We Happy Few: A Ferret's Tale

[Groddil]

I would have loved to have a Redwall book that focuses on a single band of vermin, from their formation to their end, whether it be all getting killed off, splitting up after a successful raid, or really anything.

No sue-like characters: With pleasure.
No "good" vermin: There'll be some "Sneezewort and Lousewort" type characters, but that's the closest it'll get.
No sword of Martin to kill them all in one blow: Course not.

Just the trials and culture of a single band of vermin...

Someone please make a fanfic about this.

Why certainly, my dear Cap'n!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We Happy Few: A Ferret's Tale

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue

*Crrrk...CHKK!*
*Crrrk...CHKK!*
"Hurry it up, will ye? Stupid vixen, it's cold out 'ere!"
The vixen in question was attempting to light a fire by striking some rocks together. She glared at the speaker, an aging ferret.
"Ohh, is the poor ole ferret cold? Is 'is poor wikkle toes fwozen? Would 'ee like me to knit 'im some wikkle booties?"
The ferret growled, shaking his cane at her.
"I'll knit some booties outa yer tail in a minute ye ole fossil. Don' test me!"
The vixen cackled.
"Really? Yer'll knit somethin' outta me? The killin' part I can believe, but I'd like t'see yer knit something widdout yer slitting yer throat wid the needle! An' who are ye callin' a fossil, ye ole fogey?"
*Crrrk...CHKK! ffffwwWWWWOOOOOOSHHHHH!*
"'Bout time, ya stupid ole wreck. Can't even strike some rocks together...Oww!"
The old ferret rubbed his nose gingerly where the rock had stricken it.
"Whadya do that fer? Now I'll lose me sense a smell, then I'll go deaf, then blind, then-"
The vixen stopped him with a high-pitched wail.
"AAARRGH! SHUT. UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! If you're gonna open yer mouth, at least do it by tellin' us a story. Argh, I likes a good story!"
By now, attention was being drawn to the pair. Vermin of all shapes and sizes, young and old, were settling down around the fire. The young vermin stamped their paws and sang out in a chant that echoed around the clearing.
"WE WANNA STORY!, tell us one or die! WE WANNA STORY, tell us one or die! Tell a story or we stab ya, tell a story or we stab ya! Tell us one or die! Tell us one or die!"
The old ferret widened his eyes in shock and spread his paws in front of him.
"Err...wouldn't wanna fight wid some ferocious young vermin such as yerselves. I'm talkin', I'm talkin'..."

[The Skarzs]

Tell us one or die? xD

Well, as according to what Tammo had said, something like this will make an interesting story.

I wonder if we should have a contest about it. . .

[Feles]

"WE WANNA STORY!, TELL US ONE OR DIE! WE WANNA STORY, TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL A STORY OR WE STAB YA, TELL A STORY OR WE STAB YA! TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL US ONE OR DIE!"

Im going to use this against you if you take too long with a chapter 
You have been warned 

[Ashleg]

"WE WANNA STORY!, TELL US ONE OR DIE! WE WANNA STORY, TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL A STORY OR WE STAB YA, TELL A STORY OR WE STAB YA! TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL US ONE OR DIE!"

My school in a nutshell.

[Groddil]

Chapter 1 - Turnob

"Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
just a ferret in a big ole horde!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
Murderin' an' pillagin'; we're never bored!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin..."

"That ain't 'ow the song goes, you ole fraud!"
"Oh really? 'Ow does it go then? Stupid vixen, d'ya want me t'stop talkin'?"
"No, no, continue. I insist..." mumbled the vixen, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Fine! I was just a youngbeast back then..."

