Overlord's Orders XVI

[Søren]

As for the burger incident my lady, that wasn't my fault. My arrived at the restaurant James said because he had a phd in "rememorizing", he should order the burger. After he ordered it, I saw Izeroth slipped into the kitchen, and came out with a backpack staples on, holding two huge condiment launchers, and drowned the restaurant in mustard. Not only did this ruin the order, but a passing horde of cats suddenly invaded the restaurant, eating everything in sight. James lost an ear. Iz nearly was torn to shreds by some of the cats, and I had to take shelter in an overturned trash can to survive. Afterwards, I told the group we still had to get you a burger, but James said he was tired of trying, and tired of serving you. He held us against our will at rabid-cat point, shoving us into the back of a strange van and driving here ma'am.

[Izeroth]

 "I drowned the kitchen in mustard because it was infected with Orange Hand virus. The entire facility was covered with it, you see, and the only cure for the virus happens to be mustard. I find it strange that James, who is normally quite aware of the germs and other micro-organisms, failed to tell anyone about the deadly virus. (I only found out by looking at the health inspector's recent report. Oddly enough, it appears the inspector never finished it.)"

"The cats were Skyblade's fault. For several months, she had been hoarding cats in a big warehouse near the restaurant, adding new felines to her 'collection' every day.(I told her to get rid of them, but she never listens to me) Eventually, the situation became intolerable, with literally hundreds of cats packed into the warehouse. I told Sky to get rid of them under threat of calling animal control, and she responded by letting them all out into the street. Thus, the massive horde of cats that you now see roaming the streets was created."

[Izeroth]

OOC: Ignore this.

[Skyblade]

"Leaving out all the important details again, I see.

Let me go back to the beginning. A long time ago, in a universe far away, I served another Overlord. Now, don't get me wrong! That was a different situation, and I'm loyal only to you now. You have my word on that.

Anyway, one of the other servants was called "Mhera" (funny, she had the same name as you). Unfortunately, she threatened to kill me (or so I thought). In an act of self defense, I was forced to get a bunch of ninja cats to protect me. They were perfectly fine and ethical guardians who helped me until they were killed by this thing called a Deathnote.

Recently, this radical group has been threatening to kill me - literally kill me. For some reason, the members of that group hate people whose birth-names have the word "Sky" in them (I think they're just jealous because names with "Sky" in them are awesome). I asked the other servants to help protect me, but they didn't. In fact, they said they didn't care less if I died. So, I revived the ninja cats to bodyguard me again until the threat was gone. They kept me alive. In other words, let's rephrase something to make it more clear.

I told Sky to get rid of them under threat of calling animal control

I tried to take the perfectly safe ninja cats away so Sky could get attacked and killed.

Now, the big warehouse Izeorth mentions really was big. Hundreds of cats could fit in there with ease, and the only reason I got more was that they kept dying from natural causes (also the cats were really small, so I needed a lot to keep me safe). I always let the cats outside; they're very well-behaved and don't do anything wrong. So when they started disobeying me, I was shocked. I used the camera to discover that Soren and Jukka had fed my cats some potion that made them behave strangely, making them run wild into the streets.

Therefore, I don't think this is my fault."

[Søren]

My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

[Russa Nodrey]

OOC: Claimed post.

BIC:
    "O most wonderful and epic Overlady, as Sky said I did break the library's sprinkler system, but only because Izeroth (before he went to the restaurant) said that the sprinklers were set to spray poisonous gas five minutes after we arrived. I asked how he knew this and he said that, 'He had secret information'. I don't know what he's talking about.

Also, by 'Squirrel sisters' Sky obviously means Amber and Jukka. The whole time Jukka and Amber were arguing about Twilight and the Hunger Games, I was searching the library for the book. Sky found it first though, and said 'Hey, I got the key, let's go!'. Just then Amber whispered in my ear, she said, 'The moment the Overlady tries to open the door with the key, it will explode and harm her! The only way to destroy the key is to flush it down the toilet!'. Amber had never lied to me before so I believed her and flushed it down the toilet." finished Russa sadly.

[Izeroth]

 I don't know who this 'Izeorth' fellow is, but I was led to believe that the warehouse's cat population was far exceeding carrying capacity. To quote James Gryphon: "You really need to do something about those cats, Izeroth. If you let Skyblade keep them, nothing good will come of it.'"

[Skyblade]

OOC: Ignore this

[Lady Amber]

Most generous Overlady, the reason me and Jukka were arguing over 'romance novels', to quote Sky, was because it was "Argue Over Different Love Interests in Books Day" at the library. Whoever came into a certain part of the library had to take part in it, and me and Jukka didn't know until we came into that particular part of the library. So we were forced to do it. As you can see, it wasn't our fault we didn't help Sky and Russa.

As to me insulting the librarian's hairstyle, Sky must be mixed up, 'cause I thought I had complemented the luxurious and extravagant hairstyle. You see, for some reason on the bulletin board at the library it said that if you insult the librarians there, they would take it as a complement. Apparently this librarian didn't get the memo and took what I said to her as an insult.

As for me smashing the only fire extinguisher in the building, I didn't even realize it was an extinguisher until Sky said so just now. Through the smoke from the fire, I thought it said 'toxic gas'. I knew that toxic gas of any kind was flammable, so I immediately threw it out the window, where it smashed on the ground.

