Overlord's Orders X

[James Gryphon]

Gryph attempted to brush some of the cooking materials off of his shirt, and replied, "I'm ashamed by our failure to achieve this objective. It was childish, careless, and most of all, cavalier behavior that brought this mission to ruin. I must stress, however, that I did everything in my power to prevent this from becoming the disaster it was."

"Let me start from the beginning. Tiria took over the kitchen, saying that boys don't know anything about cooking, and she didn't want to risk having us mess everything up. Izeroth and Tam were on board with that plan, and decided to spend the time by seeing who could eat the most leftovers from the nearby fridge. I was a little surprised by Izeroth's lack of interest, considering that he told me while we were in the cockpit last mission that his father was a gourmet baker, and he had always wanted to follow in his footsteps."

Some flour fell onto Gryph's glasses; he paused to remove and try to clean them off before continuing.

"Then, I overheard Tiria asking herself "so how do you bake a cake, anyway?" I suggested that she use the recipe from your Majesty's cookbook, which I had helpfully procured from the nearby shelf. Tiria, however, said that the cookbook was evil, and she had no intention of doing anything it recommended. I admit that this puzzled me, since I had quickly read over the instructions and it seemed like a perfectly normal recipe to me, but in the interest of keeping her calm, I politely asked what she wanted to do. She said, "Well, I'll just throw something together.""

"So she began to throw stuff together... quite literally, ripping flour and sugar bags apart and throwing the entire mess in the general direction of the mixing bowl. As you can see, more of it got on us than in the bowl. I tried to tell her that this might not be the best way of preparing it, but she said that we needed to hurry, punctuating her remark by throwing six eggs in, not bothering to take the time to deshell them. Then, she put the whole thing, bowl and all, in the microwave. When I tried to persuade her that might not be a good idea, she threatened me with a spray can of Vision-B-Gone. Since I needed my eyesight, I was forced to stand back and watch as the bowl exploded, throwing everything that had been inside onto us. It took half a hour just to clean the kitchen up enough to make it usable again. Tiria refused to do any more work, so I had to do all the cleaning myself."

"By this time, Tam had apparently won the contest. He lumbered into the kitchen, saying, "And now for a snack". He actually prepared and made a cake that fit your specifications, in less than an hour. I was amazed by his superhuman speed and efficiency, and said so. He thanked me, burped, and then proceeded to grab a huge chunk out of the cake and gulp it down."

"There were only eighty minutes left at this point, just enough time to make another cake to your specifications. I decided that I would have to bake it myself. Just when I had prepared the mix, Izeroth rushed in, saying, "You're doing it wrong." I knew that he was more experienced than me, and offered to let him take over, but he declined, saying "Go ahead, but it isn't right". He refused to give me any help or clue as to what he thought the problem was, so I assumed he was just being strange, and went ahead and baked the cake. As soon as I had laid it on the counter, though, he threw it on the ground and stomped on it, saying "It makes a good floor mat". Then he filled a pan with frosting, explaining "Frosting is the only ingredient needed for a cake". He took it, and started to leave to deliver it to you, but Tiria looked at it, and pointed out that it was pathetic as a cake. "I think it'd be better decorating your face", she said. Tam yelled "Cake ingredient fight", and, well, you can guess what happened next."

[Izeroth]

 It's true that I was trying to clean the fridge of leftovers, but that's only because gryphon had prevented me from eating for the last ten hours and I was really hungry. He said he was rationing food or such nonsense. It is true that I told Gryphon he was making the cake wrong, but I didn't take over because I was not experienced with that type of cake. At that point, I remembered that I had some insta-cake icing in my pocket. Insta-cake icing forms an entire cake in moments, but unfortunately they all messed up my cake before it had time to expand properly.

[Tam and Martin]

OOC: LLLLLLOOOOOLLLLLLLLL! YOUR POST JAMES!!!! That is so like me to do what you said I did! I LOVE IT!!!!



BIC: My Lord, it looks like there needs to be more explaining to be done.

