Overlord's Orders XV

[Hickory]

Sir, apparently Jukka hasn't seen A Christmas Story. (just needed to clear that up, Jukka.

[Skyblade]

Sky stepped into the spotlight. "Firstly, thank you Sand for giving an unbiased record of my actions. That I appreciate." She smiled slightly and continued, "Sand was on point, but allow me to add a few more details.

While we were all (supposed to be) preparing for the game show, everybody was pretty much goofing off. I tried to convince them by saying, "We should study and prepare the best we can, you all. We will do a good thing for Overlord Soren if we win this game show on TV and in addition take home the cash prize." However, some other servants said, "Who cares about doing good things about Overlord Soren" and flew into a rage. Sand was the only one willing to listen to my good intentions, adn we studied together to be more prepared.

Okay, so until the last question, things were going great. I was winning, and became very elated. If we won, we could, as I said earlier:

do a good thing for Overlord Soren...and in addition take home the cash prize

I was so happy that during a break in the show I walked up to and politely asked the game host (this was before he was tied up, my sympathy goes out to him) if there was any safe, legal, and proper way I could express my enthusiasm. Because why not? Life is meant to be enjoyed. He responded that the video cables were specially made to be durable and support the weight of any human. "Considering  that people three times your weight have swung on 'em and never broke a single cable, it'll be perfectly fine, young un!" he told me, "You enjoy yourself and don't worry about a thing. It'll be fine." I thanked him and did as he told me.

Anyway, the break was ending. I realized that I should stop having fun and get back to business. Suddenly, I saw Sam trying to bit Sand's throat out. I knocked him off him. Otherwise, Sam would have killed Sand.

By now, the scene was filled with chaos. I got off the cables and tried to get everyone to calm down. I went to the intercom and announced, "Everyone! Please calm down and stop goofing off! Servants of Overlord Soren, what are you doing? Please, we must do the right thing and not get destructive like this! We need to get back to the game show as commanded!" Nobody listened except Sand, of course. I tried for another ten minutes to get everyone to stop ruining the whole event, but still other kept me from fixing the situation.

For some reason, there were a bunch of sharks eating the stage. I tried to stop them to the best of ability but got bitten very badly. I would have died with blood loss if Sand hadn't led me to Izeroth's downstage pillow fort, which contained a handy first-aid kit. Sand healed me. I soon was knocked out, but nevertheless, I owe Sand my life.

I woke up and saw that the disaster had ended. Izeroth, Sand, and I went up to see that everyone was asleep. We picked them up and carried them back, as Sand said."

[Jukka the Sling]

Sir, Izzy is the one responsible for the shark problem. You see, after disappearing with the pillows, he returned with a slingshot and started firing rocks at everyone. There was a shark tank on the stage with several medium-sized sharks swimming around for decoration, and Izzy of course had to go and hit it. Needless to say, it shattered, and the sharks ended up on the stage. I had recovered from my panic attack at the sight of the pink bunny, and grabbed James, who was running around screaming about the sharks, telling him we had to evacuate everybody. I was so engrossed in trying to get the message through his thick skull that I didn't hear Skye telling everyone to shut up. Suddenly, a sickly sweet smell filled the air and I passed out. I knew nothing else until I woke up here.

[Izeroth]

 It would appear that  I caused the shark problem, but I have a perfectly logical explanation for my behavior.

Jukka, you see, was running around with a knife and randomly stabbing at people. Naturally, I tried to knock her out with my slingshot. Unfortunately, she kept hiding behind other people and using them as shields, and I was never able to hit her.

As I was shooting with my slingshot, I noticed that, somehow, Mhera had gotten stuck in the shark tank! Thinking quickly, I broke the tank so she could escape.

