down. I was unable to stop him until I dislocated the other men's arms and snapped Mario's neck. Sky was still able to escape Mario because I couldn't see her plane anywhere so I turned around and came back here.

So as you can see sir the bombings were not my fault nor was the damage done by the pigs Sky's fault. I beg your pardon for this series of disasters."

[Skyblade]

OOC: I edited that, Del.
I'm a bit upset about Plugg, but I think he's okay. Anyway, I'm glad I made it to top three

IC: Firstly, Sand makes it seem as if it's my fault I poured soda over his lap. I was about to hand him the can, but he got annoyed and slapped me, making me spill it over him.

Also, Soren is absolutely right about that Sand messed up the controls. I never said that Sand didn't get in the plane. Sand indeed didn't get on the Italian jet with Soren and I (he was too busy bombing cities), but I saw him go on the plane a bit before he went to use the bathroom, right after we had finished setting up. Now, Soren and I were having a productive discussion of how to improve our work ethic, so it couldn't have been me or him who did this. Sand said he needed to finish setting up something in the plane so I let him go.

When we got on the plane later to go after Sand, we found that soda had been spilled over the controls, completely hindering us and setting us up for failure.

After we crashed into Greenland (I have to confess that the only reason Soren knocked into me is because he had tripped over some soda Sand had left on the floor), I managed to find tha airplane footage - which had amazingly survived the crash. Soren and I saw it together, and it clearly showed that Sand had deliberately poured soda on the controls. He also left Magic Meal on the outside of the plane, which we all know attracts the TNT kamakazi pigs. If he hadn't done this, Soren and I would never had problems with the explosive pigs.
Also, Soren has a point: he probably couldn't hear me over the noise of the plane's engine. And I couldn't yell any louder, so I don't think that was any of our faults there.

I see now that it wasn't Soren's fault. Do not blame him. I would rather you blamed me, sir.

[LT Sandpaw]

The young pilot looked surprised at Sky.

"You are quick to stab me in the back, you claim I was annoyed at you when I slapped your hand but it was really Soren I was annoyed at because he had just come back with a giant BLT that the Porkarizi gangsters had bribed him with. I then noticed a wasp about to sting Sky's hand so I slapped it off accidently making her spill the drink on me.

So I got up to go get ready as I told my comrades but it was really to go get some fresh cloths from the plane. When I got there I noticed a bottle of Orange Fanta on the floor and picked it up. But the bottle was burning hot and I dropped it all over the controls and floor. I cleaned it up as best I could and left the plane to take my fresh cloths to go change when I noticed a man carrying a bucket of plane paint.

He was an older man and was clearly in pain saying he had been hired to paint our plane by Sky with the special can of paint she had given him personally. I had no idea it was Magic meal and offered to help the old man paint the plane because he was clearly in pain from an old back injury. I checked the paper he had and it had Sky's signature and the orders to paint the plane.

After I was finished painting the man thanked me and we parted and That was the first and last time I ever saw him. For some reason Sky asked an old man to paint our plane in Magic meal. I was simply being kind and had no idea it would jeopardize their safety.

[Skyblade]

I never knew that it was Magic Meal. I asked the old man to paint our plane because it looked quite worn out - to the point that there were gashes on the outside that may affect our safety. Soren and I bought the paint from a store Sand had recommended to me earlier. We never opened the can (why would we need to?) so we never saw that it actually contained magic meal.

An old man came up to me and said that he desperately needed money. I felt bad for him and offered to give him some for free, but out of pride he refused to receive anythjng without any work on his part - no matter how much I argued. He asked what I was doing with the paint, and I explained, and he said that he could paint the plane and I would pay for him that work and he would be fine with that. He looked a bit frail and I told him I wa concerned, but he brushed me off and said "I'll be fine, young one. Now just give me the paint and some money and run along!" So I gave him a good wad of money and sent him along, out of the goodness in my heart.

[Søren]

And sir, I did have a sandwich in my hand that the Porkzollis gave me as an attempted bribe. They said I could be making a lot of money just like Sandpaw is. But I quickly turned them down, not wanting to get mixed in with the same crowd Sand was involved in.
I put the sandwich in a ziploc bag I found on the plane, because it's covered in Porkzolli finger prints that could tie them to Sand and you and the authorities sir could not only take down a major animal crime family, but also a traitor. That traitor being LT Sandpaw!

[Skyblade]

In addition, I should add that before this all started...Soren and I were walking along the streets to buy you a conciliatory gift because of the failed missions of the past. We came across a man called Mario. I believe he was the exact same Mario who Sand speaks of, for he mentioned having thirty armed gunmen as well. Even more clearly, he said he was the leader and pilot of a group called the Porkzollis. I had never heard of this weird group before.

Anyway, Mario tried to bribe Soren into giving him information, but he kept refusing, saying, "No, I am loyal to my Overlord." Then, Mario finally fessed up. "You see," he said, "I know we may seem bad, but we actually have good intentions. I know sometimes we do bad things, by it's inly because of a few members who rebel. We need to know the location of the carrier so we can destroy a small part of it (This is where Sand left out some information, they meant only to destroy a small section of the carrier that was perilous). but we are going to spray a special substance called the "IT'S A MAGICAL WORLD" befotehand so your Overlord won't die and neither will anyone else on your carrier. You see, the Porkzollis is actually a special group that works for the government, and we have discovered that this airplane carrier contains a terrible radioactive bomb that will immediately kill anyone standing on it. Your Overlord is in massive danger!"

Soren and I were still skeptical, but after he showed us clear and incontrovertible evidence for this and assured us, "The special substance will envelope the carrier so nobody standing on it will be killed. We are the only ones in the world who have the correct items to destroy the bomb, such as this magical world thingy and a special gun", we were convinced and gave him the location. Soren also took the BLT, because why not? It's free food.

We then found Sand and told him everything that had happened, so it's a shock as to why he was attacking Mario when he knew about this. Perhaps he forgot? Neither Soren or I have any idea why he did this.

Anyway, after Soren and I crashed, we wept because we thought you had died because of what Sand had done. But then a plane came up to us. In the midst of they teammates fighting Sand, a few of the gunmen had survived and had escaped with parachutes, found another plane, and came to us with all the equipment necessary to detroy the bomb in the carrier. We all flew to the carrier. I sprayed the "IT'sS A MAGICAL WORLD" substance to keep you safe and Soren himself destroyed the bomb before it could kill you or anyone else on the carrier, finishing the heroic task. The reason you didn't know of this, Overlord, is that the "IT'S A MAGICAL WORLD" substance is invisible and doesn't have a smell, and the part of the carrier we destroyed was far away from you. We also saw by the time on the bomb that we destroyed it and the part of the carrier it was sitting on with seconds to spare.

Without the actions of Soren and I, I believe you would have died, sir. We were trying to get you a gift, and we gave you the best one of all: your life.