When we got to the kitchens, We began on making the cake. Tiria though, insisted she make the cake having had experience doing it before. We let her do knowing she probably did.

I had nothing to do so I moved to the fridge and looked inside of it. There was ALOT of food inside so I carried on to clean it out. I saw lots of interesting types of food. Well, Izeroth came in then and he asked if he could have some food to eat claiming 'Gryph starved me on the trip here'. It didn't sound like something James would do but I didn't know so I didn't argue and gave him some food. Then I pulled out a pack of food and looked on the top of it. There was a lot of green and white mold on the top of the one piece food so I set it down on the table in disgust.

Now Overlord, I do not believe I have mentioned this ability I have before. This ability is that of being able to eat practically anything without having any harm one to me.

Izeroth did not know of this so he said to me "I bet you can't eat moldy food". I said I could and he said "Prove it". So I did. I ate that thing hen he said "Here's some more! Eat it!" So I did knowing that if I didn't eat it it would be thrown out and wasted.

To the watching eye, it would appear that we were having a food competition. It wasn't entirely so though. I was just trying to clean up and help out.

Soon after eating the moldy food, I went into the kitchen where James and Tiria were, to see how they were doing. Absolute Chaos. James already had explained what happened with Tiria so I have no need to go into detail. Anyway, I said to James while passing by "And now for a snack!" I do not think he heard the rest of what I said though because I finished that saying "I have to have some real food to wash down the moldy stuff". So I did.

I began to make two cakes. One for your majesty, the other for myself. Your  majesty's cake I whipped together so quick that no one even knew I made it. The other one though, I ate.

Now, what happened to the other one? Well, I put it on the windowsill to sit for a few minutes but then Izeroth and Tiria got into A fight over whether Sugar or Splenda is better to use and Tiria pushed Izeroth down to the floor. To fight back, Izeroth kicked Tiria into the cake, destroying it.

Well, because they knocked over my special cake for your majesty, I then yelled out an accidental bad word that sounded alot like "Food fight". It was my accident in saying that because then Tiria, and Gryph, and Izeroth all started to throw food at me. I was yellign out, trying to explain what had happened but none of them would cease.

I suffered there for a few minutes then they stopped seeing that I wasn't fighting back.

I then was upset at their childishness and decided to go try to make another cake but Izeroth wouldn't let me have the ingredients. Hence I was forced to be stuck doing nothing except watching and asking to help. None of them were making much progress though.

That is all Lord.


OOC: I don't think I broke the Gryphon rule though if I did tell me please.

[Izeroth]

I found out that Tiria was trying to put hundred year old Splenda on the cake. I told her to stop it, but of course she ignored me and we got in a fight. After we fought, I found out that Tam was trying to use frog legs in his cake! I was forced to hold the ingredients back so he would not go through with this.

[Tam and Martin]

Ahem sir, I beg to say a word. I was using Frog legs in MY cake, not your majesties. I tried to tell him that but he still wouldn't let me have them. We already all know why your majesties cake was ruined *Glares at Tiria and Izeroth*

[Izeroth]

 Ah, that brings me to another thing. While Tam should have been helping, he was busily making his own cake, which he intended to eat. When I told him he needed to help us, he said "My cake is way better than yours" and threw a frog leg at me.

[Tam and Martin]

Aha! But I had already made the perfect cake for the Overlord. You were the one that was the cause of smothering it and knocking (Well, you and Tiria). I had to make myself a cake to wash down the mold. There is nothing wrong with eating a cake myself as long as I already had completed the one for the Overlord (Which I did). If there is any explaining that needs to be done, My Lord, it needs to be from Izeroth and Tiria about ruining my perfect cake that was ready for you.

Also, I threw the Frog leg at you because you were complaining earlier that you were so hungry and that Gryphon had starved you. I threw it at you to be nice to you and give you something to eat.

I also refused to help them because they were in total chaos: Throwing food at eachother, yelling etc.

You see, Overlord, I did do as you commanded. If anyone needs to explain anything it is Tiria and Izeroth.