[Mhera]

Sir, as Jukka said one of the requirements to being on the show was to bring something unexpected. I decided a bunny suit that my aunt (a.k.a. Ralphie's aunt; Ralphie is my twin bro, you see) owned would fit the bill. So the morning of the show I went to auntie's house and asked if I could borrow her bunny suit, and she said yes but only on the condition that I could catch her (she's a little off her rocker, sir, as Jukka noted). Now please understand that my aunt is extremely fit and had me running around for hours; by the time I caught her I was severely dehydrated but didn't have enough time left to drink anything before the show, and auntie started to insist on accompanying her beloved bunny suit. Too weak to resist and short on time besides, I agreed. We then walked to the studio with me carrying the bunny suit as auntie doesn't like hauling stuff around; this further exacerbated my poor condition. By the time we arrived I was hallucinating a Beatles concert and knew that my only chance for survival was to drink a lot immediately. Fruit punch was the only option around, and besides that I like it. I vaguely recall Jukka asking me what I was doing, and that's when I partially informed her of my hallucination and my love of the beverage I was drinking.

Also, while I was staggering around looking for something to drink Sam had seen the state I was in and offered to look after auntie and the bunny suit, an offer I gratefully accepted. Now I don't know what his definition of looking after somebody is, but it was soon after she came under Sam's custody that auntie went rogue.

After drinking my fill, I found some Mars centipedes backstage and remembered that LT had mentioned his involvement in clinical trials regarding the health benefits of the creatures; he had also informed us that he would be missing his daily treatment of the bugs because of the show and that would essentially nullify his involvement in the study. He had been so bummed about this that when I saw some backstage I just knew I had to help him (and science!) out by dumping them on his head as he had explained was the proper method of dosage. Understandably this startled him, but I did it for the greater good, sir.

As for the shark tank, despite the punch I was still a bit overheated from my earlier exertions. Jumping into the water further cooled me off, but unfortunately James locked me in there for some reason. After awhile Izeroth came and rescued me.

[Jukka the Sling]

Sir, I was stabbing (no, the correct word would be jabbing) a plastic knife in the general direction of your other servants in order to test their reflexes. The reason for this was because just before the host had been stuck in a pink bunny suit by Ralphie and Mhera's deranged aunt, the last game show challenge/question he had given was "find a creative way to test an invertebrate's reflexes". Due to my panic attack, however, I had momentarily forgotten the definition of "invertebrate" and thought it meant a creature WITH a spine. Seeing a bunch of creatures with spines standing around, I decided to test their reflexes, so I grabbed the nearest object (which happened to be a small plastic knife) and started jabbing it at everyone.

Suddenly Izzy appeared onstage and started shooting rocks randomly (or so I thought at the time). I ducked behind available objects, which sometimes happened to be my fellow contestants.

I remain, as always, your humble servant.

[SilentSam]

OOC: I will post soon, maybe tomorrow. (I just don't want to get eliminated for inactivity).

[James Gryphon]

James had remained silent up to this point. As the other servants quieted down, though, he finally began to speak.

"As usual, these people insist on leaving out all of the facts relevant to defending my character. I suppose I will have to rectify that situation."

"What nobody bothered to inform your Majesty of is that I have spent the last ten years of my life honing my skills for this game show. I've always been a huge fan of "Name that Invertebrate", and it has been my lifelong dream to appear and do well on the show. I've read every book on invertebrates ever published, and memorized their contents. I would have aced it, but for the efforts of one of your servants."

"As previously mentioned, we had a party on the transport. Sam had wanted to celebrate our upcoming appearance on a show, and most everyone agreed. I knew that hitting the books again would just make me nervous, and that I'd done everything possible to prepare for my appearance, so I joined in. This was apparently shocking to the others, as Sam said, "What on earth are you doing goofing off instead of studying for the show?" I told him about my extensive knowledge of invertebrates. He said, "Oh, I see. Good thing for you that's what the show is about, huh?" and cackled maniacally."

