Overlord's Orders XII

[Søren]

Sir, though it is true that I did the things described here, that not the ENTIRE truth.
Sam had told me that James was recently put in a insane asylum and that he was "unstable" and "mentally insane". He said "You should listen to what he says, he's delusional." (Exact quote my lord.)
For this reason I didn't listen at all to what James said. Sam had told me that ignoring him is the best way for him to come to terms with his condition and start accepting help. So I was ignoring him only for this reason. If I had known that James was in perfect health then I would have never done these things. I am truly sorry my lord, but I was deceived by Sam.
As for Del, Sandpaw had told me that Del was plotting against the Russian government. For some reason, he hated it. Sandpaw told me he was trying to gather a terrorist resistance group, in order to assassinate the Russian president. We all know that killing the Russian president would derail the world and cause mass chaos. I was trying to find Del when I saw him with a small device in his hand, a walkie-talkie. He told whoever was on the other end: "It's time. I'll distract the Gryphon and then you kill the President. James mustn't know it until it's too late, or else he'll have his Iraci people on us." I instantly realized what was happening and tried to confront Del. That is why I attacked him with there icicle and chased him. To save the world, my lord.
I deeply regret the events of this mission, but it was Sam and Del who derailed it.
I assure you, this is all I know. I wasn't involved at all with anything else during this mission and whatever these people try to convince you in thinking, I wasn't a part of it. After these events, I simply left and went to our rendezvous site. From there, I waited until we were delivered here my lord.
I am sorry for the foolishness and hate that unfortunately fills your OTHER servants.

[Delthion]

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the wondrous Clausians, it is true that I was saying that, but it is very obvious that Soren did not study for the mission. I was talking to the miser's security details, in the languages of frost and heat. When Soren said I was talking about the plotting against the Russian government, I was really saying; "Wow, the miser seems to be really breaking the ice." And when I was talking about distracting Gryphon, I was saying; "Amazing, the miser seems to be really warming up to him." So aside from the terrible puns I am completely innocent!

[Jasper]

It's clear I can't trust your interactions with anyone - including each other. It may displease you to know that I've managed to solve your temperature catastrophe with some connections I have with the time industry. Anyway,

This mission was terrible! One of you seems to be in the middle of these ridiculous clashing accusations all the time. Sam! From Diaries to conspiracies, you're always in the middle of it! Talking about others behind their backs, speaking in unknown languages. I've had enough! I've informed the Grinch of your efforts to ruin his most prized possession and to end his life. He is eager to get his hands on you, and I'm afraid I must oblige him, for old time's sake. I wish you luck; you will need it. The Grinch is very ill - natured to servants who have done him no wrong. I dread to imagine what he will do to you...

Now my next move may surprise some of you. I've gained a good deal of grey hair off you lot, and we've all been very busy lately around the North Pole. I am going to attribute this unexplainable failure of late to the incredible stress you were under. So, I've decided to give you a day off of your duties as elves! Now, now, don't look so happy! I do have some instructions for you! We are going to have a North-Pole wide relaxation day. You lot are to do nothing to disturb the peace. You will remain in your residence area together and relax. You need it, and with you in there, there's a chance the rest of us may be able to relax for a change.

You got all that? Stay in the hall together, and do nothing!

Two days later...

You've gotten more done in the past hours than you have in your previous missions! You set up a boot camp and forced creatures that might have been relaxing to do various exercises while you screamed at them like drill-sergeants. There is currently a giant swamp in the middle of the reindeer-game fields. That will need some explaining. You set off my entire fireworks collection inside the castle - quite a bit of damage that was. You flooded the entire factory in warm chocolate cocoa. Apparently this was supposed to cheer me up and help me relax, since I was still busy in my office. It would have been a nice gesture in a smaller quantity...
That's just the beginning of the list... a very long list. I want explanations for everything you've done! This is just downright inexcusable! You weren't supposed to do anything!