[Tiria Wildlough]

'Okay, so an explanation is in order. Well, I thought to myself that the only way to get this right would be to bake the cake myself, with no one helping. I don't actually know how to bake cakes, but I do know a way to make a perfect cake, only it involves mess and a lot of 100-year-old Splenda. I thought that if I told no one, they wouldn't bother me. I was probably wrong.
Anyway, I forgot whether to use a microwave or an oven, and I chose the microwave. There was a 50/50 chance and I got it wrong. Oh, well.
I do tend to get crabby when cooking anything, so I apologize to the people I yelled at or attacked while in the kitchen. Everyone started fighting and it kind of went downward from there. I'm very sorry.'

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

"Directions are crucial. I see my directions were not followed very well by most of you, and I will very soon need very direction-following servants."

An alarm sounded. A bright light flashed, and when it dissipated, leaving only three servants in the chamber. James Gryphon, Tam and Izeroth were immediately dismissed from the chamber to their quarters. It was several days until they were recalled back to the Overlord.


In that time, a green orb had, each night, been seen zooming around the corridors and catwalks, each time with a log or rope magically floating behind him. At other times there was a small furry brown creature roaming about, carrying a stick or strap of cloth in its mouth. At one point, there was a sound of roaring water that filled the entire solar platform for the duration of the night. The next morning, on the way to the Overlord's chamber, the corridor from the servants' quarters was glistening with drops of water. In the chamber itself, a beaten up and generally wet raft was crumpled to the Overlord's right.

"Simple assignment today, servants. So listen up, you might be able to understand this one. I need to secure for a few friends a guidebook to raft-building. Get on a transport, and find the nearest store you can. Any appropriate guidebook from any galaxy will do. Just don't steal it. I don't want a bunch of other thieves flocking here looking for jobs."


------------------------------------------------------------------------


24 hours later, the servants were gathered together before the Overlord.

"I have a guide to spaceship building, the complete 24 volume set of how to build the perfect sandwich and a paper detailing the proper construction of a solar platform above a blue giant. Not only are these all not what I asked for, they are all incredibly useless. Well, besides one. I could probably make use of that at some point. Now, one of you can start detailing how you failed to acquire a raft-building guidebook for me."

[Izeroth]

 We went to guide-mart to get it, but we were asked to leave because Tam started a fight with one of the clerks. I think it was over whether tomatoes are a fruit or not. Anyway, I decided the next-best option would be to travel to guides-r-us, which the others agreed to.

On the journey to guides-r-us, James Gryphon told me that he was hungry and that we should stop at a fast-food restaurant. I thought that was fine, and we stopped at the local burger joint. While there, Gryphon took forever to choose what he wanted. By the time he chose his burger, the guides-r-us closed.

[Tam and Martin]

Well, Overlord, There needs to be some explaining.

We went to Guides-mart to do your bidding. We walked into the store and began looking for guides. I also noticed that tomatoes were on sale at the back of the store so, knowing that you, Overlord, love tomatoes, I decided to buy you some saying "James, Izeroth, find the manual while I get these tomatoes." When I said that though, They nodded and James went off to the 'How to build a Raft guidebook' selection but Izeroth went to the 'Spaceship 24 volume collection'. Not sure why Izeroth went there even when I had asked them to look for the raft manual.

Anyway, back to the tomatoes.

I had bought several of them for you and then I saw a poster. The poster read in big bold letters, "TOMATOES ARE REALLY A FRUIT!". I bought it seeing as it was free.

I soon found out why it was free.

The clerk (also the owner of the store) came up to me and yelled at me "YOU CAN'T BY THIS! TOMATOES ARE REALLY A VEGETABLE! THIS SIGN IS WRONG" I told him it didn't matter and that I could get it anyway.

He ignored me - For then.

I went over to see James and he had just found the manual you needed. Izeroth came back with two manuals 'How to Build a spaceship 24 volume collection' and 'How to build the perfect sandwich and a paper detailing the proper construction of a solar platform above a blue giant'.

James handed me the manual to by and we began checking out. Izeroth insisted he check out his own manuals himself though. James and I went first. When the clerk saw us, he exploded in rage and smashed the tomatoes and ripped the sign. We then asked if we could buy the manual atleast and he ripped that too.

