Overlord's Orders XV

[Skyblade]

OOC: I'm soooo confused but I need to try (this is the most times I've ever posted in a session, lol)

IC: Skyblade raised a hand to speak. "I hope you don't mind all the words I am adding to this story, Sir Soren. When my allies keep saying more things about my actions, I must clarify.

I had little to nothing to do with the "threatening with a gun" incident that led to whoever navigated the vessel, which led to our crashing.

However, I believed that we had reason to be wary of Izeroth. It's true what he said: he was shooting a finger gun. However, he never said that it was imaginary. Remember from our last mission? He is a world-class magician. He can pull off some incredible feats. For all we knew, his finger gun could be a well-placed magic trick and I knew we had to be careful. Caution is the key, as I like to say (and few care to follow).

Anyway, after I warned everyone to be prudent, I went to the engine room because the other servants had tasked me with being there. I was not breaking any rules because in reality, everyone on board was in a space suit. Sir, trust me. I was just trying to do my duty correctly."

Sky nodded, resigned to whatever was going to occur.

[Mhera]

Sir, being able to find the bathroom is extremely important for obvious reasons. The sooner I located and clearly marked where it was, the better. This way no one would be confused or lose valuable time trying to find it later in the mission. LT didn't look like he was doing anything but running around, so I recruited him to help, albeit a little more forcefully than I had originally intended. I didn't realize he was busy, sir.

As for why I didn't say anything to Jukka about the batteries, it was because I figured she was focusing on the programming. Not wanting to break her concentration, I said nothing. I was going to try and find some D cells, but Jukka was understandably anxious to get started so we immediately went to the programming station.

OOC: I tried to word this so that it was just a defense that doesn't require anyone to reply. It's getting hard to keep things straight!

[Søren]

Soren, confused and tired of his servents bickering, ended it by simply saying "QUIET!!!!!!!!!!" In a voice that rattled the Galaxy. "Your excuses are pathetic, your work, pathetic. I don't know what to do with you all. But I can do something about one of you. LT Sandpaw!"
Sandpaw disappeared from the platform, and appeared in garbage scowl cargo bin. He picked up a shovel, and started hefting piles of strange substances onto a plate. He sat, and ate the grotesque food.
"I'm sure you were hungry Sand. You'll be eating that for your now eternal life. Finally, something good to watch on Food Network."
He turned to the others.
"I must admit, I can't stand any of you. So I'm sending you somewhere that will have little effect on me. You are going to a small town in the little country of America, where you will get for me the great Diggin' 4 You trophy stolen from me by the Mole Men. You will sneak into the sewer, steal the trophy back, and sneak back out. Simple as that."

Three days later...

"You all are impossible. Somehow, you managed to get me my trophy, but it's covered in sewer sludge. Then you also apparently brought down a building, a satellite, disrupted a Big Data/Fitz and the Tantrums/Kongos concert, and managed to be kidnapped by a armada of time traveling guitars! EXPLAIN!"

[Jukka the Sling]

You see, Overlord, we drove to a small desert town in Arizona where the Mole Men lived (in the sewer). We stopped at the local Wal-Mart to buy hazmat suits, and after donning them, we went over to the nearest manhole and entered the sewer.

Skye, however, has a phobia of small, dark places, and after being in the sewer for twenty seconds started panicking (quite unnecessarily, I might add, since the sewer was neither small nor dark (the ceiling was six-and-a-half feet up, and we all had headlamps)). While she was engaged in having a panic attack, I turned to the others.

"Guys, I did some online research before we came here, and I discovered that the Mole Men are hostile to all intruders. Therefore, we'll need a diversion," I whispered. "Then the rest of us can grab the trophy and we can all get out. Simple."

"Ooh, I'll be the diversion-ater!" Mhera squealed loudly. "I LOVE DIVERSIONS!"

"SSHH!" I hissed. But it was too late. Behind me, I heard a noise and whirled around, expecting to see a Mole Man. However, it was a guitar floating in midair.

