Overlord's Orders XII

[James Gryphon]

OOC: Major walls of text... now I know what Daniel and Tagg felt like in IX. Some of it is a little confusing, too. I did the best I could.
Edit note: changed wording of first sentence

"I didn't disagree with the idea of getting new supplies, since we were dangerously low on them, no thanks to Delthion. I objected to the idea of using your money to obtain a new boat, though, which LT Sandpaw had meant to do. He said, "Surely Jaspy Claus didn't really mean for us to be stuck in this rowboat. Let's buy the biggest and most expensive thing they have in St. Petersburg. We can do it; I know Jaspy's secret account numbers." I was displeased with both this disrespect and misuse of your resources, and said so, but Sandpaw waved me off, saying, "Jaspycakes won't mind a bit." I found this remark very creepy, and figuring that I was dealing with a deranged individual, was careful to avoid offending him unnecessarily for the rest of the mission, even playing his ridiculous 'worst threat' game to keep him occupied. I figured that we could stop in Russia, since it was the closest place for supplies, but that I would take action at that time to prevent wasting your valuable money."

"We were buying supplies when Sandpaw literally bumped into Ivan. I tried to tell LT, but he wouldn't stay still long enough to listen -- Ivan is known in diplomatic circles as "the Terrible". He's renowned for blackmail, paramilitary operations, and assassinating everyone that might talk about the above. LT had already agreed to everything, so, fearing that we might be bumped off early if we didn't cooperate, I agreed to the plan previously mentioned, hoping that the elves we rescued could help us turn the tables on him."

"The mission went along as described by these others, with me doing just enough to keep us in our hosts' good graces. Delthion had figured out that Ivan was crooked by the time we got to the island, and began passive resistance. I tried to tell him that there were better ways of getting things done, but he just stuck his fingers in his ears and said "I can't hear you". When we were rescuing Sandpaw, Delthion apparently thought this was to Ivan's benefit, hence his throwing ineffective pebbles instead of helping. You'll have to ask him how helping one of your servants escape wasn't paramount."

"Anyway, I saw the reactor assembly after it had been put together. It looked fine, and should have worked, except that Delthion took a piece of it and threw it into an incinerator. I guess that was the asparagus-proofer, because a minute later Ivan screamed and said that the reactor was going to explode and kill us all in fifteen seconds. Fortunately, I was able to prevent this from happening by a jury-rigged repair involving a pencil, six double-A batteries, and a towel. The reactor would melt down, but it wouldn't immediately kill us all. Ivan was so grateful for my saving his life that he promised his complete cooperation in accomplishing our mission and safe return. I knew that he never broke his promises, and used this to plan our rescue."

"We could have gotten away in time, using Ivan's ship, and saved the lives of all of the elves, but as mentioned before, Delthion stored mermaids onboard. Getting those off took so much time that we couldn't load your servants in time to get the ship out of the blast radius, and they were killed in the explosion. I have no clue why Delthion thought that bringing vicious, elf-eating, nuclear-proof mermaids on the ship was a good idea, or why he prioritized this over the safety of your servants. He will have to explain that."

[LT Sandpaw]

Mr Santa sir, I must insist that even though Ivan has a rather dark past, that he is a great friend of mine and would never betray me or leave my friends behind. Granted he will use you for all your worth if he can get something out of it but he will never leave you after he's gotten everything he can.
As for my remarks about yourself sir are inexcusable, I admit I was a little cabin sick and tired from all the rowing Because Del wouldn't take his turn. However I was completely sane.

[Delthion]

OOC: James, I already said that I tried to help LT but I was a very weak swimmer.

