Redwall Abbey

You were handcuffed, blindfolded, and falling when you finally realized what you were in for. You had made many mistakes in your short, miserable life, but signing on as a servant of the Overlady had to have been the worst yet. No matter, you thought, the wind rushing past your ears and a fresh determination filling your chest, I'll never make another mista-

A sharp jerk derailed your train of thought, followed shortly by a jarring impact that left you stunned.

Welcome to the sixteenth round of Overlord's Orders, minions. There's been a rule change regarding post lengths; it's highlighted in blue below. If you have any questions about it ask here or in the commentary thread (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7725.0). Otherwise, I am honored to be your Overlady and am looking forward to seeing where you guys take this round. Defend well and have fun!

Quote
The Rules
We will have an overlord (or overlady), who will be all powerful and control the game.
Everyone else will be a servant of theirs to do his or her bidding, which will be a new assignment at the beginning of each round.
The game begins by the Overlord issuing a task, sending out their servants, and then summoning everyone before them and questioning them about whether they got the thing they wanted.
Any given round may have anywhere from a developing storyline and plot to pure and simple tasking. At times, the gamemaster (Overlord) may deviate from the general pattern and do something different at the end than just another task.

Example Round:
Let's say the Overlord might have wanted a jeep to use.
Stage 1: Introduction
The Overlord sends out their servants on a task and they return, and the Overlord will question their servants and ask them why they failed to bring them the thing they wanted (which will invariable happen, no one ever succeeds).
Stage 2: Defenses
Players can then blame their failure on some random thing (like maybe an elephant destroying the jeep) or someone else in the game; anything to shrug themselves off from fault.
Everyone can then blame someone, themselves, keep silent, or introduce some sort of new feature that happened while acquiring the item (in this case, a jeep). Eventually, the Overlord will process the information and decide who failed.
Stage 3: Punishment
The person chosen to have failed by the Overlord is then thrown out, vaporized, or something creative, by the Overlord's orders. The idea is to not be this person, and to survive as long as possible.

Don't overflow the round. Player defenses will be judged on quality, not length or frequency.

Inter-game rules: The winner of any round is given host-ship of the next game. This can tie in with them going from servant to overlord, or it can be original.

General Guidelines:
Free roleplaying, or game spam, is fine. This means having yourself eat a banana, talk about the weather or river dance.

Whenever someone says something about an event, it becomes fact. It is what happened. If someone says an elephant destroyed a jeep, then anyone calling that person a liar is for certain lying; the jeep was destroyed by an elephant. What's up for telling by someone else is, for example, who set the elephant on the jeep. Also, a character doesn't know what someone else's motives were in doing or saying something -- they can speculate on those motives, but saying about someone, for instance, that "they meant to kill the Overlord" is not automatically factual.

Godmoding pertaining to persons should be restricted to some extent, just try to keep things with at least a hand in plausibility. Powerplaying is allowed. However, it cannot affect players between tasks. For instance, you cannot have a servants contract a disease and be unable to speak, or even die. You can have them be sick during the task, but you cannot impede them during the Sessions before the Overlord.
Normally, the Gamemaster will have technology restricting servants to a base during the game to prevent physically roleplaying and keep the game focused on its purpose. Overlords can power play.
Also, you cannot use an excuse like being brainwashed or cloned during the task. You are you - and you are responsible for what you did wrong.
All posts after the game begins should contain IC text; there should be no posts that are only OOC chatter.
No "backseat moderating". You may ask the Overlord whether someone else's post violates the rules, but do not tell that person, whether by making an OOC comment or PMing them, that they are in the wrong. The Overlord is responsible for managing the game.
Remember to keep things civil, stay inside the board rules, keep all hands and legs inside the game until it comes to a complete stop.

Past Overlords:
Overlord's Orders I (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=722.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders II (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=888.0) - James Gryphon
Overlord's Orders III (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=948.0) - DanielofRedwall
Overlord's Orders IV (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1088.0) - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders V (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1246.0) - Redwall Musician
Overlord's Orders VI (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=1549.0) - Tiria Wildlough
Special Holiday Round 2012 (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=3022.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders VII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=3361.0) - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders VIII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=4241.0) - Romsca
Overlord's Orders IX (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=6441.0) - rusvulthesaber, James Gryphon/Tiria Wildlough
Overlord's Orders X (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=6679.0) - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders XI (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7007.0) - James Gryphon
Overlord's Orders XII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7133.0) - Jasper
Overlord's Orders XIII (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7350.0) - LT Sandpaw
Overlord's Orders XIV (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7604.0) -  Delthion
Overlord's Orders XV (http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=7707.0) - Soren the Warrior

This round is not connected to any of the previous ones.

Sign-ups:
1. James Gryphon (The quick and the hungry)
2. rrrrr (rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)
3. Soren the Warrior (The aficionado)
4. Norham Waterpaw (The recently returned)
5. Skyblade (Third time's a charm?)
6. Jukka the Sling (The sophomore)
7. Lady Amber (The sophomore's sister)
8. Sagetip, the Hare (Our illustrious FNN broadcaster)
9. Russa Nodrey (The sophomore's other sister)
10. Izeroth (The in-time totalitarian)
11. Delthion (The impertinent cannibal)

Here.

OK, I'm in.

I'm in.

I'll join!

*Gulps and shivers a bit nervously* WATCH ME! I'm in.

I'm in!

And I'm pretty sure Del wanted to join last time but didn't get in in time.  *Goes to notify him*

Oh, and I think Amber and Russa want to join, too. :P

DAB wanted to join.

I'm in.

I'm ready. I WILL win!

You will try.

Quote from: James Gryphon on July 06, 2015, 05:14:11 PM
You will try.

Sage be like:
(http://img.pandawhale.com/post-31741-you-underestimate-my-power-gif-KdeZ.gif)

Jukka is a sophomore?

Quote from: Skyblade on July 06, 2015, 06:26:07 PM
Jukka is a sophomore?

To the game, yes. This is her second, or sophomore, effort (I was in a hurry :P ).

Oh, that's cool!

I like my tag line, by the way. Third time is sometimes and sometimes not the charm, but I plan to play until I win. Even if I have to wait until round 20 or something ;)

*Raises hand* I'm in!

 If it's not too late to sign up, I'll join.

WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!!

^  Are you gonna let Del in?  He missed out on it last time...

Quote from: Jukka the Sling on July 07, 2015, 05:46:17 PM
^  Are you gonna let Del in?  He missed out on it last time...

You REAAAAALLLYY want Del in, don't you? ;D ;D
(She added him in earlier today.)

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on July 07, 2015, 06:19:15 PM

Quote from: Jukka the Sling on July 07, 2015, 05:46:17 PM
^  Are you gonna let Del in?  He missed out on it last time...

You REAAAAALLLYY want Del in, don't you? ;D ;D
(She added him in earlier today.)

What?  I just thought it would be unfortunate if he couldn't get in after waiting for the last round to finish.

(Oh, okay.)

I like my nickname, maybe you can work the F N in somehow? Or I can, doesn't matter

Mhera, I am not "The cannibal"...I am "The Cannibal"! Really, the level of people's ignorance these days! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Any objections to starting tomorrow?

Dibbun wanted to sign up, but I'm not sure. Also, I don't know when he'll be next online.

He hasn't been on since the 27th :-\

Oh, dang. He's not a very active member; he might go inactive in the middle of the game..

When I read that post, the emoji was at complete odds to the profile.

OOC: And here we go...

BIC: Overlady Mhera was standing in the surf, observing the twisted jungle filling the interior of a distant island off the coast through a pair of binoculars. Waves lapped up to her ankles, soaking her tennis shoes and the hem of her dark blue jeans. A black turtle neck, baseball cap, and wraparound sunglasses completed her getup. A morning breeze swirled about as she listened to the buzz of one of her private planes lumbering along at low altitude and low speed overhead, preparing to drop a special delivery.

Thunk. Thunk thunk thunk.

The soft pounding in the sand behind her alerted the Overlady to the touchdown of her servants. Six more thumps followed the first four, and then silence. Frowning, Mhera lowered the binoculars and turned around, doing a head count. Ten. There were definitely ten. She stood puzzled for a moment before shrugging off her confusion. Ten servants would be enough for her purposes...

"WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!!"

A huge splash and a spray of water soaking her from behind informed the Overlady of the arrival of the eleventh servant, a fellow who had handed in a particularly fishy résumé. Against her better judgement she had accepted him anyway, a decision she was starting to regret. Whipping around, she glared at the latecomer floundering in the surf, even though there was no way he could see her death stare through his blindfold. After a moment she sighed and pulled a remote from her pocket; a few button presses later the handcuffs fell from the servants' wrists, and the Overlady judged they were ready to hear her instructions.

"Good morning, servants. I am Overlady Mhera, your employer for-" She paused and glanced at the motley crew scattered on the beach, still groggy from the impact, pulling off their blindfolds and struggling out of tangled parachute lines. Shuddering at the thought of having to direct them for any longer than a day, she continued her speech. "-hopefully only the next few hours. You are on the coast of an undisclosed location, the nearest point on earth to the little known island nation of Linguino, occupied by the Walmarta tribe.

Unbeknownst to the natives, they are in possession of the richest stash of platinum in the world, a metal they consider to be worthless. Attaining that platinum is the surest way to wealth there is outside of hard work and careful spending. Your job is to peacefully approach the Walmarta people and trade their platinum for bunny rabbits, a critter so highly prized among the tribesmen that killing one is a crime punishable by death."

The servants, all having removed their blindfolds, could now see the eleven jet skis lining the coast. Each had a cage of bunny rabbits strapped to the back.

"You are to depart immediately," Mhera continued. "If you are successful in this mission, I will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. If you fail..." her voice trailed off. The Overlady took one last look at the servants before turning and walking down the beach.

A few hours later...

Mhera was perfectly calm as she observed the eleven soaking wet figures standing on the beach in front of her. Clearing her throat, she addressed them in a deadly quite voice. "It appears that you have killed all of the bunny rabbits, half of my jet skis are covered in peanut butter and the other half are on fire, and the Walmarta people have declared war on me. Needless to say, I am less than enchanted by your performance. Explain how this disaster happened."

"After our arrival at Linguino's coast, Skyblade took inventory of our rabbits, counting them up at forty-eight total, and said, "We've got so many fwuffy wubby bunnies, yes we does! This one is Martin, and this one is Sam, and this one is Beeboloo..." She went down the line, naming each and every one of them. Before she could finish, however, Izeroth cut her off, saying, "Don't get too attached to them. You know what's going to happen, right?" Del sang, "Yup! Fwuffy wubby stew at the campfire tonight!" I think they were trying to make a bad joke, but Skyblade believed it. She went into hysterics, and went through cutting all of the cages open and setting the rabbits free. For some reason, rather than running inland, they all started heading out towards the ocean. We tried to save as many as we could, but most of your servants are no swimmers, and even with their best efforts (well, maybe because of them, come to think of it) the rabbits all drowned. I think it is worth noting that Jukka and Soren were seen taking bets on which rabbit would be the last to go, rather than trying to help save them."

