Overlord's Orders XVI

[James Gryphon]

"That's one of the most creative misinterpretations of reality that I've ever heard."

"As a licensed audiologist, I was just doing my job when I gave everyone free hearing tests before this mission. I thought that it would be best to make sure that we can clearly communicate with each other. Russa seemed to be a model patient, and we were having a pleasant conversation about our chosen careers. She confided in me that she was a practicing plane acquisition expert, but in spite of a record of success, she didn't feel confident in performing her task for your Majesty. I was wrapping up with my exam while doing this, and said, "I'm afraid that you're going deaf if you don't change something." I paused, and then said, while looking through more papers, "Tell the rest of the team about your skills and take charge of things. I'm sure it'll work out for you." So, I didn't threaten her with death, I warned her she'd be deaf.

As for the other alleged comment... running that all together is ludicrous. I was fiddling with my equipment. I said, "Hold still and I'm going to check your ear." Then I continued, talking to myself:  "Yes I shall..." She had been talking about how she was afraid she'd mess everything up. I was repeating what she said to myself to help me remember: "...sabotage the plane and everyone will blame Russa because she said she is the expert and totally in charge..." Finally, Amber (who was filling in as my nurse) had played with all of my equipment and messed everything up, but I was able to jury-rig repairs to restore perfect functionality. Hence the "I'm so clever!"

"Trying to string together a long, broken series of separate comments into one narrative is extremely deceptive, but I'm not angry with Russa. I know that she was put up to this story by Norham. I don't know what he was trying to accomplish by that, or what he was doing when he told Sage that the guards were hired hitmen, but I'm sure your Majesty will find that out."

[Søren]

My lady, it wasn't of my own initiative that I had EMP grenades. Norham had told me to keep them in my bag prior to the start of the mission. They were apparently developed by Sage and Tony Stark. Norham had a whole supply of them for his "big finale" as he called it. He said he was planning on disabling the weapons that we were to gather by using the EMP grenades. It was supposed to be part of a big "exploding end to Mhera's rule" that he and the others were planning. He said I had to carry them, or else he'd shoot eveyone. He had some sort of gun on him, and waved it toward Jukka. He even opened the chamber so I could see it was both real and loaded. I had planned on thwarting his plan. I knew that if I lit a flare, a  green one which everyone knows means an attempted act of terror,  it would alert the others to what Norham was planning. It was to signal the people in the mission to watch out, without actually telling them. If I had, Norham would shoot the other servants.
I was trying my best to keep everyone alive and continue the mission. I have no idea what Norham, Sage and Mr. Stark were planning.

[Hickory]

Mr Stark never had a serious purpose in this mission. I developed them for war time use and I had nothing to do with them being placed in Soren's bag. Norham probably placed them there to frame Soren for what Norham had done, which was giving the Walmartans the EXACT coordinates of our plane, and giving them the transponder frequency.

[Lady Amber]

Most wonderful Overlady, I did not whatsoever want to wreck James's equipment. I was forced to. Just before I went to help James, Soren grabbed me. He was holding a gun, and yes, it was totally real. I am a gun expert, I should know. Anyway, he shoved me into a closet and said through the door, "I want you to go and tamper with James's equipment. You know, totally wreck it. If you don't... well, you know what happens." I was totally freaked out, as anyone would be, so I did as he commanded.

I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by this, but he obviously had evil intentions. Also, what Russa says about me, her, and Jukka is true.

[Jukka the Sling]

Oh, most illustrious Overlady, the silly string fight in the cockpit that Norham and I had was entirely Norham's fault.  Norham is well aware that I'm highly allergic to silly string, but as I was minding my own business, he suddenly pulled two cans of silly string out of his oversized pockets and yelled, "SILLY STRING FIGHT!"  I ducked several times, missing being sprayed by a hairsbreadth, grabbed a can of highly abrasive silly string (similar to pepper spray) that I keep for emergencies such as this and sprayed it several times in his face, incapacitating him.  It was necessary to do so, because otherwise I would've gone into anaphylactic shock.