[James Gryphon]

"Well, your Majesty, it all began when I had just beaten Delthion at air hockey for the fifteenth time. He threw a huge tantrum, said that he was sick of the game, and that we should do something else. Soren suggested that we play a board game called "Wreck the North Pole". The title sounded a little iffy to me, but he assured us that it was a fictional story about implausible calamatious events occurring, and that it could never ever ever never ever happen here. He also said that it was your favorite game, and that you had introduced it to him. I still wasn't sure about it, but Delthion said that if we didn't play it he would go on a rampage outside. I figured that playing a board game about wrecking the North Pole was better than the real thing, and disobeying your orders to stay put besides, so I hastily agreed."

"Soren set up the gamepieces. Delthion was the first player. The way the game works is that you roll the dice, move your marker forward, and then pull a card from the deck that's the same color as the square. The first card read "Fireworks go off inside castle -- take another turn". About this time, we heard a very loud noise coming from the direction of your castle. It sounded like explosions, or maybe guns going off. I questioned if maybe we shouldn't stop playing and look outside, but Soren said he was sure it was nothing, and that we should keep playing. Delthion moved again, the next card reading "Water troughs overflow at Reindeer-Game-Fields. Swamp gets in the way. Move back one space." At this point I was sure I heard the sound of water running in the distance, but Delthion said I was crazy and shouldn't bring up such nonsense again."

"This game continued for some time. Sandpaw used the computer system to order us and also you some hot cocoa. Unfortunately, the '0' key got stuck and he accidentally typed in an order for a million cups. The backspace key wasn't working either (Soren likes to eat at the computer, and he's left plenty of stuff jammed in the keyboard). Delthion said to go ahead and send in the order; the order-taker would figure it out. I surmise the order-taker was off-duty, leaving the order to be processed by the automated system -- which produced massive quantities of hot cocoa to compensate for the large order."

"Eventually, Soren landed on the next-to-last square in the game we were playing. It said "Build an army". Soren said "This is the fun part". Completely against your orders, he ran outside and started screaming at various people to get in line. Delthion said, "We've got to stop him!", and ran outside, only to start doing the same thing as Soren! I looked in the hand of cards he had left behind and found a "copy" card which allowed him to jump one square ahead of Soren if he did the same thing that was on Soren's square. Meanwhile, Sandpaw just stood there and looked bewildered. I tried to get Soren and Delthion to stop what they were doing and go back inside, but it was no use. I'm deeply sorry for their failure to comply with your Majesty's simple instructions."

[Søren]

Your highness,it is true that I suggested that we play that game. But I was under the impression it was an innocent game. It was Delthion who used it in a reckless way. While we would play the game, he kept leaning down and text messaging someone outside the resident area. I asked him who he was texting, but he said "just some book forum". I didn't think anything of it until the events started happening outside. I was putting the pieces together in my mind when it was my turn during the bord game. I rolled the dice, and when I looked down, Delthion had his phone screen pointed toward me. It says in big, bold letters "SAY ANYTHING, AND SANDPAW DIES!" I had no idea what was going on, but I decided to not say anything, and try to act normally to prevent Sandpaw from being killed. When James started insisting that we go outside and see what was going on, I tryed to deter him. I was trying to get him to realize the position I was put in, but he wasn't noticing.
When I realized something must be done, I tryed to get away and get help from the people outside. When I ran out, I was yelling and screaming for them to help stod Del from whatever he was planning. But they all of they sudden turned and sayed "Yes, sir!" very loudly and started doing push ups! I tryed to stop them, but Del had ran out and started yelling to do more push ups.
I have no idea what he was doing this for, or what was even going on! I assure you my lord, I had no part in any on the antics of Delthion. After the events described so far, I ran back to the resident center and watched as everything unfolded. However, there was nothing I could do. Especially with me being tied up by Sandpaw. When I returned to the resident building, he grabbed me from behind and tied me to a chair. I couldn't move or get away, but had to watch helplessly for the duration of the mission. I am truly sorry for the events of this mission my lord. But that is my full and only involvement.