Singing merrily, a young ferret sat on the banks of a river, a hand-line sitting limp in his paw. The ferret felt the line begin to go taut, and leapt to his footpaws.
"Whoopee! I'll be eatin' good tonight!"
Digging his footpaws into the bank, the ferret leaned back, hauling on the line. He continued to whoop with glee at the prospect of quality vittles, for the first time in seasons. His shouting; however, was beginning to attract attention. A skinny weasel came up behind the ferret, licking his lips.
"'Ey yew. Yew shudd gimme dat fish..."
The ferret shook his head.
"No way, dis fish is mine! I'm da one dat's 'bout t'catch it!"
The weasel snarled and jumped on the unfortunate ferret, bowling the two of them into the river. Two snouts poked out of the water and the weasel steadied himself on the bank. Pushing the ferret's head under the water with one paw, he desperately tried to unreel the line from the ferret's paw. The weasel cackled as the ferret began to slow down. Gripping the hand-line tightly, the weasel kicked the ferret away from him and scrambled up onto the bank. He gulped. Standing directly in front of him was a tall, battle-scarred wildcat.

~~~~~~~~~~

This wildcat was Malumgula the conqueror, whose horde swept over the land in a scythe of death from the west coast to Southsward. All goodbeasts dared not to say the name, lest the hordes came to them next. But underneath this dark cloak of fear and notoriety was a shattered, vengeful husk of his former self. Malumgula's armies had been devastated at Salmandastron the previous winter, leaving the survivors, a measly threescore, to flee into the snow...

"Hang on, Malumgula lost the battle at Salamandastron in AUTUMN, not winter!"
"Rrrrgh, silence! It doesn't matter what season that happened, okay?"

Now it was spring. Woodlanders danced joyously as the snow melted, not knowing that their greatest fear had just come out of hibernation...

~~~~~~~~~~

The weasel's paws began to shake with fear, causing him to drop the hand-line. Malumgula swatted the weasel heavily with his paw, sending the unfortunate vermin straight back into the river.
"Were you just trying to drown that ferret, Sharplips? I thought you knew, we need everybeast we have when we go back to deal with those Hellgates' damned hares and their stupid badger. So if you go along getting rid of my soldiers willynilly, I'll have to put a stop to that. To you."
The ferret, who had managed to haul himself out of the river, coughed, spitting water everywhere. Malumgula placed a footpaw on the back of his neck.
"Why did you let Sharplips push you around?"
*COUGH, SPLUTTER!*
"I have no room for weaklings in my horde. Let that happen again, then the second I have another useful creature that can do your job twice-over, you'll be staying here forever, under the dirt. Are we clear? Well?"
The ferret continued to cough and splutter, but held up a paw to signify that he understood. Malumgula nodded with satisfaction.
"Good! Sharplips, bring that fish to my fire. You want one yourself, go catch it. BY YOURSELF, understand?"
Sharplips nodded, fortunate that he still had his life. As the wildcat retired to his tent, the crowd began to disperse. The ferret staggered over to a small fire, where sat a short, shivering rat.
"H-h-h-hey, T-t-t-Turnob..."
Turnob dusted off a small boulder and sat next to the rat.
"Why are ye so cold, Grubslug? You're not the one that got dumped in the river. Heh heh...*ACK, SPLUTTER!*"
Grubslug's teeth chattered uncontrollably. The rat raised a paw to the hole in his ear, where a hooped earing had once hung.
"I used to be a p-p-p-p-pirate. I grew up in the t-t-t-t-t-tropics. 'Tis cold out 'ere, was much nicer aboard me ship..."

"Somebeast was dumb enough t'risk bein' mates wid yew? Hellgates, this Grubslug fella must've 'ad a head injury!"
"I'm serious, vixen. That's it, I'm done. Story's over."
The younger vermin seated around the ferret glared at him in shock. He simply shrugged and nodded towards the vixen.
"If she don' shuddup, I don' keep talkin'."
There was a cry of outrage, as the young vermin stampeded towards the vixen. She felt herself being dragged down under the full force of the angry young ones. A particularly bold baby stoat tottered towards the vixen with a rock, which he proceeded to stuff into her mouth.
"No talk, wanna hear stowwee!"
Using the vixen as a seat, the vermin piled up around her and listened expectantly. Finally, the ferret felt he could hear a pin drop in the clearing.
"THANK you! Okay, where was I..."

[Ashleg]

This is really great.

[Skyblade]

Good work on the fanfic Brilliant concept, too.

[Captain Tammo]

Woo! Somebody's making the story!