Now, the reason I knocked out Sage and took the weapons was because it was all part of a game that some of us were playing that day, the object of which was to gain the other players' Nerf guns.  The weapons I took were Nerf guns, not real ones (don't ask me why Sage had to contact Tony Stark for more weapons, because I never took the real ones).  I strategically judo chopped Sage so he would remain unconscious for exactly two minutes, no more, and ran off with the Nerf guns.  (It must be noted that the game in no way distracted us from our duties, Overlady.)

Now, as I ran back to find the others, I encountered a small Walmartan attack force of about five or so.  I quickly judo chopped them before they could respond, meanwhile announcing to the others over the radio that I was "assisting our need by eliminating the enemy."  I had nothing to do with the crash of the C-5; it was coincidence that it happened just as I was radioing the others.  However, I think Rrrrr knows something about it, as afterwards I saw that he had grease all over his clothes (hijacking a C-5 is known to involve a lot of grease, as to hijack it, so I've heard, you have to dump a bunch of bacon fat into the gas tank, whereupon it will automatically fly into the air and then crash, even without a pilot).

[Søren]

Sir, I only acted that way to Amber because Norham had told me that if I wouldn't comply with being framed, he'd kill more people. Even innocent civilians. So when I grabbed Amber, I made a point to show her that while the gun was real, it wasn't loaded. I took it apart to show her. Her being a gun expert could have seen that, it was abundantly clear I had no evil intent. It's all Norhams fault. He told me to say those things to her.

[rrrrr]

"When I was walking, someone dumped butter on me, which could be mistaken for bacon grease. I pretended to faint, and heard a tiny, high voice (probably Jukka or someone else with a high voice) cackling and saying "Hahahaha! Now you'll be framed!" I tried to wash it off, but I had ran out of soap."

[Lady Amber]

Even though Soren did show me that it was empty, it was totally reasonable for me to be terrified. After all, he threatened me. So it wasn't my fault I ruined James's equipment.

[Norham Waterpaw]

*stares blankly at all the angry people*

"I was drugged."

[Mhera]

The lull in the volley of excuses signaled the Overlady to make her judgment. Glaring at the last servant to speak, she once again fiddled with a remote and then waited. Soon, a thrum filled the air as a Skycrane flew into view carrying a huge vat. It eased to an airborne stop a fifty yards away from the servants, waves of sand and wind kicked up by its rotor blades buffeting them as it hovered. Unbeknownst to the gawking minions, a giant robotic trebuchet had wheeled up behind Norham, and, with a mechanical grabber arm, lifted and loaded him into it's sling. Almost before anyone could process what was happening, there was a sharp beep and the counterweight fell, slinging its unfortunate cargo through the sky and into the vat. An explosion of a thick, white substance splashed out of the container upon Norham's impact, immediately after which the Skycrane flew away and the trebuchet mysteriously disappeared.

Once the sounds of the helicopter had faded completely, the Overlady began to speak. "Ahem. He will wallow in marshmallow fluff for eternity.

"Now, as you very well know (after all, this mess is your fault), the American government is after me because of the stolen C-5 and the Walmarta have my private plane. I want both aircraft returned to their proper owners in excellent shape. Jukka, Amber, Russa, and Skyblade, clean and perform any repair the C-5 needs and return it to the government. Izeroth, James, Sagetip, Rrrrr, and Soren, take the hovercraft, use it to travel to Linguino, and get my plane back. Understood?"

All of the servants nodded.

"Good. See to it this job is done properly."

A day later...

"I am truly impressed by your inability to follow simple instructions. It appears that overnight, the C-5, instead of being delivered to the government, was piloted to Linguino, where in the morning all of the natives boarded it and flew to California. Also, my private plane appears to be parked on the bottom of the ocean instead of on my airstrip. Since both of these blunders occurred while the entire Walmarta tribe was asleep, there is no one to blame but the nine of you. What are your excuses this time?"

[Søren]

My lady, my side of the team was doing the work perfectly. We had boarded the hovercraft, without insisdent. No one spoke, we all understood our orders. No one had any communication with the other team, or among ourselves. Everything was going perfectly, and then, all of the sudden, the C-5 was following us in our way to Linguino. Someone on board that plane opened a window and shot at us with a bazooka. The hovercraft flipped over as a result, and I was left unconcoius in the crash. Next thing I know, I'm awake, tied up with my fellow hovercrafters in the back of the C-5 on our way to California. One of the Walmartians smacked me and I blacked out again. I woke up here.
I promise you my lady, we did nothing wrong. Something on that C-5 plane must have happened. They are responsible for this tragedy.

