Corrupt-a-Wish

[Banya]

Granted.  You go sky diving and have the time of your life, until a strong, sudden gust of wind takes you off-course.  At landing, you land in such a way that your leg is twisted, your femur breaks and your leg is gashed open.  You have never experienced such excruciating pain.  The others lose sight of you and it takes them at least an hour to find you, unconscious from the pain.  You are quickly collected and the decision is made to drive you to the nearest hospital.  Since you are skydiving in the middle of literal nowhere, this is nearly a two hour drive.  On the way, it become apparent that the gash in your leg is infected and spreading rapidly.  They may have to cut it off...

I wish I could skip this next week and start Spring Break tomorrow.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You decide to spend your first day walking through the city. Unfortunately, as everybody else expects people your age to be in school, no school zones are active. You see places that you want to get to, but the streets you have to cross are very busy. You decide to try it anyway. Drivers swerve to avoid hitting you and crash into things. This happens everywhere you go. There's a news report on that evening about the unusual spike in (thankfully, non-fatal) traffic accidents that day. Video cameras show that you were present at each of these incidents, and the police take you to jail for your unsafe behavior. You're very quickly sentenced -- you have to serve 20,000 hours of community service giving speeches at schools about pedestrian safety. Your sentence starts next Monday, at your school.

I wish that emulators could always run everything that the original operating systems could run.

[Mhera]

Granted! But you get so much enjoyment from messing with all the really cool old programs that you begin to get sucked into being on them the whole day, and then week, and then month, and before you know it you're a techie Rip Van Winkle, as it's not until you're computer crashes twenty years from now that you snap out of your stupor to find the world completely changed and having moved on without you.

I wish my dog was clean.

[James Gryphon]

Sooo, where's the corrupted part?

Granted. You take the dog into the bathroom and dump it into the tub. After thirty minutes, you're able to get it clean. You're completely filthy, and tired from the work, but happy to see the dog's coat as it shines. You go to take a shower, but while you're in there, someone else in your family lets the dog outside. By the time you get dressed and are able to see what's happening, the dog's even dirtier than it was before. It was clean, but isn't now.

I wish that I could listen to any song I like, over and over again, without ever getting tired of it.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, but everyone around you gets tired and very annoyed of that music. They end up avoiding you all day and run from you if you try to talk to them. You continue listening to that song your whole life, sad and lonely since no one will talk to you.

I wish I could go to Scotland.

[Skyblade]

Granted! You take a plane to Scotland. But you are there for only a few minutes. After you get into the airport, which technically is a part of Scotland, the next thing you're doing is getting on your flight back to where you live.

I wish I could be in a woodwind ensemble again, and we played well and got along.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. The ensemble is terrific; all of the other players are world-class. You feel inferior, but the other members all like you for your winning personality, even though you're not as good a player as they are. The ensemble, who won a competition prior to your joining, has been chosen to go on a world tour, two years playing in different countries, with each member making a handsome sum. Unfortunately, because you only recently joined the group, the rules prevent you from going along. You never again have the opportunity to play with a group that good, and whenever you play with less skilled people, all you can think about is how much better it was with the world-class ensemble. Disappointed, you eventually stop playing altogether.

I wish that I couldn't fail.

[LT Sandpaw]

Granted, You are so completely infallible that you delve into things some people never dreamed of. Very quickly you become very rich and very successful. You win every Olympic event you finish anything you put your mind too. Because of your success rival athletes and scientists and even military leaders all come together to prove you guilty of horrible crimes. But you easily beat them in court and then go and argue for new laws and run for president in every country. You win every time and you are made king of the world for life. In your kingship people constantly attempt to end your life yet every time they fail and you succeed. After a while with no one to challenge you at anything you slowly go insane and blow up the world using your massive nuclear arsenal. Thinking yourself invincible you attempt to leave the planet with no rocket, spaceship or space suit. You succeed in getting into space though some strange way yet when you get into the atmosphere you slowly suffocate and float away remembered on earth as the worlds worst human, simply because you couldn't fail.