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians, it is true that I threw a piece of the reactor into the incinerator. But what they didn't know is that I was being threatened by the Indians, if I did not try to blow up the reactor, everyone except LT would die, they said to me (an exact quote in the proper language.) That LT was helping them because he wanted to become the Claus of the southern hemisphere. The only reason I was sneaking into the supplies at night was because LT had poisoned me and said that if I didn't constantly eat I would die. LT was with the mermaids, and previously Ivan who was working with LT said if I didn't store several of them in the ship, he would throw the nuclear reactor into our vessel and remain on the island. The reason I would not take my turn rowing was because the mermaids that were there were attacking anyone who wasn't LT, he had been flirting with them for no reason, and convinced them to hate every other living being on the planet. Anyway, they became insanely jealous and wouldn't let anyone but LT row!

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: Ah but I already mentioned I never threatened you or James outside the competitions, So most of that isn't possible.

BIC: Mr. Clause sir his excuses are becoming more ridiculous by the second. Clearly the Indians wanted me dead very badly and by convincing Delthion to destroy the reactor it would kill me. At that point the Indians seriously hated me and would never work for or with me, They hated me.

[Delthion]

OOC: But I already said that they were helping you, and they threatened me, not you. Right?

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: I don't know man, this games rules are complicated, I'm going to say that in light of the mermaids it was still your idea because I can't threaten you, but the food poisoning is something I did, that wok for you?

[Delthion]

OOC: The mermaids was something that Ivan did...

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: Riiight okay you know what were just going to role with it sorry about this Jasper


BIC: Mr Santa sir please realize I had no idea the mermaids were on board the ship, however the elf Delthion knew they were on and instead of just warning me of their presence he attempted to keep me from entering the ship. 

[Delthion]

Most gracious and benevolent of all of the esteemed Clausians, while it is true that I was preventing LT from gaining entrance to the ship, it was only because he had accidentally gotten the reactor caught on his jacket, I tried to tell him this but he was busy talking with the mermaids, then when I stopped he would try to gain access again, then when I would try to tell him what was going on he would go back to talking with the mermaids.

[Jasper]

Delthion, if I am to understand this correctly, you got my elves killed by running around with mermaids! Honestly, I understand why that would seem like a good idea, but you need to learn to put the mission first. Unfortunately, the time of learning has long been over.  The island, as you may guess, is a nuclear shock zone right now. Severe radiation and mutant animals cover the whole place. Delthion, I will be sending you back to the island. Hopefully you will soak up a good portion of the radiation before you mutate and possibly die. It's for the good of the community there - I'm sure you'll understand.

As Delthion dissolved with the push of a lever, Jasper turned to his last two servants. Both of you have been better than my other servants, although you must admit your efforts have been only slightly past useless. However, I have something important to tell you.

Long ago I was given the choice of any universe to travel to - all I had to do was pick. I chose this one, and I don't regret it a bit. What I didn't know, is that it works in a way similar to human airport scanners. As you may have heard, human airport scanners supposedly cause cancer. This effect is similar to the effect of changing universes, except universe changing magnifies it. I have switched universes many times using... well that's of no concern to you. I am afraid I am deeply depleted, and the time must soon come when I succumb to the disease.

I need a replacement. And I've decided that.....

...


...


...


Another version of me must take my place. (Wipe those silly looks of anticipation of your faces!) Now, this other version of me is currently a reindeer, but when he travels here, I've arranged for him to be transformed to replace me. We need to convince him to come. That's where you come in. You will compose a short poem praising and glorifying this reindeer version of me, I particularly like rhymes, and it must be made by you alone. Once you give me your poems, I will submit them to the reindeer. If he likes one of them, and comes, I will grant that writer access to my equipment. Any universe you want to be in... at your fingerprints. I expect to see your submissions soon!

PS: PM them to me! That way you don't get influence off the others poem.   I will post both when I have them.

PPS: I will take how funny the poem is into account.  

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: A poem you got to be serious, ah James you any good at poetry because I'm not, I will try my best though...

[Delthion]

OOC: Well done LT, I thought I had victory in my grasp at my last post, I'm not sure where Jasper saw that, but well done!

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: GG to you too *high five* I thought I was toast

[Delthion]

OOC: I thought you were too!

[Jasper]

OOC: Yes. It was incredibly close. I decided to go with the one who most directly ruined the mission