James looked overjoyed. "I have finally succeeded in contacting time-traveling guitars!" he yelled, waving a walkie-talkie around.

Suddenly a bunch of floating guitars surrounded us, stole our headlamps, and marched us into the depths of the sewer! I don't know what happened between the first five minutes and our eventual escape, though, 'cause I banged my head on a low ceiling edge and blacked out for a while.

But as you see, James was entirely responsible for our getting captured by guitars. I was just being a responsible servant.

[Skyblade]

Skyblade raised her hand.

"Sir, here is my perspective. I do indeed have a phobia of small, dark places. I also acknowledge that I had a panic attack. However, it was very mild. Not wanting to disrupt the mission, I silently calmed myself down within a minute.

Anyway, I realize now that the sewer was actually large and lit, but at that time I truly thought it was small and dark. The reason being that I was tricked by Izeroth the magician. I was fine at first, but then he told me in a creepy voice, "The sewers are actually really small and really dark." "No, they're not," I said, continuing to walk. "Yes, they are," Izeroth persisted. "The sewers may look big and light, but it's simply an optical illusion I created with my magician powers. He continued lying that the sewers were smaller and dimmer than they really were, convincing me that it was all an illusion, until my phobia kicked in and my body started to freak out. If you know anything about phobias, sir, you know that they're extreme and hard to control. Thankfully, I managed to calm myself down no thanks to anybody else.

As Jukka said, we were soon surrounded by time-traveling guitars. We were marched into the sewers, where we were tied up and locked in jails for a whole day. Jukka and Izeroth helped us escape, and we kept going on our way.

We encountered the Mole Man soon after, who I managed to defeat. I grabbed the trophy (the correct one, and nothing was wrong with it), and said, "We got it. Now let's go back to Overlord Soren and return it to him ASAP before anything wrong happens." I knew a quick route back, and suggested it to everyone. Mhera, however, said, "Naah. We don't need to hurry! We''ll be fine! Let's goof around instead of taking this trophy back to Overlord Soren even though it really is the right one and there's nothing wrong with it." She offered no explanation for this action.

"No, I don't think that's a great idea," I said reasonably. "We really need to succeed this time."

"WHO CARES IF WE FAIL THIS MISSION?" yelled James. "I DON'T!!! IF OVERLORD SOREN DOESN'T GET HIS TROPHY BACK, I DON'T CARE!!!!"

I was about to reply when Jukka suddenly knocked me out from behind before I could react. When I woke up, I was in the backstage of a stage at a concert for some reason. I crept outside, my head throbbing from where Jukka had hit me, and burst outside. Mhera and James were throwing bombs at a building and satellite that said, "OVERLORD SOREN'S VERY, VERY IMPORTANT STUFF". Innocent citizens screamed and ran around at the chaos.

Suddenly, I saw the trophy on the ground, but it was covered with sewer slime for some reason. When I ran to get it, a piece of the falling building fell on me and crushed me. I was instantly knocked unconscious.

I woke up here. I did not suggest, encourage, or force anyone else into doing the things they did. I was just trying to make this mission a success."

[Jukka the Sling]

Skye is correct in saying that Izeroth and I rescued everyone from where we were being held. We managed this because, as soon as I woke up in my cell, I immediately remembered that I had a metal file in my pocket. I sawed the bars off and helped everyone escape. And since Izzy is a magician, he created some optical illusions to confuse the guitars and allow us to actually get out of the sewer.

As we made our daring escape, however, Izzy crept up behind me and whispered, "I'll remove my illusions and allow the guitars to recapture us unless you knock Skye out!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I don't like her!"

I was surprised, because most people love Skye. "Um... why couldn't you just knock her out yourself?"

"'Cause I wanna frame you for it!"

"Ookay..." And as much as I hated having to do it, the success of our mission was far more important. So I sneaked up behind her and knocked her out. James and Mhera were unaware of who had done it. I carried her the rest of the way.

Once we got out, Mhera suggested that, since we had already retrieved the trophy, we could take time out and attend a Big Data/Fitz and Tantrums/Kongos concert. I protested a couple of times, but no one listened to me. We ended up going.

