Corrupt-a-Wish

[Delthion]

Granted, you are all of a sudden the odd-one-out, because you are the only forum member that is sane. Therefore, you feel like an outcast and runaway to become a hermit in the heat of the Sahara Desert.

I wish that Redwoods grew outside of California.

[Søren]

Granted, but they die as soon as they sprout.
I wish I could teleport.

[Delthion]

Granted, you teleport to the center of the earth where your teleportation device melts, leaving you stranded to be crushed and burned-up.

I wish that I was a millionaire.

[SilentSam]

Granted, but with monopoly money. 

I wish I could be a squirrel wizard.

[Delthion]

Granted, your a wizard at working with squirrels.

I wish that there was something to do.

[SilentSam]

when pigs fly

I wish that spongebob would end

[Søren]

Granted, but a spin off starts staring Patrick and it last for eternity.
I wish I could make these forum members stop messing up my wish.

[SilentSam]

Granted, when this game ends! 

I wish that Brian Jacques would come back to life and create more books.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but he says that he wants to try something new, and writes only sappy romances. He writes more of these than Redwall books, and becomes primarily known for this. The Redwall forums are renamed and restructured to primarily focus on Mr. Jacques' line of romance books; all the discussion for other books he wrote, from the Castaways trilogy to the Redwall series, is consolidated into one little sub-forum, which is about as well-hidden as "The Orchard" is now.

I wish that I could definitively figure out how long all of the species in the Redwall books live.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but you immediately die, so you'll never be able to share that with anyone.

I wish my robot would do exactly what I wanted it to do.

[Russa Nodrey]

Granted, but you accidentally tell it to kill you, (in your sleep) and it does.

I wish I had my own laptop.

[SilentSam]

Granted but it breaks, and no refunds.

I wish that I wasn't allergic to tree nuts.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you become allergic to the trees themselves.

I wish that I had a copy of the ultimate hockey video game.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You get a pirated copy of it and are swiftly arrested.

I wish that the people who make computer viruses would be infected by their own creations.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; after seeing it in action on their machines, they figure out their viruses' weaknesses and are able to write new, improved versions that are even more destructive and much, much harder to stop.

I wish that I owned a starship like the Enterprise (no A, B, C or D).