Overlord's Orders XVI

[Lady Amber]

Anyway, I flushed the props down the toilet because Amber and Jukka were done using them anyway, and they told me to discard them. I was following their directions.

We had told her to flush them down the toilet after we were done with the skit and the real designs, but she said, "I'll just flush them down the toilet right now, even though we might have to use them some more." Exact quote. Also, we hadn't asked her to flush the real designs down the toilet.

By the time Soren had told us about the explosive crystals, it was too late; there was nothing we could do, for we were already here.

[Jukka the Sling]

"I 'threatened' Jukka with a harmless plastic pistol. Jukka was quite aware of the fact that the pistol was fake, and at one point even instructed me to hold it in a more realistic-looking way. As for the stolen clothes, Jukka had ordered me to take them as part of an 'advertising skit'. (I had, of course, initially refused to carry out this 'skit', but Jukka had threatened to ruin my reputation if I did not comply.) Clearly, I cannot be blamed for whatever ridiculous scheme she had in mind."

This is true, partly.  But I had told Izeroth to do the advertising skit the NEXT DAY, not that day, saying that if he didn't help, I would ruin his reputation WITH OVERLADY MHERA, because I'd tell her all about his unhelpfulness.  Strangely, he did it that day.  I was surprised, because I wasn't ready and didn't even have a camera with me to film the skit.  I told Izeroth he was supposed to do it the next day, but then gave up and showed him how to hold the fake pistol more realistically so he'd be prepared for the skit we were supposed to do the next day.  Suddenly, Izeroth dropped the fake gun and pulled a real pistol out of his pocket.  He aimed it at me and said,  "I'll shoot you with this real pistol if you don't hand over those clothes you're going to present to the store headquarters for review."  Afraid for my life, I acquiesced and then ran for my life as Izeroth chased me out of the parking lot, still waving the real gun.

"It's true that in the documentary I played a... less than morally perfect character. Jukka might have mentioned, however, that I also played the part of the good guy (and, in my opinion, did it quite well). Moreover, the name my 'comrades' put on the sign wasn't even the evil character's name; the sign used my real name: Izeroth."

As I said earlier, whoever made that part of the sign wasn't me (or Amber).

Izeroth played the good guy too?  Wow, I had no idea!  In the credits, the "Good Guy" was credited as some dude named Boris Vladimir.  Perhaps that's one of Izeroth's stage names?  Also, the good guy's voice was so different from the bad guy's.  Izzy must be a master of voices.  I didn't know he was able to disguise his voice so drastically.

First of all, about that billboard. I posted that paint on it because it's against the Highway Billboard Code regulations to use a wooden billboard (they're all steel nowadays). Jukka was insisting on breaking the law, and incurring a nasty lawsuit by the city, no doubt. So I poured the paint on her wood before she could break the regulations. Yet she made it anyway, so I wouldn't be surprised if we're all served because of Jukka.

That was the old Highway Billboard Code.  That very day they had changed the regulations and said that you're allowed to make billboards out of any type of wood, and that it was perfectly safe.

Also, regarding the skit. I was under the impression that we were on a short timetable. Jukka had mentioned how we should "hurry with it because it's really only a few weeks away". I don't know what she meant by that if it was really not due anytime soon.

Izeroth had told me that.  This was, of course, before he threatened me with a gun and made me distrust him.  When he told me, I had no reason to distrust him.

[Skyblade]

"Amber cut out the last part of my sentence. I said I would dump them out before they could use them to "embellish" the play more. I noticed that we were running out of time because the others were too focused on the skit. I know we had to do that, but the mission came first. It was our top priority. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one who thinks this way. I got rid of the props because

Amber and Jukka were done using them anyway, and they told me to discard them.

The real designs, as I already said, had bombs designed to kill innocent people. I don't know why. I saved many people's lives with that action. In my humble opinion, I should be thanked and not punished for such a heroic action."

[Lady Amber]

As I stated earlier, the crystals we had put on the clothes were bombs, but we didn't know until Soren had told us after we had all gotten here to report to you, and by then it was too late. So Jukka and I didn't know the reason for Skye flushing the real designs down the toilet, because she didn't even explain WHY she did it.

Also, like I have already said, we had told her to discard of the props after we were completely done with the skit and all the real designs.

[Skyblade]

"I didn't explain why because we were pressed for time and I hoped, considering my dependable work ethic and attitude in previous missions (I've been doing nothing but the right thing all this time), that Amber and Jukka would trust that I was doing this for the good of the mission.