Also, Izeroth had called me on my cell phone while we were in the library, and told me that the key was a fake and that it would explode when the Overlady put it in the keyhole. I was totally alarmed. Izeroth told me that to destroy it, you need to flush it down the toilet, so I told Russa to. By the way, the info that I just gave is what Izeroth told me.

[Izeroth]

 "Earlier, someone had called me on my cell phone, promising that they had valuable information concerning the Overlady's safety. I, being genuinely concerned for your safety, listened to the informant. The voice filled me in about a supposed 'plot' that would soon be enacted, endangering my comrades. I wanted to warn everyone, of course, but the voice told me to tell no one else of the plot: the other servants might be turncoats, and I couldn't risk getting any information out."

"Knowing, from what the voice had told me, that the library sprinklers were set to spray poison gas, I had Russa disable them. I then called Amber to warn her about the dangerous key, knowing that it would explode when the Overlady put it in the keyhole. I called the 'informant', thanking him for helping me to foil the 'plot', but all I got was static. When I looked up his number in the directory, it was listed as Soren's phone. Maybe Soren can explain what that's about."

[James Gryphon]

OOC: A little long. I'm going out of town today, though, so this is probably the only post I'll get to make this session. Hope y'all like it. If I go out, I'll go out in style.

"The reason why I didn't mention the "deadly virus" is because Orange Hand only has a deleterious effect on mosquitoes, slugs, and other common pests, which I expected everyone would know, it being marketed as a pestkiller and all. Unless your servants are one of those, I knew the 'virus' would be fine."

"Given that I was the only one who still knew what you wanted by the time we got there, it seemed natural that I should be the one to get the job done. Your order was exactly up to specs, up until Izeroth's condiment launchers submerged it."

"As Izeroth said, I always knew Skyblade's insistence on cat hoarding would lead to disaster. What Sky refers to as "natural causes", government inspectors and rational people would call cruelty to animals."

"You see, before this whole mess started, she had told me, "There's a group that's threatening my life. I'll ask you fellow servants to help me, but I would rather get an army of ninja cats." When I asked her why, she said, "So I can get as many of them hurt as possible, silly! Being a ninja is dangerous business! Well, that and I'll be storing the cats in the warehouse (which is 100 degrees hot, and will be more so after I turn on the heater), in tiny cages, with only my mind-altering dumpster juice to live on. Oh, by the way, everything I just said is what I really think, and it meant exactly what it sounded like: it wasn't a joke, or a secret message in code, or the opposite of what I meant, or another language, and also nobody is making me do this under duress. I just really enjoy taking poor care of cute animals, especially cats. Just thought that you should know." (Yes, she really said all of that. I thought it was an awful lot of fine print myself, but who am I to judge.)"

"As for the van thing, I figured that, since the place we were going to get the order at was trashed, I'd go to another one of the same brand's locations. I went through the drive-thru, as I figured that if I let the others out of the van, they would find some way of messing up your order again. When I tried to place the order, though, both Soren and Izeroth started singing at the top of their lungs, and wouldn't shut up. The order-taker couldn't make out anything I tried to tell her. Finally, I got tired of it and drove back here to drop your useless servants off."

"I said I was sick of trying to serve your Majesty because I was. How could anybody do a job and babysit these freaks of nature you insist on employing at the same time? If you take my advice, you'll get rid of them all; then things'll get done."

[Skyblade]

OOC: Claimed as heck post

[Søren]

My lady, about my phone, as you can see this one is brand new. Not even a day old. It was a gift from James, who bought it and then gave it to me. He said he only used it once. I've not even made a call from it, oh Overlady. I had no knowledge of this plot against you. It must be James.

[James Gryphon]

"Nice try."

"I ordered Soren's phone the other day. It was delivered to a place near here just an hour ago, afte the alleged calls were made (and before either of us had been able to use it). When I opened it up and gave it to Soren, he smiled, said "Guess I don't need this old thing," and threw a phone into the ocean."

"As far as him not being aware of any plots, I don't doubt it... he rarely notices anything."

[Skyblade]

"Firstly, it really was Argue Over Different Love Interests in Books Day. I was about to tell Jukka and Amber, but they rushed off to that section of the library before I had the chance.

Regarding what James said...people really enjoy leaving out details to make me look bad. Let me justify every point he made, and you'll see I'm not as cruel as he says I am.

Like I said, I used the ninja cats because the other servants didn't help me even though I asked.

So I can get as many of them hurt as possible, silly! Being a ninja is dangerous business!

The ninja cats actually get stronger the more hurt they get. I don't know why, but that's the way their species works. I was helping them.

Well, that and I'll be storing the cats in the warehouse (which is 100 degrees hot, and will be more so after I turn on the heater),

They can only thrive in excessively hot weather.

in tiny cages

They have a fear of wide, open spaces.

with only my mind-altering dumpster juice to live on.

"Mind-altering" in this context means altering their minds to make them smarter. Plus, dumpster juice is synonymous with happiness.

I just really enjoy taking poor care of cute animals

You would too, if you were tortured by cats for ten years. That happened to me, and I was never right in the head afterwards. Anyway, I wasn't torturing the ninja cats. I only said that because James asked and I gave my honest opinion.


The only reason I said all that fine print is that James kept asking for more details. I was just indulging him." Skyblade shrugged.