Well, as according to what Tammo had said, something like this will make an interesting story.

I wonder if we should have a contest about it. . .

What do you guys think, should we make this into a competition? I'd be game to give it a shot! Alternatively, we could try a pass-along fanfic and have each person take on the role of a different vermin telling the story (I think this would make our different writing styles make some more sense and even add to the story a bit)

[LT Sandpaw]

 Very well done Groddil, you've certainly got talent. I'll just run over certain things that stuck out at me.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGH! SHUT...UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! If you're gonna open yer mouth, at least do it by tellin' us a story. Argh, I likes a good story!"

While funny that is a bit of an odd way to introduce the motivation for story time. Also the exaggerated AAAAARRRGH doesn't really add anything. I'd suggest not making screams like that unless you want the characters to seem cartoonish. A shorter version would be less harsh on the eyes and incorporate a more hilarious sound, "Aaargh!" Looks better.

Also, it might just be a pet peeve that I dislike seeing dots in-between the words; SHUT...UP has a little line of periods that represent pause. Except they don't. The dots usually represents someone trailing off a sentence. If you wanted to make it pause but still forceful it would be in my opinion better to do, SHUT. UP!

Still a hilarious sentence.

TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL US ONE OR DIE!"

First off, Lol! Second, loud chants don't need to be all capitalized.

Hang on, Malumgula lost the battle at Salamandastron in AUTUMN, not winter!"
"Rrrrgh, silence! It doesn't matter what season that happened, okay?"

A funny little intervention by the unnamed vixen in the prologue is funny. Duh, problem is she asked for a story in the prologue as well. A good one if I remember correctly. So was she there during all this? Wouldn't she already know this tale? Are they both telling the story is it only the ferret? These are important questions! We need answers!

Ahem, anyway...

"Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
just a ferret in a big ole horde!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
Murderin' an' pillagin'; we're never bored!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin..."

Is it really? Like I swear this song sounds like those Nazi recruitment songs which were targeted at younger people convincing them that life fighting for Hitler was amazing. Anyone, even a messed up, bloodthirsty varmint knows that fighting, marching, and struggling to survive sucks. The song makes your vermin band sound like a cult trying to convince its followers that, "Hey guys, we're not bored at least!"

Very well done.

I thought you knew, we need everybeast we have when we go back to deal with those Hellgates' damned hares and their stupid badger.

What? He plans on taking the LP on again. Like I know vermin warlords need to look confident after a defeat to keep their position, but seriously. If three score is measly, then they used to have a big army. And now this ol' Mugnun cat thinks he's got any sort of chance? So he is planning on some serious recruitment, or some serious training. Either way he's crazy.

I wouldn't be surprised if the remnants of his army says, "Yeah Heeeell no we ain't going back there." right before stabbing him. Or at least trying too.

"I used to be a p-p-p-p-pirate. I grew up in the t-t-t-t-t-tropics. 'Tis cold out 'ere,

How did this guy survive though Autumn and Winter if he is shivering that much during the Spring?

was much nicer aboard me ship..."

His, ship...? Did he own it, was he a captain, or is he simply referring to the ship he was a crewmember on as his. Maybe he was a captain at one point, and a head injury made him forget his past awesomeness and he simply has fleeting memories of his forgotten life. Wouldn't that be a cool story arch, *Hint hint*

I WILL stop talking if you don't. Let...me...continue!"

Funny threat is funny, except it is also foolish because he has a load of younger vermin surrounding him demanding that he tell a story or they will kill him. Personally I don't know how the vixen has lasted so long after her continuous interruptions. I wouldn't be overly surprised if she gets gagged so the ferret can continuous his tale in peace.

Why are ye so cold, Grubslug?

How is it over a winter and autumn our ferret Turnob hasn't noticed Grubslug is cold? is this the first time he has ever been curious as to why Grubslug his shivering? Or is the rat sick. Who knows....

"I have no room for weaklings in my horde. Let that happen again, and you'll be staying here forever, under the dirt. Are we clear? Well?"

