Corrupt-a-Wish

[Banya]

Granted.  You live inside a chicken, but life inside a chicken isn't easy.  It gets pretty cramped in there at night, and you don't have room to move around until the egg is lain in the morning.  You are poisoned by the chemicals the chicken is injected with, and you suffocate on the corn it is force-fed.  You end up discarded in a bucket of chicken innards as your home is turned into McNuggets.

I wish I had another month to live in my room.

[rrrrr]

Granted. Your room turns out to be the origin of a black hole, which sucks you in.

Wish I got a PM from myself.

[Banya]

Granted.  You send yourself a PM, and you read it eagerly.  You lead yourself on a scavenger hunt that ends with a fancy dinner - courtesy of yourself.  Unfortunately, you find afterward that you can't afford the fancy dinner, and you spend the evening elbow-deep in greasy dishwater, scrubbing plates and pans.

I wish my voice didn't crack when I try to sing.

[Dibbun Against Bedtime]

Granted. Instead of cracking, it implodes. Now you can't sing at all.

I wish I was a Norse wizard narwhal.

[rrrrr]

Granted. Since you are a wizard, everyone wants you to perform magic. However, you are a narwhal, so you flop on the ground and cannot move anywhere forever.

Wish I had more than 100 posts after 2:50 PM on April 26, 2015.

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but you get teleported on top of a sword and get stabbed.

I wish that I had telekinesis that I could control without affecting, in any other way, how I currently am, and that people wouldn't put me in jail or anything like that because of it.

[Dibbun Against Bedtime]

Granted. You get killed instead of put in jail.

I wish I was a mog.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You're a music service that charges subscription fees to listeners. You get bought out and shut down by another company.

I wish that I had perfect computer-like control over thoughts, information input, and memories.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. At first you used your new ability well, deleting meaningless thoughts and memories and saving productive ideas. However, you soon become obsessive over your thoughts, constantly arranging them into neat patterns. When you receive new information, you fret over what to save and what to delete. Eventually, you become so absorbed in your mind that you forget to eat or drink water.

I wish I had three wishes.

[rrrrr]

Granted. Your three wishes were stolen by me, the person below me, and the person below the person below me.

I get two wishes now

Wish my text here was green.

Wish my text here was smaller.

[Rusvul]

Darn. I took too long posting and now you've replied. Okay.

   Granted. Your text is smaller now. So small that I can't read it and thus I can't grant your wish and then we're trapped in a paradox. Nicely done.

(ninja'd) Granted, however they are all preassigned and the only thing you could use them for would be extremely detrimental to yourself and everyone around you.

  I wish that I was fluent in every language I ever come across. As a result of this wish there shall be no negative effect on any creature, person, place, or thing, and no neutral or positive affects on any creature, person, place, or thing aside from the aforementioned fluency in all languages, which shall affect only myself. This wish will not affect any creature, person, place, or thing except myself, either directly or indirectly, with the exception of any communication I might make and any understanding I might gain using the language proficiency granted by this wish. Any and all direct or indirect effects of this wish shall end upon my death, with the exception of any information I have conveyed or received using said fluency.

(The other day in a D&D campaign I made a deal with a devil, for information on my character's hated enemy in exchange for releasing the devil from a wall. My contract looked much like this. (In D&D, devils are the epitome of Lawful Evil- They will always stick to the letter of any agreement they make, and they are generally reasonable up to a point, but they will twist your words as far as they can and try to trick you out of as much as they can while still sticking to contract.))

[rrrrr]

Granted. After your wish is granted, you turn around, and see me with a sword raised high. You try to draw, but too late, and you are cut in half.

Wish I had the strongest sword in the universe, and I am immune to it (and I can use it).

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Both the sword and you, as its carrier, become renowned. Great swordsmen and other melee fighters challenge you to dozens of duels, but you beat them all, thanks to the amazing unbreakable, incredibly sharp sword, which can chop right through anything they attack you with.

One day, you hear about a famous fighter visiting your land. He is known for beating his opponents into submission with a bullwhip. You find him in a crowded marketplace. Everyone clears out of the way when they see you coming, and you confront him, waving your sword back and forth, confident in your ability to cut him and his whip into itty pieces.

He pulls out a gun and shoots you. You fall to the ground, dead.

I wish that I was better.

[rrrrr]

Granted. You're better, but not good enough, and die eventually.

Wish I know how to insert a gif in this post.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, it's an animated gif. Unfortunately, you didn't watch it all the way through before posting it up. It turns out to be very scary, and when you see it, you die of fright.

I wish that I didn't make so many mistakes.