Izeroth then smirked at us and said "Atleast the overlord will be happy with my purchase"

The clerk let Izeroth check out with ease before forcing us out of the building. Izeroth then had a good idea and said "Let's go check guides-r-us".

So we did.

On the way though, James wanted to stop for a burger. I am not going to go into detail here for I will let James say that for himself. Anyway, it took us several hours (I am not exactly sure why) and by that time guides-r-us had closen. James and I suggested we tried to go check another store but Izeroth said that the Overlord would be happy with his purchase anyway. So, I went along with it.

I believe that is all Overlord.

[James Gryphon]

"I admit there is truth to these stories. It's just too bad that Tam and Izzy conveniently left out all the details that would have shown where the blame really belongs."

"I saw that the clerk/owner seemed upset when he saw Tam, and suggested that it might be a good idea for Tam to leave and for me to check our stuff out, but Tam said, "No need for that; I already picked your pocket, so you don't have any money to do it with anyway." Then everything unfolded as he told. I do think it should have been obvious that the owner would have been easily angered, as there was a sign at the front proclaiming the store was now the leading donor to the "Tomatoes Are Vegetables" campaign, but I guess Tam wasn't paying attention to that.

"As mentioned, Izeroth then proposed we go to Guides-R-Us. What he and Tam left out is that he insisted we do so only after we eat, because he "needed food". For some reason, he's been insisting that I've been trying to starve him ever since I took that bag of "edible creepy crawly bugs" (which move around, and sabotage starship controls) from him, two missions back. Tam chimed in that food was essential for a growing boy, and also that we needed to "commemorate the loss of tomatoes at the hands of the store owner". Not wanting to provoke them, I grudgingly assented that I was "kinda hungry". I suggested one of my favorite fast burger joints, knowing that they usually have good, quick service, with the hope that we could be in and out in twenty minutes, well before the guide store's closing time. Alas, it was not to be."

"When we got in (Izeroth insisted we eat in, even though I had pointed out that the drive-thru would be quicker), Tam and Izeroth pushed ahead of me and got their orders in first. In the process of doing so, they bothered the clerk so badly that she went to the back to have a good cry, and sent the emergency service robot out to take her place. Tam told the robot that I was blind, and needed the menu read to me, in fifteen different languages, to make sure I understood. I protested, but the robot had already started, and couldn't be stopped. When it was done, I knew that we were going to be too late for me to get anything much less eat it, and suggested they just finish up and we go, but Izeroth said, "Oh no, far be it from me to starve a friend, I'm not like that, unlike some people I know...", and insisted that we stay and I eat until I was full, no matter how long it took. Then Tam said I needed to get something with tomatoes, and asked the robot to read the menu all over again, so I could get a "true tomato treat". I proposed something, but Izeroth said that it wasn't enough food. By the time I was able to find something that both Tam and Izeroth were okay with me eating, the Guides-R-Us had closed."

"Once we had finally gotten back in the vehicle, Izeroth claimed that we should go back to base, as Tam mentioned. Tam yawned, said "That's cool", put on a headset, and zoned out. Izeroth, turning to me, grinned and candidly told me, "There is a 24-hour store right around the corner that might have it, but we're not going there. I can get him those stupid raft books later, if he still wants them, which I doubt. He's the most fickle-minded thing I've ever seen." He plotted the longest, most meandering path back to the base that he could, explaining "I have a book I want to listen to before we get back". Then he put on a certain book, "Overthrowing An Overlord", on the audio player, and carefully listened to it, forcing me to replay certain parts that he liked (such as a portion explaining that Justin Beaver music was a good way to torture an imprisoned former Overlord), while he took plenty of notes."

That is a more complete account of what happened. I trust it is obvious who is to blame for this fiasco."

[Izeroth]

 What Gryphon and Tam said of me is partly true, but much distorted from the whole truth. Allow me to explain the real story to you.