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: I'm assuming it was me that tied you up. not Del.

What has been said is true, I had no part in any of the chaos started by the game except for the cards I pulled which allowed Delthion to start wreaking the North Pole. When things started going down and Delthion and James and Soren ran outside I was so confused I could hardly do anything. Then I remembered your orders to not do anything. I knew that if we do anything stressful to yourself we would be fed to the penguins.
I grew so desperate I grabbed the first comrade I saw, which happened to be Soren, and tied us together in an desperate and not thought though attempt to escape your anger. Unfortunately after the incident with the S names I have become very good at tying and untying knots. So when Soren wanted to go break up James and Del who were locked in a fist fight with I was unable to untie the Knots due to my tying skill. We spent the next half hour rolling around and bumping into things before we got loose. Del and James were still fighting and unable to help us, when we finally got out we were called up here to answer for our chaos and your stress.

[Delthion]

OOC: Wow, you guys don't like me do you?

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians. It is true, that I raged in a temper, but this was all being done in the language of the Miser, a language in which Gryphon had forced me to keep speaking. I had been overpowered by Gryphon's will and was forced to grant him one request, and that was to speak in the language of the misers forever. I found a cure shortly thereafter. But anyway, when I raged in anger, it was not about the game, but about the fact that Gryphon had forced me to speak in this language. I was threatening Gryphon in the language of the misers which stated: "If you do not return me to my original state, I will tell the gracious Clausian." After this Gryphon paled and quickly said that he would play the game and when I tried to tell Soren by showing him my phone with the writing, it was also written in the language of the misers, and it said: "Gryphon forced me to speak in the language of the misers." This Soren didn't understand and was quiet for the rest of the game. When I ran out and yelled for them to keep doing push-ups I was saying that they needed to stop Gryphon from doing everything. But they didn't understand me. I was only in a fist fight to try and force Gryphon to give me back my lingual controls. Gryphon had said the password in a whisper, to fire the fireworks inside it worked and it was set off. I was in no part doing actually doing any of those actions.

[James Gryphon]

OOC: This is mild. Just look back earlier in this game -- for a while it was nothing but attacks on me.

"To claim that I somehow 'forced' him to speak a language is stretching things a bit. What happened is that Soren made a comment about a former servant saying nasty things, then always claiming that he meant it as a compliment in a different language. I said, "What different languages did he use, anyway?" Delthion got out his foreign language phrasebooks, and started looking for the phrases. While he flipped through them, I saw one that read "You must speak the language of the Misers forever", pointed it out, and said, "Isn't that a bit of a ridiculous thing to include in a phrasebook?" Delthion started acting very strangely after that. Soren brought out the game at that time; I reacted as I already mentioned. Then Delthion said, "I'll eat live reindeer if we don't play the game". I was horrified at the idea of his eating your Majesty's reindeer, and as mentioned, thought that playing the game was certainly preferable to Delthion's craziness."

As far as "whispering" anything, claiming that I deliberately set off fireworks is ludicrous. Soren had started playing a song on his RunElf, and I started to sing along under my breath. Little did I know that Sandpaw had set up a microphone to record me doing this. They had heard me singing in the shower on a previous mission, and apparently thought it would be hilarious to record me singing at the next opportunity. I'm not sure why Soren played a song with lyrics that were the same as your top-secret fireworks password, or even how he knew that password to begin with -- it's supposed to be classified knowledge -- but I'm in no way responsible for this, or for Sandpaw setting up the microphone to broadcast to the entire North Pole."

"Whatever Delthion claimed to be saying in some other language that I didn't know, the effect of his communication was that the bystanders were being worked up into a frenzy. I had to stop him, and given how unreasonable he was being, refusing to listen to anything I tried to say, fisticuffs seemed to be the most efficient way to do it. Finally, I'll mention that Sandpaw might've been more effective at untying Soren, if he hadn't been simultaneously using a camera to record us fighting -- I think he said something about it being necessary to boost his meTube channel's rating."

