Overlord's Orders XV

[Jukka the Sling]

Overlord, Mhera did indeed buy us breakfast before our mission started, and it is for that reason that I was accusing her of being the root cause of the space station's demise. You see, the day before this (which was Opposite Day), I overheard Sage muttering something to himself about how he was so stupid and how he thought I was awesome and how he had NOT slipped a timed-release poison capsule in my breakfast that Mhera had bought three weeks before. Of course, since it was Opposite Day, I quickly realized that I had been poisoned, and that it might take effect at any moment. I searched the ship all that day for an antidote, but found none.

The next day, the day of the chaotic attack and crash, I think that Mhera's whacking me with a broom and the poison (which, luckily, wasn't enough to be fatal) combined to send me into a daze which lasted long enough for the ship to crash. Thus, Mhera's buying of breakfast is indeed the root cause of the station's demise. Would I lie to you, Overlord?

[Mhera]

Sir, I bought the time release capsules and then hid them on a stray asteroid to prevent any of your other, potentially unloyal servants from attaining them and then using them to poison you. I noticed the day before that some were missing from where I had stashed them and assumed a wild space creature had stolen them. Thanks to Jukka's information I now realize it was actually Sage. My buying breakfast was solely to make sure everyone went into the mission well-fed and feeling good, sir, and I'm sorry that Sage used it for more nefarious purposes.

As for Jukka, putting it frankly, sir, it was irresponsible for her to go on with this mission when she knew she was poisoned and could become a potential liability.

[Hickory]

I'm sorry, alright? I never meant to poison Jukka, I just... well, it was Halloween the day before, and the spirit of Death Day just kinda took ahold.

[Jukka the Sling]

Perhaps it was somewhat irresponsible to go on with the mission without telling anyone, but I am by nature a paranoid person, and I didn't know who among my companions I could trust. James, perhaps, but I wasn't completely sure, so I searched for an antidote myself.

[James Gryphon]

OOC: One day is a pretty short time for a round, especially one with this many people in it.

"I can attest about the Opposite Day nonsense. Here's how it all started. Sage and Plugg had been arguing very loudly, and yelling insults at each other. When Sage screeched, "NOOO, I'M AWESOME, AND YOU ARE STUUUUPIIIID, YOU STUPID STUPIDITY STUPIDITY STUPID STUPIDY-HEAD STUP MAN", so loud that it burst one of Jukka's eardrums (the poor girl has a condition, and her ears are especially sensitive), well, Sam had had enough. He screamed, "STOP SCREAMING!!!" This shocked everyone into being quiet, as Sam is known for being silent. He continued, "I'm sick to death of hearing this argument! If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." Plugg growled, "Not much chance of me saying anything that sounds nice to this ninny, unless it's Opposite Day." Izeroth and Ash cheered, "OPPOSITE DAY!!! YAAAAAAY!" Izzy looked up what day Opposite Day was on the Externet. It turned out to be the day after that day. So, he went around telling everyone, "We should celebrate Opposite Day; it will improve our critical thinking", over and over and over and over and over again. Eventually, we all said "Fine" just to get him to shut up."

"As for why I spoke normally, confusing Sky, it was because I was very tired and stressed out. You see, Izzy was all fired up about celebrating Opposite Day when it was just an idea, but he was depressed when we actually started doing it, and he walked around constantly saying "We should celebrate Opposite Day; it will improve our critical thinking" in a very whiny, sarcastic tone, starting at midnight (when Opposite Day officially began), and continuing for the next 24 hours. He even took stimulants so that he could keep the rest of us from getting any sleep by repeating this over and over again. The reason I took on the duties in the cargo bay was to get away from him. So, I was half-asleep, and reflexively answered Sky normally. I tried to correct myself when I realized my mistake, but by then it was too late and she had already opened the box."

"I wasn't there when Sky was sending her forms in to school, but Jukka had told me about what happened. She said that every time Sky pressed the "Register" button on the sign language school's website, she would then get off the computer, forgetting to log out of her account. Then, when Sage got on the computer, he would keep pressing the "Cancel Registration" button, at Plugg's request. Plugg's supposed to have said something about it being fun, that they could teach Sky wrong sign language themselves and cause her to misinterpret everything. I guess he hadn't gotten around to doing it before this mission started, though."