As for discarding the props, there must have been a misunderstanding, then, Overlady. We were all over the place trying to work things out, and it was hard to hear each other over the fireworks people nearby kept putting off for some reason. Anyway, this was a minor thing and the skit (which had nothing to do with the mission anyway) was still completed successfully. Nevertheless, I apologize."

OOC: Edited, we weren't in the factory

[Izeroth]

 "I own a virtual-reality gaming device, and I often use it to hone my fighting skills. One day, while I was playing a game with Soren, he commented on how realistic everything looked, saying, 'that shotgun you have looks really realistic, Izeroth. I bet you've killed lots of stuff with it.' I replied that I'd killed plenty of squirrels and ocelots (enemies in the game we were playing), and that the shotgun did indeed look quite real. The only time I 'threatened' Soren with my shotgun was when I jokingly told him I'd 'deal with the team members' if he didn't finish his work. He could tell I was joking, and commented that he would 'enjoy chopping your head off with a virtual sword.'"

"I never intended to provide Soren with any input on the clothing designs, but he begged me to give him some advice. Therefore, finding the clothes to be frankly quite drab-looking, I told Soren that they needed to 'shine exactly in a certain explosively deadly and exciting way. I thought he might misinterpret my words, but Soren said he understood that the 'explosively' and 'deadly' parts were metaphorical, and (after assuring me that the clothes would be perfectly safe) cheerfully told me that he'd take my advice to heart."

"As Jukka knows, I take my reputation very seriously. When my credibility was threatened by accusations of supposed 'unhelpfulness', I decided to work particularly hard on Jukka's skit, and thus show her that I was indeed quite helpful. One of Jukka's main requirements for the skit project was that I do something (in her exact words) 'very unexpected and dangerous.' Therefore, following a normal rehearsal of the skit, I pulled put a gun (which, though technically 'real', was set to fire harmless blanks) and threatened to 'shoot' Jukka if she didn't hand over the clothes. Despite my explaining that the weapon was fake, (and 'shooting' myself in the face to prove it), Jukka ran away, screaming something along the lines of 'you're insane! You're all insane!' before running into a wall."

[Lady Amber]

Jukka and I thought that Skye had flushed them down the toilet as part of the skit, that's why we didn't "trust that she was doing it for the good of the mission."

OOC: @Skye: I had said something one time that the factory had exploded, and Jukka, you, and I weren't actually in the factory, so maybe you should change your post to make it so we weren't in the factory.

[Jukka the Sling]

"As Jukka knows, I take my reputation very seriously. When my credibility was threatened by accusations of supposed 'unhelpfulness', I decided to work particularly hard on Jukka's skit, and thus show her that I was indeed quite helpful. One of Jukka's main requirements for the skit project was that I do something (in her exact words) 'very unexpected and dangerous.' Therefore, following a normal rehearsal of the skit, I pulled put a gun (which, though technically 'real', was set to fire harmless blanks) and threatened to 'shoot' Jukka if she didn't hand over the clothes. Despite my explaining that the weapon was fake, (and 'shooting' myself in the face to prove it), Jukka ran away, screaming something along the lines of 'you're insane! You're all insane!' before running into a wall."

I remember it all now!  Earlier that day, while trying to move a heavy crate full of clothing material so we could make even more clothes, I stumbled and hit my head hard on a cement wall.  While I seemed fine after a moment, I think I must have forgotten all about the 'very unexpected and dangerous' brief I gave Izeroth regarding the skit.  Until now.  That's why I was so alarmed and confused.

[Mhera]

"So many exact quotes," the Overlady interrupted her servants. "I bet you all could memorize a Shakespeare play in an hour. Speaking of acting, all of you have put forth some incredibly disappointing performances lately, though I must say that one's failures outshine the others. Amber, you are dismissed from your duties as my servant, with an additional punishment for good measure: you will never be able to brush your teeth yourself again."

Amber vaporized out of the room.

"For the rest of you, I have yet another task. I bought an ancient shipwreck off the coast of Florida. In addition to being worth millions on its own, there's a rumor that the ship is filled with treasure. Your job is to go scuba diving in the wreckage and get me any gold it contains. Go on!"

Some time later...

"So let me get this straight: you found the treasure, but instead of retrieving it you dumped it into an underwater crevice and then traded my valuable shipwreck for a bottle of laundry detergent. Please, explain your ludicrous actions."

[Izeroth]

 "Determined to finally get a mission done right, I made sure to hire the finest professionals for the job. The others protested, saying that professional archeologists would be 'too qualified' and 'too efficient', but I ignored them. (I honestly think that my comrades are drawn to ineptitude and uselessness, and attempt to emulate it wherever possible. For humanity's sake, I dearly hope that this trait is not inheritable.) Had it not been for my careful pre-planning, the entire mission would have been a failure from the start."

