Overlord's Orders XII

[Delthion]

OOC: That's from Star Trek! "Two moons circle." And then with Deannna and her visions!

[James Gryphon]

Gryph rolled his eyes as he listened to the latest wave of accusations. "These so-called 'servants' are getting desperate. From the moment we came here to the present, it's been nothing but non-stop attacks against my character. They're in league against me. I don't know why this is, but I suspect that they're plotting against your Majesty, and feel that the best way to sabotage these missions is to try to frame your most loyal servant. If they were merely incompetent, the laws of probability would dictate that part of their decisions would serve your Majesty's interests."

"I admit that I poisoned Sam, but this was due punishment for his treasonous behavior. From the beginning he has done nothing but plot against you. He attempted to assassinate the Grinch, ruining our relations; he poisoned your Majesty's jalapeño pepper farm, and in his diary, which Tagg stole and read during our trip, he wrote his plans to poison the food that we took from the store. I confiscated his bottle of poison and forced him to drink the entire thing. Unfortunately, he wasn't laid low as one would expect; instead he became even more deeply deranged than he had been. Well, he had apparently hidden a second bottle up his sleeve. Before I could stop him he had poisoned a large quantity of food. Don't blame me, blame the traitor Sam. As for Soren, I saw him smiling when Sam started poisoning things, and he didn't lift a finger to prevent it. He actually smirked when he said we couldn't take the food."

"The man I was talking to on the phone was a friend of mine in your Majesty's secret service, who is undercover in the police department. I was speaking in code. The encoded message warned him of the treachery against your Majesty and also one of the ringleaders I believed responsible for it. The use of the name 'Freddie Martinez' meant that the traitors should be dealt with by any means necessary. I hoped that he could send secret agents to help prevent the disaster, but unfortunately they couldn't get there in time to make a difference."

[LT Sandpaw]

Great Claus, Mr Santa sir, I apologies for my negligent attitude with the Green Ooze, I must have forgotten that at the time not everyone was a super Ninja, for I could navigate the floors and walls with ease.
As for the accusations about your servants loyalty you may know I have no love for James or Sam for what they have done to me,
*Points at glasses frames still stuck to his face*
The two have sabotaged our efforts to complete the mission sucking off our lack of team work. If it is just selfish attempts at jokes or true betrayal I do not know, I have no part in any group or effort against you and I would like to think my comrades are the same way.

[SilentSam]

O great overlord, it is true that I was poisoning the food, but it was because James and Tagg were trying to find my diary. I tried to hide it from them, but they kept shaking and punching me. Eventually, they hit me so hard, they knocked me out. I don't know where James got me poisoning your jalapeño farm, and he still thinks I tried to assassinate the grinch? Anyway, I don't remember writing down poisoning the food. I suspect that Tagg wrote it down, as we know he doesn't like me. Anyway, the "poison" that James said was poison, was from the store. I admit I took it, but it said "heavy duty soap". I took the tags off, knowing that the alarm would go off. And if no one knows, I am a clean freak.

[James Gryphon]

"Sandpaw is right about one thing: I'm not a 'team player'. Unlike others, I put obeying your Majesty and accomplishing our mission objectives above conspiracy and treachery. I have done everything I can to sabotage their efforts at counteracting our missions, and I make no apology for that. I will say one thing for their teamwork, though -- they've done a spectacular job in trying to make me seem responsible for everything they did wrong. It's just too bad for them that I'm here to defend myself."

"As for Sam, I was there when I saw him tell that former servant to kill the Grinch in that other mission; I was there when I saw him sprinkle that suspicious powder on the jalapeños, requiring me to take them to save the reindeer from being poisoned, and I was there when he said he wished we couldn't bring back any food. Given his extensive record of ill-doing, I asked Tagg to keep an eye on him. I don't normally approve of violence, but after Tagg, who was reading over Sam's shoulder, caught a glimpse of the words "put rat poison on the food", it was evident that reading Sam's diary was necessary to make sure that we could foil his plot. His staunch refusal (saying "I wouldn't let the Overlord himself read my diary") and threat to stab Tagg with a pocket knife, proved ill intent on his part. Sam got exactly what he deserved."

[Delthion]

Yes, most gracious and kind of all of the esteemed Clausians, Gryphon, is right. But he is wrong about one thing, I also put everything aside before obeying you. I was only ever acting for you, I am deeply sorry that it was not good enough, but know that I have tried to the best of my ability to serve you.