[Izeroth]

 Most glorious overlord, know that I had no part in the failure of this mission. I, as always, was working for the success of our mission and the greater good.

As we were walking through the sewers, Skyblade told me to tell her the opposite of what she wanted to hear. I objected, but she said it was important. Therefore, I gave in and told her that the sewers were enchanted, figuring that was pretty different from what she wanted to hear.

Anyway, as we were escaping from the guitars, Skyblade kept screaming out, revealing our position to the guitars. I would have apprehended her myself, but I had some volatile spell scrolls in my pocket (I'd taken them from the evil guitars), and I feared a confrontation with Sky might result in a large and very damaging magic explosion.

Well, the guitars were gaining on us, so I knew I had to silence Skyblade fast. I ordered Jukka to knock Skyblade out, saying it was "Because I don't like her screaming. It could reveal our location to the guitars."

When Jukka asked why I couldn't just do it myself, I told her about the spell scrolls. When she refused to believe me, I sarcastically said, "Fine. The real reason is because I want to frame you for it."

[Skyblade]

Skyblade decided to speak again regarding what Izeroth had said.

"Sir, it is true that I told Iz to say the opposite of what I wanted to hear. However, he is leaving out some details. AS it turns out, Izeroth received a phone call while we were on the mission. After his conversation, he turned to me and said:

"Skyblade, I have really bad news for you."

"What?" I said, my heart accelerating when I saw the somber expression on his face.

"It's really bad, Sky," he said grimly, "Really bad. In fact, I think you would cry and break down if you heard it. It's so sad, and it will tear your tender heart. But it's also really important, so I think I should tell you. I wonder what we can do?"

Now, I am naturally a sensitive person. "Okay, Izeroth," I said, "How about this? Since this is so important, you can tell me the news, but say the opposite of what it really is. Maybe then, the pain will be less. But ONLY this news. After you tell me the bad news, don't speak opposite. Understand?"

He objected, but I reminded him that if the news was important, I should hear it just in case. After a moment, he nodded.

"Well, the news is...Jukka's cat did not just eat your BLT at home."

Not so serious after all. I was a bit annoyed by his prank to get me worried, then drop that "horribly" bad news on me. Izeroth must have forgotten or something like that that I clearly told him to say the opposite only for this, and continued it on to describe the sewers.

Let me explain why I was screaming. You see, I was walking with the group and minding my own business when Mhera threw a Dangerous Heavily Electric Spider at my face. Well, when I turned around and saw that deadly creature rocketing towards me while growing bigger and bigger, my natural, instinctive reaction was to scream. The spider shocked my nose, and I cried out again because I couldn't hold in the pain. This rare species of spider is known for giving extremely painful shocks that make grown men cry, much more teenage girls. They are also notorious for having an iron grip and being almost impossible to get off your skin no matter what you do. I shook it and grabbed it but it just shocked me more. The spider zapped me again and again, making me scream. I also was frantically telling my group to get it off me, because we all know that enough shocks from this spider can kill. Mhera was taking pictures of me with her phone, remarking that the pictures would get "so many likes on Facebook". Sir, I really tried not to scream, but I couldn't hold it in when that spider kept painfully shocking me. Thankfully, when I was knocked out, I couldn't feel the pain anymore."

[Mhera]

Overlord sir, I am a certified Diversionator. My thing is creating awesome diversions, a talent I don't get to use very often. So when Jukka suggested we create a diversion I volunteered my skills. I was a little loud, yes, but since Mole Men are deaf I really wasn't concerned about it. I'm surprised Jukka didn't know that fact given all of her purported research. I don't think any of us except James were expecting the guitars, so perhaps I can be forgiven for not being cautious regarding them.

Regarding my desire to have some free time after retrieving the trophy, I had heard that the Big Data/Fitz and the Tantrums/Kongos concert was in town. Knowing what a kind and gracious Overlord you are and how quickly we had accomplished the mission compared to other times, I figured you wouldn't begrudge us some enjoyment.