"Maybe the mission could have still been salvageable, in spite of this setback. We never had the chance to find out, though, as Russa had recorded the whole thing and put it up on her MeTube channel. MeTube is the #1 Internet site on Linguino. The Walmarta Coast Guard arrived and opened fire on our JetSkis with incendiary rounds. We cleared out, but not before Sage screamed, "We're telling the Overlady on you!" I believe this is what led them to associate your Majesty with this debacle."

"As for the peanut butter, I think Norham put it on some of our JetSkis as a fire repellent. I guess it must have worked, though I'm not sure how. You'll have to ask him about that."

OOC: This is actually shorter than usual; hope you're proud o' me.

"Clearly, there have been some misinterpretations.

I was the only one to come to this mission actually prepared. For one, I did thorough research on bunny rabbits so we could better handle them.

Bunny Rabbit Fact #1 - Bunny rabbits are in reality lethal killers, and there are steps one must take to protect oneself from their surprise attacks.
Bunny Rabbit Fact # 2 - Bunny rabbits, if provoked, can break open cages.
Bunny Rabbit Fact #3 - However, this can be avoided by soothing them. One great way to do so is by talking like a 6-year-old.
Bunny Rabbit Fact #4 - Another way is by forming a bond with them. Example: By naming them.

I did go into hysterics and set the bunny rabbits free, but it's actually not because of Del and Izeroth's joking (Which I might add wasn't appropriate for this situation). That was pure coincidence. I set the bunny rabbits free because I noticed that they were dying. Somehow, there was poison gas in all of their cages! (I had nothing to do with this. I might add, however, that the only people to touch the cages were the servants, so it had to be one of us).

Thankfully, I was prepared and had brought a giant backup cage sprayed with "Fried Bacon" air freshener.

Bunny Rabbit Fact #5 - Bunny rabbits are attracted by the scent of fried bacon.

So, why didn't the bunny rabbits run to my prepared cage? Only one reason. Del and Izeroth dressed up as My Little Ponies and stood in front of the cage even though I told everyone the following fact:

Bunny Rabbit Fact # 6 - Bunny rabbits are deathly scared of My Little Ponies.

So, they ran into the sea. I tried to save their lives again, but Russa and rrrrr were having a water gun fight instead of helping for some reason, and they kept spraying me in the face.

So, Overlady, I was simply trying to save their lives. And I would have if it weren't for the things other servants did."

OOC: It had to be this week, when I'm not going to be on so much. I guess that starts tomorrow anyway.

BIC:
Madam, me and Jukka were only casting bets because Amber had taken control of the mission and assigned everyone "tasks" to make sure the whole ordeal went "smoothly". She wanted me and Jukka to bet on the "rabbit race" and everyone else to do what's already been spoken. She said she'd get every last rabbit, she gave her word. We later found out the following:
Apparently, Amber's trying to get a A in the "Director of performing arts" class. She had to position us and call herself "the director", promising that she would recover all the rabbits. We had no reason to not trust her.
She betrayed us for an assignment grade.

OOC:

Quote from: SkyBunny Rabbit Fact #1 - Bunny rabbits are in reality lethal killers, and there are steps one must take to protect oneself from their surprise attacks.

There it is! The monster!
Where?
There!
The rabbit?
It IS the rabbit!

BIC: What nobody has said yet is that Del was discreetly plannng to sneak away from the team and head further inland. I believe he told his plan to Soren, and II couldn't help oveerhearing, "yes, yes, once I get the Holy Grenade of Antioc I will wipe out the rabbits and the servants to boot!" he said. "Well, except you." He rambled on and I think I heard "Eliminate the Majesty".... then Sky called me over to help release the rabbits from the poison cages. I pointed out that the cages weren't airtight and that the gas would leak right out, but she paid no attention. I, sensibly, tried to run away, but then the Walmarta Guard attacked us. I tried climbing on the jet skis to head them off and buy the rest some time to escape, but the peanut butter was really thin and creamy and I slid off. Whoever had put the peanut butter on had chosen the worst kind. I fell into the water.

James had misheard me. I had, on a whim, shouted to Del and Soren, "I'll tell the Overlady on you," nstead of to the coast guard, because they were the real threat. A problem like a small-island coast guard is easily handled by ex-navy SEAL officers like me. I swam to shore and grabbed my M9 and started a non-lethal attack on the Guard, since you'd probably want them for questioning and a mind-wipe of the incident, and the bullets expertly sunk their boat. I called to Jukka for help, but she mistakenly (or not) though I was under attack from the guards, and shot them all. She then left to join the betting on the drowning rabbits, without heping me up.

I was told by Amber that my exchange between me and Del was supposed to be a reenactment, for her performing arts class. Maybe Del was for real, but I was under the impression this was a play.

"Overlady, I try to be as prepared as possible. Sage said that the poison gas would leak out if we opened the cage. That's why I had special containers to capture the poison gas as it escaped. I even pointed this out to Sage; it was perfectly safe."

 "When I asked if Skyblade knew what was going to happen, I was simply going to mention that we had to give the rabbits away. I probably could have just explained everything from there, but then Delthion ordered me to dress up in a My Little Pony suit. I obviously told him no, to which he replied he would post an... er... embarrassing video of me on MeTube. I had no choice but to comply with Delthion's order."

"Anyway, after we fled the scene, Norham started coating everybody's jet skis with peanut butter. I tried to stop him, telling him, 'Norham, the skis are already coated with fireproof material! Didn't you read the manual?' But Norham would not be dissuaded. He muttered something about 'peanut butter and jelly sandwiches' and continued with his pointless work."

Most gracious and empirical Overlady! I would like to point out that you had chosen me for this mission to take the Holy Grenade of Antioch, and to kill the dictator of Antioch who was known only by the code name of "Majesty". I was worried about a mole in our midst. I was nearly narrowing it down when Izeroth threatened to shoot and kill me with a 9mm pistol. So therefore I went along with what he said. I had thought that Bunnies hated MLP. But I thought that they would kill Izeroth who I believed to be the mole, thus giving my life in your noble cause. It was only in your service that I threatened Izeroth.

"I 'threatened' Delthion with a plastic toy pistol. He responded by smacking me in the face with "Durendal" (a plastic sword he's always carrying around). I tried to explain to him that I was just joking, but I don't think he ever listens to me."

Ignore this.....

As James previously stated, I did record the bunnies drowning, but only to prove that everyone was disobeying your orders and that only I was obeying them. I would also like to inform you that I was not the one who posted the video on MeTube. I actually suspect James of doing this. During the trip he was reading a book called How To Be Evil and Ruin Everyone's Life. He's obviously against us all.

As for me having a water gun fight with rrrr...it's not what you think. rrrr gave me a brightly colored water gun and told me the bunnies love brightly colored objects. I started waving my water gun in the air, trying to get the bunnies to come back to shore. Unfortunately rrrr had filled his water gun with pepper spray and immediately started spraying me. I had no choice but to shoot back. I was only defending myself.

Most wise and experienced of all the Overlords and Ladies. Izeroth had said that he had loaded his water pistol with acid and threatened to destroy you! Izeroth's exact words were; "First I will get rid of you. Then I shall end Overlady Mhera's rule."

 "My pistol was loaded with boric acid, which is harmless.  When I talked about overthrowing you, I was quoting a short story that Delthion himself had written. I was making fun of the story's ridiculous and foolish concept; never did I actually intended to overthrow you."

"I was quite surprised when pepper and not water came out of my water gun. I had filled my water gun with lemonade, so someone must have switched mine and their water guns. I suspect that person to be Norham, who was the only one with sandwich ingredients.

Most gracious Overlady of great and wise motives! I did not write a short story of that type, I had merely handed to him. It was unsigned but I had gotten it from the shore. I found it in a bottle in the water, safe from harm.

Oh gloriously elegant and most prestigious Overlady... I used peanut butter as was recommended by chief of the Walmarta tribe. I meant it as a symbol of peace and good will! (And fire retardant) But having such comrades as I did, we were promptly fired upon shortly after the expiration of our cargo, no thanks to my comrades yet again!

Oh, Overlady, I was unaware that the Coast Guard was the Coast Guard.  The insignia they had on their boat was strange and looked nothing like any official Coast Guard insignia I've ever seen.  Therefore, because a few of them had eyepatches and were wearing camo, I came to the conclusion that they were dangerous smugglers.  When I heard Sage yell for help and saw him firing at them, I grabbed a gun Sage had on the beach next to him and shot them all.

Oh most glorious Overlady, it was not my fault that the bunnies drowned. I had read online that the particular kind of bunnies we had with us love water. The article that I had read was written by James, who is "supposed" to be a very truthful person, who also said that the facts in the article were "scientifically proven." I had also heard that the Walmarta Tribe loves reenactments of anything, so I thought that if we did a reenactment it would make them more friendly towards us. As you can see, I was just trying to kill three birds with one stone, as the saying goes. I wanted to get an 'A' on my 'Director of Performing Arts' class, make the bunnies happy (because they had been in the cages for a while), and make the Walmarta Tribe more friendly towards us. I had even given the bunnies life jackets to insure their survival.
Now that I think about it, I did hear Izeroth say to himself, "Little do they know that I put holes in the life jackets, and that all the bunnies will die! Mwuahahahahaha!" Those were his very words.

The exchange between Soren and Del was also part of the reenactment, because it was a reenactment of the Battle for Linguino, which makes up a large part of the island's history. My conclusion is that I am not to blame for the death of the bunnies.

 "Lady Amber has heavily misinterpreted my words. I'm performing in a play, you see, to help raise money for a charity. One scene, coincidentally, happens to be about drowning rabbits and sabotaged life-jackets. I was reciting a line to myself so I'd remember it. I don't suppose any of my comrades care very much about charities, though: they're too busy accusing me of crimes I'm not responsible for."

"Enough! I've heard all I need to know that you lot could set the world record for incompetence. As much as I want to be rid of you all, I will unfortunately need you to correct the mistakes you've made, so not all will be punished. One, however, demonstrated a special kind of ineptitude that really can't overlooked.

Delthion, please step forward."

The servant took two strides before the Overlady took out a remote and flipped a switch. A gaping hole opened up beneath Delthion, swallowing him immediately.

The Overlady observed the hole for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Then she flipped the switch again, watching as the sandy ground merged together over the blackness. "He has fallen into the Bottemless Pit of Despair From Which No One Can Be Rescued. Unless you want to meet a similar fate, I suggest you listen to my next instructions very carefully and not fail in following them.