[SilentSam]

My overlord, Yes, we talked about "overthrowing" you, but, as James said, was to pretend that we were on the flowers's side. And, it was all crazy after that, but if I try to explain the rest, they would argue with me, and I don't want to have too much attention.

[Skyblade]

OOC: Maybe you can still join?

Soren, I know this is hard to tell, but when might you be done judging this round? Plugg and Ash haven't replied yet, and it may or may not be their fault.

IC: Skye stepped forward again. "Sir, the first time, I forgot to log out because there was so much going on at the time. The second time, I was determined to not forget because my registration had been canceled earlier. However, a few other servants burst in saying they needed me for something important (and not evil). They dragged me out of the room to help them out, and I had no chance to log off my account. That must have been when my registration got canceled again. All because I tried to do something good for you and my team."

[Søren]

Soren sat in his chair, taking in all the pathetic  responses  from his servents. He raised his hand to signal the end of excuses.
In a deep, booming voice, the Galaxy heard:
"PluggFiretail and Ashenwyte. You should be ashamed of yourselves for not even having the courage to give a response. But I will only punish one of you. The one of you who had tried to hijack my $567 trillion dollor space station."
Ashenwyte was lifted from his platform, and hurled into a small cube, with huge speakers. All of the sudden, he cried out in agony, rolling on the floor, covering his ears.
"He is feeling the full effect of the Justin Beiber music I'm playing for him at 300 decibels."
A small camera appeared in front of the glass container Ash was in, recording his agony.
"That will make an epic GIF."

"Your next task can't be that hard for you. Surely you won't ruin it too.
I am sending you to Best Buy to buy me a new iPad cover. This one is too plain. I want one for me to be able to use it to watch movies easily. This shouldn't take too long, here's $150 to spend on it."

Seven days later...

Seven days. Seven days I could have been watching Star Trek on my iPad, but instead have had to been monitoring your progress in this overdue mission. And some progress you made.
You not only blew up my favorite Best Buy, but you ran out of it wearing flaming hats! Then I see you made it all the way to the Starbucks, where you promptly bought $800 worth of espresso and charged it to my credit card, then I see you raided Matt Damon's house and you female servants woke him up, by kissing him! And you male servants! What did you do? You ate his nachos, then puked all over the house. HIS NACHOS! Don't you know those are practically sacred?! Explain yourselves!

[Skyblade]

Sky stepped forward.

"Let me just make it clear that I did not say or do anything deliberately harmful against you. It was not my idea to spend all your money at Starbucks or kiss Matt Damon. Neither was it to blow up the Best Buy. I will tell my full story in a bit."

[Mhera]

OOC: Matt Damon? Seriously?

BIC: I can explain, Overlord. You see, we were taking Sky's station wagon to the Best Buy and James was driving. We were almost there when he suddenly floored the pedal and the car lurched off at a speeds I was not aware a station wagon was capable of going. We zipped past the Best Buy and attracted the attention of a cop, who promptly started chasing us. James only went faster, screaming about how your reputation must be ruined and your rule overthrown, oh Overlord. Sam jumped for the wheel and somehow managed to get control of the car just as James was about to lose control. Unfortunately we got a flat tire and the cop caught us, and we ended up spending six days in jail.

On the seventh we were freed and we walked to Best Buy. I don't know where the others were, but I found the iPad cover you requested (on sale and using some coupons I searched for it was half price) and was at the the check out when I heard people shouting. Next thing I know I see Plugg and Sky terrorizing your other servants by jamming hats made from the paper adds at the front of the store onto their heads and lighting them on fire. Before I could run they did the same to me. Then I saw flames arising from the gaming section; apparently Izeroth and Jukka had playing a lot of video game trials and overheated the system. Everyone began running out of the building, myself included, while the flames spread and eventually caused the building to blow up. We didn't stop moving until we'd made it to Starbucks, where LT decided to buy all that espresso to extinguish our fiery hats. Before we could stop him the chirpy cashier had filed his order and started dumping the coffee on our flaming caps. We had no choice but to flee.