"We got to the site of the show. As soon as we had finished shaking hands with the host, Sam took the host aside and started talking to him. I didn't catch much of what he said, but I think I heard the words "must change" and "for your own good". I thought this was a little strange, but didn't perceive its true meaning until the show started and the host announced that this would be the "Special Edition, Mostly Non-Invertebrate" version of the show. In spite of my acing every invertebrate-related question that was asked, I was quickly eliminated after being stumped on a bizarre question about Justin Beaver's discography. This series of events is what let to my emotions being compromised -- ten years of my life wasted, down the drain, everything ruined, all because of Sam."

"As far as the sharks, I knew from watching the show that they were extremely dangerous flying sharks, as ravenous as pirahnas, and that they would eat anything they could fix their beady eyes on. When I saw that the tank had been left open, I closed and locked it, for the safety of everyone there. I didn't know that Mhera was in the tank, but if I did I would have done the same. As distraught as I would have been for one of ours to be killed in such a fashion, it's better to lose one of us than all of us. When the sharks were freed from their confines, I was attempting to scream to everyone about the threat, that the sharks could fly, but due to the noise very few people could hear me clearly. I thought that Sky did, but then she tried to tell everyone to calm down and get back to the show, as though nothing was happening, so I guess she didn't hear a word I said. Either that, or else she was okay with everyone being eaten by sharks."

"This is a very strange story, I know, but there's one thing all these events have in common: none of what went wrong is in any way my fault."

[Skyblade]

"Sir, I told everyone to calm down and stop goofing off. I had no idea that the sharks were so dangerous, trust me. I was unable to hear James above the pandemonium in the auditorium. I was just trying to stop the frenzy and danger to the best of my ability and go on with the show if possible. My apologies, Overlord." Sky lowered her head.

[Søren]

Soren slumped in his chair, tired of the excuses.
"Silence! Speaking of which....Silent Sam, you have chosen not to speak. And yet you seemed to have done the most damage. For this there is no mercy."
Sam disappeared, and reappeared on the screen before the servants. He was strapped to a chair, with his eyelids open. All of the sudden, a TV in front of him turned on, and started playing Hallmark love movies. He started twitching from the terrible acting, but had to sit speechless at the TV.
"He will forever watch that movie. It will always give me comfort he can be prepared for a household accident by watching those commercials about Life Alert. Never can be too careful."
Soren turned to his remaining servants.
"Alright, I've about had it with you. Now one of you will he eliminated for making wrong decisions. And I expect you all to perform much better.
"For you PE next assignment, I'm sending you back in time, to a strange period known as the 1980s. I have a list of things you need to get for me, and then return to the 7/11 on 12th Ave., New York to return."
"You will get the original first edition tape of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Then, you will get a original Macintosh computer. Finally, I want to original vinyl record of "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. Retrieve these things, and you will have earned some of my trust back.

9 Days Later...

"Not only did you fail in bringing me the movie, computer and record, but you also caused a movie store to implode! They don't have those anymore!
Sage, what were you doing with a mullet haircut and running around screaming something unicorns?
Jukka, you attacked an old lady with a Walkman!
Mhera, why did you slap Michael J. Fox? WHAT DID ALEX KEATON EVER DO TO YOU?!
Sky, what made you want to coat everyone in Michael Jackson's hair oil?!
Sand, who said it was ok to just steal every Joe Montana jersey, and wrap up people to poles with them?
James, why did you dress up like Tubbs from Miami Vice and start talking Jamaican?!

EXPLAIN!

[James Gryphon]

"As soon as we went back in time, we found an advertisement for "Joe's Video and Electronics Cave", which listed all of the items that you requested as being in stock. The other servants felt that since one place had all the items you requested, they could spend some of the time you allotted us goofing off and seeing what things were like in the 80s. I insisted that your time is important, and that you wanted us back as quickly as possible. Needless to say, nobody listened to me."

