Overlord's Orders XVI

[Søren]

Also, I feel that you should know that Soren was very unhelpful.  I know this will pain you, but the entire truth is necessary.  You see, Soren decided to construct a very large chicken coop that took up a quarter of the parking lot.  He also bought fifty roosters to inhabit it, and you can imagine the noise that occurred from morning 'til night.  I think this also deterred potential car buyers, for Amber, our bookkeeper, said that sales hit an all-time low during that time.  I told him that it was foolish and unnecessary and that he should take it down or face the Overlady's righteous wrath, but he smirked and told me that it was for the common good, whatever that means.

My lady, Amber had told me that you had issued additional orders to construct a chicken coop. Amber said that you had told it was was part of your "Common Good Community Support Program", using the poultry market to support local farmers. I thought this was your will, based off what Amber told me. For some reason Amber lied to me to get me to build this coop.

"While it is true that I have experienced difficulties with modern technology, I hardly need Soren to 'fix' them for me. When I told Soren (who had been annoying me all morning) to 'do me a favor and go do something useful for once', I was not aware that he would interpret this as disabling my Mebook account."

Izeroth had said that it would be useful if someone disabled his account, because he had "experienced difficulty enjoying this Mebook service." He was annoyed by my face, I don't know why, but every time I looked at him, he suddenly yelled "GOSH YOUR FACE IS STUPID AND ANNOYING, LIKE THE OVERLADY'S, GO AWAY!!" I thought this strange.

[Lady Amber]

If I lied to Soren, I am indeed sorry. The reason I told Soren to build the chicken coop and that it was part of your "Common Good Community Support Program", was because Sky told me this. I was too busy to start construction on the coop, so I asked Soren to do it. He readily and gladly accepted, saying, and I quote, "I consider it a great privilege to help the Overlady in this worthy cause, and will start work immediately."

[Skyblade]

Skyblade sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm tired of people bending the details. Let me go back to the beginning; then you'll understand.

The servants entered a competition called "The Most Ridiculous Scenario Wins $1,000". My objective was to donate 100% of the completely real and not fake money to you or use it to buy you an awesome gift. Anyway, for my entry, I made a scenario about building a giant chicken coop to support an organization that doesn't even exist. By the way, I won the contest with that entry (I think that explains why you received $1000 in the mail today). I made it very clear to each and every one of the other servants that it was purely hypothetical and not to be taken seriously. Not sure why Amber, Jukka, and Soren were so confused when they all knew I was just saying all that chicken coop stuff to win the contest."

[Søren]

I was just trying to be a "team player" and help the team finish our assignment. I thought I initially misunderstood what Sky intended when we did decided to make the chicken coop. I figured I heard wrong, in that my initial understanding was that this was hypothetical. Both en the others started to actually work on the project, so I went ahead. I dunno why they started.

[Jukka the Sling]

Yes, I was a tad confused when Skye said that.  But I didn't have a chance to ask her about it again, 'cause right then a customer pulled up and I ran to show them around.  And later Skye was busy, so I never had a chance.

[Izeroth]

 "The "difficulties" my computer experienced were caused by a virus. Several viruses, actually. They temporarily disabled everything except for Mebook, making me (sarcastically) wish that my Mebook account would be disabled too. I never imagined that anyone would take the comment to be literal. (On a side note, when I later looked at the virus files, I noticed that they were all named 'Soren-warrior.infiltrate.trojan'.)"

"Insulting as it may seem, my sudden outburst has a perfectly rational explanation. Soren, you see, owns a pet basilisk named "The Overlady". (Contrary to popular belief, basilisks do not kill you on sight, but rather force you to insult anyone in the vicinity.) When Soren walked up to me with the monster perched on his shoulder, I was instantly compelled to insult him and his pet. Soren knew full-well that his basilisk was capable of hypnosis, and I am also sure that he was quite aware of the issues associated with naming it after Your Majesty."

[Lady Amber]

When Sky told me about the whole chicken coop thing, I was listening to some music on my headphones, so I thought that she ment we were actually supposed to build a chicken coop. In fact, I had no idea it was hypothetical until this moment. And as I said earlier, I was too busy with the book-keeping to start building, so I got Soren to go and start.