[Jukka the Sling]

My lady, upon reaching the C-5, I allotted tasks to my two sisters (since I'm the oldest and can get away with it), but not Skye.  I assigned myself the tasks of general sweeping and window-washing, and Amber and Russa were supposed to be inspecting the engine.  As I was sweeping the cockpit, something heavy struck me in the back of the head, and I blacked out for a while.  I have no idea who was responsible.

When I came to, I was lying outside on the ground, and the C-5 was nowhere to be seen.

OOC: Never mind.

[Skyblade]

OOC: Oh my goodness... I started freaking out when I saw "Sky" in that passage. I do feel a bit bad for Norham, though.

And I'm with the Squirrel Sisters, who will probably team up against me! Thank you for the challenge, marm (Not sarcasm).

BIC: "Overlady, I did my best to succeed," said Skyblade solemnly, her head lowered in respect. "But the others wouldn't comply. We went to clean up the C-5, but I was the one who did all the work. The other two spent a whole hour arguing over whether tomatoes are a fruit or not (I have NO idea why). I tried to get them to help me clean the C-5, but they ignored me.

So, I cleaned the C-5 by myself - I did an impeccable job, by the way. Next, I contacted the government and made arrangements to get the C-5 piloted to their secret base. By the way, I called the true government and I did nothing more than arrange how to get the C-5 to them. The real and true government agreed, so I figured everything was fine. A few hours later, a plane came and picked up the C-5; I figured this was the government, as I had called nobody else. I was ecstatic, as I thought we had finally done a mission right.

But then I heard Russa laughing with Amber. She said, "Haha! Guess what evil thing I did now?"

"What?" asked Amber. "I love evil of all kinds!"

"I called the government when Skyblade was fixing really important things that belonged to the Overlady, which you and Jukka broke, and canceled the arrangement! Then I called Linguino and asked them to pick up the plane, posing as the government! Now the C-5 is going to Linguino!"

I gasped, for I never knew this had happened. I had nothing to do with it!

"And Jukka? She was with you? What did she do?" asked Amber.

"Oh, she woke up right when I was calling the government and Linguino. She just said, 'Go ahead and sabotage the mission. I don't care.'. And she did nothing. All the better," said Russa.

I tried to call the government, but they said they were too busy to help me. And then I called Linguino, but they said it was too late.

I have no idea about what happened with Soren's group. I think Jukka, Russa, or Amber must explain. I really knew nothing about what Soren said. I had no clue, and nobody told me."

[Jukka the Sling]

Skye says that the other TWO were debating whether tomatoes are fruits.  She also says that she did all the work.  This is true.  In scientific terms, "work" is accomplished when one moves something.  As my sisters and I are terrible at heavy lifting (and I told Skye so), and Skye is great at it, we asked her to move all of the super heavy crates in the C-5.  The C-5 wasn't dirty enough to deserve as much cleaning as Skye gave it after moving the crates.  In fact, it was extremely clean, with the exception of the crates.  I told Skye she was only delaying us, but she ignored me.  Meanwhile, Amber and Russa were arguing about tomatoes.

After this, I had a short nap, since there was nothing better to do.  Russa woke me up  by speaking super loudly into the phone she was allegedly calling the government and Linguino with.  I was half asleep and had just dreamed about being a spy, so I mumbled, "Go ahead and sabotage the mission.  I don't care."  I can assure you that I wasn't speaking to Russa at all.

OOC:  My last post is invalid, btw.

[Hickory]

Miss Overlady, I was doing a fine job assisting Soren and the rest. However, I had actually been planning on upgrading the hovercraft for military purposes, all the better to return your plane. But, I was about to activate the anti-projectile shield when Jukka 1.) Threw water down on us all, short curciting my improvments, and 2.) Fired a bazooka missile at us! My shield would've saved us, had it not been sabotoged by Jukka.