Judging by the recent MeTube posts the Walmarta people have posted, they are gearing up to wage a full blown war against me. I would really rather avoid that, and think a show of power backed up by appropriate weaponry would do the trick. Over there-" the Overlady pointed inland "-lies my private airport. You are to take one of my airplanes to Little Rock Air Force Base in Arkansas and negotiate with the government to legally obtain a C-5 Galaxy containing a large hovercraft and various weaponry (it doesn't really matter what kinds, just whatever extra the government has lying around will work) and fly it back here. Hopefully that should be enough to deter the natives from following through with their battle plans."

One week later...

"Congratulations! You managed to deliver the hovercraft unharmed! I must admit, though, that I'm a little curious about why the government is after my head for stealing a C-5, why that particular C-5 is filled with signs of a cockpit silly string fight, and why, besides the hovercraft, you loaded it with teddy bears instead of weapons. Oh, and I'd also like to know how the Walmarta obtained the private plane I sent you to Arkansas in that they are now taking such pleasure in flying overhead. Explain, minions."

OOC: For reference, this is a C-5:

Spoiler

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e6/C5_galaxy.jpg/800px-C5_galaxy.jpg)

[close]

 "When we arrived at the airport, the commander came out to meet us. He said he was a longtime friend of the overlady, and would let us have a C-5. The commander even agreed to bring the C-5 out front so we could fly it away."

"So, they brought out the plane as promised, and we were in the process of loading it for takeoff. Suddenly, James Gryphon walked up the the commander, punched him in the face, and said 'got your nose!' Despite my best efforts to maintain order, diplomacy rapidly deteriorated, and we had to evacuate the area ahead of schedule."

"Once we were in the air, Skyblade thought it a good time to inform me that, along with the hovercraft, she had filled the plane's cargo bay with teddy bears. Her justification for doing so was, 'because they're just so cuddly!' Meanwhile, Jukka and Norham had started a silly-string fight in the cockpit, and chaos reigned surpreme."

"Once the cockpit was finally under control, I looked out the window and saw that the Walmarta were following us in your private jet. I have no idea how they got it; Russa (the self-proclaimed 'plane acquisition expert') had told me that your private jet was "perfectly fine" and "we don't need to worry about it.'"

You see, Overlady, I have previous flying experience with Pan America Airlines. I took control and we were about to safely touch down when a Walmarta strike force neutralized our plane. I honestly have no idea how, although the EMP grenades in Soren's backpack were very suspicious.

After we landed somewhat-safely (we would've died, if not for me) Soren set off a flare, which attracted the Walmarta force. I put up a fight but I was overpowered and barely managed to escape with my life. I started heading toward the Air Force base, hoping to get the weapons and then make a quick landing to pick up the others, but Jukka insisted on coming with. I knew, however, she was only planning to incapacitate me and steal the weapons for her own nefarious needs. I attempted to tell her otherwise, but she Judo Chopped me and I took a few minutes to recover, by then she had gone. I took out my sat phone and called my good friend Tony Stark, who was happy to get rid of his excess weapons. I also asked for assistance with the fighting, but he was busy doing the laundry.

I went to the meeting place in the woods, grabbed the weapons and was about to haul them back to the base when the C-5 crashed down upon the Walmartans. Jukka claimed over the radio that she was "assisting out need by eliminating the enemy". I knew better and continued toward the base, trying to find a replacement C-5. Sky kept saying "No, a different plane." I explained that the C-5 was the best option, but he thought that the AC-130 would suffice. I explained that we needed room for the hovercraft, and he seemed to understand.

Sky and I arrived at the base and loaded the plane. I was about to lift off with Sky when the Walmartans showed up, holding the others hostage. I had devised an escape plan for them, but Sky was all for taking off without them. "Let them suffer," she said. "Let them die."

I managed to use a few well-placed BB's to incapacitate the guards, and the rest piled on the plane. They, however, started causing chaos and mayhem. I attempted to calm them down but Sky yanked a lever that opened the cargo hatch. The missiles fell out but I managed, with the help of Jukka, to grab the hovercraft.

OOC: All of the first few paragraphs happened before and up to the airport meeting. Let me know if I made a mistake.

OOC: Sage, Del is out of the game. You might want to edit your post.

BIC: "A few clarifications must be made.

Firstly, the weapons were in the plane when I loaded the teddy bears in. I never messed with them; it must have been someone else. Also, I had a very good reason for the teddy bears. It's true that they're cuddly, but I just said that as a side note. Izeroth deliberately omitted everything else I said about them that was far more important.

I don't know why, but there was a horrifying monster in the plane that is famously known for destroying and killing everything in sight. I believe Sage and Izeroth let it in (I had nothing to do with this). Don't ask me why they would put such a deadly creature in our plane; it may have been a work of direct sabotage. I, being the prepared one as always, knew all about how to stop this monster. It may be cruel, but it has a strange fondness for teddy bears. I knew that if I filled the cargo bay with these stuffed animals, the monster would feel content and soothed and not attack us. So I did this, and watched the monster curl up with the teddy bears, as docile as ever. The other servants have me to thank for saving all our lives.

As for yanking the lever, I never knew that it opened the cargo hatch. I noticed that the guards were attacking us, and I wanted to help the mission. Soren, who said he was an expert on levers, told me that it would release some type of gas that helped soothe people and calm them down. So I pulled it, and to my utter shock, the cargo hatch opened instead."

 "The 'monster' was my pet giant ground sloth (don't ask me how I got it, it's a long story). It may have looked ferocious to someone unacquainted with Pleistocene wildlife, but I assure you that it is entirely vegetarian."

"What tipped you off to the fact that it was a vegetarian, the trail of uneaten dead bodies outside the plane?"

"Anyway. Taken out of context, my action might seem unreasonable. As much as I hate to reveal secrets, I got an OK from our commissioner, so I'm free to tell everyone this: To any fraternity cousin in the Order of the Silver Wing, the pilot secret society, a light punch, followed by the passphrase "Got your nose",  is a polite and respectful way to greet someone. I happened to know that the commander was a Winger, and vice versa, because we were initiated at the same time. He was an experienced C-5 pilot, and, as both my fraternity cousin and your Majesty's friend, would have been happy even to fly the plane for us."

"However, Sage was having a spat with Sky, and screamed all kind of nasty names. The guards thought that Sage was talking about them. That was what caused the breakdown of our negotiations. Me and the commander hoped to settle things down, but I guess Jukka, Russa and Amber were too busy practicing their kung fu fighting moves (which were considerably slower than lightning) on the guards to be bothered with things like doing the mission, so the situation degraded from there."

"The commander nevertheless would have cleared our flight as legitimate after we had to leave abruptly... it's just too bad that Russa decided to attack him with a karate chop to the back of his head, putting him into a coma. I'm not sure what her problem was, but we've sure paid for her poor judgment."

OOC: edited my post. James you might want to as well. Sky, you have some serious charges from me.

BIC: Oh over lady, it was not my fault of the misunderstanding of my insults. Actually
, Izeroth told to guards to overreact to anything and everything.

I was also told by Izeroth that when he let his sloth in that it would merely sit down and act harmless. I only helped him with something that seemed safe. Any misleading information was fed by Izeroth.

 "I did not tell the guards to 'overreact to everything'. I merely told them that 'these people can be a little crazy sometimes; I suggest you watch them closely.' Anyone who has seen the chaos my comrades have wrought should understand that suggestion."

"My sloth was completely harmless; it simply sat in the plane and ate leaves throughout the flight. I have no idea where the trail of dead bodies came from, but I suspect it has something to do with the Miniature Death Robot™ Sage tried to bring aboard."

"Overlady, I had no legitimate reason to believe that Izeroth and Sage's 'pet' was so innocuous. Nobody told me that crucial detail, after all. It is widely known from news stations, books, and references everywhere that that creature is a deadly killing machine. Common knowledge and common sense told me to put the teddy bears in the cargo just in case. If it really was harmless, then I guess that's a good thing. I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding, but I was doing my best and I didn't have all the information I needed.

Anyway, I would like to add that having the teddy bears didn't have any negative repercussions on the plane or the mission in its entirety.

Now, regarding what I said to Sage. What is up with people deliberately omitting the things I say? I think they're trying to make me look like a fool on purpose. I wanted to go along with the escape plan, and I didn't do anything to impede it. But I think Sage was trying to frame me. He was holding a recorder and kept saying to me, "Don't you want to leave the others? I bet you want to let them suffer and let them die." This pointless act of peer pressure wasted us a full ten minutes we could have been using to rescue our allies.

I kept replying, "No, of course not. Sage, we're wasting time. Let's do that escape plan you were talking about." Sage shrieked, "But I haven't framed you yet!" Finally, because time was running out I said, "FINE! In an alternate universe where nothing makes sense, I would love to let them suffer and let them die." Sage recorded that, most likely to edit it later. He then laughed maniacally and finally cooperated with me to save the others."

Whoa, whoa. First of all, the "Miniature Death Robot" was actually a priceless collectors item from Hasbro. They must had misprogrammed it, I'll be writing a very scathing letter to the company. Or maybe unleashing the death robot upon the makers. *shrugs*

I was, heh heh, actually recording Sky for a small podcast, which I'm making, heh heh, in an alternate universe. Of course, Sky never mentioned the second recording session in which I had her hooked up to a truth machine, which recording her specifically saying "I hate everybody else and want them destroyed for all eternity." The machine said she was telling the truth.

Oh, and she says that "having the teddy bears didn't have any negative repercussions on the plane or the mission in its entirety."

As you very well know, Miss Overlady, Sky is wrong. Having the teddy bears was a major embarrassment to you, ma'am. If I do say so myself.

OOC: I don't want this to go on and on, so I'll try to word this so you don't have to reply, Sage.

IC: "I did say, "I hate everybody else and want them destroyed for all eternity." However, I wasn't referring to the other servants. Why would I say that? I was talking about an old group that used to hold me as a slave. They were horrible, thoughtless robots that tortured me viciously for years on end. Sage was asking me if I like robots, so I said, "I like robots, except these in this particular group. When it comes to those robots, I hate everybody else and want them destroyed for eternity." The "everybody else" was referring to these robots who did this to me even though I didn't do anything wrong.

I don't see how having teddy bears is a major embarrassment to you. On the contrary, everyone knows that teddy bears are seen as a symbol of majesty and power. That's common knowledge. Haven't you noticed famous world leaders holding teddy bears in their photos to demonstrate that?

Anyway, I put the teddy bears to try to save our lives."

"I must admit Overlady, I did proclaim myself the plane acquisition expert, but only because James had threatened me with death if I didn't tell everyone that I was an expert and totally in charge. Beforehand, I overheard him talking to himself, he was saying 'Yes! I shall sabotage the plane and everyone will blame Russa because she said that she is the expert and totally in charge! I'm so clever!'.

