Corrupt-a-Wish

[Banya]

Granted.  You don't have rashes, but your doctor tells you you have Ebola.  You are quarantined until you die of dehydration.  It takes an agonizing 9 days to die, and in that time you cannot see your family or cat.

I wish I could summon to me anything I need from across the room so I don't have to get up and get it.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You're blissfully zoning out at the computer, with your headphones on, when you discover that you're out of soft drink! Fortunately, it just so happens that a star baseball pitcher is visiting your home, and he isn't doing anything else at the moment. You say, "Hey Yordy, would you mind getting me a drink?" He obliges, and throws a can of Coke to you at 120 mph. Unfortunately, you don't even see it coming, and it hits the back of your head, killing you.

I wish that I could perfectly read, understand and speak every language.

[Banya]

Granted.  You are the most successful polyglot to have ever lived.  Not only are you fluent and grammatically perfect in every modern language from Modern Standard Arabic to Hungarian to Mende to Haitian Creole, you are also the last speaker of all of the world's dead languages, including Latin and the formerly lost Native North and South American languages.  Because of this, you are the mostly highly sought-after man alive.  Historians want to record your knowledge of ancient languages, the government wants to use you as a translator, journalists want to write books on you, and all the ladies want to marry you so you can compliment them in Russian and Italian.  You front lawn is covered with these ladies who hold up proposition signs with terrible grammar, as well as with news reporters who trample your lawn and disrespect your privacy.  There are so many that any attempts of the police to remove them from your property is futile.  You cannot open your curtains, you cannot leave your house because your driveway is full of cameramen, you cannot even let your cat out.  You have to cancel your phone service because it will not stop ringing, and you lost contact with your family and friends.  Cabin fever sets in, and all those languages become voices in your head.  I think you drown fully-clothed in the bathtub, but the story gets so expanded as it is passed from new source to news source that no one can be sure.

I wish the girl who lives in the dorm room next to mine wasn't so noisy late at night. 

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Starting tomorrow, things are eerily quiet each night, except for the sound of metal scraping on metal. Sometimes you swear you can see someone's shadow moving across your bedroom wall.

Then the attacks start. One morning, you nearly get hit in the head with a large rock as you step outside of your dorm. Someone planted it above your door. The next day, someone in a robe and hood throws a knife at you, then disappears before you can catch them. The day after that you slip and fall in the tub. It turns out someone put invisible, slippery grease in there. You get a note under the door. "GET OUT WHILE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE", written in blood. That day you get food poisoning at lunch and have to be taken to the hospital. When you come back, you find that your pillow's been cut in half with a knife, and another note that says "NEXT TIME IT'S YOUR HEAD". You're feeling nervous, and stay overnight at a friend's dorm the next night, only to wake up with another message stapled right next to your head. "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. LEAVE CAMPUS TODAY." You contact the police, but they say that there's no fingerprints and no evidence. You want to get a good education, though, and are determined to stay on campus. So, you set a trap for your enemy, and determine to stay up all night until the case is resolved. Hours pass. Your eyelids grow heavy. You're about to doze off when you hear something move behind you. You turn to see... nothing.

You start packing in the morning, but find a new note in the back of your closet. "TOO LATE." You hear someone giggling, whirl around, and see nothing. You search the dorm, but everything is normal. Finally, you go to class, so distracted that you flunk all your tests.

You're always armed now. When one of your friends comes up behind you, you almost take out their throat. "Take it easy, girl," they said. "What's the matter, you think someone's trying to kill you?" If only they knew.

Sleep stops coming. You pass each day in a haze, and your hand shakes as you open the door to your dorm each night. Is it fear, or just caffeine overdose? Brain doesn't know.

Night comes. You walk into the bathroom to brush your teeth. Haven't done that in a while. Suddenly you hear a footstep. You've been practicing your draw, but you're surprised yourself with how fast the knife falls into your hand. You hit out with both hands. You hear a crash. The taste of blood, and then pain. Your hand fumbles for the light.

Light comes on. The mirror is broken. You can see shards of glass scattered across your face. The floor is slippery now, and you fall over. Where's your knife?... you dropped it. Oh, it's on the floor. That makes sense. You reach over to get it, but you can't quite reach... then you see. It.

Then you die.

---

(And that wraps up my foray into horror writing.)

I wish that I didn't get anxious so easily.

[Skyblade]

Granted! You no longer have any emotions, so no need to worry about being anxious.

I wish corrupted wishes didn't end with the person dying (it is pretty funny though)

Granted! Your room is extremely cool, the coolest room ever, with lots of hi-tech gizmos, old and new computers (including a mainframe!), a 3D printer, and a levitating bed! Unfortunately, the temperature and noise level in your room are so high from all the stuff that's running and producing heat that you can never get any sleep, even with everything set on silent and all of the covers off. You end up having to sleep on the living room couch, and instead use your bed to store your collection of high-powered laser pointers, light-up prop lightsabers, and 1,000 classic sci-fi and fantasy books, each signed and annotated by their authors. It's worth mentioning that your room is now the Mecca of all geeks, and your phone, email box, and real mail box are constantly flooded with requests from people to visit.

I wish that I could load different personalities into my mind, and use any of them at will.

Ha! That was genius.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Now, people say "Granted, too lazy to corrupt it". The game becomes as dull as a used eraser.

I wish that we had a good fence that didn't keep breaking surrounding our backyard.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now you have an unbreakable fence. It's a giant, metal fence that goes completely around your house. It's absolutely impossible to get past. Only problem is that they forgot to make a fence, so you'll have to live inside it for the rest of your life.

I wish I could go to Salamandastron.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You show up, and scare off all the little hares that are running around inside. You scale the mountain with some difficulty, find an entrance, and walk around through empty tunnels all day long. You see a badger who apparently made its home in the mountain. It runs off, although not before you try to pet it and it bites you. (You'll need to be tested for rabies once you go home.) You find a bunch of little toy pottery and morsels of food from where some kids must have been playing there at some point. You get bored and go home.

I wish that I was perpetually clean without ever having to take care of myself (by showering, brushing my teeth, etc).

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You are frozen in cryogenic gel. You're perpetually clean... but also perpetually immobile and lacking independent thought.

I wish I could get rid of problems by not thinking about them.

[Morgazath]

 Granted, but you don't have a brain to think with.

I wish I can have some pizza and soda.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You have one bite of tomato-less, non-dairy vegetarian pizza, and one ounce of soda. Everyone else around you has large-sized supreme pizzas and full liters of soda, and refuse to give you any, so you're forced to sit there and watch while they enjoy their complete meals.

I wish that I didn't get so nervous about going out of town.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You're perfectly comfortable with going out of town-- even with taking a stroll through the city at night. You're so comfortable, in fact, that you don't even notice that you're being mugged until you get smacked on the head with a club.


I wish I owned a mansion.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but you find out the mansion is actually very poorly made, and will collapse in the next three days. However, you did pay a million dollars for the mansion, so you sell it for ten cents, and when you visit it after three days, you find out that the mansion is completely fine, and you got tricked.

I wish that the Kemono no Souja Erin anime continued for a long time.

[SilentSam]

Granted, but the animators run out of ideas, so the anime is now terrible.
I wish that I could immediately finish my homework (which i am slowly finishing while posting this) immediately.

[Banya]

Granted.  Your homework always takes next to no time at all, but you get terrible grades on every assignment.

I wish it would stay warm and nice outside and never be chilly again.