Lock this topic! (By New Year's Day!)

[Ashleg]

Asysymorez took no time in grabbing zucchinis and eggplants and everything in-between and shoving them down his throat.
"YES!" he cried, "This FULFILLS me!"

After losing his beautiful horn during that accident in the elevator, he had sunken into a deep depression. And now! This was filling the Narwhal's heart with joy!

Remnants of the plants he was chomping flew this way and that, blinding him from his true reality.
The cashier, a red and black snake named Ressyandil, was crouched a little ways behind him.
"Ahem!" he coughed. "Sir, Sir, are you going to pay for what you have done? And how many did you EAT?"

Asysymorez gulped.
"No. I had not the plans to pay."

[Lady Amber]

Me: *reads Ash's posts*

Me: ...

Me:

[Ashleg]

Ressyandil hacked up his cell phone and dialed a number with his tail.
"Police! The police are coming!"

"Haha! Snakes don't have arms!" Asysymorez sneered. "Do I have to kill you too?" He ripped a knife out of the center of an eggplant. "I always keep spares."

Ressyandil screamed, but Asysymorez was already on top of him. Blood and vegetables were all over.
Panting, Asysymorez the Narwhal got up and ran towards the door.
But the police were already there!

"This is worse than we thought," said all the police in unison.
Asysymorez chuckled coldly and picked up Ressyandil's body, using it like a lasso when the police drew nearer.
"Back!" he demanded. "Back, I say!"

[The Skarzs]

What the actual borax flux.

[Lady Amber]

[The Skarzs]

Was that from a Saturday Night Live skit?
Tom Hiddleston is funny.

[Lady Amber]

Was that from a Saturday Night Live skit?
Tom Hiddleston is funny.

No idea. I just found it on Pinterest a while ago.

[The Skarzs]

It says "SNL" on the top left.

[Ashleg]

Sasseylotl, a black cat that was one of the cops, whipped out his tazer.
"We will not leave without a fight!" he yowled.

Asysymorez's eyes glinted dangerously. Blood dripped from the broken tip of his horn. Wordlessly, he lashed out with Ressyandil's body, watching as the reptile struck and coiled around Sasseylotl's struggling form.
The narwhal giggled darkly. "This is my rodeo, and MY Birthday! Bow before ME, Asysymorez, Ruler of All and King of This Dynasty!"

All the cops fled, except one; Sasseylotl. He was stuck in the coils of the dead snake, and no matter how hard he flailed, he could not escape.
He flinched as the narwhal pulled him closer.
"You murderer," he cried. "You horrible killer."

Asysymorez shrugged his fins. "The chains that hold you and your peers to 'morals' only weaken you and are leading to your...timely...demise."

[Maudie]

GUESS WHO JUST RE-FOUND THE IGNORE BOARDS OPTION.

HALLELUJAH! NO MORE HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOARDS ANNOYINGNESS!

DON'T BADMOUTH THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOARD ON MY BIRTHDAY.

On second thought, do. They ignored it. Although for some reason it's not on my profile and my modify profile button isn't working.

Anyways, "I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane."

[Ashleg]

The rest of the story is in "the orchard".

[The Skarzs]

Cool. Now I know where to avoid.

[Ashleg]

The Skarzs suffers from Ressyandil's Curse!

[The Skarzs]

K.

[Ashleg]

Listen to his already-shortening answers. This is tragic, but resistance is futile.