The (rather pointless) Redwall Forum Show

[Nightfire]

I hope I got Dr. Who right. I might put up another episode tomorrow. Nobody steal my idea for a Wildcat Special!!!

[Tiria Wildlough]

That was awesome! I love how you portray me perfectly every time! Here's my adder one:

It's not hard.

[DanielofRedwall]

Somebody else can do a Korvus one, I can't seem to get mine working. I'll try a non-vermin one soon.

[Nightfire]

Are you saying I'm easy to read?

[Coobreedan]

The adder one was awesome! You missed out me though...

[Nightfire]

That's because I had already done an episode with you and Kirby. Plus the fact that you are not one of the famous adders of Mossflower. I'll do a Skipper of Otters special soon.

[Coobreedan]

Plus the fact that you are not one of the famous adders of Mossflower.

I-I'm not?

[Nightfire]

Your THE most famous Adder of the Internet!

[Coobreedan]

YEEEEEEEEEES!!!! Okay here's the new episode:

Redwall Character's Garthering

Abbot Mortimer: Welcome, to the Redwall Forum Show! In this episode, all of the characters from the book Redwall will join together for a friendly chat on their role in the book.
Matthias: My role was great. Main character and abbey hero!
Cluny: And murderer of me...Anyways, I liked my role a little bit. I was cool, but didn't win. Not fair.
Asmodeus: Let me put you to resssst....
Cluny: Shut up. You died before me you worm.
Warbeak: At least he was um put out of his misery first! And leave wormcalling to me!
Cluny: So you're sticking up for the snakey huh? Hey Matthias, Warbeak betrayed you! Hahaha!
Matthias: Silence rat. I killed you once so I can kill you twice.
Cluny: Hey! You just reminded me! Now's my chance to get revenge!
--Cluny slashes out tail and misses Matthias by centimetres--
Constance:(Grabbing Cluny) Thanks to your gob I didn't get a turn to speak. Now it's my turn. I guess what I'm gonna say?
Cluny: That silly badger thing...Yoolayleer is it?
Constance: Good guess *******. But it's actually...
Gingivere: That was a close one. Constance nearly said a naughty word but my censor saved the day!
Constance: ...JOSEPH BELL!
--Joseph Bell falls on Cluny and squashes him--
Matthias:(Weilding sword) Told you I could kill him twice. Now time for Asmodeus!
Abbot Mortimer: What a shame, I was going to show you the Gousim, Captian Snow, Basil and even that weird beaver. But seeing as Matthias is re-killing everyone, I guess this is goodbye!

[Nightfire]

That was awesome!!! I love how Matthias seemed as berserk as Ranguvar concerning them.

[Tiria Wildlough]

