Corrupt-a-Wish

[James Gryphon]

Granted. It's an IBM PC, loaded up with PC-DOS 1.0, a 4.77mhz processor, and an amazing 16kb of ram.
You can do all kinds of things on it, like make BASIC apps, run a spreadsheet, or play great games. It can even log on to BBSs. (Just make sure that you have a modem and that it's plugged in to your phone line.)

I wish I had a bag of pretzels.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but the salt is a poisonous compound.

I wish I could have a million dollars.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You have a million dollars, but all of the serial numbers have been rubbed off. You can't spend any of your money because there isn't any proof of its authenticity. Then a paranoid clerk calls the police, and you're mistaken for a counterfeiter and hauled off to jail.

I wish that this software DVD would load.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but it completely fries your motherboard.

I wish I had invincibility.

[Tiria Wildlough]

Granted, but nobody likes you anymore.

I wish I had lots of followers on Tumblr.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but they're all spambots. You get tons of posts telling you about "great business opportunities" and "one weird trick discovered by a housewife".

I wish that my teeth were always clean.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  They are always so nice and perfectly white, especially when you take them out and stick them in a glass of water beside your bed.

  I wish that I didn't have to can pickles.

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted. You now have to can tomatoes and applesauce instead. (Not together, of course.)

I wish my Dragon Cave dragons hadn't all turned out to be female so far.

[Delthion]

Granted, but now they all start attacking you.

I wish for a planet that had ten million acres of forest, two hundred million acres of ocean and wildlife was in abundance, the atmosphere was perfect, I was on it I was the same age that I am now, I had family on it that were completely virtuous, the water was impervious to poison and so was the atmosphere, so was the gravity. There are no robots of any kind, and there is a plentiful food supply.

I am interested in what will happen to this.

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted. However, after spending many delightful and pleasant years on said planet, a huge asteroid collides and starts tidal waves and earthquakes. Thus ends the utopia.

I wish I could meet all the forum people in real life.

[Delthion]

Granted, but you hate them all, and vice-verse.

I wish that utopia was not destroyed.

[James Gryphon]

ninja'd response: Granted, but they're nothing like how they are on the forums. Everybody, from the staff on down, act like jerks when you meet them, and the experience turns you off so much that you decide never to come on the forum again.

Granted; utopia wasn't destroyed. However, being imperfect, you can't be allowed to be in perfection, because you'd mess it up, so you're sent to live in a desert where you spend the rest of your days harvesting water.

I wish I could find my glasses.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  You find them with your foot. 

  I wish that I could get the smell of garlic off my hands.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but you get it off by washing your hands in a chili pepper solution. Then, when your eyes itch, you rub them with your hand.

I wish that I had 20/10 vision.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  You now wear glasses that have the numbers "20" and "10" etched on them, obstructing your view. 

Granted, but you get it off by washing your hands in a chili pepper solution. Then, when your eyes itch, you rub them with your hand.

  That's just mean.   

  I wish that I could eat corn on the cob again.