[Delthion]

OOC: Agreed, that's why I was backing off until everyone threw everything at me.

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians, when I said "I'll eat live reindeer." It was a phrase that he should know to express your great hunger, but then my phone rang, for some reason LT got it into his head to record something ludicrous and recorded "If we don't play this game." The problem was that he had used a voice changer which he bought off of the black market and put my voice into it which he must have recorded from somewhere. He also whispered to Soren; "If you don't do everything I say then everyone will die." After this to avoid any other embarrassment I triple checked every known language for this phrase using my supercomputer. It didn't match up with anything except what he said in plain English.

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: Sorry James but I was tied up with Soren,


BIC: Mr Santa to say that I threatened Soren is an understatement, we were trying to find the worst threat imaginable because I was bored with the game wreck the North Pole and Soren was poking me in the back. Soren was never affected by my threats and just spat worse ones back so we turned it into a threat challenge. As for Delthion claiming I used some kind of device to mimic his voice is true, however he was the one speaking in miser which I do not know and he was also the one texting the codes to wreak the Pole. As you know Mr Santa as you know I no longer have a phone to text with so I had no possible way to start the... incidents. As for James saying I was recording his song was true, He has an amazing singing voice.

[Delthion]

Most gracious and esteemed of all of the Clausians. I was texting codes, but they were only due to my phone's stupid autocorrecter, and for some reason LT had been playing with it and set the language to your codes so whatever I typed, it translated into one of your codes.

[Jasper]

"Goodness, I can't imagine what sort of board game this was that it compelled you to do the actions on the cards. Such things have never been seen in this area." Jasper shuddered before continuing. "We can only assume this game is possessed by some dark higher power, a thing of darkness and terrible glory. I will wreak terrible vengeance on one who would bring such a dispicable thing into the presence of my home. Who's game was it again? Oh yes... Soren's. He seems to be quite the troublemaker."

"Well Soren, I must say I am quite appalled as to the fact that you would bring such a thing to the Pole. I can not speak of how appalled I am that you forced my servants to take part in it. For this reason, I've determined to punish you above the others. I am worried of the effect killing or propagating the death of one with dark connections like you, so you will live. However, I don't want you anywhere around here so... *presses a button and pulls a large lever* you will be beamed into open space, where you will live for the rest of your miserable life. Let it be a lesson to any who dare fail me again," said Jasper with a glowering look at the remaining servants. He pressed a final button and Soren, who had been fading up to this point, disappeared entirely.

"So few of you left... Well, I suppose it's really for the best; the other servants would not have helped my cause with their presence. Not that any of you have, of course. I won't tolerate much more of this behavior. Consider yourself warned."

Luckily, I have another way to give my subjects some relaxation: sending you a long way from here! We will enjoy another day of rest, this time with actual rest. You lot will be sent into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You see, some years ago, there was a scourging storm, and one of my sleds went off course. Apparently the Elves on board were stranded for a long while. They named the place "Neverland" and apparently were forced to eat their reindeer to survive, thus giving them the power of flight. There are Pirates, Indians and dangerous mermaids on this island, as well as a vicious crocodile. As you know, elves are short and young-looking, so the occupants think they are lost little boys inhabiting the island. They are former members of the North Pole, however, so I need to get them back as soon as possible! You will carry out the rescue mission. I don't trust you with my equipment, so I will only be providing you with a small wooden Dinghy. Rowing across the ocean will take awhile, a fact that I'm counting on. I will see you in a few months. Hahahah! ... Oh, and don't fail me again!"

A few months later...