Huh? Didn't he just tell off Sharpy for trying to kill him? Does he need everyone to fight the LP except the unfortunates he kills? I'm going to say that it was most likely an empty threat, but a villain that makes empty threats looses his evilness. Grodds why you do this!?

What do you guys think, should we make this into a competition? I'd be game to give it a shot! Alternatively, we could try a pass-along fanfic and have each person take on the role of a different vermin telling the story (I think this would make our different writing styles make some more sense and even add to the story a bit)

Sounds fun Cap'n, count me in whatever you do.

[Groddil]

Very well done Groddil, you've certainly got talent. I'll just run over certain things that stuck out at me.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGH! SHUT...UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! If you're gonna open yer mouth, at least do it by tellin' us a story. Argh, I likes a good story!"

While funny that is a bit of an odd way to introduce the motivation for story time. Also the exaggerated AAAAARRRGH doesn't really add anything. I'd suggest not making screams like that unless you want the characters to seem cartoonish. A shorter version would be less harsh on the eyes and incorporate a more hilarious sound, "Aaargh!" Looks better.

Fair enough.

Also, it might just be a pet peeve that I dislike seeing dots in-between the words; SHUT...UP has a little line of periods that represent pause. Except they don't. The dots usually represents someone trailing off a sentence. If you wanted to make it pause but still forceful it would be in my opinion better to do, SHUT. UP!

Still a hilarious sentence.

I guess

TELL US ONE OR DIE! TELL US ONE OR DIE!"

First off, Lol! Second, loud chants don't need to be all capitalized.

If you say so

Hang on, Malumgula lost the battle at Salamandastron in AUTUMN, not winter!"
"Rrrrgh, silence! It doesn't matter what season that happened, okay?"

A funny little intervention by the unnamed vixen in the prologue is funny. Duh, problem is she asked for a story in the prologue as well. A good one if I remember correctly. So was she there during all this? Wouldn't she already know this tale? Are they both telling the story is it only the ferret? These are important questions! We need answers!

Ahem, anyway...

*sigh* Well, this was going to be addressed later. The vixen is indeed in the story, but not for long enough so that she already knows what's going on. Plus, the story is for other vermin as well.

"Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
just a ferret in a big ole horde!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin,
Murderin' an' pillagin'; we're never bored!
Oh, 'tis luvverly t'be a vermin..."

Is it really? Like I swear this song sounds like those Nazi recruitment songs which were targeted at younger people convincing them that life fighting for Hitler was amazing. Anyone, even a messed up, bloodthirsty varmint knows that fighting, marching, and struggling to survive sucks. The song makes your vermin band sound like a cult trying to convince its followers that, "Hey guys, we're not bored at least!"

Very well done.

Well, there's a song that's nearly identical in one of the books, actually. So I wrote it from memory and changed the words around a bit.

I thought you knew, we need everybeast we have when we go back to deal with those Hellgates' damned hares and their stupid badger.

What? He plans on taking the LP on again. Like I know vermin warlords need to look confident after a defeat to keep their position, but seriously. If three score is measly, then they used to have a big army. And now this ol' Mugnun cat thinks he's got any sort of chance? So he is planning on some serious recruitment, or some serious training. Either way he's crazy.

I wouldn't be surprised if the remnants of his army says, "Yeah Heeeell no we ain't going back there." right before stabbing him. Or at least trying too.

But underneath this dark cloak of fear and notoriety was a shattered, vengeful husk of his former self. This sorta implies that he isn't exactly allright in the head.

"I used to be a p-p-p-p-pirate. I grew up in the t-t-t-t-t-tropics. 'Tis cold out 'ere,

How did this guy survive though Autumn and Winter if he is shivering that much during the Spring?

See further below. And the odd thing about this is that he's shivering in Spring...

was much nicer aboard me ship..."

His, ship...? Did he own it, was he a captain, or is he simply referring to the ship he was a crewmember on as his. Maybe he was a captain at one point, and a head injury made him forget his past awesomeness and he simply has fleeting memories of his forgotten life. Wouldn't that be a cool story arch, *Hint hint*

If he survives long enough to remember...

I WILL stop talking if you don't. Let...me...continue!"

