Corrupt-a-Wish

[Delthion]

Granted, but now you can't eat anything else except corn on the cob.

I wish that I was allowed in utopia and it wasn't destroyed.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you reside on the Island of Utopia, as described by Thomas More. However, you're there as a slave, and struggle to adapt to the heavily restricted, spartan, totalitarian society. You have no individual rights, are permitted no luxuries or privacy, and are expected to spend your life performing manual labor or attempting to study "for the greater good". Have a nice life.

I wish that I was more creative.

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted. You are now so creative that you can't even help drawing and painting creative pictures. Unfortunately, they're so creative no one can tell what they are.

I wish our van's air conditioning actually worked. (Three years ago we drove all the way to Oklahoma for my grandmother's funeral. It was in July. Needless to say, it was very hot.)

[Delthion]

Granted but now it can't be turned off and you freeze to death this winter.

I wish that I could hurry up and finish writing my book.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you finish it in several seconds. You wrote it using a strange type of shorthand, that uses no vowels, spaces, punctuation, or capitalization. Nobody but you can read it, and the process of figuring out what you wrote and copying its contents into a more legible format takes even longer than it would've taken to have just written it normally in the first place.

I wish that my house had a sweet tea line (like a water line, but it would supply sweet tea), and an extra faucet in the kitchen that was hooked up to it.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  Unfortunately, those who installed your sweet tea tank thought you meant you wanted to replace your hot water tank with the sweet tea, so now you have sweet tea showers, sweet tea baths, you wash your hands with sweet tea... everything is sweet tea.

  I wish that I'd have fun at the baby shower tomorrow.

[The Mask]

Granted, you have a smile on your face when your killed by a cloud raining babies.

I wish I had a purple dinosaur.

[Delthion]

Granted, but now it eats you.

I wish for a supercomputer.

[James Gryphon]

ninja'd reply: Granted. He has magic powers, and can talk and sing. He's a huge hit with kids, and you get all kinds of requests from TV companies asking you to let him host a new show they want to put out. Unfortunately, while children love him, everyone else hates him. Your dinosaur is unable to deal with the emotional stress and turns himself into a stuffed animal, which is accidentally given to some kid at a Goodwill store, and then dropped into a dumpster when it gets worn out.

Granted. However, the only software it can run are complex simulations of warfare, the economy, and the ecology. These are accessed through a complicated command line interface that you can't begin to master, as it doesn't come with a manual or any kind of documentation. Also, it takes up so much energy just sitting there not doing anything that your electric bill skyrockets.

I wish that I was the greatest programmer ever.

[Rusvul]

Granted, you can code quickly and efficiently. But your attention span for code is so short that you can't complete anything longer than a few lines of code before falling to sleep.

I wish that I knew the basics of every Minecraft mod.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You know the basics of every mine craft mod that ever was is or will be. However, your head is crammed with basics and you find it impossible to learn anything but the basics. You can not learn complicated things and are a noob for the rest of your miserably uncomplicated and simple life.

I wish I knew german....

[Delthion]

My Mom knows German, and I know a little too!

Granted but now you can't stop talking and you can only speak in German.

I wish for a really nice house that had 100+ acres.

[Izeroth]

 Granted, but the 100 acres are a seaside property and then the rising ocean levels sink your house.

Oops, forgot my wish. I wish I had better memory. 

[James Gryphon]

Yet another ninja'd post: Granted. Your 100+ acre house becomes world-famous as the largest house on Earth. It has its own zip code, and so many bedrooms that you can spend every night in a different bed. But after you fail to pay the first million-dollar electric bill, every light goes off, leaving your housekeeping staff to stumble around in the dark. They all quit, and the house quickly gets very, very dirty. You're left spending all of your time doing nothing but trying (and failing) to clean house. Also, your house is too big to adequately protect, so thieves break in through your thousands of windows and, over the course of several years, make off with all your appliances and furniture.

Granted. You remember every moment of your life, prior to this point. Every insulting thing that anyone has ever said to you, every negative thought, every mistake, and every injury you've ever had are at the top of your mind. You hate everyone for what they've done to you, and become a completely self-centered person, living in your room, spending all of your days 'remembering better times'. Then, when you're 80 and start to experience memory loss, you forget all of those 'better times' -- so that the only thing you remember is how you wasted your entire life remembering things.

I wish that I could find a certain cassette I'm missing.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but the data is completely corrupted so it's worthless after the days of searching you completely dedicate to finding it, destroying any productivity you might have.

I wish I (including my clothes) could turn invisible/visible at will.