Well, the details of this failure a bit more sketchy to me, since the news doesn't cover the unknown island. I have heard they are blaming a Russian nuclear test site for the massive explosion in the Pacific though. You brought back a single survivor from my former team, and he told me some... bad things about you. Apparently you've been going mad all throughout the island, doing all sorts of horrible things. Run-ins with Pirates, (complete with sinking their ship), wrestling matches with Indians, ridiculous problems with you lot trying to swim after the mermaids (don't you know they're dangerous?!) and you somehow turned the Crocodile into a massive pile of Asparagus. Explain yourselves.

[Søren]

OOC: Well, I had a good run.

[Delthion]

OOC: I could have sworn that he was going to kick me...

Most gracious and benevolent of all of the esteemed Clausians, it is true that we did foul things up a bit. But it was LT that talked us into first going to Russia asking for supplies, being that its climate is very near our own. Gryphon and I said that this was never part of the plan but then LT showed us a picture of you being tied up with a gun held to your head, and said that if we didn't go to Russia he would give the order to kill Jasper Claus. I checked this against all dictionaries of all of the languages in existence and no phrase matches it except English. So we went to Russia, and as payment we agreed to take a Russian scientist and his team along with his equipment to the island in exchange for a ship. We arrived at the island and LT saw the mermaids and he suddenly dived in for no apparent reason, naturally Gryphon and I tried to bring him back by diving in ourselves, unfortunately I am a very weak swimmer and I had to go back, Gryphon said that he understood and continued following LT, eventually he caught him and brought him back to the ship. Then we ran into the pirates vessel. While Gryphon was talking to them and it was going well, he told them that he was bringing industry to the island and jobs and gold for all! Anyway, while he was doing this, LT sneaked over to the large guns fastened on the deck of the ship, it happened to be a destroyer, and fired at the pirate ship, obliterating it in one shot. We were appalled, even the Russian scientist! Then when we landed we came across some Indians, who were occupying the place where we were going to build the nuclear reactor. They refused, but LT said that if he could defeat their chief in a wrestling match the Indians would leave and if LT lost we would leave. He started and immediately started cheating, he won, but the Indians saw that LT was cheating but LT denied this, then they began their ritual to sacrifice LT to their sun god. Even though LT did all of these things we could not leave him to the Indians, so we rescued him and found another site for the nuclear reactor. But the crocodile was there the scientist said that it could stay there for experimentation, he quickly assembled the nuclear reactor and then accidentally spilled some chemicals on the crocodile, turning it into a pile of asparagus. Apparently they had built a sentient nuclear reactor and it was allergic to asparagus, it was set to meltdown in ten minutes, we scrambled to get the Elves onto the ship, we needed to let two people stay behind with the Elves to allow more room for them on the boat. LT didn't know how to row a boat, and I didn't either, so Gryphon rowed the boat, but LT was scared of the island, so he insisted to come along, we explained why he couldn't but he wouldn't listen to reason, so he went with no elf, then seven minutes later, Gryphon said that they could take one more and me. The remaining Elves flew over to the destroyer, but the reactor went through meltdown, and triggered an explosion of a hidden deposit of TNT, this blew up the ship and sent LT flying into our boat, forcing us to row for our lives, then we arrived here. So most gracious overlord, it was all LT's fault.

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: Dear Lord... James I feel your pain.


BIC: Mr Santa sir... where do I begin, first Delthion is saying it's all James fault, and now he's saying it's all my fault. Well Sir it's a long story spanning several months of hardship and pain, even betrayal by my comrades. You see sir Delthion very conveniently and very confusingly summed up this story leaving out all of his own mistakes and issues.

What happened was this, fifteen days into our journey I began noticing we were running out of supplies before we were half way there. Delthion had taken to getting up in the middle of the night and snaking leaving us dangerously low on food and water. We were very close to my original homeland of Russia so I suggested stopping and getting some extra supplies and a better boat. Of course Delthion had to argue and disagree with everything I said. I think he was seasick and cabin sick bored and ready to be done. Where he came up with the very idea I would be capable of tying you up and threatening your life to control him makes no sense. For one if I was even able to consider doing such a thing to one as powerful as your self sir I wouldn't bother threatening elf Del. As for the picture and the threat, well the picture was his own photo shopped creation that he had texted me on my new phone. The threat I made was later on when me and James were having another worst threat contest.