[SilentSam]

O Great Overlord, obviously James forgot his Grinch, "poisoning him" means in Grinch -  "that servant is crazy". I was talking about one of the past servants that eventually "left" because he did... Strange things. We were also practicing Grinch because we were preparing to see him. Anyway, James doesn't mention that it was snowing. I don't know why James overreacted to snow. Also, some crazy person stole my dairy, and I keep finding strange stuff in it. Then, I saw Tagg taking my diary, ripping out pages and showing them to Gryphon but soon they kept trying to anger me, and unfortunately, I fell for it, and threatened Tagg with a pocket knife. And that I said I wouldn't let you read my diary, well that was just a phrase to  say how powerful you were, and how much I didn't want them to see it, but of course I would let you read it. I did say that I wish we didn't bring back food, as Tagg kept saying "I bet you wish that we didn't bring the food. So I said it, being sarcastic.

[Jasper]

 Enough of this ridiculous nonsense! Honestly I don't know what to make of this. You horrible lot claim your undying loyalty here, and when I'm not around you commit these disturbing acts that seem completely contrary to it! Elves are supposed to work as a team for the benefit of me! You all are working as individuals, and certainly not to benefit me, it seems. You have done some severe damage to the cause, and it will no longer be tolerated.

Sam, so help me if you ever dare to try speaking Grinch again, I will roast you alive like a Christmas Chestnut! You've ruined half of several missions due to your ridiculous use of foreign languages! That goes for all of you! Teamwork only works when you can communicate, and when you use different languages, communication is no good!

Jasper put a hand on his forehead and sighed in frustration.

Very well... There will be no new year's celebration this year... Unspeakable, but I am afraid you have left me no choice. One of you, he paused for effect, then continued, will suffer for this.

Tagg, you have been mostly silent through this! If these servants are to be believed, you stole Sam's diary and read it? What were you thinking? You should have been focusing on the task I gave you! There is no time for pleasantry and reading in this business. Furthermore, this seems to be an ongoing thing with you. Making tea, lazing around; there is no room for such a useless layabout on my team! Now to punish you. If you like being lazy so much, perhaps it is best that you take a nap every day... on top of a fire ant hill! That seems appropriate! Don't look at me like that, this is fair! I'm giving you a free break every day! Rudolph, you are to transport this elf to my facility down in Texas - the one with the fire ant problem. Thank you...

As Tagg was dragged away by the red-nosed reindeer, Jasper turned back to the remaining servants. So few of you, I must admit this is far from what I expected when I started this venture... nevertheless, let's move on. I think you lot may work better together with the new orders I've given you. Stick to them, and I'll give you one...last...chance.

Have you ever heard of Snow Miser? He is the one who controls winter. He can send snowstorms, cold temperatures, icy winds(you get the gist) anywhere. The only thing stopping him is his brother Heat Miser. Well, this year Snow Miser is being a little uncooperative. You see, he has frozen solid many of the cities that should now be under Heat Miser's jurisdiction. I'm afraid they rather hate one another, and refuse to work it out.

You lot are going to change the weather! I don't care how you do it, but you need to raise the temperatures throughout the world by 10 degrees. We can't have an eternal winter going! Christmas is over, and the new year is beginning! Now go, and do be a bit wiser this time!

... A few days later

The servants were in their normal restrained positions when the door to the office opened. Something resembling a yeti walked into the room. It was Jasper Clause - he was wrapped tight in many layers of cloths, and covered in ice and snow. Coughing, he slowly removed them until he was once again dressed in his normal attire.

Honestly, I can't believe I had any faith in you. You've brought a New Ice age in the Northern Regions! I hear down in the south things are so hot people catch on fire if they walk outside! I hear Tagg was taking one of his naps when he was roasted alive! You realize I may well charge you with the murder of an important prisoner of our organization!? Explain yourselves, and how you did this!

[James Gryphon]

"At Delthion's insistence, we talked both Misers into a peace conference, promising them truckloads of free presents if they would try to work out their differences. With a bribe on the table they agreed, and we started to discuss how and where we would do the conference. Heat Miser said that he didn't care where, but that any temperature under 60 degrees was unacceptable. Snow Miser said the same, except that he said over 40 was too hot. I had foreseen the possibility of incompatible environmental requirements, and recommended that we have a video conference instead of having them meet in person, but Soren said it was necessary for them to learn to compromise. He invited them to the hotel we were staying at, the most temperate location on Earth, and set the thermostat to 50."

