Corrupt-a-Wish

[Matthias720]

Granted. The taxes on $5 million is $6 million. You are go from rich to broke in no time flat.

I wish I had all the time in the world.

[Groddil]

Granted. Having all the time in the world; however, means that you age 9876543210 years in just 0.123456789 seconds. By the time people start wondering what happened to you, even your dust has turned to dust.

I wish that I could never feel pain.

[Delthion]

Granted, you are "upgraded." Say hello to the new you!

Spoiler

[close]

I wish I was in Carrickfergus!

(First line of a song. )

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but only for nights in Ballygrand. You spend your days trying and failing to swim over the deepest ocean, and sleeping in grassy fields. While wasting your time in this manner, every single person you know passes on like melting snow. After years of hard living in this fashion, you get deathly ill.

I wish that I was more productive today.

[Edraithel]

Granted but you're only productive in useless tasks.

I wish I had superpowers.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You gain these powers: changing into a frog (but you only change back when you're kissed by a prince), super-sneezing, retractable fingernails, the ability to remove and replace your teeth from their sockets, the ability to transmute rock you're touching into cheese, and laser pointer vision.

I wish that everything I eat or drink is delicious.

[LT Sandpaw]

 Granted! Unfortunately due to the fact that things being delicious is based on opinion the magician that granted your wish found everything you dislike to be delicious and vice versa therein making it so that everything you eat are things you find disgusting, but are considered delicious by said magician.
He also visits every other day asking to eat at your house for obvious reasons.

I wish my corrupted wish the next person to post grants isn't confusing.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. An anvil falls on your computer and crushes it into powder.

I wish that this dog was noticeably less loud than she is now.

[Skyblade]

Granted, her mouth is ripped off her face.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but now you'll never get it. You die from sadness. (You might kill me, but you don't mess with the people I love, my cats, or my dog.)

I wish that I, as well as things I'm wearing, holding, or touching with at least one hand, could teleport to any place that I choose.

[Skyblade]

I meant it as a joke. Should I not have said that, and why?

Granted, but the place you teleported to explodes.

I wish I could make my protagonist come to life.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. When they realize that you created all the death and suffering in their world, they kill you.

I wish I was somebody better.

[Groddil]

Granted! But you never specified what they were better AT. You become Hillary Clinton, who is better at starting wars then you. She promptly starts a war with Syria and Russia, getting you blown up by atomic warheads.

I wish that more people would sign up for Mafia.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. By whatever means you select, they become all of the Mafia. After sending orders for the first night, they idle out for as long as possible without getting kicked out for the rest of the game, not sending orders, responding to your PMs, or posting, for weeks at a time. When they do post, they roleclaim Mafia. The game drags on for three months, and is horrible.

I wish that I lost the ability to have romantic relationships and feelings, for the rest of my life. (I could still like or love people, but they would all be permanently friend-zoned to me, and I would never desire anything more.)

[Groddil]

Granted. You die alone, permanently regretting your decision and wishing you could turn it back. When you try, even the genie friend-zones you. Be careful what you wish for.

I wish that I could write faster.