"As I expected, our archeologists were able to easily locate and remove the treasure, causing remarkably little damage to the historic artwork and currency. Immediately after dragging the gold and silver articles onboard our ship, however, the professionals (who were quite costly to hire) all jumped in the water and began swimming away, yelling something that sounded a bit like 'Cthulhu is awakening!' I turned around, too late, to find Jukka wearing a Cthulhu suit, smiling malevolently at me and showing no remorse whatsoever."

"So, anyway, Skyblade started spreading rumors that 'Blackbeard' was going to get us for stealing his treasure. My comrades freaked out, and Soren suggested that we dump the treasure in an underwater crevice to 'remove the curse.' (Some of Soren's other suggestions, such as summoning a hurricane and throwing me into an active volcano, were fortunately not approved by the group.) Despite my objections, your gullible servants bought everything Soren said, and dumped all of your priceless treasure in a nearby abyss."

"When our ship (after running aground on a reef which I had repeatedly warned Skyblade, our navigator, to avoid) limped back to port, I assumed our troubles were over and that I'd finally be able to get a marginally comfortable night's rest. Unfortunately, Soren was determined to ruin what little remained of our dignity. Practically as soon as we stepped off of the ship, the aforementioned servant ran to the nearest tavern and traded our shipwreck for a bottle of laundry detergent. Afterward, Soren bragged about the 'great bargain' he'd been able to get for it, and said we should all thank him for saving the mission."

[Søren]

First of all, they should thank we, I almost saved the mission and their lives. They're incompetence foiled my attempt to save the mission. I wonder why Izeroth continuo only partially quote me, when I had said "Wow Izeroth, that's a good job hiring those people, even if they do charge a lot. But I guess we never can be too qualified or too efficient." He then ignored what I said for some reason.
I have no idea what was Jukka doing in that suit.
We all know there are no such things as curses. But Sky had been forsaking out so much that she was driven to say "BLACKBEARD PUT A CURSE ON THIS TREAUSRE WE SHOULD DUMP IT!" I said to calm down. I told Jukka, who was driving to boat, that we dunk the treasure into very shallow water so I could come back momentarily and get it, so that Sky would stop whining. Well, Jukka must have misheard me, because when she said it was ok to drop the treasure, it went into an abyss rather then a shallow puddle. I asked why did she tell me to dump it when she knew we were supposed to keep it. She said "Oh, did I do something wrong?"
Well, when we reached port, I saw a ad in the newspaper saying that the Sultan of Arah was giving away 2 priceless shipwreck with included treasure if someone did his laundry for a week. I thought if we could get two shipwrecks and two treasure chests, it could make up for our losses. So I consulted with the other team members. They all agreed. So we traded the shipwreck for industrial strength laundry detergent and set to work. However, someone besides we put the reds in with the whites, and we got a huge pile of pink clothes. The Sultan hates pink, and refused the deal. I don't know who it was that did this though my lady. I am truly sorry for what's happened. But I did my best to fix it.

[Jukka the Sling]

The Cthulhu suit was not my idea.  Skye suggested I wear it, saying (and I quote), "All archeologists, from anywhere on earth or in this universe or any other universe, LOVE Cthulhu.  Wearing this Cthulhu suit that I am currently holding in my hand will make the archeologists that Izeroth hired to retrieve the treasure love us and charge less for retrieving Overlady Mhera's treasure."  I took the Cthulhu suit and put it on, sure that no matter what, the archeologists would do as Skye had explained.  I did not smile "malevolently" intentionally; I just have a really unusual way of smiling, that's all.  And I didn't hear the archeologists yelling in panic, because the suit was equipped with earbuds that played steampunk music really loudly.  I have no idea why.

So, basically, it seems that Skyblade misled me for evil purposes.

Now, I dumped the treasure into an underwater crevice was for this reason: I noticed the telltale signs of invisible Space Nightcrawlers (a type of fearsome alien) on board the ship just as Soren suggested I dump the treasure in shallow water.  Space Nightcrawlers will kill anyone who happens to be around treasure, so immediately I dumped it into a crevice, knowing that Space Nightcrawlers are unable to go more than one foot underwater.  The crevice was just fifteen feet underwater; I felt sure that we would easily be able to retrieve it afterwards.  I tried to explain to the others about the Space Nightcrawlers, but they didn't listen.

Anyway, after the Sultan of Arah deal, I saw Izeroth sniggering evilly to himself and putting reds and whites in the washing machine at the same time.  "NOOO!!!" I screamed, diving at him, but he slammed the lid shut and the washer started.  Unfortunately for us, the Sultan of Arah's washing machine is impossible to stop once the washing cycle's started, so all of the clothes turned pink.