"Sage, who for some reason had been entrusted with our money, said that the most important thing that we could do with our time was to get our hair done in those "rad 80s styles", and forced us to see a hairdresser for that purpose. He said that if we didn't, he would throw all that money down the sewer drain, and blame it on us. I have no idea what got into him. Anyway, we went to the aptly named 'High Rollers' hairdresser, a business known for servicing all of the leading stars. Security was tight, but Sage slipped the guards a few thousand dollars, and they let us in. Michael Jackson, Michael J. Fox, and other famous celebrities were all there to have their hair done. The staff seemed to be efficient, and I hoped we could get it done in a reasonable time without any fuss. Alas, it was not to be."

"One of the spots opened up, and the hairdresser said "Next!". Mhera said "First come, first serve!" and hopped up into the chair. Mr. Fox said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but that's my seat; I reserved it in advance." Mhera screamed "I'm not a ma'am, and finders keepers losers weepers!", and slapped him. Mr. Fox's bodyguard, an old lady listening to tunes on her Walkman (I think she was his aunt), went up to intervene. She had just pulled Mhera out of the seat by the ears when Jukka ran in and tackled her. The ensuing fight was not a pretty sight, but at the end of it, Mhera, Jukka and Sand had all gotten kicked out."

"In the meantime, Sky was watching the television, which happened to be playing Miami Vice. She was loudly talking to the characters onscreen, trying to give them advice. This was bothering the other customers, so with the permission of the owner, I shut the television off. Sky started her hysterical crying thing again, saying that she 'wuvs Tubbsies'. I was able to get her to calm down, saying, "Would it help if I acted as him, dear?" She nodded in between her tears, so I did it, for the sake of her deteriorating sanity. However, once I had done this, she quickly got bored of my very convincing imitation, went over to the hairdressers, and said, "My mommy taught me about being a hairdresser. I wanna help. Can I help?" The hairdressers actually agreed (I guess they were late for their lunch break), and let Sky take over doing hair for them. She took Michael Jackson's bottle of hair oil and started using it on everyone's hair. I guess she thought the oil was owned by the store. Needless to say he wasn't happy when he found out that she used his entire bottle, and we all got kicked out of the hairdressers."

"After that fiasco, I was finally able to talk the others into going to the store for your items. When we got there, though, the owner, Joe, said that he was sold out, but that he would get more soon. Sand said, in a dark tone, "I hope so, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. Don't make me destroy you." So we left, and came back two days later. When we did, Joe said he had just sold out of his stock again! Sand was furious and wanted to get revenge on Joe, so he stole Joe's Joe Montana jersey collection and tied up Joe and every customer to the poles holding up the building. Then he said that it was time we return to you, to explain the situation, so you could "strike back" against Joe. If I have omitted any details, I'm sure these others will fill them in, your Majesty."

[LT Sandpaw]

"My actions were those of a loyal worker too you sire. And I will explain everything in full.

We make it too the hair dresser and I remember it was named something funny. Well inside the hair dresser they had this amazing set of glass figurines for a chess set so me and Jukka played a few rounds of chess while everyone else waited in line to get their hair done.

Well Sky was watching us play our fifth round when we heard a disturbance and turn around to see Mhera fighting with someone. Well we couldn't let her fight on her own and not knowing the scenario for why she was fighting. We decided to charge right in. In the end we got swarmed by the guards and kicked out while the others just sat around laughing and trying to give us advice.

Well I was angry when Mhera told me why she was fighting so I stalked off and waited for the others too get done.

We finally made it too the store and when we learned that Joe didn't have what we wanted I was angry. I suggested later too James that we should just find another place to get the items but he said that we should go back because I had threatened the owner and he should provide or else.

Well Joe didn't have anything again so I took his Jersey collection and tied him and his customers up. I told him he had wasted our time and now he would pay for it. I threatened too blow up the store if he didn't acquire what we wanted immediately. He started blubbering about something but then Mhera who must have taken me seriously about blowing up the store blew it up and we nearly didn't make it out alive. I was livid because I hadn't wanted to actually blow up the store. I had just been making a bluff. Which I remember telling them and I quote myself.