The reason I insisted that we eat in was because there was a sign clearly stating "no eating in the parking lot." Seems ridiculous, right? Anyway, Tam and Gryphon wanted to eat while driving, saying "it will be fun." If I hadn't stopped them, they would have doubtless crashed our ship.

I admit I was slightly angry at Gryphon for starving me, but you would be too. I insisted that Gryphon eat something other than what he wanted, because the burger he wanted was so ridiculously expensive that we wouldn't have had money to buy gas to get back home. I spent about twenty minutes arguing with Gryphon over why he shouldn't get the super expensive thing.

When we got out of that restaurant, both of them were talking about how they thought I was so disloyal and useless. I sarcastically informed Gryphon of how disloyal I was, and of how easy it would have been to get a book, (There were no guide stores within one light year that were open) but he seriously believed my sarcasm and began attacking me. He tied me up and forced me to listen to "Overthrowing an Overlord" (pure torture I tell you). When Gryphon wasn't looking, though, I broke my handcuffs and forced him to listen to the tape. The expression on his face when he listened to the Justin Beiber section was really priceless.

[Tam and Martin]

Overlord, it is true Gryph suggested me to leave the store because of the clerk but there is another story behind that. If you, Overlord, knew the past about all of your servants' work (which is failing) would you allow them to do your work? No, because you know how much others mess up. So, knowing that James is older than I am, I decided not to argue him and get in a fight but instead, used the excuse "I picked your pocket" Just so he would let me get the stuff you required. It was my only way to make sure they did all that you commanded.

Next, There was a sign that said that this store was the leading donor of "Tomatoes are vegetables campaign" but that shouldn't be a reason to not buy a sign that I was personally keeping for myself. If you were to go to the store and buy toothpaste, and the clerk said you couldn't buy it because it wasn't the type that was on the big sign in the front of the store, then would you think of him as a really good clerk? You should be able to buy what you want at a store.

I also tried to add a comment in on Gryph's and Izeroth's conversation by saying "Food is essential for a growing boy". I was only trying to help by saying that. I wasn't going to take a side in the argument. I also added that we had to commemorate the loss of the tomatoes but I only said that so those two would stop arguing and we could make a decision to do your bidding and get the guide. I then added that we should do what the Overlord says. Izeroth then yelled at me saying "YOU SHUT UP! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THE OVERLORD WANTS US TO HURRY UP! I'M HUNGRY AND NEED MY FOOD!"

I didn't argue but added "The Overlord will not be happy with you." He really got fired up about this and yelled. "I DON'T CARE!!!!!!" I left it at that.

Then we got to the restaurant. Izeroth and James already explained about the needless arguing. I tell you though, they were irritating. Every time I would tell them that we needed to keep moving and just go to the store they would say that "Their arguments were more important." and that "I just needed to let them sort it out".

They then decided to go into the store to get food. I immediately pushed ahead of Izzy and James knowing that they would probably be getting into arguing about food sooner or later - which they did. I had my order taken. I got a small burger. Izeroth then said that I had to go extravagant in ordering. I told him I wanted to keep it simple. He then tried to reorder for me and I told him I would not let him. He confused the clerk so much she went back to the back room crying hysterically. I said to Izeroth "Look what you did!" He then said "It was all James' fault!".

Well then a robot came out and took our order. The robot then began to speak German. I tried to tell the robot that we couldn't speak German. The only phrase I knew in German to tell him was "Read the menu in 15 different languages." He seemed to understand this and started reading it in each language. I hoped one of these would be English but it wasn't. I didn't how to tell the robot to stop though when I knew he didn't read the menu in English. James told me to not do it but I told him it wasn't my fault because I didn't know how to say "Stop" in German. I asked James to look on his phone for an online translator and he said "I don't want to. I need my food not a dumb robot to stop speaking".

Then Izzy tried to keep feeding James. I told Izeroth it wouldn't be a good idea to do that and he said that it was his duty as a fellow soldier! I didn't know what that meant but tried to solve the problem by saying "Just get something with tomatoes that is full of nutrients then we can go". They all ignored me.