[Søren]

First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

About the virus, it's weird someone would use my name. Russa always dated she likes my username.
Anywho, I don't know anything about viruses. I use Macs, which aren't effected by them. I told Izeroth he should get one, but he said he liked to use the technology from his era, such as the old Windows 95 he drags around. Interesting, Russa used to have a Windows 95.
I never touched Izeroth's computer.

And Izeroth knows, sarcasim breeds passive aggression, which leads to anger among team members. He gave a lecture about it recently at a local community college. Why he would chose to use it in a time like this, I have no idea. I never use it while on a mission.

[Russa Nodrey]

About the virus, it's weird someone would use my name. Russa always dated she likes my username.
Anywho, I don't know anything about viruses. I use Macs, which aren't effected by them. I told Izeroth he should get one, but he said he liked to use the technology from his era, such as the old Windows 95 he drags around. Interesting, Russa used to have a Windows 95.

Apparently Soren can not tell the difference between a Windows 95 and a Windows 7. There is, in fact, a very large difference between the two computers. Obviously Soren is in need of the aid which glasses provide.

[Søren]

Nevertheless, I have neither never touched the computer nor seen it.

[Izeroth]

 "Jesús means "Overlord or Overlady" in Ithuavian. Soren, having gone on several AWOL vacations there, would be quite familiar with the language. I would have, of course, called the lizard by its regular name, but certain unfortunate legal restrictions prevent me from speaking that language. Come to think of it, Soren's exact words were, "I'll name it in Ithuavian, so Izeroth won't be able to say its name." This was accompanied by a lot of snickering and (mostly on the basilisk's part) salivating."

"While it's true that viruses haven't effected Soren's computer, it's quite obvious that they've affected it. Soren's programs are always shutting down or running mind-numbingly slow, and his desktop is usually nothing but a jumbled mess of static. It's no wonder, then, that Soren wanted to trade his computer for my highly-customized, super-efficient modern remake of Windows 95. If I were in his position, I'd probably be pretty desperate too."

"Yes, sarcasm can breed passive agression, which may lead to anger among team members. If Soren had bothered to listen to the rest of my lecture, however, he would have discovered that sarcasm can actually be quite beneficial. Among other things, sarcasm creates lasting friendships between team members, promotes a sense of comaradarie, and contributes to a highly productive work atmosphere. As I stated at the end of the lecture, a sarcastic worker is a happy worker. Perhaps Soren could benefit from this lesson."

[Jukka the Sling]

First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

Soren had once told me that in his youth, his sister had owned a basilisk which she never let Soren play with.  This led me to believe that giving Soren a pet basilisk would make up for all the pain and mental anguish he must have suffered as a result of his sister's unkindness.

[Søren]

OOC: Can you say "round flooding"? I'm trying to keep this to where none of you should have to reply.

BIC:

"Jesús means "Overlord or Overlady" in Ithuavian. Soren, having gone on several AWOL vacations there, would be quite familiar with the language. I would have, of course, called the lizard by its regular name, but certain unfortunate legal restrictions prevent me from speaking that language. Come to think of it, Soren's exact words were, "I'll name it in Ithuavian, so Izeroth won't be able to say its name." This was accompanied by a lot of snickering and (mostly on the basilisk's part) salivating."

As I said my lady, there were many side effects to the treatment for my infant head injury. One was uncontrollable drooling. I have good days, and bad days.

And although I did take vacations, I always asked James, (the responsible one) if I could go. He always would relay my requests to you, or so he said. Pity he's not here to confirm this. I thought you were aware of my vacation patterns.  Izeroth always says he hates Jesús's name, so I was trying to be considerate by naming him in a language I knew.

"While it's true that viruses haven't effected Soren's computer, it's quite obvious that they've affected it. Soren's programs are always shutting down or running mind-numbingly slow, and his desktop is usually nothing but a jumbled mess of static. It's no wonder, then, that Soren wanted to trade his computer for my highly-customized, super-efficient modern remake of Windows 95. If I were in his position, I'd probably be pretty desperate too."

