Corrupt-a-Wish

[Mhera]

Granted! Sequals are always really good now. Unfortunately people are only interested in churning out prequels, which are all terrible.

I wish that peanut butter was green.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but it's green because it is now standard industry practice to expose it to bread mold. This protects it from other types of molds, but is still nauseating. On the bright side, you don't have to spend so much on penicillin now.

I wish that old computer games (specifically, '90s Macintosh games) made a comeback.

[Banya]

Granted.  90s Macintosh games make a comeback, but only people with 90s Macintosh consoles can use them, because they're incompatible with Mac technology today.  The story of Apple.

I wish they would serve more food I like in the dining hall.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but because everyone else likes it too, all of it is gone before you can get any. Every day.

I wish that I knew a good programmer who was willing to work for free to make my project ideas come into existence.

[Søren]

Granted, the programmer is good. As in a good man. He stinks at programming, and though your ideas come to life, because of poor execution, everyone hates them and you. Unfortunately, you just sign a lifelong contract with him.
I wish the Black Eyed Peas were back.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, they're back, but they don't release any new music. Instead, they put out press releases every few months saying how great their new album would be if they were going to make one.

I wish that I would write something for OOXIII.

[Søren]

Granted, but no one plays anymore and the topic -the whole series, for that matter- goes dead.
I wish the above doesn't happen.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but the posts get more and more nonsensical. In OOXV, the game-winning post reads like this:

"Uaekrtkvovmomv ogkaorkg, blork blork blork!"

Everyone agrees by the end of OOXVII that the series would have been better off dead.

I wish that people's posts in OO were easier to follow.

[Mhera]

Granted! They now have a word limit of 75 instead of 750 all words are five letters or less, making the game boring and stunted.

I wish it felt like spring and not summer.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but the unusually mild summer turns out to be a symptom of global cooling. The next winter is the harshest ever. You spend all of your money on trying to heat the house, and then resort to burning furniture when the power lines are knocked out by the blizzard. When the spring finally comes, your house is almost empty. With your few remaining assets you move to a land of eternal summer, in Latin America, hoping that it will not be so difficult to survive there, and trusting in your ability to speak both Latin and English to help you find work as a translator. Unfortunately, you find out too late that they don't speak any Latin in Latin America. Since you don't speak a lick of Spanish, you end up having to take a job as a dishwasher to make ends meet.

I wish that I could play some volleyball, or hockey, or something.

[Mhera]

Granted! You can play volleyball extremely well. You get picked up by Team USA for the next summer Olympics. You practice hard and do well leading up to Rio, and soon become the focal point of the nation's pride. All of our hopes rest on you a la Michael Phelps 2008. But on the day of the final game (yes, you make it to the finals) an official gets lazy and doesn't inflate the ball all the way, making it somehow easier to play. You and your team have a great game and win, but soon after it's over the ball's deflation is  discovered. The rascally official, afraid he'll lose his job, lies about how he thought the ball was inflated prior to the game, and that you, as the first player to touch it (you're server) must have tampered with it. Since volleyball is somewhat obscure and you haven't been famous long enough to build a strong, loyal fan base, you're figuratively (and very nearly literally) tarred and feathered by everyone across social media and the news networks and lose all of your sponsorships and no one ever plays volleyball with you again.

I wish it were tomorrow.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. For you, it is tomorrow. Unfortunately, since tomorrow never comes for anybody else, always turning into today, you're perpetually stuck a day ahead of the rest of the human race. You see all the signs of other people's existence, from the day before, but are never able to interact with anyone.

I wish that I had a better answer to that one.

[Mhera]

Granted! But you never said who your answer would be better for, so you grant my wish without corrupting it.

I wish people never talked on their phones while driving

[Skyblade]

Granted, they text instead, making the road even more dangerous (PS. If you're reading this, don't text and drive in real life. I'm being serious...I saw a video about it and it pulled some heartstrings )

I wish I was better at SAT math.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Someone slips you an example of the questions that are going to be on the test, and you study extensively for those question types. You know exactly how to solve those problems, and ace that portion of the test. Unfortunately, you know nothing about the underlying principles of the problems, and as a result of this, when a math problem is the slightest bit different from the examples you've been provided, you have no clue about how to solve it. You're admitted into a college, but flunk your first college math course.

I wish that I wasn't a procrastinator.