I then asked the robot again to read the menu again. James was saying that I couldn't do anything right and that I was the most horrible person ever. I ignored him knowing it wouldn't help for me to argue. This time I told the robot to only read the 'true tomato treat' section. He did surprisingly. Then James tried to make up for what he had said about me by saying "I knew you were always the best of all of us." He got what he wanted and then we left.

We then left to the ship. Everything happened as I already said it did. Izeroth said we should go back to your chamber so I put on a headset and listened and listened to the "Store opening" Station to see if there is a new guides store opening. As I was listening to it, James and Izzy turned on "How to overthrow an Overlord". I didn't take any part in it.

Otherwise than that, Izzy had said that James and I were saying how useless he was but in reality, James was telling me how bad Izzy was. I ignored him. James, seeing that I was ignoring him, went to Izzy and started talking about how bad Iwas.

Anyway, that is my report Overlord. I am sure you see who is to blame.

OOC: WOAH! Sorry for the long post. I probably violated the Gryphon rule. Is it alright if I keep my post though? I usually don't post posts as long as this. 

[James Gryphon]

"All I can say about Tam monkeying around in the store is that I guess he should know plenty about failing and not getting your Majesty's assignments done. I was getting the books you had asked for, while he was off getting unnecessary items that resulted in our not being able to complete the task right then. That is all I will say on that subject."

"As far as the rest of this goes, I have already explained that our having to enter the food joint was Izeroth's fault. After insisting that going through the drive-thru would be 'dangerous', he actually stole the keys, saying "Friends don't let friends drive"; thus, we were forced to go inside. It's worth noting that Tam didn't lift a finger to help prevent Izeroth from delaying us, preferring instead to whine, and this is a direct quote, "I'm telling the Overlord on you!'"

"I was perfectly fine with the robot speaking German, and understood what it was saying, so Tam's request for different languages was nothing more than a waste of time. I tried to tell him this, but for some reason he wasn't listening. He very rarely does. I was quite peeved when he demanded I use my phone to fix his mistake, and snapped out the line about "not needing a robot to stop speaking" at him. I was attempting to place my order, in German, but Tam kept interrupting, confusing the robot, so I said, "If you don't want to do anything right, then keep right on talking; at this rate you're going to be the most horrible servant ever." Well, he hushed, but then Izeroth started in."

"You see, I was about to order the Tomato Burger.  Izeroth seemed happy that I was going to get it and eat, but then Tam commented, "You'd need ten of those to fill you up". Well, Izeroth seemed to think that was what I meant to do, and started screaming that we "shouldn't waste our money like that" and that "I could get as much food for less". It wasn't much of an argument, really, since I could hardly get a word in edgewise. He went on yelling twenty minutes, and probably would have gone longer except that our timer went off, telling us that we were too late to make it to the store. Then, Izzy was suddenly okay with me placing the order, so I did. I thanked the robot (not Tam, although I was looking his direction, to make sure he didn't spit in my food) by saying "I knew you were always the best of us", then quickly ate my burger, and we left."

"As far as Izzy being sarcastic, all I can say is that he wasn't doing much to dissuade anyone from the idea of him being a traitor. Aside from all the aforementioned activities, he had just been about to crash us into a freight transport. Then I saw that he had the Overthrowing an Overlord book checked out from the library (they texted him a late fee notice), I was infuriated by his apparent disloyalty and tied him up to keep him from doing more harm and forced him to listen to his book at maximum volume through the headset speakers."

"The volume, I think, might have been torture, but once it was normal he seemed to appreciate the book's nefarious content very much, as I previously described. Perhaps my behavior was a little rash, but I'm not convinced that he isn't disloyal, to be perfectly honest. However, I trust that your Majesty knows best in this situation."

"Coincidentally, I think I might have found out the reason why Izeroth kept gibbering about how he was being 'starved'. When I was tying him up, I came across several empty bottles of Metoba-Mite, the metabolic booster. I expect that he drank them like water, ignoring the instructions to use it a teaspoon per meal. This would certainly explain the ravenous appetite he's displayed, and his hunger in spite of receiving regular rations."