Funny threat is funny, except it is also foolish because he has a load of younger vermin surrounding him demanding that he tell a story or they will kill him. Personally I don't know how the vixen has lasted so long after her continuous interruptions. I wouldn't be overly surprised if she gets gagged so the ferret can continuous his tale in peace.

Hmm...Sounds like an interesting idea...

Why are ye so cold, Grubslug?

How is it over a winter and autumn our ferret Turnob hasn't noticed Grubslug is cold? is this the first time he has ever been curious as to why Grubslug is shivering? Or is the rat sick. Who knows....

He's noticed before, he just think's its odd that he's shivering in Spring. And might I point out that the shivering isn't normal, because of the cold, he just thinks it is.

"I have no room for weaklings in my horde. Let that happen again, and you'll be staying here forever, under the dirt. Are we clear? Well?"

Huh? Didn't he just tell off Sharpy for trying to kill him? Does he need everyone to fight the LP except the unfortunates he kills? I'm going to say that it was most likely an empty threat, but a villain that makes empty threats looses his evilness. Grodds why you do this!?

Changed this phrase a bit.

[Groddil]

Chapter 2 - Malumgula

"Alrighty, I 'ad t'get this next bit from th'vixen, but I din feel like lettin' 'er open 'er trap, do ye?"
His remark was met with a cry of disgusted 'boos'. The ferret chuckled, continuing his story.

The camp of Malumgula the Conqueror was in a state of unrest since the incident on the riverbank. Were they really going back to the Fire Mountain? How could the wildcat even consider going back to that place? This was a place of plunder, where the horde could live the easy life forever. Quietly stewing in his own juices, the wildcat sat at his fire, cursing how easily his plans had slipped out. He glared through the flames at the vixen chewing noisily on a roasted wood-pigeon leg.
"Vinarya! Stop lounging around like an entitled frog and tell me what the signs say! The mountain, do you see it?"
Vinarya emptied her satchel onto the fallen log. She tossed a handful of powder into the flames, causing the fire to roar upwards into the night sky. She pointed the wildcat towards several scattered rocks.
"The fires burn high, see the rocks? This large stone is the mountain. The smaller rocks show the creatures that lie dead at your footpaws. But this red stone, see here. More rocks, but these ones stand tall, unblemished. Methinks they may be the blood of thine enemies, but the true omens are hidden to me."
Malumgula growled hoarsely.
"Does it say HOW I win the fight, or is it just you making things up to please me?"
Vinarya gulped, scratching the back of her neck.
"Errr...Seeing the unknown is a difficult task, I need to rest for a bit before I continue."
Malumgula raised an eyebrow at the vixen's obvious getaway attempt, but decided to humor her.
"Fine. I want new information before noon tomorrow, or you'll be fighting on the frontlines in future, instead of lurking around in the shadows. Would you like that, Vinarya?"
The vixen went pale. Why was Malumgula making threats? Wasn't he all about keeping all of his creatures alive to attack the mountain again? Why were they attacking the mountain again? A suicide mission was all that would be. Was the wildcat even right in the head anymore after his previous defeat?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In fact, Vinarya's suspicions were shared equally by the rest of the horde. At the fire of Turnob and Grubslug, the shivering searat conversed with his friend in hushed tones.
"D'ya hear what 'ee said t'ya? Doesn't 'ee need erreybeast t'survive t'take on the mountain again? Why would 'ee kill yer?"
Turnob shrugged, dropping his voice to a harsh whisper.
"He was hurt pretty bad in the fight. What if it broke 'im inside as well? What if all 'ee thinks about now is gettin' revenge, doesn't care 'bout all of us?"
The searat nodded.
"Y'know what they say. Malumgula is a wildcat' beast possessed. I'll bet apples t'acorns that 'ee won't stop 'til 'ee kills errey last one o' those hares. If'n 'ee succeeds, we'll be living like kings. If not, well...We all know what'll happen."

[Ashleg]

An entitled frog...who'd have thought...

[Groddil]

Added some exposition to CHAPTER 2.

[Ashleg]

Continnuuuueee....

[Skyblade]

I like the vixen xD And the rising action.