"Both Misers were upset at the temperature, and their attitude didn't get any better as we continued. We had decided to hold a ceremonial dinner. Well, Sandpaw got confused, and thought the dessert was supposed to come first. He was supposed to serve carrot cake, but instead he brought out popsicles. Heat Miser exploded in a rage -- he said, and I quote, "SO YOU THINK COLD COMES FIRST?", and melted not only his popsicle but everyone else's."

"In spite of that, we went ahead with the meal. The soup was next, and it was really hot. Heat Miser liked it, but Snow Miser screamed in pain as soon as he tasted it, and froze all of the soup in everyone's bowls. Heat Miser refused to eat any more, saying that food is never as good reheated. Sam said, "So the cold is too much for you", and started to taunt Heat Miser by chattering his teeth. Heat Miser was incensed, melted the bowl of soup in his clutch, and stormed out, incinerating half of the building as he went. Snow Miser was also offended by the hot soup, and got revenge by turning the other half of the building into snow as he left. We managed to survive and eventually escape the island by staying in the temperate zone between the two Misers, but the result for the rest of the world has been catastrophic."

[Søren]

Your greatness, while it is true that I suggested the temperate climate, all modern psychiatrists and diplomats say that communication and compromise is key. But that's besides the point. The point I'm trying to make is that James has left out a few precious details.
While I ended  up being the one to actually say it, James was actually promoting the idea of a temperate climate. He kept pressuring me to tell the others too set that as a location. He said he didn't want any respect of acknowledgement for the suggestion. However, when I finally mentioned it, he had a recorder in his hand and started jumping up and down yelling " HE SAID IT HE SAID IT!!!". I had no idea what he was doing this for, but I have come to realize it now.

Sandpaw tried to get the menu right, but James changed the menu selection and schedule. He said "it's better this way". That they would "appreciate a nice, cool dessert first". Sandpaw was only doing as he was told.

As for Sam's actions, all I can say is this: blackmail. Sam had confided in me his problem, while on the way to the hotel.. He told me that James was sending him blackmailing voice messages. I heard them myself, it was James. He said that he was going to tell the world what he saw in James diary from the last mission. James said something so mean I can't even say it here my lord.

Now your lordship, please acknowledge when I say that I had absolutely no further involvement in any of the events from this mission. Nor do I have further testimony. I am truly sorry for what has happened here today. But it's all James fault.

[LT Sandpaw]

Mr Santa sir, I would like t apologies for not helping this meeting along, even though it means nothing to you, I understand now that someone tampered with the menu, I brought out the popsicles with the plan to bring hot fudge right after. Unfortunately we were unable to eat either, when I brought out the soup I didn't think they would be insulted by my famous tomato soup.
I was incredible angry at how they had both hated my food, I did not react however and merely stayed in the background and hope the others could fix this mess. I then had the idea to serve hot chocolate and iced coffee, but I couldn't serve it fast enough and the Misers destroyed the town.
If James hadn't messed with the menu or if Sam hadn't started teasing the Heat Miser we may have been able to pull this off.

[SilentSam]

Overlord, I assure you it was not me. As Soren said, it was blackmail. James would read the things in my diary if I didn't tease heat miser. James had said that he hates heat miser because he thinks that heat should be eliminated. He also said that he would disrupt the peace by turning down the temperature to 30 degrees, and say I did it. It is James's fault for being selfish, and not helping us.

[James Gryphon]

"Let me do my fellow servants a favor and paraphrase what they said. 'OOOH OOOH IT'S ALL JAMES FAULT OOOK OOK EEK EEK.'"

"I was cautious when we started this mission, because I knew that these others were going to spend all of their energy trying to find ways to frame me for problems. They held a brainstorming session, and conveniently 'forgot' to invite me. Right before the event, Delthion seemed to have a change of heart, told me that he wanted to start over with our relationship, and told me they were having a meeting. I brought my recorder so that we would have an audio copy of the meeting, as your Majesty required in section 4.2.31 of the new elves' rulebook. (As it was, I'm not sure any of them had planned to do it, making their 'meeting' in violation of regulations.)"