Is my point not clear, oh wise Overlady?

Also, Me and my sisters did attack the guards, but only because we were mislead. You see, Sage told us that the guards were actually evil and that they were planning to assassinate you, Overlady. Knowing Sage to be a very trustworthy young fellow (at least I thought he was at the time), and willing to do anything to protect you from harm, we decided the best thing to do was to take out the guards. For the same reason I karate chopped the commander."

"That's one of the most creative misinterpretations of reality that I've ever heard."

"As a licensed audiologist, I was just doing my job when I gave everyone free hearing tests before this mission. I thought that it would be best to make sure that we can clearly communicate with each other. Russa seemed to be a model patient, and we were having a pleasant conversation about our chosen careers. She confided in me that she was a practicing plane acquisition expert, but in spite of a record of success, she didn't feel confident in performing her task for your Majesty. I was wrapping up with my exam while doing this, and said, "I'm afraid that you're going deaf if you don't change something." I paused, and then said, while looking through more papers, "Tell the rest of the team about your skills and take charge of things. I'm sure it'll work out for you." So, I didn't threaten her with death, I warned her she'd be deaf.

As for the other alleged comment... running that all together is ludicrous. I was fiddling with my equipment. I said, "Hold still and I'm going to check your ear." Then I continued, talking to myself:  "Yes I shall..." She had been talking about how she was afraid she'd mess everything up. I was repeating what she said to myself to help me remember: "...sabotage the plane and everyone will blame Russa because she said she is the expert and totally in charge..." Finally, Amber (who was filling in as my nurse) had played with all of my equipment and messed everything up, but I was able to jury-rig repairs to restore perfect functionality. Hence the "I'm so clever!"

"Trying to string together a long, broken series of separate comments into one narrative is extremely deceptive, but I'm not angry with Russa. I know that she was put up to this story by Norham. I don't know what he was trying to accomplish by that, or what he was doing when he told Sage that the guards were hired hitmen, but I'm sure your Majesty will find that out."

My lady, it wasn't of my own initiative that I had EMP grenades. Norham had told me to keep them in my bag prior to the start of the mission. They were apparently developed by Sage and Tony Stark. Norham had a whole supply of them for his "big finale" as he called it. He said he was planning on disabling the weapons that we were to gather by using the EMP grenades. It was supposed to be part of a big "exploding end to Mhera's rule" that he and the others were planning. He said I had to carry them, or else he'd shoot eveyone. He had some sort of gun on him, and waved it toward Jukka. He even opened the chamber so I could see it was both real and loaded. I had planned on thwarting his plan. I knew that if I lit a flare, a  green one which everyone knows means an attempted act of terror,  it would alert the others to what Norham was planning. It was to signal the people in the mission to watch out, without actually telling them. If I had, Norham would shoot the other servants.
I was trying my best to keep everyone alive and continue the mission. I have no idea what Norham, Sage and Mr. Stark were planning.

Mr Stark never had a serious purpose in this mission. I developed them for war time use and I had nothing to do with them being placed in Soren's bag. Norham probably placed them there to frame Soren for what Norham had done, which was giving the Walmartans the EXACT coordinates of our plane, and giving them the transponder frequency.

Most wonderful Overlady, I did not whatsoever want to wreck James's equipment. I was forced to. Just before I went to help James, Soren grabbed me. He was holding a gun, and yes, it was totally real. I am a gun expert, I should know. Anyway, he shoved me into a closet and said through the door, "I want you to go and tamper with James's equipment. You know, totally wreck it. If you don't... well, you know what happens." I was totally freaked out, as anyone would be, so I did as he commanded.

I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by this, but he obviously had evil intentions. Also, what Russa says about me, her, and Jukka is true.

Oh, most illustrious Overlady, the silly string fight in the cockpit that Norham and I had was entirely Norham's fault.  Norham is well aware that I'm highly allergic to silly string, but as I was minding my own business, he suddenly pulled two cans of silly string out of his oversized pockets and yelled, "SILLY STRING FIGHT!"  I ducked several times, missing being sprayed by a hairsbreadth, grabbed a can of highly abrasive silly string (similar to pepper spray) that I keep for emergencies such as this and sprayed it several times in his face, incapacitating him.  It was necessary to do so, because otherwise I would've gone into anaphylactic shock.

Now, the reason I knocked out Sage and took the weapons was because it was all part of a game that some of us were playing that day, the object of which was to gain the other players' Nerf guns.  The weapons I took were Nerf guns, not real ones (don't ask me why Sage had to contact Tony Stark for more weapons, because I never took the real ones).  I strategically judo chopped Sage so he would remain unconscious for exactly two minutes, no more, and ran off with the Nerf guns.  (It must be noted that the game in no way distracted us from our duties, Overlady.)

Now, as I ran back to find the others, I encountered a small Walmartan attack force of about five or so.  I quickly judo chopped them before they could respond, meanwhile announcing to the others over the radio that I was "assisting our need by eliminating the enemy."  I had nothing to do with the crash of the C-5; it was coincidence that it happened just as I was radioing the others.  However, I think Rrrrr knows something about it, as afterwards I saw that he had grease all over his clothes (hijacking a C-5 is known to involve a lot of grease, as to hijack it, so I've heard, you have to dump a bunch of bacon fat into the gas tank, whereupon it will automatically fly into the air and then crash, even without a pilot).

Sir, I only acted that way to Amber because Norham had told me that if I wouldn't comply with being framed, he'd kill more people. Even innocent civilians. So when I grabbed Amber, I made a point to show her that while the gun was real, it wasn't loaded. I took it apart to show her. Her being a gun expert could have seen that, it was abundantly clear I had no evil intent. It's all Norhams fault. He told me to say those things to her.

"When I was walking, someone dumped butter on me, which could be mistaken for bacon grease. I pretended to faint, and heard a tiny, high voice (probably Jukka or someone else with a high voice) cackling and saying "Hahahaha! Now you'll be framed!" I tried to wash it off, but I had ran out of soap."

Even though Soren did show me that it was empty, it was totally reasonable for me to be terrified. After all, he threatened me. So it wasn't my fault I ruined James's equipment.

*stares blankly at all the angry people*

"I was drugged."

The lull in the volley of excuses signaled the Overlady to make her judgment. Glaring at the last servant to speak, she once again fiddled with a remote and then waited. Soon, a thrum filled the air as a Skycrane (http://www.history.army.mil/books/vietnam/engineers/pic-127.jpg) flew into view carrying a huge vat. It eased to an airborne stop a fifty yards away from the servants, waves of sand and wind kicked up by its rotor blades buffeting them as it hovered. Unbeknownst to the gawking minions, a giant robotic trebuchet had wheeled up behind Norham, and, with a mechanical grabber arm, lifted and loaded him into it's sling. Almost before anyone could process what was happening, there was a sharp beep and the counterweight fell, slinging its unfortunate cargo through the sky and into the vat. An explosion of a thick, white substance splashed out of the container upon Norham's impact, immediately after which the Skycrane flew away and the trebuchet mysteriously disappeared.

Once the sounds of the helicopter had faded completely, the Overlady began to speak. "Ahem. He will wallow in marshmallow fluff for eternity.

"Now, as you very well know (after all, this mess is your fault), the American government is after me because of the stolen C-5 and the Walmarta have my private plane. I want both aircraft returned to their proper owners in excellent shape. Jukka, Amber, Russa, and Skyblade, clean and perform any repair the C-5 needs and return it to the government. Izeroth, James, Sagetip, Rrrrr, and Soren, take the hovercraft, use it to travel to Linguino, and get my plane back. Understood?"

All of the servants nodded.

"Good. See to it this job is done properly."

A day later...

"I am truly impressed by your inability to follow simple instructions. It appears that overnight, the C-5, instead of being delivered to the government, was piloted to Linguino, where in the morning all of the natives boarded it and flew to California. Also, my private plane appears to be parked on the bottom of the ocean instead of on my airstrip. Since both of these blunders occurred while the entire Walmarta tribe was asleep, there is no one to blame but the nine of you. What are your excuses this time?"

My lady, my side of the team was doing the work perfectly. We had boarded the hovercraft, without insisdent. No one spoke, we all understood our orders. No one had any communication with the other team, or among ourselves. Everything was going perfectly, and then, all of the sudden, the C-5 was following us in our way to Linguino. Someone on board that plane opened a window and shot at us with a bazooka. The hovercraft flipped over as a result, and I was left unconcoius in the crash. Next thing I know, I'm awake, tied up with my fellow hovercrafters in the back of the C-5 on our way to California. One of the Walmartians smacked me and I blacked out again. I woke up here.
I promise you my lady, we did nothing wrong. Something on that C-5 plane must have happened. They are responsible for this tragedy.

My lady, upon reaching the C-5, I allotted tasks to my two sisters (since I'm the oldest and can get away with it), but not Skye.  I assigned myself the tasks of general sweeping and window-washing, and Amber and Russa were supposed to be inspecting the engine.  As I was sweeping the cockpit, something heavy struck me in the back of the head, and I blacked out for a while.  I have no idea who was responsible.

When I came to, I was lying outside on the ground, and the C-5 was nowhere to be seen.

OOC: Never mind.

OOC: Oh my goodness... I started freaking out when I saw "Sky" in that passage. I do feel a bit bad for Norham, though.

And I'm with the Squirrel Sisters, who will probably team up against me! Thank you for the challenge, marm (Not sarcasm).

BIC: "Overlady, I did my best to succeed," said Skyblade solemnly, her head lowered in respect. "But the others wouldn't comply. We went to clean up the C-5, but I was the one who did all the work. The other two spent a whole hour arguing over whether tomatoes are a fruit or not (I have NO idea why). I tried to get them to help me clean the C-5, but they ignored me.

So, I cleaned the C-5 by myself - I did an impeccable job, by the way. Next, I contacted the government and made arrangements to get the C-5 piloted to their secret base. By the way, I called the true government and I did nothing more than arrange how to get the C-5 to them. The real and true government agreed, so I figured everything was fine. A few hours later, a plane came and picked up the C-5; I figured this was the government, as I had called nobody else. I was ecstatic, as I thought we had finally done a mission right.

But then I heard Russa laughing with Amber. She said, "Haha! Guess what evil thing I did now?"

"What?" asked Amber. "I love evil of all kinds!"

"I called the government when Skyblade was fixing really important things that belonged to the Overlady, which you and Jukka broke, and canceled the arrangement! Then I called Linguino and asked them to pick up the plane, posing as the government! Now the C-5 is going to Linguino!"

I gasped, for I never knew this had happened. I had nothing to do with it!

"And Jukka? She was with you? What did she do?" asked Amber.

"Oh, she woke up right when I was calling the government and Linguino. She just said, 'Go ahead and sabotage the mission. I don't care.'. And she did nothing. All the better," said Russa.