When we got to the concert, everything was fine until suddenly the loud speakers stopped blasting Fool's Gold and instead started pumping out the Barney and Friends' theme song on a loop. The crowd went into confusion, and after a few play throughs of the song Izeroth's voice came over the speaker; here is what he said:

"Hulloooooo, world! I am your soon-to-be Emperor Izeroth, and I have hijacked the OVERLORD SOREN'S VERY, VERY IMPORTANT STUFF for my evil plans that consist of overthrowing him! Prepare to serve me forever! Hahahaha!!!!!"

James and I immediately set about trying to stop him, lobbing bombs at your property because Izeroth had hijacked it to topple you. It was Izeroth's fault the concert was disrupted, sir, and James and I were just trying to stop him.

As for the spider, Sky had approached us all earlier about how she wanted to pull a publicity stunt to get famous. "Something super dangerous, scary, and unexpected would be perfect," she said, "so I'm leaving it up to you guys to come up with something. Surprise me!" After she left, James said that an encounter with that certain species of spider would check all the boxes that Sky had mentioned; given her description of the event he was correct. It was Jukka's idea to do the act during the mission, though. Since I'm extremely tolerant regarding electric shocks I handled the spider and photography. I'm sure that once she uploads the pictures she will get her morbid desire for fame sated by thousands of Facebook likes, just as I was saying during the act. No one else tried to get the spider off until after Sky blacked out as the whole group was in on it.

[Izeroth]

 Earlier, Skyblade had told me that the BLT she had at home was very important, for it was somehow essential to one of her plans. Therefore, I considered its destruction a tragedy.

I never actually intended to overthrow you. Jukka the sling, you see, had told me to pretend I was going to overthrow you, saying that it was all part of "the plan". I didn't quite understand how taking over the speakers and pretending to become emperor would help anything, but Jukka told me that it was necessary, and urged me to put the plan in action ASAP. Alas, I never realized that I was actually interrupting one of your transmissions; Jukka had earlier told me that there would be no orders from you that day.

[Skyblade]

Skyblade spoke again.

"Izeroth is right. The BLT was essential to one of my plans - eating tomorrow's lunch. I didn't really mind skipping that and just shrugged it off when I found out that Jukka's cat had gotten to it. I guess to Iz, however, eating is very important. Anyway, this was a minor misunderstanding and had no vital repercussions on the mission.

Mhera is also right in that I asked the group to help me pull off a stunt. I was hoping that if I got famous, I would get money, and I could use the cash to get you a good, awesome, perfectly safe gift, Sir Soren. However, I also made it very clear to everyone to do the stunt when we were not on a mission. Apparently, they either forgot or didn't listen to my warning."

[Jukka the Sling]

I told Izzy to take over and said it was part of "the plan" only to test his loyalty to you, Sir Soren. And he failed it with flying colors. I was unaware that there was a transmission coming in from Your Highness; I do apologize. However, Mhera had handed me a note before the concert saying that there would be no more orders from you that day.

And it was my idea to throw the electric spider on Skye during the mission because it would be totally unexpected. I think I had my earbuds in pumping out "Concerning Hobbits" when she told us NOT to do it on the mission. I can hardly be blamed for this, though, since "Concerning Hobbits" is one of your favorite songs, Overlord, and I love it as well, so it was my way of paying tribute to you.

[Skyblade]

"I noticed that Jukka was listening to music. Hence why I told all the other servants to let her know not to do the stunt during a mission once she was free. I also told them to warn her before we went on our next mission. Apparently, they didn't."

[Jukka the Sling]

The thing was, no one even told me after I pulled my earbuds out. Weird.

[Izeroth]

 Oh, did I mention that (via a laptop) Jukka almost activated the IDS (interplanetary defense system) around your base? I believe she mentioned something about "world domination" while trying to turn it on.

  Anyway, before she could activate the five-hundred or so nuclear missiles, I zapped Jukka with a tazer and deactivated the system. I surely saved a vast swath of your property from destruction.