I wish I could go to the moon and back and live though it.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. A spaceship company makes a spaceship that they claim is so easy to use that someone who knows nothing about being an astronaut can do it. To back up their claim, they pick you as the commander of their first mission to the moon. You're nervous, but follow the list of instructions they provide you and have a faultless voyage. You become the second-most renowned person in the history of space travel, as everyone on Earth hears your words upon landing on the moon, "Man, this is cool". Your trip back is equally easy. When you return home to Earth, everyone takes their stock tickers out of storage and greet you in your parade through New York City. You get to visit the President and the Queen, and make speeches all across the Western world. For a while, you are the most famous person on Earth, and everything in your life is going great.

Unfortunately, it ends. You hit a low in five years and become severely depressed. Seeking an answer to the problems in your life, you feel the need to return to space, hoping that you can recapture your first experience. You ask the space company if there's an opening for another flight. Business is not so great now that other companies have started competing, and made moon travel commonplace, so, seeing the opportunity for a publicity coup, they offer you the opportunity to be the first man on Mars. You accept.

The trip is several months long, but their advanced technology makes it as painless as possible. In something like a reality TV show, everyone on Earth is able to watch your day-to-day life in the spaceship. For the first time in a long time, you're happy. You feel the old thrill of discovery as your ship begins to decelerate for a landing on Mars, and know that the magic is about to be recreated in your life once again.

Then a space rock hits the spaceship's fuel tank, puncturing it and causing it to explode. You die.

I wish that I was given $100 for every minute I'm snuggled up with my cat, so I would always have an excuse to do so.

[LT Sandpaw]

A interesting wish yet its granted.

You begin to collect money via snuggling with your cat, soon you are the richest man alive. Every time you snuggle with your cat a hundred dollars appears next too you. Eventually your money grows so large it begins to lose value faster then you can create it. Due too the fact that what your generating is just worthless paper you cause the massive stock market crash. It take a million dollars just to buy a candy bar. Soon the poor people require your money just to pay for a bus ride. Unable to get enough money the president decrees they will be using Rubles instead of dollars from now on. All your money is now worthless and you become the poorest person on earth. No matter how much you snuggle with your cat you can not create Rubles.

[Mhera]

Granted! But then you die.

I wish that I owned the Batmobile.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you have the Batmobile that was used in the last movie. Unfortunately, as it was designed as a movie prop and not a good street automobile, it isn't street legal. Even if you could drive it on public roads, you wouldn't want to; it has terrible gas mileage, and no safety features. As you have no practical use for it, it sits and rusts away on your property, until the city has it towed away for being a public eyesore. You are forced to pay a $1,000 fine, which exceeds the $100 you're able to sell it for on eBay.

I wish that I got a 100% discount at all restaurants and fast food joints.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You eat at the discounted restaurants so much, however, that you soon become sick of them and vow to only eat at home.

I wish people would stop complementing me.

[Skyblade]

Granted, people now never make things better for you. Instead, they aim to make your life worse in various ways.

I think you meant "compliment", but "complement" actually means something completely different: to complete something else or make it better. Dang, I sound like a know-it-all, but I like to be a grammar/diction Nazi. Honestly, though, I like compliments and can't fathom why someone would not want to receive any. I personally appreciate them a lot (maybe because they make me feel better about myself or show me that maybe I do have those good qualities). Anyway, I just wanted to express myself, I suppose.

I wish my personality was very, very close to perfect.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; a beaver brain ray changes your personality, and now it is very, very close to being perfectly obnoxious. Everyone who knew you before the change comment on how sweet you used to be, and what a contrast that was with how cynical, sarcastic, and insufferable you are now. Nobody wants to be around you, but your best friends stick around in the hopes that your old personality will someday shine through, and also so that they can keep you from hurting any of your other friends or acquaintances with your comments, as you now tend to do when you're left unguarded.



I wish that I never ran out of breath.