I tried to call the government, but they said they were too busy to help me. And then I called Linguino, but they said it was too late.

I have no idea about what happened with Soren's group. I think Jukka, Russa, or Amber must explain. I really knew nothing about what Soren said. I had no clue, and nobody told me."

Skye says that the other TWO were debating whether tomatoes are fruits.  She also says that she did all the work.  This is true.  In scientific terms, "work" is accomplished when one moves something.  As my sisters and I are terrible at heavy lifting (and I told Skye so), and Skye is great at it, we asked her to move all of the super heavy crates in the C-5.  The C-5 wasn't dirty enough to deserve as much cleaning as Skye gave it after moving the crates.  In fact, it was extremely clean, with the exception of the crates.  I told Skye she was only delaying us, but she ignored me.  Meanwhile, Amber and Russa were arguing about tomatoes.

After this, I had a short nap, since there was nothing better to do.  Russa woke me up  by speaking super loudly into the phone she was allegedly calling the government and Linguino with.  I was half asleep and had just dreamed about being a spy, so I mumbled, "Go ahead and sabotage the mission.  I don't care."  I can assure you that I wasn't speaking to Russa at all.

OOC:  My last post is invalid, btw.

Miss Overlady, I was doing a fine job assisting Soren and the rest. However, I had actually been planning on upgrading the hovercraft for military purposes, all the better to return your plane. But, I was about to activate the anti-projectile shield when Jukka 1.) Threw water down on us all, short curciting my improvments, and 2.) Fired a bazooka missile at us! My shield would've saved us, had it not been sabotoged by Jukka.

Oh awesome Overlady, I find it odd how the others never tell the whole of what happened. I, on the other hand, shall. First of all, the reason I wasn't working at first was because I wasn't feeling well. The reason? Skye had given me spoiled chicken for breakfast. Even though I questioned the safety of such an item, she said it was "totally alright". Now I realize that it indeed was not, and that it was the reason I was sick. However, after a while, I started to feel better.

Skye says that I didn't help, but she is wrong. The C-5's paint had been totally scratched, so I had taken it upon myself to re-paint it. However, Russa was being quite annoying. She kept insisting on the fact that a tomato was a vegetable, not a fruit. This triggered a terrible attack of OCD because she didn't seem to understand the fact that it was a fruit.
I was simply trying to correct her. She knows I have OCD, too. It's all her fault I didn't get any work done.

Also, when Russa first said that she had done something evil, I thought she was joking, and simply played along.

"If I hadn't cleaned the ship as thoroughly as I had, it wouldn't have survived. Izeroth and James let in some bugs in the C-5; I have no idea why. They would have destroyed the plane, but good thing I was prepared again. I knew that those bugs hate clean environments. So I cleaned the plane a lot, and the bugs ran away. I know for a fact that the bugs would have destroyed the C-5 if I hadn't. I saved it, Overlady.

As for the spoiled chicken, I actually didn't know it was spoiled, which is why I told Amber it was okay. I had noticed we had run out of food, and graciously offered to buy some for us. Sage and Søren recommended a store, and I followed their directions exactly and got food from there. I now realize that that store was bad - the soup I ate that morning, which I also got from the store, made me very sick. I didn't know about the poisoned food. I was just going off Sage and Soren's recommendation. Even rrrrr said the store was a good one."

Overlady, the reason I threw water at the hovercraft and then shot at it with a bazooka was because it was painted camo and said clearly on the side in large white letters "White October Group".  Now, the hovercraft had never been like this before, and in addition to this, everyone knows that White October is a dangerous gang of drug smugglers who wouldn't think twice about blowing us up.  Therefore, I short-circuited the anti-projectile field and shot at them, all in a valiant attempt to preserve our lives.

 I only let the bugs in the C-5 because Gryphon told me to; his exact words were, "Let the bugs in, Izeroth, or hundreds of people will die." I was skeptical of his motives, but I trusted that Gryphon wouldn't lie to me outright. Apparently, I was wrong. Perhaps Gryphon can explain why he chose to almost ruin the mission.

As for this "White October" group, I've never heard of them until now. Maybe they were trying to frame you, oh great one. But I had no involvement in their schemes.

I would just like to point out Jukka's incompetence in not realizing the hovercraft was the very one that her comrades were traveling in.

Oh Overlady, I thought I should add that, just after shooting at the hovercraft and damaging it, James stuck his head out the window.  Upon seeing him, I was greatly confused, but of course I stopped shooting.  He suddenly pointed to the words saying "White October Group" and started using American Sign Language.  (He and I are both licensed ASL teachers.)  He signed to me, saying that "I am the one who painted this hovercraft camo and painted the letters on it.  Yes, I just became a member of White October.  I am going to convert Sage, Izeroth, Rrrrr, and Soren to my cause soon.  And I am saying all this of my own free will.  I am not lying, and no one told me to do this."

Needless to say, I was utterly shocked, and I told Skye and my sisters.  By then the hovercraft was nowhere to be seen, possibly because I had damaged it, but I'm not sure.

And I was not "incompetent".  White October always has the very latest in technology, and it wasn't too hard for me to believe at first that the hovercraft was actually theirs.

Yes, yes, all very well, but didn't you recognize us?

How could I recognize you guys when I couldn't even see you?  You were all inside the hovercraft, and it wasn't until James poked his head out the window that I realized.

OOC: Uh, open top hovercraft? IDK

"Jukka dear, I have just one question I'd like to pose to you: have you lost your mind?"

"Everybody knows that "White October Group" is the name for her Majesty's organization. Or at least, everybody who paid attention when they signed those membership forms." James paused for a moment to glare at Soren. "And I can't believe you would parrot back that North Korean propaganda about drug smuggling. Sure, most everyone in that country might "know" such lies about us, but the rest of the world knows better. Those pharmaceuticals we delivered to those villagers were perfectly safe, as her Majesty said. Are you calling her a liar?"

"Anyway... it's true that once we began our mission, nobody spoke (we were occupied listening to music on Izeroth's mePhone). That said, before our mission, the rest of the team had been moaning and complaining about the long drive to Linguino. After Soren mumbled something about being bored and forgetting the mission, Sage suggested that we do something together to promote team spirit. He thought we could paint the hovercraft in team colors and write our names on the side. This seemed to perk everyone else up, so, since it didn't seem to harm anything and we had some time before the mission, I did the paint job. I used solar-degradable paint I had bought earlier, so that the paint would harmlessly disappear after just a few short hours of sunlight, leaving the hovercraft in its natural state."

"As far as the bugs go, letting them inside the plane was indeed necessary to save lives. You see, these were no ordinary bugs, they were Alien Space Bugs. They were highly toxic and dripped corrosive acid from their feelers. If they were left alone, they would have, without fail, infested the place we were at, then infested the ocean, spread across the world, and killed all of humanity. Their one and only weakness was cleaning fluid, which eliminates their powers and turns them into ordinary house flies. It is true that, left unchecked, they could have eventually destroyed the plane. However, I knew that your Majesty's servants get things done, and that Sky or somebody else would use the cleaning fluid, which was only available on the plane, to end the bug threat to the world. In doing this, we saved all life on Earth."

"The only thing I'm not quite sure about is how these dangerous space bugs landed on our planet in the first place. I think rrrrr mentioned something about contacting aliens the other day. Maybe he'd know."

OOC:  I was the one who first described the hovercraft, and I said it had windows and that I couldn't see anyone inside otherwise.  So, I guess that's its official description from now on.
BIC:

The membership forms I signed were brought to me by Rrrrr, who said that by so doing he could save me the task of walking down to Overlady Mhera's office to acquire them.  This I found somewhat peculiar, but I accepted it without comment.  Upon receiving the forms from him, I noticed that something seemed slightly weird about the forms, because in one place it referenced a question that was nonexistent, but I supposed it was a typographical error.  Everything else about the forms checked out, and Rrrrr has never lied to me before, so I simply filled them out and signed them.  Rrrrr came back a short time later and took the forms away, saying he would deliver them to the office for me.  About this time, he mentioned that "there's a dangerous drug smuggling gang called White October.  You should watch out for them."  I was grateful for the intel and thanked him.

So, therefore, it seems apparent that Rrrrr edited the forms to remove all mention of the secret White October organization for his own nefarious ends and deliberately gave me false information.

Whatever I told Jukka was told to me by the person who gave me the forms. That person was disguised as the Overlady , so it must be Amber, Russa, or Skye.

About the aliens, I think Gryphon knows more than me about them. He rambled off facts about the Alien Space Bugs, while I only know that he is trying to grow stuff on the Moon.

"I didn't give rrrrr any forms, and I have no idea what he is talking about. I had nothing to do with the hovercraft situation or what Jukka is talking about. I was too busy trying to work out how to get the C-5 back to the government instead of California, with limited success since everything had already been ruined anyway.

Jukka did tell me about the hovercraft thing, but I still didn't know about it. I was busy calling the government at the time, trying to work out why the C-5 went to Linguino instead of to them. Jukka rushed in and said something very quickly and incoherently; she must have been telling me about that, but I didn't catch what she said, Overlady. Anyway, by that point, it was all too late."

OOC: Accidental double post. Please ignore.

"When we were first told about our mission I was really excited. I thought that this time if we all did our best, we wouldn't fail. I immediately went to the store and bought cleaning supplies. I wanted to get to work right away!

Well, I started cleaning the C-5. I had hardly started cleaning when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and saw a cute little squirrel staring at me cutely. Despite it's cuteness, I knew I should get the cute little fella out of the C-5. Unfortunately, when I tried to capture the cute little dude and take him outside, I tripped over one of my extra mops. I fell over, banged my head hard, and was knocked unconscious. When I woke up everyone accused me of terrible thing that I would never even think of doing! I'm sure I must have done them while sleep walking, similar things have happened to me before.

Also, I did not disguise myself as the Overlady and give Rrrr strange forms. I would never do anything so evil!" added Russa, with a sniffle.

I was sort of the one who did the whole thing with the forms. But it wasn't my fault, I swear! Izeroth had forced me to, although I have no idea why.

 I hardly "forced" Amber to do anything. I simply suggested that she go do something useful, as she'd been pestering me for hours on end and begging for a job to do. I never dreamed Amber would interpret "something useful" as impersonating you and filling out forms. Some people have odd ways of interpreting things, I suppose.

Really? 'Cause soon after I came out of the room you were in, Sage came up to me and told me that Izeroth had thought of something for me to do. His very words were, "Izeroth wants you to change the forms so they mention absolutely nothing about the White October Group, or the fact that it is the Overlady's organization. He wants you to dress up as the Overlady herself and give the forms to Rrrrr. I am not lying, and I have not been forced to do this. Izeroth is not lying, and has also not been forced to do this." These, once again, were his very words. Plus, to top it all off, he was brandishing a razor-sharp (metal, not plastic), knife.