[Skyblade]

OOC: Goodness, this is SO fun Why did I wait longer?

BIC: "I'm pretty sure Izeroth, despite his eloquence, wanted to doom this mission from the start. I know I seem like the one at fault here, but please let me explain.

Equivocation, what a powerful tool. Iz failed to mention that the archeologists, experienced as they were, had sadistic purposes. See, their being qualified and too efficient was just the surface. It's widely known that the particular group of archeologists Iz hired are evil and not to be trusted. Hasn't it been on the national news (which we all watch as a group every morning, so nobody has an excuse to not know of it) time and time again how they always "help" people get expensive items, then steal and/or destroy them at the last moment? (While charging of tons of money while they're at it).

I tried to tell everyone this, but Iz said he didn't care less and wanted to appear to be doing something good even though he wasn't. Soren told me to shut up and that I never say anything useful, and Jukka just yelled, "PIEEEEEEEEEEE!". My teammates also confessed that they knew this was a bad idea, but still forced me to go along with it.

I knew I was the group's only salvation, so I did a lot of research and discovered that the archelogists's one weakness is Cthulhu (or however you spell it) suits. I was ecstatic. I could save this mission! (Again). I would have worn it myself, but the suit was too big, so I asked Jukka. When I tried to explain why, she said she WANTED the evil group to succeed, so I had to lie to get her to do something good for the team. As for the steampunk music, that just comes with the suit for some reason.

The evil archeologists would have doomed us if I hadn't done this for the team.

As for the Blackbeard thing, goodness, can people stop leaving out details? Jukka was the one who said I needed to practice my lying skills (I don't know why). She said to say a lie, and kept bothering me until I said, "Fine. A lie is that Blackbeard cursed this treasure and we need to dump it. Everyone, that was the best lie I ever told. Happy now, Jukka?" Then Soren said, "Calm down", and for some reason thought I was being serious even though I explicity said I was lying to appease Jukka. I yelled to stop dumping the treasure, but Iz said there was a bump on my head and decided to try to fix it by knocking me out with a blender.

Iz failed to mention that he warned me to avoid the reef while I was unconscious. Obviously, that didn't help. I woke up with a massive headache, not sure what was going on, with Jukka screaming at me to navigate the ship. Dizzy and confused, with Jukka's screaming exacerbating the situation, I accidentally crashed the ship into the reef.

As for the laundry thing, I was all for the idea. I was hard at work, and had nothing to do with the pink fiasco."

[Izeroth]

 "As all loyal Arahians would know, the Sultan of Arah is a big fan of Poland, and had specifically requested that country's colors to be washed together. I was skeptical of the process at first, knowing of the Sultan's well-known hatred of the color pink, but the benevolent ruler assured me that his high-tech washer was quite capable of separating red from white. The washer worked just as expected, and the patriotically-colored clothes were cleaned without incident. The Sultan reviewed the wash after I had finished, and was quite pleased with my work; my "evil" grin was the result of satisfaction at a job well done. Unfortunately, someone covered all of the clothes with pink dye overnight, permanently ruining them. (Needless to say, the Sultan was quite mad.) Were it not for my negotiation skills, my comrades would have been executed by firing squad, crushed beneath the treads of a T-72, and hung from the battlements of the Sultan's palace. (And not necessarily in that order.)

Skyblade, I imagine, would know quite a lot about the power of equivocation, having used it so many times. The 'sadistic' archeologists last engaged in theft a decade ago; had Sky paid attention to the news as much as she claims, she would have been quite aware of the fact that the 'criminals' are now reformed and running a successful, entirely reputable business. Despite the lack of any real evidence that the archeologists were planning to cheat us, Sky pestered me ceaselessly, ordering me to admi that the archeologists were evil. Eventually, I 'admitted' that the archeologists were awful, and expressed my lack of concern so no one would order me to do anything about the supposed 'criminals'.

"As for that... small incident, there was indeed a bump on Sky's head. Judging by its color (a sort of reddish-purple), I determined the bump to be a dangerous fungal infection, which would, if untreated, lead to all manner of horrible health issues. Knowing that the most expedient and effective way of removing the infection would be to hit Sky on the head with a heavy object, I did just that.

[Skyblade]

"According to Søren and Jukka, the news as of the last two months is false and corrupt, and that was when the archaeologists must have reformed. Sor and Jukka showed me very official-looking documents from the "US government" to back up their deception. That's all I heard from them. I'm sorry, sir; I truly tried to act out of the good of the mission. Had I been informed, surely I would have acted differently and accordingly."