Sage led us to Matt's house, sir. James broke in and we found Matt asleep. Sky said we should let him know we were in his home somehow. That was when I saw Plugg getting out a spare paper hat and lighter and talking about how Matt Damon should be woken up. Seeing as Matt was in a nacho induced coma and Plugg was about to jam the hat on his head I did the first thing that I was sure would wake him up, oh Overlord. It was upsetting to all involved but necessary.

[James Gryphon]

"Your Majesty, this might sound bad, but I have a good explanation for what went wrong. You see, what I never knew about the station wagon is that Sky had some demented modifications made to it, based on her favorite kart racing game. It came with a headset. When I asked about it, Sky giggled and said, and this is a direct quote: "We need that! It makes driving fun!" I was wary and said that "maybe she should drive (dear)", but she said, "I can't, some meany revoked my license. Besides, you're the best big brother and I want you to do it." Jukka had driven Sky's vehicle before, but Sky insisted that I, and only I, drive it, and started to cry. Everyone else melted over Sky's Bambi eyes. Mhera told me, "There's no reason why you shouldn't drive it. If you don't, I'll report you to the Overlord!" So, I agreed, under protest. Even in my wildest nightmares, though, I never could have imagined that the headset was to be the instrument of our near-doom."

"The car refused to start up without me having the headset on, so I put it on as instructed. Superimposed over my vision of the road were all sorts of glowing rings, with arrows pointing towards them. This was very distracting, as it kept score of how many rings I went through, and the screen flashed red (blinding me) whenever I "missed" one. The headset seemed to prioritize going through these rings over safe driving."

"In spite of all this and a few near-collisions, we had almost made it to the Best Buy, when all of the sudden, the headset started flashing, blaring music, saying I had "powered up", and that it was time for a "silver ring level turbo boost!!!" The car started to accelerate, totally against my will. I pressed on the brake pedal as hard as I could, but nothing happened. If anything the car seemed to go even faster. I admit I was afraid at this point, and screamed that we were going to die due to Sky's stupid deathmobile, which would ruin your reputation for picking great servants, which would result in your rule being overthrown when you were forced to rely on inferior help. The headset was blinding me at this point with its "extreme turbo challenge mode", and I couldn't see to steer. Thankfully Sam saved all of our lives by taking the wheel. Unfortunately, he couldn't do it in time to avoid hitting the nails the police set up in the road."

"My head hit the airbag when we came to an abrupt stop, leaving me with a concussion. The first thing after we got out of jail that I clearly remember was Mhera asking me to get a door open, saying that we needed to get in to save her parents' lives. Well, I believed her, carefully took the door off of its hinges with a special technique, and stood somewhat bemused as all of the girls ran through it shrieking like banshees, into what I learned was actually Mr. Damon's house. Sky squealed, "He's so CUUUUUUUTTTEEEE!!!". I'm still surprised that wasn't enough to wake him up. It might not have been her idea to kiss him originally, but she sure got in her share after the others had led the way."

"Anyway... the nachos were on top of a dish, with forks next to them. Plugg was outraged, and said that Matt, as a purist nacho-lover, would be horrified to have utensils next to his nachos. He said the risk of psychological trauma and the possibility that Matt Damon would never be able to bring himself to eat nachos again meant it was necessary we eat them instead. That didn't sound right to me, but the rest of them started chowing down. They gorged themselves on most of the nachos, more than they could handle, and left just a small serving, which they had been so kind as to spit in while talking with their mouths open. I ate the remaining nachos to prevent Mr. Damon from eating contaminated nachos and getting sick. Sage's germs were in there, and I got very ill after I had finished. The end result was predictable and unavoidable.

"On the surface, I might have appeared to have been doing wicked deeds. However, I was trying all the time to arrange everything for the ultimate good of your Majesty, the public welfare, and the mission."

[Skyblade]

OOC: 743 words

IC: Sky stepped forward immediately. "Sir, I think I need to get a word in before any more people add their limited views of this situation.

I had the station cart in case of an emergency, and it's a good thing I was prepared. What my allies failed to mention is that at the time of our mission, all normal cars were banned for an eco-friendly cause. Thankfully, the restriction would last only for a few weeks, but we couldn't wait that long to fulfill your mission. Nobody else had any other mode of transportation that wasn't a car.

