Corrupt-a-Wish

[Rainshadow]

  Granted, but there's a forest fire and the entire forest gets burned down.

  I wish that I could apply makeup perfectly.

[Delthion]

Granted but you can never do it on yourself.

I wish for 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 acres of forest. 

[James Gryphon]

Granted. There's so much forest that the entire world, including the oceans, is filled up with trees and their root systems. Not only is there no room for anything else, there isn't even enough room for all of the trees. There's a mile high stack of trees across the entire planet. Without good ground for their root systems, they all die. The only thing that's left alive on the planet are microscopic organisms, who spend the next billion years eating petrified tree.

I wish the board had a hundred more good members.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but they're all on fire that can never be put out until the acres are burnt completely.

I wish I never had headaches.

EDIT:  ninja'd by James...
Granted, but they're all sane, and their sanity catches.

I wish I never had headaches.

[Delthion]

Gryphon: Granted but they all become corrupted by power.

Badger: Granted but now you don't have a head.

I wish that I could hurry up with my book.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You go through the book very quickly, finishing it in the next five seconds. Your brain didn't have time to react with surprise or anything else at how the book turned out, so when you're done with it, your thoughts on the book are "Eh, whatever, it was okay I guess." You're totally apathetic about it and never touch it again.

I wish that all the regular members and staff that we had in 2011 were both here and active again.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

;_;  I wish that too.

/no more time on the computer so I can't post anything else bye

[Delthion]

Granted. You go through the book very quickly, finishing it in the next five seconds. Your brain didn't have time to react with surprise or anything else at how the book turned out, so when you're done with it, your thoughts on the book are "Eh, whatever, it was okay I guess." You're totally apathetic about it and never touch it again.

I wish that all the regular members and staff that we had in 2011 were both here and active again.

Actually I'm writing it...

Granted, but now all of the people that joined in 2012 - 2014, delete their accounts.

[James Gryphon]

You were vague on whether you were writing or reading it, so I tried to leave my answer as open as possible. My answer still works, you just have to read it a bit differently.

You didn't wish, either, so I'll do another one.

I wish there were twice as many Redwall books.

[Delthion]

Granted, but now they're written for kindergarteners.

I wish for a forested planet, that is indestructible and completely healthy and big enough to have one million acres of land, and five trillion acres of ocean, the waters perfect and impervious to poison, and such things. The planet cannot be flooded and I have everything I need to survive, with nothing decaying whatsoever.

Try to corrupt that! 

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but you're not on that planet. You're on a completely different planet half-way across the universe, where you're the only living being. You have everything you need to survive because you're imprisoned there, with robots taking care of and performing experiments on you.

I wish I didn't keep forgetting to take my medicine.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted.  You remember to take it, but you forget about taking it with liquid.  Every time.

  I wish that my neck would crack.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

It does, but in the process, it breaks.

I wish I could fly.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you can fly, by flapping your arms.

Unfortunately, you have no control where you fly to, and everyone who sees you going overhead laugh themselves half to death because of how ridiculous you look. Also, your arms still get tired, so after a few minutes of flight you get too tired to keep flapping, fall thirty feet, and break both your arms and legs.

I wish I was the world's best hockey goalie.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, because now you stop every single goal with your face, and you never wear a mask.

I wish I had an infinite supply of clean, uncontaminated water that was easy to access and could not be taken away.