"Anyway, Soren and the others openly glared at me when I entered the room, but otherwise the meeting seemed to start without any trouble. As it went on, though, it became obvious that the others had no interest in hearing anything I had to say. Case in point: Soren was 'going around the table' for suggestions, but skipped me five times. Then, when I finally pointed out his error, he said "Oh, shut up, you don't have anything to say that's worth hearing". I had been trying to point out the merits of a video peace conference, but the others paid no attention. Meanwhile, Sam and Sandpaw were making ridiculous suggestions, like that the Misers should switch jobs, or that we should hold a foot race and that the fastest Miser would get their way."

"Delthion proposed a conference, but said we should hold it at the North Pole. Soren said the most reasonable place would be the Sahara Desert. They argued for a few minutes, completely ignoring my suggestion for a video conference. Finally, I said that if they wouldn't listen to my prior suggestion, they could at least pick a temperate climate over the biased ones they wanted. I said that listening to my suggestion wasn't about me getting credit, but doing what was right to complete the mission. Soren pretended he didn't hear me, but five minutes later, he proposed the idea I had just mentioned, using my exact words, and acted as though he had thought of it himself. I was so amazed that he actually supported what I had to say, even in a backhanded way, that I reacted as he mentioned."

"The menu selection was Soren's fault. He 'put me in charge' of the menu, but then stood there and vetoed everything that I said. Whenever I wrote something down, he said that we were going to do the opposite. I have some knowledge of these functions, you know, as a former ambassador, but Soren apparently didn't think that was of any value. Finally I proposed a ridiculous menu, which would do the opposite of what we wanted, expecting that Soren would, as before, veto it, thus making the menu reasonably close to what it should have been. Instead, he clapped and cheered, saying "That's the best idea I've ever heard!" I tried to tell him that this would be a mistake and ruin the function, but he said "No it won't, you have no idea. The Misers will love this menu. We're keeping it no matter what."

"As far as the alleged blackmail goes, that was all Sandpaw. They caught a flight early without telling me, trying to leave me behind. I called to see what was up, but only got voice mail. Seeing that I might not make it in time for the function, I gave them a few pointers as how to make things work out. Sandpaw called me a moment later, thanking me for the voice mail, and said that it would be great material for framing me. He edited my message and rearranged all the words to form new sentences blackmailing Sam, threatening the conference, and saying that 'mean' thing. I'd think Sam should have known it wasn't really me, but just my voice -- as I said before, I moved to Iraq to get away from the cold, and it makes no sense to think that I would want to get rid of heat now -- but I guess he left his thinking cap off when he listened to his phone."

[LT Sandpaw]

Mr Santa sir, what James said is true, while the ridiculous suggestions were merely between me and Sam and wasn't supposed to be taken seriously by the others, we were joking with each other trying to come up with the most ridiculous things we could. Everyone else got that it was a joke but I believe James was under a little stress from the constant attacks from Delthion and Soren and didn't get they were just jokes.
As for the messaging system, it was not me that answered it but Delthion. I had unfortunately lost my phone on mount Everest a short while back. Delthion found it and forgot to give it back to me until a short while before the meeting with the misers, I looked for any missed calls but there was none them memory had been erased. I then asked Soren later and he said he had seen Delthion use it to frame James for blackmailing Sam, He even had a voice bot mimicking me. I was angry but Delthion said it was all just an elaborate joke and he wouldn't think of using it to jeopardize the mission itself. Being gullible I believed him and continued with the mission not giving it a second thought, I had no idea Deltthion would activate the blackmail during the mission itself, I hadn't realized that he would go so far to incriminate James even risking the lives of his fellow servants.

[Delthion]

I am sorry most gracious and esteemed of all of the most gracious Clausians, for causing the argument about the location. I was attempting to notify James of all of the plots against him when Soren caught me and said; "Oh, now you're trying to change sides are we? Can't handle anymore lies?" With that he grabbed an icicle from the cold miser and told me that if I did not cause some sort of argument I would pay.

As for the phone, I had found photos of you with the Grinch and the evil elves laughing at a banquet, they appeared to be Photoshopped and I had wiped the phone's memory to prevent you from being blackmailed. When I said that it was all an elaborate joke I was referring to the Photoshopped picture. I found that this was all done by SilentSam, in an attempt to incriminate both LT and James, I told James of this and found Soren there, with an icicle ready to be rammed through my throat. I managed to escape and witness LT trying to sabotage every effort of Gryphon's, I tried to stop him but Soren was after me and I left running. With Soren close behind.