"Guys I'm going to make a bluff about blowing up the store if he doesn't have what we want, Don't actually blow up the store!"

Well she was trying to play it off but then we had to leave so everyone went too the correct location (all of us were badly burned) and we got transported back here. And that sire is what happened.

[Hickory]

Ahem hem.

"What got into me" was actually Mhera. She, after drinking an invisibility botion, had a gun to my head. The gun wasn't inviisible, but the others obviously didn't notice. Actually, I think everyone bit James was onto it. I couldn't tell, for obvious reasons.

Izeroth was nowhere to be seen. As far as I know, he was in the theatre, watching '80's movies!

[Skyblade]

OOC: James, you made me sound like I'm six. That's hilarious

IC: Sky spoke up. "Sir Soren, I have an explanation for you. I honestly agreed with James and wanted to do as he suggested. I was about to say, "You all, that may sound like a good idea, but we really should listen to James and just get the items we need for Soren. We can't fail again." However, everybody else cut me off after the word "idea". And when I tried to speak, a few other servants pushed me onto the ground and trampled me, obviously inhibiting me. That's why James must have thought that I wanted to goof off. I didn't.

After I was done watching Sand and Jukka play chess and helped with the fight (with good intentions, of course), I noticed the TV flashing "ATTENTION. IMPORTANT ALERT! IMPORTANT ALERT!" Of course, I turned to look. “We have very important and urgent news here on Miami Vice! I know this sounds weird, but you must trust us! If you do, it will be life-saviiiiiiiiing!” I was shocked and immediately sat down to watch. Because saving people’s lives? That is just great.

Anyway, there is something you need to know about me. Since my birth, I have suffered from short-term memory loss. It is unfortunate, but thankfully my doctor suggested a way that would help me fight it. If I interact with what I want to remember, it usually stays in my head better. I asked a hairdresser if I could talk to the characters onstage saying the very important news, because otherwise it would near impossible for me to remember these life-saving memos, and he said, “Yes, you can do that” so I did. He gave me permission.

Now, why were the customers getting mad? I tried to turn the volume loud so everybody could hear the news that would save their lives. I said, “You must listen to this!” But a few other servants for some reason told them that I was trying to show them a horrible thing on TV. In reality, what I was trying to show them was not horrible whatsoever. It truly was news that could and would save their lives if they listened and knew about it. Thanks to the words of these servants, they got annoyed.

Anyway, with dealing with the customers I struggled to remember what had appeared on Miami Vice that was so important. I asked James to reenact it for me so I could remember. He did so on point, and the only reason I left him was that I knew I had to take action immediately. You see, the news was that everybody in a hairdresser’s store needed to have Michael Jackson oil thrown on their hair immediately. Invisible viruses or whatever had invaded hairdresser’s stores, and they would kill these people if the antidote wasn’t applied within a matter of minutes. Michal Jackson hair oil was the one and only antidote that would save everyone. So I used the hair oil on everyone, saving everybody’s lives, including the customers, workers, and servants. Sir, it is thanks to me that we are all even alive right now.

Anyway, I told a hairdresser that I had to use the whole bottle of oil (otherwise we wouldn’t have enough to save everyone’s life), but he said (very rudely, may I add), “I don’t care about everyone’s lives. As long as I get paid, I’m happy. Now get out of my flippin’ face and take this BLT with you!” He then threw a random BLT at my face (I don't know why. Maybe he likes BLTs). I shook it off and tried to explain, but thanks to his own selfishness and ignorance, he kicked me out.

I was trying to explain to everyone in the store that what I was seeing on TV and doing with the hair oil was to save our lives, but nobody was listening to my urgent and important news. They all ignored me. It makes me sad.

That is my story, sir. As you see, I was just trying to save everyone’s life and be a good servant. That is always what I ever wanted to do.”

Sky bowed and concluded her speech.

[Jukka the Sling]

OOC: I'll try and post tomorrow.