As you can see, it is not my fault. Sage and Izeroth will just have to explain themselves.

 "It's strange how people provide such detailed descriptions of me, and yet still completely fail to understand what's going on. I was simply joking with Sage about the whole impersonation and form-filling thing; I never once meant it literally. I admit that my jokes may have been in bad taste, but they were nothing compared to what others, Amber included, had been saying. Again, I repeat that I never meant the jokes to be taken literally: I made it extremely clear to Sage that I was kidding."

OOC: What the... I don't understand. What did I do?

OOC: You forced Lady Amber to impersonate the overlady and sign some forms.

Amber forgot that I had recently been making a celebratory lasnga fr when we completed the mission; I had just been cutting up some of the ingredients when Izeroth approached me and I in turn approached Amber. I was a little tired and slightly off the hook from all the work, Jukka had just crushed my spirits by saying "the food looks like it came from the East end" to me, about my food. She then had everybody else, Izeroth included, agree. What nobody mentions is that I had assumed Izeroth was talking about a long-dead Overlady, of previous rounds. Not Overlady Mhera, her Supreme Awesomeness. I had chosen to get I Izeroth back for his lasagna insults, and not to harm anybody. When I pulled out the forms, they were the wrongs ones, having replaced the originals (which was an apology sheet for the lasagna) with the impersonation ones. My CCTV camera caught rrrrr replacing them.

Someone had stole my glasses, so I thought the forms were my journal papers, so I took them and replaced with what I thought was the forms, because a voice next to my ear said they were the forms.

  If it's of any use, I think I saw Russa walking around with Rrrrr's glasses a while ago. She was giggling and muttering something about pranking people.

Quote from: Izeroth on July 23, 2015, 02:40:55 AM
OOC: You forced Lady Amber to impersonate the overlady and sign some forms.

OOC:  Not sign some forms - alter them to remove all mention of White October and give them to Rrrrr (and apparently then give them to me).

And I'm a tad confused with all these recent posts.
BIC:

"Overlady, I told Sage the food looked like it was from the East End of Sangai, which is a huge compliment.  Sangai is a town in a great fantasy book series I and most of the others had read.  I thought Sage had also read it and would therefore get that I (and everyone else who agreed with me) was complimenting his lasagna."

OOC: @Sage: I don't really understand the whole thing you said about switching the forms. ???

The servants were standing on the now abandoned island of Linguino when the Overlady called a halt to the explaining. "I've heard enough to make my judgement. While you are obviously all at fault, one in particular appears to have been the catalyst to the chaos. Sagetip, enter the carrier of your fate."

As she spoke, a dark brown box materialized in front of the hapless servant. A door on its side slid open, revealing a booth empty save for a dim light illuminating a backless chair bolted to the center of the box's floor. Emanating from within was a strange, almost alien-sounding, type of music. Sagetip hesitantly stepped inside, and once both of his feet were in the container's door shut behind him. The box slowly began to fade, soon disappearing entirely. There was no trace of either it or the servant's existence left behind.

"The reward for his spectacular failure," Mhera explained, "is to be confined in that booth for the rest of his life while listening to nothing but country rap. Each hick hop song will be played on repeat until he has memorized its lyrics. To avoid such a fate for yourselves, I suggest you listen very carefully to the following orders.

"The government is still after my innocent hide and I'm not particularly eager to be found. This island is as decent a hiding spot as any, so your next task is to set up camp for me here. I'd like a safe, well constructed shelter to stay in while I plan my next move. Take my semi-truck-" the Overlady gestured to the massive vehicle parked behind the servants, "-to the island's Home Depot, get whatever construction materials you need, and build me a sturdy bunker. Since pythons are prevalent on Linguino, the shelter needs to be snake proof, and I'd also like to have a small vegetable garden in front of it. Don't fail me again, minions."

The next day...

"I'll cut to the chase. You all failed. The only shelter you built is a flimsy tent made from cheap tarp and a few lengths of pipe. Also, there are two pythons inside of said tent and a pile of garbage where I wanted the vegetable garden. And another thing, my semi-truck now smells like bacon. Just how did all of this happen?"

"Me, Soren, and Skye were building the bunker when this strange smell came nearer, and then we fell down into a trap, and then we all fainted. When we woke up, we were locked inside a metal cage which Soren helped us to get out of, and then we came back here."

Rrr is true, him, myself and Sky were building a sturdy bunker after getting the materials from Home Depot. James, Iz and Amber were supposed to go to Home Depot and get the supplies, after we gave them a list. The others were suppose to go and prepare to make the vegetable garden. We clearly gave them a list of the following:
-Sturdy construction materials (wood elements)
-Sturdy construction materials (metal frame elements)
-Nails and other bindig materials
-Other supplies listed at Home Depot under "Bunker". (Home Depot has a catalog of bunkers and materials needed to make them. We were use what the professionals use.)

After they returned, Rrrrr, myself and Sky got to work on the bunker. But something happened with the other team, because we were soon smelling a dreadful smell. It smelled like dumpster juice, but especially rancid. When the others beckoned us outside, me Sky and Rrrrr fell into a pit and were unconscious. When we woke up, we were stuck in a metal cage. I was able to string together a long pole using fallen reeds and my shoe laces, and then used it to cause a rock fall into the door. This broke it open enough for us to escape, and we came straight here my lady. I don't know what happened with the other team members. But one of them must be responsible, neither of us three had anything to do with it. It was just as I said. Everyone was focused on the work and we were happy to do the best. I have no idea what became of our glorious bunker for you my lady. The others must have destroyed it before it was finished.

OOC; Ninja'd, but I don't mind it with your post ;)

BIC: "What Rrrrr and Soren both say is true, Overlady. We were building the bunker exactly how you ordered, so there was no reason for us to be stopped. I also want to add that I saved Sor and R's lives because the metal cage we were trapped in was filled with poisonous gas. Thankfully, I was prepared and brought a neutralizer gas, which I sprayed and saved all of your lives with.

As for the cage, Soren said that he heard the Squirrel sisters talking about how they wanted to capture him, R, and me in a cage for a funny Youtube video so they could achieve Internet fame, and they didn't care if they ruined the mission to do it. Well, that happened.

The three of us rushed back ASAP but everything was already ruined when we returned, Overlady."

OOC: Claimed post.

BIC: Most wonderful and smartest of Overladies, as Sky said the Squirrel Sisters did capture Sor, Sky, and R in a cage. However, by "Squirrel Sisters" Sky obviously means Jukka and Amber because while all this was happening I was dutifully carrying out my orders. In fact I made the whole vegetable garden by myself!

Oh Overlady, the only reason I helped Jukka with the Youtube video was because she said that it would not delay us in our work and she would fix everything if something did happen. At first I refused, but eventually agreed, because she kept insisting I help her. Otherwise, I would never have done it.

Also, I had nothing to do with destroying the bunker; it was most likely the others who did that.

Anyway, I think I can explain the reason the semi smells like bacon. James, as everyone knows, has an obsession with bacon, and had been sitting in the back of the semi eating the afore mentioned meat. Well, he was back there, doing absolutely nothing, so I felt it my duty to ask him why he wasn't helping us. When I asked him, he just looked at me, and said, "I don't wanna work". Those were his actual words. So, yeah.

"It isn't untrue that I'm lazy and obsessive, but that's irrelevant. When Amber asked "why wasn't I helping them", she wasn't complaining that I wasn't helping them with actual work, she was complaining that I wasn't helping them by playing the alphabet game that she and Izeroth were doing to pass the time on our way to the Home Depot. Whenever the truck was no longer in motion, I did more work than anybody else did. Of course I don't enjoy it, but these things need to get done."

"I am obsessed with bacon, in the sense that I can't stand it. Bad experience with pigs as a child. Well, Izeroth fancies himself as a psychologist, and he bought a pound of bacon. He thought that "therapy through exposure" was "necessary for restoring my emotional well-being". At his behest, I forced myself to gag down the bacon. It was the most nasueating experience I've had in my life. Afterwards I tried to open a window to get some fresh air, but Izeroth locked the windows and said that I needed to get used to the smell of bacon. That is why your Majesty's truck smells so awful."

"Once we got back with the supplies, Jukka said she had "discovered" that compost was helpful for gardens. I guess she didn't understand that compost is organic waste. She had a bunch of rubber tires, glass and plastic bottles, crushed aluminum cans, etc., and kept throwing them on the garden site. We tried to explain to her that her contributions weren't helping, but she pretended she didn't hear us."

"So, while Russa dug and planted seeds in the places Jukka hadn't messed up yet, the rest of us picked up the trash. We eventually managed to get the garden done (with Russa, as she said, technically having done all of the digging and planting, the rest of us being on cleaning duty). Right after the last seed was planted, a dump truck showed up and dumped everything inside it onto the garden! That is why it is as you see it today. It should still be serviceable, though, once all this trash is picked up, AGAIN."

"The tent was Izeroth's idea. He panicked when he realized that you were five minutes away from getting here and that the bunker wasn't even close to being done, so he put it up for your Majesty. It looked pretty pathetic, but none of us had the heart to tell him so. I don't know how the pythons got in there. They look kinda like Rrrrr's pet snakes, though."

"My pet snake is a rattlesnakee that is not found in this region. However, James might have put them there to frame me since everyone knew that I kept a pet snake. Besides, there were two, and I only have one."

"Oh, for crying out loud; aren't we paranoid today? I said they looked like yours, not that you put them there. As far as how many snakes you have, is it my fault if I got the number wrong? After all, Jukka kept going on and on about your "two snakes" the other day, and I never heard you say anything to correct her. Anyway, I despise the nasty creatures, as you know. Trust me, if I saw snakes I would have killed or stayed away from them, not collected and dumped them someplace."

 "I have a perfectly logical explanation for my behavior. James Gryphon, you see, was constantly complaining about how no one ever helped him with his psychological problems regarding bacon. I, having a degree in psychology, bought a pound of bacon and decided to help him (and thus spare our group from his irritating and pointless complaints)."

"Before I could begin treatment (a very mild and unharmful procedure, designed to slowly acquaint the patient with bacon), however, an extremely rare Northwest Polynesian Leopard Mosquito bit Gryphon. Knowing that, coincidentally, the only cure for the NPLM's deadly bite was a pound of bacon, I urged Gryphon to eat it. I forced Gryphon to keep the windows closed, for I knew that exposure to the outside atmosphere would negate the bacon's curing effects."

"The bunker would have been finished well before the deadline if my fellows had actually helped me build it. While they were all busy cleaning up the garden, you see, I was the only doing real construction work. When I asked them to help me, they suggested I forget trying to build the bunker and pitch a tent instead. Eventually, I was forced to do exactly that."

