Corrupt-a-Wish

[Amarith Waterspring]

Granted, but you never teleport to where you want to teleport. It is always in the most random places, even in solid walls.

I wish that I could buy everything I every wanted for free, when and where I wanted.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now you can teleport anywhere you want. You teleport to the streets of Paris and Greece, to the gorgeous rainforest of Brazil, to the wonderful land of Spain, to the mouthwatering restaurants of Germany, to the beautiful land of Scotland! You travel the world. You see all the countries you could wish to see. But that's not good enough for you! You want more! You rush out of your house, staring defiantly up at the moon. You will not be a slave to this small world! You will go where you want, you will rule the world if it is your desire! Building up the courage, you take a deep breath, then teleport up to the moon! Unfortunately, you die because you weren't wearing a space suit.


AAAAAAAAGH! AMARITH, WHY?!?!

Granted, but the owner of a restaurant gets angry when you go to his restaurant every day and get free food. He gets a shotgun and puts an end to that.

I wish I had wings and could fly.

[Amarith Waterspring]

Your story was good anyway 

Granted, but the wings are tiny and only lift you 2 inches off the ground and they take a lot of energy to use, so it would be easier and faster to walk.

I wanna wish to be a billionaire

[Hickory]

Granted, but it's billions of dollars in Monopoly money. (how cliche of me)

I want to have all the xbox games I want.

[Amarith Waterspring]

Granted, you are now swamped in xbox games and your house explodes from the pressure.

I wish to not wish from now on.

[Matthias720]

Granted; you can't post on the forum anymore.

I wish for a comfy beanbag chair.

[Amarith Waterspring]

Granted, it is filled with really mushy beans and melts into the floor after one day of use.

I wish to win the lottery

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You win a million dollars! Foolishly, you both announce your winnings to the world using your real name, and choose to take the money as a lump sum. After collecting your $375K (all that's left after various federal and state taxes, federal withholdings, etc.), you attempt to return to your residence, to discover it is surrounded by every reporter in the state. You manage to get into the house after disguising yourself as a pizza boy, but are unable to escape all of the people knocking on doors and windows trying to get a word with you, and get no sleep for the next week. After the media furor settles down, you reconnect with all kinds of relatives that you never knew you had, third and fifth and eighth cousins who all want a piece of the spoils. Your friends are upset when you don't buy them new game consoles, and quit talking to you. After your money has managed to destroy all your former friendships and relationships, you quit everything you're doing and take some time off from life to recuperate. During this time you waste most of your winnings on expensive luxuries like a new car and a house that has more room than you know what to do with. Five years from now, you're deeply in debt and are far worse off than before you had the money, financially, physically, and emotionally. You rue the day that brought you such an unexpected windfall for the rest of your life.

I wish that I could think and do everything ten times faster.

[Amarith Waterspring]

Wow when I first say that post I was like, "Whoa! Did someone really have the time to think and write down all of that?!"

Granted, you now ruin everything you do, no matter how hard you try to do it slowly and carefully, it always backfires in your face because everything else isn't going the same speed as you are and no one can understand anything you say.

I wish I had a better singing voice.

[Rosie Willowwater]

Granted, Your voice gets so high that it breaks all the glass in the world

I wish I could turn into a bunny

[Amarith Waterspring]

Granted, you turn it a bunny and are never human again and no one knew you were a bunny, and so your family all thought you ran away and died of grief.

I wish I am not allergic to anything

[Matthias720]

Granted. You suffocate from too much tree pollen.

I wish this wish would go wrong.

[Amarith Waterspring]

Granted, you are now dead because you broke t-CANNOT COMPUTE CANNOT COMPUTE CANNOT COMPUTE CANN-*dies*

I wish for you to die!

[James Gryphon]

Granted. With the chief administrator no longer being present, that makes me the most senior authority figure over the forum.

The next few months pass in relative confusion. As Matthias' unexplained disappearance affects the staff, this trickles down to the rest of the forum. Without someone else being ranked over me, I gradually begin to assume more responsibility, and wait shorter amounts of time before making decisions. In some cases, this still results in good outcomes. The forum gains a new domain name. At the same time, though, after a desperate attempt to communicate with the old webmaster and Redwall Company goes awry, the Staff are forced to write off all hope of ever getting the original forum back, the announcement of which casts a dark shadow over the new forum's accomplishments.

By March of next year, the Staff have given up any hope of Matthias' return. We appoint two new staff members, largely at my say-so, who for their parts begin to have a positive impact on the forum. However, burdened and becoming increasingly more unhinged as a result of real life issues, and not having a stabilizing influence to rein me back in, my tone with the members who don't always agree with me becomes more terse. Several members permanently leave the community, and my relationship with the rest becomes more strained as I drift along in a melancholic state.

By December 2017, the Forum averages about 25 members, with growing attrition, lack of new members and the new direction of leadership having removed and alienated parts of the community. Burned out from being on several hours every day for four years, and depressed and disgruntled with the results I've had to show for it, I announce my impending retirement in the early months of 2018 and hand over the reins to Daniel full-time on June 2018, leaving seven years later to the day that I first joined.

Dan is in every way qualified to run a good community, but having by this point gotten a full-job and married, he's unfortunately not able to be nearly as active as his predecessors, only being able to drop in about only every month. With the other remaining staff members having similarly aged and begun to drift, the community settles down into a permanent lull. By the end of the year, the forum averages less than 50 posts a day.

By 2020, the forum is a ghost town, like its predecessors, its abandoned remains serving to the occasional future visitor as signs of better times. It is eventually completely forgotten about, and life goes on. The new Redwall film comes out in 2023, and as a result of this a big, official site with a new forum is put up. Dan does the Redwall community one last favor by putting up an archived copy of the Loamhedge Forum up for all of the new people to read, but hardly any of them ever do.

Incidentally, you aren't around to see much of any of this. When Matthias goes missing, you begin to realize that your wish came true. You feel so terrible about it that you walk out on the street. With tears blurring your vision, you're not watching where you're going. Thus, you don't see the fast-moving truck coming your direction, get hit, and die.



I wish that I could do things without having to have the desperation generated by impending doom for motivation.

[Matthias720]

Granted. Now you just don't care anymore. *insert long story here* tl;dr: it doesn't end well for you.

I wish I knew what I wanted to wish for.