The Redwall Forum Show
Ublaz Mad Eyes Special
Redwall Musician: I'm ba-ack! On this episode of The Redwall Forum Show, we have as our special guest. . .Ublaz Mad Eyes! Welcome to our show, Ublaz.
Ublaz: It was nothing, thankyou very much for having me.
Nightfire: If we keep on having vermin for special guests, someone is going to die.
Redwall Musician: Yeah, because I will kill you if you bother our special guest.
Nightfire: You're unfair. I mean, there's nothing really special about them, is there. . .?
Redwall Musician: Nightfire, I'm warning you. . . Anyway, it's time for our first caller. . .Cleckstarr Lepus Montisle!
Tiria Wildlough: Hey, Clecky, can you sing us one of your funny songs? How about the one about how noble a hare is?
Clecky: I did not call to entertain you with songs, otter! I came to ask Ublaz Mad Eyes for his autograph.
HiAG: His autograph? Why would you want that?
Clecky: To show miz Craklyn, of course, wot! She asked me to call you, because she didn't bally well dare. So. . . ?
Ublaz: I'll give it to you when I come out.
Clecky: And when will that be?
Ublaz: In a minute.
Nightfire: Ublaz, can you demonstrate hypnotizing?
Ublaz: Not here. You want to see a demonstration, you have to go to Snowfur's Redwall Encyclopedia and look at the third episode of Mossflower Talk. It just proves that the camera loves me.
HiAG: *in a whisper* It's a good thing for you that someone does.
Ublaz: I heard that, you know!
Redwall Musician: Our next caller is Zaran the Black. Hello, Zaran, you're on the air.
Zaran: I am? Oh, that's good, because I have something to say to Skalrag of Marshank.
Skalrag of Marshank: Yeah?
Zaran: Are you a fox? Because if you are, I'm coming right over and killing you. I can't STAND vermin. I'd better clock Ublaz too, while I'm at it.
Nightfire: You'll do no such thing! At least, not while I'm around. I am Nightfire, the mercenary squirrelqueen from the North, of A Dark Journey fame, and you'd better believe it. Besides, everyone would blame me if anything happened to one of our special guests.
Zaran: Alright, alright, I won't. Just call me if you have any trouble.
Tiria Wildlough: *scratches a mark on the wall* That's the fourth time someone's asked that question.  ||||
Redwall Musician: You're disfiguring the wall. Please don't do that.
Zaran: I haven't read A Dark Journey.
Nightfire: Well, you'd better do it now.
Zaran: Whatever. *click*
Skalrag of Marshank: Ublaz, just why did you keep a deadly coral snake? Surely it wasn't just to enhance your reputation? Why didn't you let it loose on Rasconza and the wave vermin?
Ublaz: Be careful what you say, otherwise I might let it loose on you!'
HiAG: Juzt be thankful he iznae az bad az Zlagar the Cruel.
Nightfire: What's the matter with you, HeadInAnotherGalaxy? You're talking like a highlander lizard.
HiAG: Zo? Whit'z wrong with that?
Nightfire: *facepalm* Nothing, I suppose.
Ublaz: Oh dear, I thought I was going to be interviewed by educated creatures, not silly sooks who squabble over petty issues.
Tiria Wildlough: Ublaz, how did it feel to be the only pine marten on Sampetra? Didn't you feel lonely?
Ublaz: Oh, no. Apart from the fact that I was surrounded by blockheads, it was fine. I was in control. . .most of the time.
Redwall Musician: Oh, we have another caller. It's. . .Sagitar Sawfang! Hello, Sagitar, how may I help you?
Sagitar: Oh, Redwall Musician, I urgently need to talk to Emperor Ublaz!
Ublaz: What?
Sagitar: Mightiness, Rasconza and his vermin are trying to bomb your palace in Dark Forest! What should I do?
Skalrag of Marshank: I don't get it. There aren't any bombs in Redwall.
Ublaz: Pour boiling oil on them. And above all, leave me alone. I'm in the middle of a very important interview!
Nightfire: Oh, yeah?
Redwall Musician: We have another caller. . .it's Sagitar again!
Ublaz: What is it now?
Sagitar: Mightiness, I just wanted to tell you that boiling oil doesn't work! This is Dark Forest, and nobeast can die! What do I do?
Ublaz: GET OUT! GO AWAY!
Sagitar: Oh, fine. *click*
Tiria Wildlough: Ublaz, I know this sounds like a silly question, but did you ever think about getting married?
Ublaz: Why should I, silly, when there weren't any other pine martens on Sampetra?
Tiria Wildlough: Well. . .I'm sure you could have found one.
Ublaz: I really don't go in for matchmaking. Next!
Redwall Musician: Our next caller is Inbar Trueflight. Hello, Inbar, can I help you with anything?
Inbar: I just wanted to say that Grath told me all about what Ublaz had done to her tribe, and I heard that Ublaz was being interviewed, so I called. Ublaz, how do you feel about being responsible for that?
Ublaz: Responsible for what?
Inbar: Never mind.
Redwall Musician: Sorry, Inbar, I'm afraid you'll have to hang up, we've got another caller, Zurgat. Hello, Zurgat, you're on the—
Zurgat: Mightinezz, Razconza and hiz vermin are taking over the palaze! They would zlay uz, only thiz iz Dark Forezt and we cannot be zlain!
Ublaz: What're you afraid of then? Leave me alone!
Zurgat: But they're taking over the—
Ublaz: GO AWAY! HANG UP!! GET OUT!!!
[Zurgat hangs up.]
Redwall Musician: Sorry, folks, this is all the time we've got for today. Remember to tune in for—
Zurgat: Mightinezz, the wave vermin have—
[Ublaz smashes the sound system.]
------------------------------
The Redwall Forum Show
Super Special 2: Dibbuns