Now, I will confess that I added some modifications. However, I in no way intended for them to be demented, as James puts it. I asked a kindhearted expert to modify my cart a little, adding traits from a kart game that would improve the functionality such as faster speed and endurance. We needed those to be more successful. None of these modifications were bad or breached any rule or law. When I went for about twenty minutes to relieve myself (I wouldn't have taken so long, but some servants were doing something destructive in your restroom so I had to walk a long way to find another one), I came back to see that he was done.

Now, I would have driven, but as James said my license was revoked. It wasn't my fault, as Sam and Izeroth requested that my license be destroyed even though I had done nothing wrong. I would have asked Jukka next, but her hands were soaked in mustard. Not the best for driving. I have no idea why she was doing that, and she didn't tell me, either. So, of course I went to James. He is the adult. When he asked me about the modifications, I told him they were good because I was unaware of what had happened (as I will explain later). I tried to explain that he should drive because he's the adult, I don't have a license and might get in trouble if I drive, Jukka was being weird, and nobody else has a license except him, but he said, "I don't want to drive that stupid thing. I'm a grown-up, and that's for kids. Plus, I would rather sit in the back and eat tacos. Who cares if we all get in trouble?" I was desperate by this point – we needed to complete this mission! So I resorted to emotional appeal, and everyone finally listened. You have to do what you have to do.

Now, at first I thought everything was going to be fine. But the cart was acting very weird. I kept asking, "What's going on?" Finally, Mhera and Sage fessed up and said they had asked for the expert working on my car for demented modifications while I was in the restroom. All of them did so knowingly, you see. Sage held him down while Mhera held a gun to his head and said, "We need these horrible modifications made." I had known nothing about this whole thing, but everyone thought I had done it because I had ordered the guy to fix my station cart in the first place. So it was blamed on me.

And...the Best Buy. Mhera said she would get the iPad, so Plugg and I decided to save everybody's lives. We explained to the entire group that crazy lice from outer space had invaded, and the only way to get rid of them was by wearing a hat on fire for five minutes. This is true by the way – it was on the news. We explained to everyone else in the store, but they kept freaking out even though it was on the news because Izeroth and Sam insisted that we were "a crazy couple you can't trust". And then Mhera indeed tried to buy the iPad, but she left it on the cashier thingy for some reason. So Sand and I grabbed it and rescued it from the fire.

For some reason, once we got to the house, Sage said to scream at the top of my lungs, "He's so cute!" I said, "Why?" but he forced me into it. As for the kissing, Mhera and Jukka had already kissed him and said that, "Three kisses will make him very happy in a good way!" in a sing-song voice. That sounded weird but I kissed him anyway just to give him that happiness.

[Hickory]

Well, he is so cute.

I never meant to make the demented changes! Well, I did, but only because Izeroth threatened to steal all the PS4 games fro Best Buy before he blew it up. Well, I couldn't let that happen, so I had to to what I had to do.

Meanwhile, I was watching Sky and Plugg do some stuff that was suspicious. Namely putting I virus into the entire Best Buy mainframe! After that, I heard them plotting to put the Phalanx virus into your computer mainframe, so I had to leave the action for most of the time. After deactivating the virus, I returned to Mr. Damon's house, where I fan-girled when seeing the guy himself. After recovering, I happened to see James recklessly driving a Mariokart Go-kart on a crash course for the house! Even worse, three redshells had been deployed in front of him. I tried to stop him with my sugarscooter, but Mhera ran in front of me, yelling "No! The house has to be detroyed! I love Matt Damon!" so my  rescure attempts were thwarted.

[LT Sandpaw]

With a slight look of confusion on of the servants stepped forward, he looked scared and kept glancing back at James but he finally summed up his courage to speak.

"Sir the other's have given you a most accurate version of what happened, but I would like to explain my side of the story which is most enlightening."

"What happened was when we reached Sky's car I being a skilled driver in the race car industry offered to take the wheel. Everyone yelled no and said I would kill them all if I drove. Sky of course insisted I was good but everyone just ignored her and insisted James drove. Well I had no reason to want to drive so I sat between Sage and Jukka who was dipping her hands in Mustard for some reason."