When we got to Russia which was very close by our current location only a day out of the way, I met my old comrade Ivan. He agreed to help us and even bring a better ship along, he is a big part of the anti whalers and he was a scientist.

We reached the island much faster thanks to Ivan's ship and even enjoyed our voyage, when we finally reached the island I jumped over board. The reason for this action was because I had dropped my new phone over the side and into the water while trying to take a picture, I dove after it being a very skilled simmer and not noticing my comrades jump in after me. Then one of the rude mermaids grabbed my phone and began swimming off with it, even swimming as fast as I could I couldn't catch them. eventually giving up I swam back to the boat only stopping to save Delthion from drowning.

Later when we had spotted the pirate ship we all agreed that the best bet was to talk with them rather then blowing them out of the water. We decided that James would be the best diplomat allowing him to use his skills he learned in Iraq. It was going well when I noticed Del making faces at a group of pirates. When they realized he was making fun of them they swam over to kill him. While Del ran and hid in the cabins me and several of the Russian's with us fought off the pirates. One escaped and told his captain of the battle. The captain decided to kidnap the unsuspecting James and hold him as a hostage. I had no choice while some of the Russians snatched James off the deck and brought him back to our ship. I used an old anti whaler ship destroyer guns and blew the pirate ship sky high. Everyone was angry especially Delthion who had just come out of hiding, he tried to threaten James into agreeing with him but James just laughed him off. My friend Ivan wanted to cover up the killing of hundreds of pirates to protect me, so we spent several hours cleaning up the wreckage.

Later when we started exploring the Island itself we came across a massive Indian village. My friend Ivan did a little black mail and asked to use the site as a plant for his nuclear reactor company he owned. He claimed since he had helped cover up my mass murder I should help him build a plant. Unable to deny my old comrade I agreed and we approached the village rather uneasy.

Once in we learned that the pirates had captured two Indian warriors and held them on their ship, they had died in the explosion killing the Indians inside. Like a fool Delthion had began telling his story of valor of how he had slain everyone on board the ship. Angry the Indians demanded blood by combat, Del who is not skilled in combat volunteered James how volunteered me because I had actually been the one to finish the pirates. I also got the Indians to agree to leave if I won the wrestling match.

Luckily I knew some martial arts and bested their greatest warrior easily. However I had no idea I wasn't supposed to use my teeth and they claimed I had cheated. I was then swarmed by Indians and doomed to fall when James and Ivan rescued me using AK's while Del threw pebbles from the background apparently claiming to not know how to use a gun.

We then found a new site for Ivan's reactor site allowing us to go search for your elves. We found them quickly and began  loading them into Ivan's ship. Unfortunately somehow a crocodile had been turned into asparagus an it was bad for the reactor which was supposed to explode. For some reason Del seemed to think there was not enough room on board for everyone. When questioned he would only say two have to stay behind. Desperate to hurry I told him we were all going to die if we stayed here. I think he was trying to get me killed and insisted I should stay here. Angry I told him we could just sit them on the destroyer for the time being and get away and sort things out later.

we were unable to get the boat far enough away from the island in time and The explosion killed most of your elves and badly wounded me. I was lucky to land near Ivan's ship and we got away safely. Well most of us. Later we found out that Del wanted us off the ship so he could hide all the mermaids he had brought onboard and hidden in the cabins. We threw them off but sadly we were unable to save the other elves.

So Mr Santa sir we went back to Russia and Ivan gave our boat back and we came back here. And Sir I would like you to know I never threatened James or Delthion during that entire trip unless we were doing a contest, and neither did Ivan. And that sir is what really happened during that ill fated voyage.