Corrupt-a-Wish

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, ye get a forbidden fruit zat turnz ye intae a tomato if ye eat it.

Ah vizh fer a pie.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted. It's gluten free.

I wish my legs weren't so tired.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, zey juzt fell off inztead.

Ah vizh fer a noice kettle o' zoop.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted. The kettle is nice. The soup is not.

I wish I had legs.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, ye're na' a chair.

Ah vizh ze kettle und ze zoop vere noice.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted, but in the process of becoming nice, they teleported to Greenland.

I wish I wasn't a chair.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, ye're na' a ztaircaze.

Ah vizh fer a Fizh from Greenland.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted, but it doesn't speak the same language as you, so it doesn't understand your offer of friendship and swims away.

I wish for some ribbon.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, ye get a ribbon o' yer leazt favourite colour.

Ah vizh fer a loightzabre.

[Verdauga]

Granted. Unfortunately, you have a light sabre, which is made out of pool noodle foam and a stick.

I wish for a luxury car.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, but it'z zae luxuriouz ye 'ave tae pay a large amount o' money every toime ye vant tae droive it.

Ah vizh fer anozer zandvich.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted. 'Tis a sandwich containing blue cheese and rotten tomatoes.

I wish I could win a colouring in competition.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, but ye can never drav or colour in ever again.

Ah vizh ze double eperience event in Ztar Varz: Ze Auld Republic ztarted afore ze 22nd o' December.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Granted. It starts at 11:58pm on the 21st of December.

I wish Dad would hurry up.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Granted, 'e 'iz na' zae fazt 'e zpeedz by ye und ye can never keep up viz 'im.

Ah vizh ye could play aulder characterz in Pokémon gamez.