"Anyway we were driving kind of funny but I couldn't really see what was going on because I was cramped in the back of the car. All of a sudden we start swerving and James goes into this road rage yelling insults at the cops and driving crazily."

"Well to say the least we got caught by the cops and sent to jail for six days when I finally by the prompting of my fellows paid for the bail to get us out. When we left the jail Sage insisted we should walk which was a good idea so we all walked to BestBuy."

"Once there I waited outside having seen a hotdog stand, I was buying myself a hotdog when screams and smoke came from the BestBuy. Well I know about Plugg's urge to light everyone's tails on fire so I rushed in to help when someone jammed a lighted paper hat on my head.

"In the confusion I saw Sky and yelled for her to grab the Ipad case and run but she was being dragged around by Dellthion who was screaming In pain from his hat. I managed to grab it but it was knocked out of my hand and into the gutter by Sam who was fully aflame now."

"We all ran out and too a nearby Starbucks where I ordered the first liquid I could think of and lots of it. The sever was good and she soon had my order on the counter where I proceed to Save everyone's life by pouring the immediately hot coffee all over them."

"Well right about then James ran away again screaming we needed to escape from the Overlords wrath which is a legitimate concern. Well me and Mhera stayed behind to pay for the Coffee, she threw me a card saying it was hers and ran off after the others. I didn't bother to read it a not knowing it was yours sire I played for the coffee and sprinted after the others who were long since gone."

"Well I'm a skilled tracker so I followed the coffee droplets to some poor guys house. Where they had already woken him up and stolen his nachos. I was hungry and James said it was okay so I grabbed some too and shoved them in my mouth and realized they were bad, very, very bad."

"I started puking and couldn't stop until Sage called you using the communicator requesting to be brought out of this mess which was very considerate considering I was gagging on the floor. I don't know much about what happened during the rest of the mission. I was to busy trying not to give up and die."

[Mhera]

Sir, my colleagues are only giving you the partial story of my actions and intentions.

I had been coerced into helping Sage scare the mechanic into making those horrible modifications by Sky, who threatened to kill my parents if I did not. Having no practically choice but to do as she said, I went along with Sage (who, I should mention, seemed rather gleeful about getting an opportunity to destroy the mission). Sky's claims that she knows nothing must be regarding the method we used to get the mechanic to comply, as she had given us no instructions about how to threaten him. The gun and holding the guy down were Sage's idea, sir. When I reported back to Sky what I had done and asked if she would remove her threat to my parents lives, she grinned like the Chesire cat and said, "No! You will confess your actions in front of the others when I request you to, leaving out all mention of me when you do so! Frame yourself well, girly!" So you see sir, it was my parents lives at stake. I really had no choice.

Now being aware as I was about the modifications made to Sky's car, I figured James was the only one capable of driving it well, seeing how he had been bragging the past three hours about his gaming prowess. That's why I shouted at him, sir, though I realize now I should have used a better threat then "I'll tell the Overlord!" as it appears the man has no respect for you. It was the first thing that popped into my mind, though, as every thought I have correlates somehow to serving you honorably.

The reason I left the iPad cover at the check out was because I had not completed the transaction. Taking it would have been stealing, which would have further slandered your name, sir, beyond what these other kooky servants have already done. Sky has no such scruples and took it without a thought to the workers who made it trying to put food on the table for their families.

Now at the Starbucks I did throw LT a credit card, fully believing it to be mine. I would never knowingly waste your money, Overlord. Please forgive my mistake.

When we arrived at Matt Damon's house I was mightily confused and worried. You see, Matt's house looks exactly like my parents' house. Knowing that Sage and Sky were in cahoots and that it was Sage who had led us to the house, I feared for parents' lives that Sky was going to kill them anyway. I asked James to break in knowing that he's the biggest and strongest in the group, and possibly had prior experience in theft. Anyhow, we got in and to my relief it was not my parents' house but Matt Damon's. I was so relieved that I wanted to make Matt happy and asked Sky to kiss him as well (admittedly this was also part vengeance for her threatening my parents).

My comments to Sage were part of a successful attempt to keep him from making a bad situation worse. By completely confusing him I stalled his actions which appeared to be an attempt to punch Matt, who was standing right behind me watching James in the Mario kart.