My computer is stuck this way because SOMEBODY named Rrrrr ripped out my hard drive and replaced it with a drive from a Lenovo. So there's that. He sayed she likes Lenovo better, "and you will too!". That was before he betrayed you, ma'am.

I'm happy I get a disability check each month for the unfortunate conditions I have. Thanks to Del's impact on my head. Anyway, I have trouble paying attention during boring meetings given by boring people. Of course, I donate my monthly check along with my other belongings to you, oh Overlady.

First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

Soren had once told me that in his youth, his sister had owned a basilisk which she never let Soren play with.  This led me to believe that giving Soren a pet basilisk would make up for all the pain and mental anguish he must have suffered as a result of his sister's unkindness.

I am grateful to Jukka for the thought, even though Jesús sometimes brings up those terrible memories of my sister knocking me down, laughing at my despair, knowing I have little ability to straighten myself up on dates that end with the number 6. Another side effect, oh Overlady.

[Mhera]

After the usual bickering between the servants had wound down, the Overlady pronounced her judgment. "Obviously, every one of you messed up terribly. If I wanted to I could just be rid of you all right now. However, certain idiosyncrasies and subtle touches in their style of disaster separates one minion out for special attention.

Russa, you're free to go, with your only punishment being an unstoppable compulsion to run on a treadmill for five minutes out of every hour for the rest of your life."

The other servants watched as Russa vaporized out of the room.

"Before I give the rest of you your next mission," Mhera continued, "there's an issue that needs to be addressed. Soren, Skyblade, and Izeroth, you three encountered an inordinate amount of physical harm during the last session, getting legs and heads smashed and whatnot. As your Overlady, I've decided that, for safety's sake, you trio of accident-and-attempted-murder prone servants will wear hot pink body armor (complete with helmet) for the duration of this task (the color is for visibility purposes; I don't want you accidentally getting run over by any more shopping carts and the like). If you perform well and stay out of excessive danger I might eventually let you take it off.

Now, your next assignment is to design and successfully market a popular clothing line. Budget is no obstacle, here's my credit card. Should be simple. Get to it!"

An indeterminate amount of time later...

"So your idea of a popular clothing line is garbage bags with holes cut in them sold for $49 apiece? And marketing wise, you raised and then, only one day later, razed a single billboard by the side of a deserted highway. So surprise surprise, no one bought a single one of your...articles of clothing. That's hardly the result I asked for, you incompetent orcas! Explain!"

[Lady Amber]

OOC: Yay, I get to make the first post!

BIC:
Allow me to explain, Overlady. I thought that Jukka, Skye, and I, since we are girls, would design the outfits, while Soren and Izeroth would see to it that people were hired to make them and all that. Everyone thought that this was a great idea, so we all got to work. However, disaster was one of the first things that happened. You see, while Jukka, Skye, and I were sitting around a table, thinking up designs, we got a call from Soren saying that an explosion had obliterated the entire building we were using as our factory. The reason that him and Izeroth had survived was because they weren't present when the explosion took place. Us girls were quite shocked, and asked him if he knew why it had happened. He said, "I don't exactly know, but Izeroth did have a strange grin on his face when we first heard the news." His exact words. Anyway, we managed to purchase another building, and we were almost finished with clothing designs, when Skye, who had been so helpful in the process of making the designs, suddenly picked them up and flushed them down the toilet. "These things are so terrible, I don't even want to look at them. In fact, I don't want to take part in this stupid project, no matter want the Overlady says," she stated. (Exact words, as well.) Me and Jukka were shocked, but before we could confront her, she stormed out of the room and drove off in her car.
Thankfully, Jukka and I could mostly remember how they looked, but it did take a while to draw them again.

Anyway, after the clothes had all been made, we sent Jukka off to the headquarters of a major clothing store, to see if they would be willing to sell them at their store. However, Jukka never got there, 'cause after a long time, she didn't come back or call us on her cell phone. We called her, and she informed us that Izeroth had held her at gunpoint upon arriving at the building, and had taken the clothes. She was at the police station when we had called.

I don't know anything about the trash bags being sold for 49 dollars, or the billboard being put up on the deserted highway, for I was busy trying to take charge and get more clothes made to present to the major clothing store, although I have a feeling it has to do with Skye and Izeroth the betrayers.