Corrupt-a-Wish

[rrrrr]

Granted. You don't make many mistakes, but you make one, jumping off a cliff, that kills you.

Wish I had a redwall.net email.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You get mostly spam, but one day, you get an exciting offer from the daughter of the late administrator of the Bank of Nigeria. He died, and she desperately needs your help to transfer money under the nose of the corrupt government. You can get a 10% cut of the equivalent of 10M American Dollars, so long as you can send $1,000 to help smooth over a few transaction fees. You send the money. Unfortunately, there are unforeseen hiccups and they need $1,000 more. You send that too, but then something urgent comes up and the entire thing is on the verge of failing; they need $2,000 to pay off an official, or the whole thing is doomed. You send that money too. Unfortunately, after giving away all this money, you can't make your house payment. You get evicted, catch a disease carried by rats, and die.

I wish that I didn't fail.

[Mhera]

Granted! But only because you stop trying to do things. Nothing to do, nothing to fail.

I wish my ankle felt better.

[rrrrr]

Granted! Your ankle feels better, but your foot feels worse.

I wish I could run faster.

[Banya]

Granted.  You can run incredibly fast.  Few can beat you in speed, but you are quickly out of breath.  You can't run a 6-minute mile because you're out of breath in less time than that.

I wish I could get an A on this exam without studying for it.

[rrrrr]

Granted. You get an A on this exam, but get F's for every other exam this year.

Wish I get A's for my grades forever.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Unfortunately, you never age and are never allowed to graduate from your current level of education, no matter how many tests you pass. After you outlive your natural family and several foster families, the government eventually hands responsibility for you over to your school, and you are given your own little room there, and eat cafeteria food for the rest of your existence. On the bright side, you become legendary as the greatest playground game player of all time, and set unbreakable records for your school's baseball team.

I wish that the Dallas Stars franchise was eternally the same (with the same roster, arena, etc.) as it was in 1999, that everyone with the franchise was ageless, and that they kept coming back and winning both the President's Trophy and the Stanley Cup every single NHL season for the next century.

[Dibbun Against Bedtime]

Granted. The players slowly die off as they are mysteriously disappearing. However, after the century, Dallas is kicked out of the NHL.

I wish... I.... Spoke... Like.... This.... And.... Annoyed..... People.... And..... They.... Don't.... Kill... Or... Hurt.... Me.....

[rrrrr]

Granted. They did, but you got eaten by a phoenix before you had time to know who won.

Dang it, DAB, you did it quicker.

They don't kill or hurt you, but one day while experimenting on your teleportation device you make a black hole and you fall in.

Wish your tail had more than the square root of negative one...atoms.

[Dibbun Against Bedtime]

Granted. My tail has more atoms than something not real, allowing it to be any size.

I wish I could ask a stupid question and get a stupid answer.

[Mhera]

Granted! However, the only person capable of doing those things is yourself. Because you like stupid questions and answers so much you walk around muttering the most absurd inquiries to yourself and then replying in turn, guffawing after every answer you give. Everyone thinks you're crazy and every time you go out in public you get a ticket for disturbance of the peace.

I wish that I could go get a haircut now.

[Søren]

Granted. You get shaved. And then they give you your scalp.
I wish I had shoes on.

[Banya]

Granted.  You do, but they're far too small.  They're hurting your feet, and you can't pull them off.

I wish I could work today.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, you do nothing but work. In fact, you get to work so much that you don't even get a break. Same with tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day until you drop dead from exhaustion.

I wish it was raining with thunder and lightening (that wouldn't strike me).

[Izeroth]

 Granted. The lightning doesn't strike you, but it knocks down a power line... which falls on you.

I wish I owned a private island.