Corrupt-a-Wish

[Dotti Dillworthy]

Granted, but gradually you would lose the ability to hold a pen, and you would end up being illiterate.

I wish I were granted the energy to run a hundred miles.

[Groddil]

Granted. You have as much energy as the sun. Of course, your body can't handle it, and you tear yourself apart.

I wish school was only for 1 hour a day was shut down for good!.

[Skyblade]

Granted. The next generation becomes uneducated. And so does the one after that, and the one after that. Doctors, lawyers, politicians, and the like become either nonexistent or incapable within the next century. Death rates from sickness and ignorance, as well as crime rates, rise exponentially. If only people were more intelligent, perhaps this could have been alleviated.

I wish I weighed ten pounds less.

[Dotti Dillworthy]

Granted, but you would be as thin as a random poor beggar and there is likely that a tornado would carry you away.

I wish I would travel around the world in eighty days.

[Groddil]

Granted. You purchase a very fast flying machine, but you have to share with your worst enemy and the most annoying person ever.
On the 4th day your worst enemy tries to kill you.
On the 16th day you begin plotting to kill your companions for trying to kill you and just being annoying.
On the 21st day you fly over Australia. A kangaroo jumps up to your flying machine and kicks you in the face.
On the 37th day you go off course.
On the 55th day you run out of food.
On the 64th day you run out of water.
On the 72nd day you finally go insane.
On the 75th day you brutally murder the annoying guy.
On the 79th day you brutally murder your worst enemy, but not before they stab you, inflicting life-threatening injuries.
On the 80th day you crash into your house, completing your journey, but dying in the process, from both the stab wound and the crash.
On the 81st day you are buried.
On the 666th day you rise from the dead and haunt a plane.
On the 667th day the plane crashes, causing 243 deaths, including yours (again).
On the 999999998th day you are resurrected by future technologies.
On the 999999999th day your different genetic makeup, due to being resurrected twice, is incompatible with future teleporter technologies, and you are torn apart and turned into dust.
On the 1000000000th day, the world ends. A nearby star explodes, giving the sun the energy to expand and swallow Earth. The sun then explodes. The resulting energy waves set off a chain of supernovas that eventually destroy every bit of matter in the galaxy, leaving behind nothing but black holes.

I wish for SHINIES!

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, there is a new disease scientists are calling SHINIES. You are the only one who has it. It's incurable and slowly kills you in a terrible, painful way.

I wish I didn't have any Algebra homework.

[Groddil]

Granted. Instead of Algebra homework, you have heaps of homework for every other subject, even the ones you don't do.

I wish my copy of The Rogue Crew would hurry up and get posted to me already!

[Dotti Dillworthy]

Granted, but it was intercepted and in the end, you would get a different copy of a random Redwall book. Worse, it would be in another language that you couldn't understand.

I wish for a perfect gift this Christmas.

[Groddil]

Granted. You get somebody else's idea of a perfect gift, which is a pet shark that is very hungry after being in a cardboard box for two weeks on the way to your house. It bites your face off.

I wish for !$!%#$!@!!!@$T$^Y^@%

[Vilu Daskar]

Granted,  you get !$!%#$!@!!!@$T$^Y^@% but since you don't know what it is you throw it away. Years later the ghost of !$!%#$!@!!!@$T$^Y^@% comes back to haunt you. You manage to escape but you live in constant fear it will find you. After a while you shrivel away to nothing and die.

I wish glue didn't stick to people.

[Groddil]

Granted. Instead of sticking to you, glue now melts your skin off.

(Now to L33T H4X0R teh system!?$)
I wish for death.

[Dotti Dillworthy]

Granted, but you would be given a hellish afterlife.

I wish for a miracle lotion that glows my skin instantly when applied.

[Groddil]

Granted. Your skin glows due to radioactivity, which melts your skin off.

(Now to L33T H4X0R teh system!?$)
I wish for death with a hellish afterlife.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. But before your death comes, you get to live for a trillion years. As the eons pass by, you watch the death of all that you hold dear and the entropic heat death of the universe, and go insane; only then, after you're weary of life and existence, do you die and get to go to your chosen afterlife, where there is no relief.

I wish that all major news outlets only published articles that I approve of.

[Dotti Dillworthy]

Granted, but all of them are just articles about tragic events and deaths of famous people.

I wish I could read so many books at a time.