MEMBERS ONLY!

[Tam and Martin]

Have a pleasent time Jukka

Mod: I am pleased by your well wishes for your friend. It is always pleasant when friends meet with friends. We will talk and laugh and joke after this procedure is done. Best friends forever. That is what we will all be. Yes. All this, just right after I pull down this lever here...

[Jukka the Sling]

*Attempts to escape the tractor beam, meanwhile beginning to panic*

[Rainshadow]

  *Blank eyes*  *Emotionless smile*  Yes, friend James Gryphon, help Jukka the Sling discover the magic of friendship.  Make her our friend.

[Jetthebinturong]

You've nowhere to hide, nowhere to run
Your village will burn like the heart of the sun

Wait, that last bit doesn't apply, sorry

The mods are our friends

[Jukka the Sling]

*Shrieks*
Mod: You're hurting my ears. That's not a friendly thing to do.
Well, no matter. Just one more moment and everything will be all right. *pulls the lever*

*nothing happens*

Mod: What's wrong with this machine? The controller better not have broke again. I thought I fixed that.

*fiddles around with the machine, opens up a panel*

Mod: Oh, I see. I forgot to put new batteries in. The Friendizer won't work without them. Does anyone want to run by the store and get me some more?

[Rainshadow]

  *Blank eyes*  Yes, friend James Gryphon, I will go to the store.  *Walks zombie-like to the nearest Fred Meyer*

[The Skarzs]

*Facepaw* Oookaaayyyy. . . You're all insane. Well, at least, those who haven't been turned into mindless slaves. I'm going to have to get a few more rooms ready for my asylum.
By the way, I find it disturbing that you may or may not have removed that which makes Rain, Jet, and the other members under your control fundamentally human.

[Jukka the Sling]

Skarzs! Thank goodness, someone who still functions normally! HELP ME!!!

[The Skarzs]

*Drags Jukka out of tractor beam* Happy now?

Wait. . . (Rain? You realize that Fred Meyer is kind of only in a few states, right? Just saying in case you don't want your location known. . .)

[Jukka the Sling]

(I'm pretty sure Rain's already said her state a few times.)

Thank you! I advise that you get out of here before you end up like those guys. *Glances at Rain, Tam and Jet* *Runs*

*another tractor beam turns on; the two beams grab both Jukka and Skarz*
Mod: I know the darkness that controls your hearts, and planned for this. You cannot stop the spreading of happiness and joy. Now we have both of you, and soon you will both be our friends!

[Rainshadow]

Wait. . . (Rain? You realize that Fred Meyer is kind of only in a few states, right? Just saying in case you don't want your location known. . .)

 (Like Jukka said, I've stated my general location several times.  At first I wanted to remain anonymous, but of course Icefire decided to say where she lived, and I'd already said I lived near her, so... yeah.  )

 *Returns from Fred Meyer with AAA batteries*  *Blank eyes*  Your batteries, friend James Gryphon.
Mod: I knew I could count on you. Thanks so much, my dear. Now, to make some new friends!

*pulls lever again*

*something squeaks, then squeals*

Mod: Blast, the gear is rusted. I guess taking this machine to help befriend those man-eating sharks wasn't such a good idea after all. Can somebody run back up to the store and get me another gear?

[The Skarzs]

I'm afraid trolls aren't combatable with this machine.

Mod: That's okay, we're not trying to combat trolls. We just want to inspire them to be friends. Now put your hands under these straps; that will make the energy transfer easier.

No, I mean it won't work on trolls. Also, my hands are too big and the thing is too small; additionally, if it's electrical energy you're talking about, rock is not a good conductor, rather, it is an insulator.

Mod: Perhaps other, lesser machines wouldn't work, but this one has been specially designed to be compatible with every race known to the mods. The straps are adjustable. You do not need to worry about the details of the energy transfer. It is all conducive to helping you become friendly. Do not be afraid. It will all be over soon. Then we will, every one of us, live in harmony. As friends.

[Rainshadow]

  *Blank eyes*  They do not sell gears at Fred Meyer... but they might at Wal-Mart.  *Walks zombie-like to the nearest Wal-Mart*

[The Skarzs]

Not gonna happen. I don't need help becoming friendly, I just don't want to. So, see you later, 'cause I'm going home.
*Teleports into Insane Assylum*
*Goes home*

[Jasper]

We may have lost a few, but more will rise in their places! We fight to the last man against the evil moderators! May the chains of ##:1162 be broken forever!