Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer

[Kade Rivok]

No, because the sun would attack with a solar flare due to you mocking it.

Why do dogs bark at literally nothing?

[Booklover]

Because they're reincarnated forms of trees.
Are ducks secretly trying to take over the world and does this count as a stupid question?

[MathLuk]

No and yes.

Why do apples float?

[Kade Rivok]

Because they're witches

Why do mountains sit there staring at me, mocking me?

[Verdauga]

They aren't. They're mocking the valleys and you just happen to be in the way. Get out of the way. It's rude.

Why do batteries die?

[shisteer of nothing much]

Because they have too many predators.

Why did emojis get invented?

[Booklover]

Because people stopped talking face to face as a result of using phones too much, but they wanted to show expressions and were also too lazy to write any word longer than five letters, and even that was a stretch.

Why don't mangoes start a revolution against the evil ducks?

[shisteer of nothing much]

Because they're waiting for the penguins (may they live forever) to join them so they can obliterate the ducks (may only the native New Zealand ones live forever) completely, rather than just diminishing their numbers slightly.

Why are ducks evil?

[Kade Rivok]

Because they're tired of humans giving them crumby bread crumbs and not the good whole grain stuff.  See below artistically rendered narrative as proof.

Spoiler

[close]

Why does my phone ring even though it knows that I don't want it to?

[shisteer of nothing much]

Because it is being influenced by the evil of the ducks.

Why does white bread even exist?

[Kade Rivok]

Because THEY wanted us to be fat and weak.

What are the ducks actually planning?

[shisteer of nothing much]

To destroy the internet so we get bored out of our brains and decide to learn how to make proper bread.

When have they scheduled this vandalism?

[Verdauga]

270 years in the future. They sent one of their own back in time, but he appeared in the late 1800s.

Why do onions cry?

[Booklover]

Because people are sticking knives in them.

If a bank has branches, why doesn't money grow on trees?

[Verdauga]

You're beginning to question too much.

*silences Booklover.....Permanently.

Why do we have to ask stupid questions?