Redwall Musician: Hello people! It's time for our second super special, in which we invite three Dibbuns from Redwall Abbey! Friends, I give you. . .Arven, Dwopple, and Yik! And—they're running wild all over the studio. . .
Tiria Wildlough: Aww, so cute OW MY FOOTPAW! Dwopple, give me that sling right now!
Dwopple: Heeheehee. I a h'infant, I shooted ya wiv me slinger.
Nightfire: Can somebeast restrain the little devils?
Arven: Tansee pansee toogle doo!
HiAG: And guid afternoon tae ye az well.
Skalrag of Marshank: Dwopple, did you know that you are really, really funny? Especially when you—YOUCH! Knock it off!
Nightfire: Yik, what are you doing with my arrow quiver?
Yik: I savin' some breffist for laterer.
Nightfire: OH NO YOU DON'T. Get it out right now, or else.
Yik: Ya can't 'urt me, I on'y a likka baby.
DanielofRedwall: I'll call your mother. Wait, you don't have one. . .
HiAG: Arven, where are ye goin'?
Arven: I goin' to de candied chestnuts.
Redwall Musician: Those are for afterwards, Arven! You can't have them yet!
Arven: Don' care.
Redwall Musician: Somebeast stop him! Anyway, we have our first caller, Badgermum Cregga! Hello, Cregga, can I help you?
Cregga: Do you need any help keeping those Dibbuns in line? I can go and skelp their tails if you want.
Redwall Musician: No thanks, we'll be fine. Uh. . .someone, stop Arven from bolting all the candied chestnuts.
Cregga: Well, if you're sure you don't need any help, I'll go. *click*
DanielofRedwall: Uhh. . .Dwopple, what are you doing with your sling. . .?!
[screen goes blank]
[Long pause]
[Even longer pause]
Redwall Musician: Uh. . .we're back! Sorry, Dwopple smashed the camera with his sling. Let's say we restrained him a bit.
[She pauses and looks at the big bag hanging from the ceiling]
Dwopple: (In muffled tones) You leggo a Dwopple! Gemme me sling!
Tiria Wildlough: *facepalm*
Nightfire: Somebeast should have guessed that this would happen.
Tiria Wildlough: Babies are obnoxious.
Redwall Musician: Ahem. . .OK, I think it's time to finish. These Dibbuns need to go to bed.
Yik: Why?
Redwall Musician: Because you have to grow up big and strong.
Yik: Why?
Redwall Musician: Because that's the way it is.
Yik: Why?
Redwall Musician: *headdesk* *headdesk*
Yik: Why?
----------------------------
The Redwall Forum Show
Vilu Daskar Special
Redwall Musician: OK, this is the Redwall Forum Show. We're sorry, but HeadInAnotherGalaxy couldn't be here. Anyway, this is  with Vilu Daskar as a special guest.
Skalrag of Marshank: And also the first ep where we have had to restrain Nightfire from the start.
Nightfire: (indignantly) Mmmmff! Grrrr! Nnnnfff!
Vilu Daskar: Thankyou very much, everybeast. I never expected such a warm welcome, especially from our squirrel friend here.
Nightfire: Rrrrr! Mmmmmmffhhhnnnn!
Tiria Wildlough: Haha.
Redwall Musician: Ooh, we have a caller! Let's see who it is. . .it's Luke the Warrior!
Luke: Watch out for that stoat, Redwall Musician. He might sneak in on you one dark night and murder your family.
Redwall Musician: *facepalm*
Nightfire: Hmph!
Redwall Musician: I think we can remove Nightfire's gag now.
Nightfire: Thanks! I would like somebeast to let me go and give me my dirk so I can kill Vilu Daskar.
Luke: No, that's MY job.
Tiria Wildlough: You already did it.
DanielofRedwall: Can we get going and ask some serious questions? We've already taken up nearly a whole page.
HiAG: Dazkar, how doez it feel tae be a ztone-cold killer?
Daskar: Oh, not that bad. Crime pays, you know.
Tiria Wildlough: NO IT DOES NOT.
Daskar: I never asked for your opinion.
DanielofRedwall: *sigh* Maybe it is a good idea to let Nightfire go.
Daskar: Let your friend go, and you'll find out why my name is feared throughout the land.
Redwall Musician: Daskar, try any violence and you will be restrained . . . by mice.
Daskar: *gasp of horror*
Nightfire: Daskar, remember that I'm the descendant of Ranguvar Foeseeker. I'm undoubtedly going to destroy you someday.
Tiria Wildlough: *sigh of resignation*
Redwall Musician: Don't even think about it, Nightfire.
DanielofRedwall: So, Daskar, what do you actually think about Ranguvar Foeseeker?
Daskar: Let me see. Should I stoop to answer that question?
Nightfire: Why, you—!
Redwall Musician: Watch it, Nightfire.
Tiria Wildlough: Daskar, answer the question, please.
Daskar: Well, to tell the truth, I really don't think much of her. She isn't a real warrior, and I never thought much of beasts possessed with the bloodwrath.
Tiria Wildlough: *claps*
Nightfire: Rrrrrgh.
Daskar: I'm quite enjoying this. Carry on, my friends, carry on.
Nightfire: I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Daskar: Whatever.
Skalrag of Marshank: Daskar, what were your last thoughts before Luke killed you?
Daskar: How he needed to do some more exercise.
Nightfire: . . . !
Daskar: So? What's so wrong with that? His grip wasn't that strong.
Skalrag of Marshank: You are weird.
Daskar: I'm outta here. You are all so unappreciative. *goes out and slams the door*
Redwall Musician: Well, that's that, I suppose. Please tune in for our next episode of the Redwall Forum Show.

[Nightfire]

WOW!!!

3 episodes in 1! That was cool. The first and third were my favs.

[Tiria Wildlough]

Thanks. Can you put Tiria Wildlough in your next one?

[Trigoma]

wow...interesting...i like it o.o. havnt read the long one yet though...

[Nightfire]

Well, I'm not sure. I've been writing a lot of ficcies lately, as well as my original novel, Itaris, so I think someone else should do the next few.