OOC:  Claimed post!
BIC:

Most illustrious Overlady, the YouTube video was for a contest in which 500,000 fortunate people would win a brand-new bunker, much better than we (with our limited bunker-building experience) could ever hope to build.  Plus, the contest ended that day and the winners would be announced and the prizes delivered within two hours!  With either Internet fame or a bunker awaiting us, what did I have to lose?

I fully intended to release the prisoners unharmed after knocking them out with a completely harmless gas and capturing them in the cage.  (I had nothing whatsoever to do with the harmful gas Skye had a neutralizer for.)  But as Amber and I were both videoing them, something struck me on the head.  When I came to, the prisoners and Amber were gone.  My chances dashed like so many fudge-striped graham cookies, I got up and went to help Russa with the garden.

Now, Russa is a gardening expert.  I asked her what sort of compost it was best to use, and since she was busy planting, she told me to just go to Wikipedia 'cause she didn't have time.  I did so, and the page told me to use crushed glass, tires, etc.  I managed to find these at the island's landfill and commenced working.

As was my wont, I might add, I checked and saw that the last editor on the Compost Wikipedia article was Izeroth.  I didn't bother to look at the content of his edit, but now I realize that he must have vandalized the article for the purposes of leading innocent people astray.

OOC:  Finally finished my post!

 As I've repeatedly stated before, I have no Wikipedia account. "Izeroth" must have edited the article without my knowledge or permission.

Oh, Overlady, the reason I didn't help Izeroth with the bunker was because I knew how much gardens meant to you. A few days after we signed up to be your servants, you told me that if you were to ever retire, you would turn your whole yard into a huge garden. You stated that you loved gardens so much, that I realized that you would be crushed if there was no beautiful garden for you. So I put all my effort into making the garden wonderful, but unfortunately, to no avail.

Silence now reigned on the beach. Sighing, the Overlady ran her hand down her face. These imbeciles were going to be the death of me. The eight remaining servants stood before her awaiting their judgement. Heaving another sigh, Mhera began to speak.

"What a miserable failure you all made this mission. I gave you a few simple tasks, and yet- you know, I'm getting tired of this, let's just cut to the chase. Rrrrr, you didn't really do anything to try and serve me. See ya, bud."

The unfortunate minion was suddenly swooped away by a huge ocean wave. The other servants watched him disappear into the brine in an instant as the Overlady pondered her current state of mind. She feared her servants were slowly causing her to become as unhinged as they were, and decided that she desperately needed a change of pace.

"You know what? I give up on Linguino. Let's head to my other base."

The Overlady snapped her fingers and suddenly she and the servants were standing in a dimly lit, low-ceilinged concrete bunker. On one grimy wall was a thick steel door with no apertures save for a keyhole.

"You know why I didn't come here earlier? It's because I don't have the key to that door. It's hidden at the local library inside a book. Your jobs are to go there, find the book, get the key, and bring it back to me. And get me a hamburger combo while you're out. No cheese, no sauce, with a diet coke and large order of fries. Go."

Later that day...

"Somehow you lot set off the library's fire sprinkler system, which ruined all the books in the building. Also, you failed to get me the key. On another note, according to this receipt you got my burger order wrong. Not that it matters, because my meal was apparently fed to a hoard of cats! Explain yourselves."

OOC: Due to recent events, I decided it was best to scrap my old plan. Apologies for any randomness and logical inconsistencies :D

0   _0
I thought I was safe after my post :P

And I can swim, you know. :D

OOC: Your posts were too safe, if that makes sense. And it's a good thing you can swim; means you'll be alive to come back for XVII ;)

"Here's my story, Overlady. We decided to split up for this mission: four of us could get the key while the other three got the burger. Since there were four girls and three guys, it worked perfectly. I went with the Squirrel Sisters to the local library and James, Izeroth, and Soren went to the nearest fast food restaurant. I have no idea what happened with the guys and their burger fiasco because I had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, we arrived at the library. I promptly started looking for the book you had asked for. Meanwhile, the Squirrel Sisters were being completely unproductive. They had grabbed some Twilight books, even though those weren't the ones that had the key, and were arguing about Team Edward VS Team Jacob. I don't know why. I told them to stop and that we had to do the mission right, but they told me to shut up and that I never have anything important to say.

So, I went to find the book by myself and found it in a hidden spot. I opened it, and yes! The key! (And it was the right one, and there was nothing wrong with it). I grabbed it and stored it safely in my ultra-protected backpack.

I went back to the Squirrel Sisters to find them still in the same place, now arguing over Team Peeta VS Team Gale (they were talking about romance novels for the entire mission). "Hey, I got the key, let's go," I said. They agreed, but as we were walking out, Amber very rudely insulted a librarian's hairstyle. The librarian got very offended. I tried to calm down the argument, but then Jukka said, "I know how to stop this argument! By lighting the entire building on fire and thus destroying the library!" I tried to stop her, but she pulled out a coin and threw it at the auto-touch fire sprinkler system before I could reach her. The fire sprinkler system activated, and the whole place burst into flames. I had nothing to do with Jukka's rash action.

I noticed the water sprinkler system was broken (Russa had made it that way for some reason). I grabbed a fire extinguisher and would have put out the fire, but Amber said I "never do anything right" and smashed the only fire extinguisher in the building. We had to run out just to escape with our lives.

By then, the only good thing was that I had gotten the key. Unfortunately, I discovered that Russa had surreptitiously swiped the key from my backpack while I was checking the water sprinkler system. She then flushed it down a toilet. I, of course, had nothing to do with that whatsoever.

Overlady, I did my best. But everything was still ruined."

As for the burger incident my lady, that wasn't my fault. My arrived at the restaurant James said because he had a phd in "rememorizing", he should order the burger. After he ordered it, I saw Izeroth slipped into the kitchen, and came out with a backpack staples on, holding two huge condiment launchers, and drowned the restaurant in mustard. Not only did this ruin the order, but a passing horde of cats suddenly invaded the restaurant, eating everything in sight. James lost an ear. Iz nearly was torn to shreds by some of the cats, and I had to take shelter in an overturned trash can to survive. Afterwards, I told the group we still had to get you a burger, but James said he was tired of trying, and tired of serving you. He held us against our will at rabid-cat point, shoving us into the back of a strange van and driving here ma'am.

 "I drowned the kitchen in mustard because it was infected with Orange Hand virus. The entire facility was covered with it, you see, and the only cure for the virus happens to be mustard. I find it strange that James, who is normally quite aware of the germs and other micro-organisms, failed to tell anyone about the deadly virus. (I only found out by looking at the health inspector's recent report. Oddly enough, it appears the inspector never finished it.)"

"The cats were Skyblade's fault. For several months, she had been hoarding cats in a big warehouse near the restaurant, adding new felines to her 'collection' every day.(I told her to get rid of them, but she never listens to me) Eventually, the situation became intolerable, with literally hundreds of cats packed into the warehouse. I told Sky to get rid of them under threat of calling animal control, and she responded by letting them all out into the street. Thus, the massive horde of cats that you now see roaming the streets was created."

OOC: Ignore this.

"Leaving out all the important details again, I see.

Let me go back to the beginning. A long time ago, in a universe far away, I served another Overlord. Now, don't get me wrong! That was a different situation, and I'm loyal only to you now. You have my word on that.

Anyway, one of the other servants was called "Mhera" (funny, she had the same name as you). Unfortunately, she threatened to kill me (or so I thought). In an act of self defense, I was forced to get a bunch of ninja cats to protect me. They were perfectly fine and ethical guardians who helped me until they were killed by this thing called a Deathnote.

Recently, this radical group has been threatening to kill me - literally kill me. For some reason, the members of that group hate people whose birth-names have the word "Sky" in them (I think they're just jealous because names with "Sky" in them are awesome). I asked the other servants to help protect me, but they didn't. In fact, they said they didn't care less if I died. So, I revived the ninja cats to bodyguard me again until the threat was gone. They kept me alive. In other words, let's rephrase something to make it more clear.

Quote from: IzerothI told Sky to get rid of them under threat of calling animal control

Quote from: Basically what Iz was sayingI tried to take the perfectly safe ninja cats away so Sky could get attacked and killed.

Now, the big warehouse Izeorth mentions really was big. Hundreds of cats could fit in there with ease, and the only reason I got more was that they kept dying from natural causes (also the cats were really small, so I needed a lot to keep me safe). I always let the cats outside; they're very well-behaved and don't do anything wrong. So when they started disobeying me, I was shocked. I used the camera to discover that Soren and Jukka had fed my cats some potion that made them behave strangely, making them run wild into the streets.

Therefore, I don't think this is my fault."

My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

OOC: Claimed post.

BIC:
    "O most wonderful and epic Overlady, as Sky said I did break the library's sprinkler system, but only because Izeroth (before he went to the restaurant) said that the sprinklers were set to spray poisonous gas five minutes after we arrived. I asked how he knew this and he said that, 'He had secret information'. I don't know what he's talking about.

Also, by 'Squirrel sisters' Sky obviously means Amber and Jukka. The whole time Jukka and Amber were arguing about Twilight and the Hunger Games, I was searching the library for the book. Sky found it first though, and said 'Hey, I got the key, let's go!'. Just then Amber whispered in my ear, she said, 'The moment the Overlady tries to open the door with the key, it will explode and harm her! The only way to destroy the key is to flush it down the toilet!'. Amber had never lied to me before so I believed her and flushed it down the toilet." finished Russa sadly.

 I don't know who this 'Izeorth' fellow is, but I was led to believe that the warehouse's cat population was far exceeding carrying capacity. To quote James Gryphon: "You really need to do something about those cats, Izeroth. If you let Skyblade keep them, nothing good will come of it.'"

OOC: Ignore this

Most generous Overlady, the reason me and Jukka were arguing over 'romance novels', to quote Sky, was because it was "Argue Over Different Love Interests in Books Day" at the library. Whoever came into a certain part of the library had to take part in it, and me and Jukka didn't know until we came into that particular part of the library. So we were forced to do it. As you can see, it wasn't our fault we didn't help Sky and Russa.

As to me insulting the librarian's hairstyle, Sky must be mixed up, 'cause I thought I had complemented the luxurious and extravagant hairstyle. You see, for some reason on the bulletin board at the library it said that if you insult the librarians there, they would take it as a complement. Apparently this librarian didn't get the memo and took what I said to her as an insult.

As for me smashing the only fire extinguisher in the building, I didn't even realize it was an extinguisher until Sky said so just now. Through the smoke from the fire, I thought it said 'toxic gas'. I knew that toxic gas of any kind was flammable, so I immediately threw it out the window, where it smashed on the ground.

Also, Izeroth had called me on my cell phone while we were in the library, and told me that the key was a fake and that it would explode when the Overlady put it in the keyhole. I was totally alarmed. Izeroth told me that to destroy it, you need to flush it down the toilet, so I told Russa to. By the way, the info that I just gave is what Izeroth told me.

