Corrupt-a-Wish

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but after a while it gets so hot that the glaciers melt and you drown. Good luck.

I wish my Brickforge order came today.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. it's all mixed up, however, and you can't figure out where everything should be.

I wish college was just a continuation of high-school.

[Banya]

Granted. You go to college, and it's a continuation of high school, but the schoolwork is tougher and the school population includes a lot more international students.  However, you now pay $15,000 per semester for it.

I didn't make that up.

I wish it were thunderstorming tonight, because that's my favourite weather.

[Mhera]

Granted! But you get struck by lightening during it.

I wish I could high jump six feet.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You are widely known for having the worst high jump among all of your friends and acquaintances, but when a frenemy says, "You couldn't jump six feet even if you stood on so-and-so (a 5'10 guy)'s shoulders", you take that as a challenge. Three of your friends happen to be sitting in a row, with their legs extended, and you take off at a run, jump, and make it over all six of their feet! Then, though, you trip and fall over the horizontal bar that happened to be lying on the ground just past their feet, and everyone laughs at you.

I wish that I wasn't so easily infatuated.

[Hickory]

Granted! You contact the Kaminoans to create a literal army of clones, all identical and carrying weapons. You are unable to to keep it a secret, and soon millions of SW fans are crowding your house, wanting to get a look at Jango Fett and his clones. You are forced to deploy your clones as a security force. Because they are amazing and are just money makers, world businesses are almost bankrupt. To get business back, the pool their funds and hire several robot manufacturers to create a Seperatist army. The war rages between clones and droids, and eventually the droids assasinate you as the clone leader. Because the war is ravaging the entire planet, the clones and droids are sent to th moon to battle as they wish. The droids activate a mega-ton bomb, destorying the surface of the moon, and making meteors destroy the human population. In underground bunkers, your son and a single woman are stuck there. Since she is annoyed at you and your son for killing off all her friends and family, she attacks and kills you. She no longer is able to reproduce, never having a sppouse, so the human race dies out, becase of you.

However, the clones on the moon are still alive, so their next mission is to colonize Earth.  

I wish I had a Tesla automobile.

There are so many logical inconsistencies with that paragraph that it makes my eyes burn.

Izeroth, I wish you'd stop saying things like that when the Forum Games are probably the most inconsistent thing eveer, with the exception of the Cellars. Saying that puts a damp cloth on the whole thing.

[Izeroth]

 Granted

Granted. You are widely known for having the worst high jump among all of your friends and acquaintances, but when a frenemy says, "You couldn't jump six feet even if you stood on so-and-so (a 5'10 guy)'s shoulders", you take that as a challenge. Three of your friends happen to be sitting in a row, with their legs extended, and you take off at a run, jump, and make it over all six of their feet! Then, though, you trip and fall over the horizontal bar that happened to be lying on the ground just past their feet, and everyone laughs at you.

I wish that I wasn't so easily infatuated.

Granted; it's extremely hard for you to be infatuated by anything. With little inspiration from anywhere, your life becomes incredibly boring.

I wish I owned a velociraptor.

[Mhera]

Granted! You get a cute little guy and name him Izzy. For the first few hours you and Izzy rolic around your home, destroying most things below waist height in the process as Izzy gets his legs (and tail) under control. After getting in trouble for the carnage you two have caused, you duck out the back door and head to a local dog park thinking the animal interaction will do your new companion good. Izzy, having never encountered a chihuahua in his short life, let alone a curious one like the tiny pooch that just waltzed up to investigate the newcomer, instinctively eats the tasty morsel before you can stop him, causing the late dog's owner to go into conniptions. While you're trying to calm her down, a police man on break glances up from his donut to see what all the commotion is about. Promptly arresting you, he then calls animal control on Izzy, who is romping about searching for more easy-to-catch prey in an effort to further satiate his appetite. By the time animal control arrives, however, Izzy has keeled over dead and a new scientific fact is added to next year's textbooks: velociraptors are allergic to dog meat.

I wish I had a 100 percent charge on my phone right now.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but someone in your family lets a dog lick all over their hands, and then they touch your phone. You can't tolerate having dog lick on your phone, and wash it under a sink. The water seeps in. You can see water spots under your screen, and it doesn't respond when you try to use it. Panicking you turn the phone off and stick it in a bowl of rice, planning to take it out after a few days. You don't use it at all during this time, even though it's fully charged, and thus miss calls from a prominent college trying to recruit you and texts from your hyper-sensitive friend (who assumes that you're ignoring them, gets mad, and doesn't speak to you for a month), but at least the phone seems to be okay when you take it out a week later.

I wish that I could turn the sensations of fear and embarassment off and on.

[Hickory]

Congratulations! Your ish ois granted. However, you never specified when or  how you do so. You alter these sensations by several different actions, of whih include suddenly reading your pokcet dictionary, or texing a friend for two hours straight, or man other thngs. Furthermore, you happen to do them at the worst possible times. For example, when viewing your favorite movie, Iron Man, (I hope that's your favorite movie) you suddenly have a fear of the Iron Monger suit. You promptly hyperventilate and leave the room, never to watch Iron Man again.

And I didn't even mention embarresment.

I wish the Castaways change on the forum wasn't an april fools.

[James Gryphon]

Granted! To show that we're really serious about this change, the staff kick things off by deleting all posts about those mice books, and requiring that everyone with a book-themed name change it. Everyone who is disobedient is banned. Unfortunately, as nobody can change their names without an administrator doing it for them, our number of banned users skyrockets.

I wish that I was all that, a bag of chips, and the kitchen sink.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. Have fun being a popular snack food and plumbing.

I wish Man of Steel was actually worth watching.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but the new Man of Steel is a picture of a statue of a man made from steel. There is only audio filled with excellent jokes but you go deaf.

I wish I could play my clarinet perfectly.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you can play the clarinet you have now perfectly. Unfortunately, that's the only one you can do it with. You don't know this, but if you use any other clarinet, you play it poorly and sound awful.

Anyway, your clarinet teacher, thrilled with your apparent progress, buys you a high-dollar clarinet to use, and you graciously donate your old clarinet to the local school. Your first performance with your new expensive clarinet is a catastrophe. You get worse and worse with each performance, and have no idea why. Finally, brought to tears after one particularly trying night and disgusted with yourself, you give up on playing the clarinet.

Thirty years pass, and you get married and have kids. Your daughter decides to take up the clarinet, and brings one home that was provided by her school. You say, "You know, honey, it's funny that you chose to take up this instrument; I used to play the clarinet, once". On a whim you try to play hers, and you play with the skill of a world-class performer. It turns out that it was the same clarinet you donated all those years ago. Unfortunately, by this time the clarinet is old and in poor shape, and its sound quality is not fit for anyone but a beginner, so you still can't have any successful performances with it anywhere. Your daughter never is a very adept clarinet player, and ends up taking up drums instead.

I wish that everyone was willing to do anything I'd ask for free.

[Skyblade]

(That response was really good )

Granted. Now everyone is consummately willing to do everything you ask them for free. However, while the entire human race wants to do as you command, it can't. Nobody has the capability to do anything you ask for, because the only things you want are impossible for humans to perform. After trying (and failing) to complete such feats as capturing other planets and putting them in a jar, everyone is very sad and the world becomes a depressing place.

I wish I graduated valedictorian of my class.