Corrupt-a-Wish

[Delthion]

Granted! Mud isn't dirty, everything else is though! You can't touch anything without feeling filthy, and there is no way to get it off, since even water is filthy, you quickly organize a charity to build a clean room, into which you pour millions of dollars, when it is built, you find that it is as dirty as the rest of the world, you quickly go insane and die of dirt.

I wish that I kept up with this Audible book.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. It blares out of the speakers at 194dB, making it impossible for you not to hear it, or for you to pay attention to anything else, at least until you go deaf. The sonic vibrations from the massively loud noise cause internal bleeding and brain damage, and you keel over not long after you lose your hearing. You die. Fortunately, the speakers can't take the loud sound either, and burn out almost immediately after your demise, keeping anyone else from being hurt (anyone that wasn't on your street, that is, cringing from the noise). Your surviving family, in addition to suffering your loss and covering the costs of the funeral, are forced to pay millions of dollars in fines for the high noise level.

I wish that I wasn't so terrible.

[Mhera]

Ninja'd: Granted! You keep up easily where you once struggled. However, the Audible book notices this and speeds up slightly (it's an iSmartbook, a new CIA invention that you somehow got). Once again your mind adapts, learning to fire faster and grasp the quick flow of information. The iSmartbook notices this, and speeds up once again as do your cognitive abilities in response. This process happens several times until eventually the book is moving so fast and your mind has to work so hard to adapt to its speed that everything about your body also begins speeding up, including your aging. While you can now understand information 100x faster than a normal human, you are also aging 10x faster. You die of old age in six or seven years.

Granted! All of your terribleness is transferred to your cat. You now have a tiny terror bundle on your hands.

I wish that I knew German.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you're acquainted with Mr. German, and he's a very interesting man, with his work as a world-class math teacher, and his demanding home life taking care of his three cats and two identical-twin 7-year-old daughters. He has two hours of free time a day, which he normally uses to study. He would be willing to set the time aside, but because of the language barrier (you speak only English and Latin, and he speaks de Deutsch, Français, and Español), and the lack of a translator, he doesn't have the ability to communicate with you. Too bad; there was a lot you could have learned from him, if only you knew how to speak one of the same languages as he did.

I wish that iTunes allowed me to get anything I wanted, for free, legally.

[Mhera]

Granted! But...

It blares out of the speakers at 194dB, making it impossible for you not to hear it, or for you to pay attention to anything else, at least until you go deaf. The sonic vibrations from the massively loud noise cause internal bleeding and brain damage, and you keel over not long after you lose your hearing. You die. Fortunately, the speakers can't take the loud sound either, and burn out almost immediately after your demise, keeping anyone else from being hurt (anyone that wasn't on your street, that is, cringing from the noise). Your surviving family, in addition to suffering your loss and covering the costs of the funeral, are forced to pay millions of dollars in fines for the high noise level.

I wish that the cost of gasoline would go down to $1/gallon.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but all of the vehicles you ride in run on diesel. You try to put gasoline in them anyway. The car explodes, fatally wounding you. Every post you ever made in this topic flashes before your eyes; then you die.

I wish that I hadn't forgotten my chewing gum and left it out in the car.

[Skyblade]

Granted! You didn't forget your chewing gum; you left it in the car on purpose because you knew it was in reality a bomb and you didn't want to get killed. The good news is that your shrewd thinking saves your life. Unfortunately, your car is now in many pieces.

I wish I won every competition I do, and without cheating but actually genuinely winning

[Delthion]

Granted! You become extremely famous and everyone in the world adores you, everyone knows about you and whenever you are seen in the streets a riot occurs. Unfortunately, they find out where you live and destroy your house in a desperate attempt to get your autograph, all of your friends and family that were in your mansion at the time are trampled to death, and you live on in sadness for the rest of your life.

I wish that I would go bowling very soon.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, but you get hit in the head and end up in the hospital with a huge phobia of bowling.

I wish I could go hiking.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You take a long, long walk, and settle down under a tree to rest. You fall into a deep sleep. When you wake up, you have a beard that goes down to your feet, and you're in a strange science hospital, in the year 2050.

I wish that this dog wouldn't always start making noise the moment the bird does.

[Hickory]

Granted. The dog makes noise when the bird doesn't, meaning it makes noise more often than not.

I wish I could l play my Honour's Orchestra music without flaw, but not need to know for my entire life.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, you play it once and forget how to play it. You're asked to play it later, but don't know how. Everyone mocks you for the rest of your life.

I wish my cat wasn't so annoying...

[James Gryphon]

Granted. The cat is friendly and affectionate. You're overjoyed, and spend virtually all of your time with the cat, petting it, picking it up, and making those silly falsetto-voice comments that cat owners patrons are known for. After a while of this, though, the cat starts getting annoyed by your constant attention. After you disturb its sleep one too many times by picking it up for the hundredth time in a day, it finally loses its cool and scratches your face. You get in a huff and refuse to feed, water or pay any attention to the cat from now on. The cat, for its part, shuns you and devotes all of its affection to the rest of your family.

I wish that I was great at making money.

[Delthion]

Granted! You're a superb counterfeiter but are eventually caught and are sentenced to 109 years in prison.

I wish that my Wii was fixed.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You send it to a repair company, who fixes it. Unfortunately, there's a mixup in their order tracking system, and they end up sending it to someone else. You get that person's old Japanese-region PS2 in return. The person who got your Wii isn't complaining, and denies the error when asked about it, so you're stuck with an old console that you don't have any games for.

I wish that politicians never lied.