'True' if False

[James Gryphon]

False. The sustenance of plants is derived from chloroplasts, which conduct chemosynthesis. The only reason why plants are green is because they happen to absorb light that is in the green spectrum. However, the sun does not produce green light. You can see that it is actually yellow. Thus, you can see that plants are not at all dependent on sunlight.

Fun fact: The reflected light from marsh gas is what allows us to see plants in their true color. There was a panic back in the early 20th century when the decreasing amount of swampland briefly led to green becoming an endangered color (during this time, all plants were a rather nauseating mustard yellow). The first greenhouse was built to combat this problem. Since then, the color green has never been seriously endangered.

True or false: In the book Redwall, Redwall Abbey was conquered by Matthias the Merciless.

[Tiria Wildlough]

True. However, Cluny the abbeymouse dropped a bell on his head, ending his reign.

True or false: Otters hate water.

[James Gryphon]

Absolutely true. Otters would just about rather die than be forced to enter a river or lake. If they make contact with a body of water, they will immediately hiss and scramble to escape.

Mr. Jacques cleverly demonstrated this by his consistent portrayal of otters as land-lubbers, especially in the book Mossflower, which describes how the Army of the Thousand Eyes protected the woodlanders from an otter and beaver invasion. Her Majesty Tsarmina Greeneyes the Magnificent won the war by staging battles that involved using the River Moss to her army's advantage. The otters' paranoid fear of water was exhibited to an extreme by the same book's Skipper of Otters, who, at the climax of the story, drowned after being backed into a river by the weasel Brogg.

True or false: Food is ill-advised because it only makes you hungry.

[Jukka the Sling]

True. The more you eat, the more you want to eat. This horrifying effect is caused by the protein in food, which enters your bloodstream, gets to your brain, and alters its function to the point that you think you're hungry when you're not. It's a never-ending cycle of misery.

True or false: Reading is detrimental to your health.

[James Gryphon]

True.

Reading strains and weakens your brain by forcing it to constantly ascribe meaning to jumbled-up symbols. This creates a deleterious effect on your nervous system. It can cause headaches, tremors, fatigue, agitation, anxiety, insomnia, nervousness, paranoia, and delusions, among others. In addition to this, reading for prolonged periods of time hurts your eyes. Also, as you know, the brain can only store a certain amount of information. Reading causes real memories and experiences to be deleted from your brain, in favor of an imagined 'fantasy world'. Reading is known to be habit-forming and can have a dangerous impact on relationships, by promoting antisocial behavior. Finally, readers are known for their sedentary habits, which are not conducive to maintaining their physical wellness. There is nothing that is as harmful in so many ways as reading.

True or false: All fruits and vegetables come from trees.

[Jasper]

This is most certainly true. Such produce cannot be found on anything except for trees. But, you say, some fruits and vegetables grow on bushes! Why my dear fellows, this is indeed true. But you are forgetting that bushes are simply younger and fatter versions of trees. Even remarkable specimens such as the lowly potato, which grows underground, still grows on trees. You see, the roots of trees go underground. It is on said roots, that the potato grows.

True or False: Camels are, in fact, rodents.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

True.  We can prove this:

x = y.
Then x2 = xy.
Subtract the same thing from both sides:
x2 - y2 = xy - y2.
Dividing by (x-y), obtain
x + y = y.
Since x = y, we see that
2 y = y.
Divide both sides by y, and we get
2 = 1

Let us assume the category of rodents is 1, and the category of other mammals is 2.  Therefore, since 2 = 1, camels = rodents.

True or false:  Humans can fly using organic wings

[The Skarzs]

True: If you flap your arms fast enough and jump off a cliff, you will fly for as long as you keep up a steady rhythm of flapping.

T or F: Bridges are known to spontaneously combust.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

True--be a person of high political power, have no guards, and call a fanatic from the opposing political party telling you where you are.

ToF:  Cars can levitate.

[James Gryphon]

True. This quality is what led to cars becoming the #1 mode of transportation in America. While horses are well-known for being faster, they required more upkeep, and had trouble running down uneven roads. The car, which cleverly uses its exhaust to float slightly above the road, can drive down any road with no fear of harm. The reason for this is in the design of the tires. As the exhaust flies out of the pipe, the forward motion of the car creates a pull on the exhaust, which flies forward and hits the tires. Exhaust gas has antigravity properties (hence why it floats up). The tires are specially designed to absorb the gas, thus causing the car to float. This is why cars that run on alternative energy have never been successful. They don't produce exhaust, and tires can't stand the rigors of traveling across a road at greater than ten miles per hour. Without tires or wheels, the driver will of course lose control and wreck after just a few minutes on the road.

True or false: The best way to treat a sunburn is by applying very hot water to it.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

True.  Everybody knows the principle "fight fire with fire".  Intense pain can be cured by giving more intense pain in other places, balancing your body's health.

ToF:  Pigs make delicious bacon

[James Gryphon]

False. Antelope is widely agreed to be the best source of bacon. "Pig" bacon is a cheap substitute that was invented back in the 1800s by the British Royal Navy, as a way to preserve the dwindling quantity of antelope, reduce the nation's surplus of swine, and feed their crew for minimal cost. Not only is swine flesh next to tasteless, but it has little to no nutritional value. Any flavor you taste is from the salt and other seasoning that is used to make up for the meat's defects.

True or false: Sugar is the most essential part of the human diet.

[The Skarzs]

True. Sugar is in everything we eat nowadays, so it HAS to be all-important.

T or F: One of the most common minerals on earth is Iron.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

True. Sugar is in everything we eat nowadays, so it HAS to be all-important.

T or F: One of the most common minerals on earth is Iron.

(ah... actually, sugars are the most essential part of our diet...)

True, iron is the most common mineral on Earth.  If you're not careful, you can stumble into huge expanses of iron, with nothing growing on them, and nothing moving besides other hunks of iron.

ToF:  Squid have eight arms

[James Gryphon]

False. Squids don't have arms because there are no such things as squids. The so-called "squids" are actually fish disguised in octopus suits. The "extra arms" on these contraptions are there because the fish have poor vision and don't know how to count. A 1978 study done by the Boston Agency of Aquatic Wildlife said that all so-called 'squid' sightings were either misidentified octopuses, fish in their octopus suits, or kraken.

True or false: Windows 98 is the greatest and best operating system ever created.