 "Earlier, someone had called me on my cell phone, promising that they had valuable information concerning the Overlady's safety. I, being genuinely concerned for your safety, listened to the informant. The voice filled me in about a supposed 'plot' that would soon be enacted, endangering my comrades. I wanted to warn everyone, of course, but the voice told me to tell no one else of the plot: the other servants might be turncoats, and I couldn't risk getting any information out."

"Knowing, from what the voice had told me, that the library sprinklers were set to spray poison gas, I had Russa disable them. I then called Amber to warn her about the dangerous key, knowing that it would explode when the Overlady put it in the keyhole. I called the 'informant', thanking him for helping me to foil the 'plot', but all I got was static. When I looked up his number in the directory, it was listed as Soren's phone. Maybe Soren can explain what that's about."

OOC: A little long. I'm going out of town today, though, so this is probably the only post I'll get to make this session. Hope y'all like it. If I go out, I'll go out in style.

"The reason why I didn't mention the "deadly virus" is because Orange Hand only has a deleterious effect on mosquitoes, slugs, and other common pests, which I expected everyone would know, it being marketed as a pestkiller and all. Unless your servants are one of those, I knew the 'virus' would be fine."

"Given that I was the only one who still knew what you wanted by the time we got there, it seemed natural that I should be the one to get the job done. Your order was exactly up to specs, up until Izeroth's condiment launchers submerged it."

"As Izeroth said, I always knew Skyblade's insistence on cat hoarding would lead to disaster. What Sky refers to as "natural causes", government inspectors and rational people would call cruelty to animals."

"You see, before this whole mess started, she had told me, "There's a group that's threatening my life. I'll ask you fellow servants to help me, but I would rather get an army of ninja cats." When I asked her why, she said, "So I can get as many of them hurt as possible, silly! Being a ninja is dangerous business! Well, that and I'll be storing the cats in the warehouse (which is 100 degrees hot, and will be more so after I turn on the heater), in tiny cages, with only my mind-altering dumpster juice to live on. Oh, by the way, everything I just said is what I really think, and it meant exactly what it sounded like: it wasn't a joke, or a secret message in code, or the opposite of what I meant, or another language, and also nobody is making me do this under duress. I just really enjoy taking poor care of cute animals, especially cats. Just thought that you should know." (Yes, she really said all of that. I thought it was an awful lot of fine print myself, but who am I to judge.)"

"As for the van thing, I figured that, since the place we were going to get the order at was trashed, I'd go to another one of the same brand's locations. I went through the drive-thru, as I figured that if I let the others out of the van, they would find some way of messing up your order again. When I tried to place the order, though, both Soren and Izeroth started singing at the top of their lungs, and wouldn't shut up. The order-taker couldn't make out anything I tried to tell her. Finally, I got tired of it and drove back here to drop your useless servants off."

"I said I was sick of trying to serve your Majesty because I was. How could anybody do a job and babysit these freaks of nature you insist on employing at the same time? If you take my advice, you'll get rid of them all; then things'll get done."

OOC: Claimed as heck post

My lady, about my phone, as you can see this one is brand new. Not even a day old. It was a gift from James, who bought it and then gave it to me. He said he only used it once. I've not even made a call from it, oh Overlady. I had no knowledge of this plot against you. It must be James.

"Nice try."

"I ordered Soren's phone the other day. It was delivered to a place near here just an hour ago, afte the alleged calls were made (and before either of us had been able to use it). When I opened it up and gave it to Soren, he smiled, said "Guess I don't need this old thing," and threw a phone into the ocean."

"As far as him not being aware of any plots, I don't doubt it... he rarely notices anything."

"Firstly, it really was Argue Over Different Love Interests in Books Day. I was about to tell Jukka and Amber, but they rushed off to that section of the library before I had the chance.

Regarding what James said...people really enjoy leaving out details to make me look bad. Let me justify every point he made, and you'll see I'm not as cruel as he says I am.

Like I said, I used the ninja cats because the other servants didn't help me even though I asked.

QuoteSo I can get as many of them hurt as possible, silly! Being a ninja is dangerous business!

The ninja cats actually get stronger the more hurt they get. I don't know why, but that's the way their species works. I was helping them.

QuoteWell, that and I'll be storing the cats in the warehouse (which is 100 degrees hot, and will be more so after I turn on the heater),

They can only thrive in excessively hot weather.

Quotein tiny cages

They have a fear of wide, open spaces.

Quotewith only my mind-altering dumpster juice to live on.

"Mind-altering" in this context means altering their minds to make them smarter. Plus, dumpster juice is synonymous with happiness.

QuoteI just really enjoy taking poor care of cute animals

You would too, if you were tortured by cats for ten years. That happened to me, and I was never right in the head afterwards. Anyway, I wasn't torturing the ninja cats. I only said that because James asked and I gave my honest opinion.


The only reason I said all that fine print is that James kept asking for more details. I was just indulging him." Skyblade shrugged.

Well, if the calls were made with the new phone before either of us used it, then someone from the beginning and phone company is plotting against you, oh Overlady.

 "Normally, Gryphon's assertion that Orange Hand virus is harmless would be correct. What Gryphon does not realize, however, is that this was a special, mutated form of the virus. I knew that its killing capabilities stretched far beyond insects and other common pests, and I wasn't going to wait to see what effect it had on my comrades. No good act goes unpunished, I suppose."

"When Soren began singing (rhythmically screaming might be a more accurate term), I had no choice but to join in. Somehow, you see, Soren had gotten it into his head that he was a master magician, and was singing the 'lyrics' to a highly dangerous spell. I was forced to yell over Soren's singing, drowning out his voice and thus negating the spell's effects."

My lady, as we all know, there's no such thing as magic. Anyone who believes there is, or even pretends there is, is simply stupid. Of corse, Izeroth knows this, so by spell he must mean the forth definition of "spell", meaning a splinter of wood. I keep it in my pocket, it has the lyrics to Veronica Sawyer Smokes, by AFI carved into it. It's hard to read if you don't have 3/3 vision as I do. Izeroth once pricked himself with it by accident when he wanted to sing the song, that must be why he thought it was dangerous. Anyway, it's a nice song, but you have to sing loud. I didn't really want to sing, but James told me that he loved the sound of my singing, and wouldn't get the food if I didn't sing that song over and over again. So I did. It was to get James to actually do his job. All for the betterment of the mission, my lady.

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 04, 2015, 01:52:47 PM
My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

It wasn't poisoned.  It just contained high fructose corn syrup, which if consumed in large amounts, could drive Long-furred Hydranian cats (which is the breed of Skye's cats) hyper.  It's common knowledge that high fructose corn syrup does that to Long-furred Hydranians, so I assumed that Soren knew and gave half of the food to him, telling him to only give each cat one spoonful, and no more.  I knew that one spoonful each wouldn't be harmful, and in fact has great health benefits to Long-furred Hydranians.

Also, as we were leaving the flaming library, I saw James slip quickly away with a shopping cart full of library books and several of the library's spare fire extinguishers, cackling evilly to himself.  I didn't think much of it at the time, being too concerned with getting your key (which I truly believed was in Skye's special backpack) to safety.  It seems to me that James deliberately stole library books and fire extinguishers in order to sabotage our important mission.

Quote from: Jukka the Sling on August 08, 2015, 06:36:46 PM

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 04, 2015, 01:52:47 PM
My Lady, Sky had asked me and Jukka to feed her cats. She said Jukka knew what food they liked. Jukka got the food by herself, alone, then gave half of it to me and said to feed the cats. I didn't know it was poisoned. It seemed like regular cat food.

It wasn't poisoned.  It just contained high fructose corn syrup, which if consumed in large amounts, could drive Long-furred Hydranian cats (which is the breed of Skye's cats) hyper.  It's common knowledge that high fructose corn syrup does that to Long-furred Hydranians, so I assumed that Soren knew and gave half of the food to him, telling him to only give each cat one spoonful, and no more.  I knew that one spoonful each wouldn't be harmful, and in fact has great health benefits to Long-furred Hydranians.

Also, as we were leaving the flaming library, I saw James slip quickly away with a shopping cart full of library books and several of the library's spare fire extinguishers, cackling evilly to himself.  I didn't think much of it at the time, being too concerned with getting your key (which I truly believed was in Skye's special backpack) to safety.  It seems to me that James deliberately stole library books and fire extinguishers in order to sabotage our important mission.

APPARENTLY, Jukka forgot that I have a severe mental disorder that blocks out memories of anything related to high fructose corn syrup. Maybe she should have written a note, or done it herself. I told her all about it. But it's not my fault that I am this way, someone dropped Delthion on me when we were babies.

The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

My lady, I can explain. As soon as you dispatched us, the first thing that happened was that Jukka went completely mad. She started yelling about how they had a great deal on shopping carts on Amazon, and she ordered 500 to be delivered to the dealership. When we tried to tell her what she did wrong, she pulled out a paintball gun and shot at us. Something must have happened, because someone hit me over the head with a Porche tire wrench, and tied me up. I woke up in the passenger seat of a 918, upside down with my face where your feet go and my feet where my head should be, doing 225mph at a track  called "The Nurburgring". Izeroth was driving. How exactly they got the Porche to Germany, I have no idea. But I remember every bump on the road and every twist in that 13 mile track. I blacked out again because of the tumbling. I woke up here, ma'am. I have no idea what happened with the paintball fight at the dealership, but I think it's all connected to Jukka and Izeroth.

Skyblade bowed her head, trembling slightly. "I'm very sorry, Overlady; I was serious about making sure this mission turned out to be a success.

I tried to stop Jukka from getting the shopping carts, but then she, Russa, and Amber started a paintball fight; I don't know why. Although I did my best, amid the pandemonium I couldn't stop Jukka from sneaking out and ordering the 500 shopping carts.

I was the one who knocked Soren out, but he left out the part when he got a gun and started shooting the cars you asked us to keep safe. If it weren't for the perfectly safe and fine shields I had put around the cars to protect them, they would have been ruined. I knocked him out at once before he could damage them more.

Anyway, Soren's shooting broke the shields I installed, leaving the cars open to being damaged by the shopping carts and paintballs from the paintball fight. I tried to protect the cars, but instead I got brutally hit by the paintballs.

At this time, Izeroth and Amber cryptically disappeared - I believe they left together. Jukka and Russa were racing one of the shopping carts around and driving it right into the cars on purpose. I tried to stop them, but Russa ran the shopping cart over my leg and damaged it horribly. I couldn't get up or even move, and I was helpless during the rest of the mission.

I had nothing to do with the incident with the 918. This is the first time I'm even hearing about it."

 "I was guarding the cars with the utmost viligance, making sure nothing would happen to them. (None of the other servants bothered to guard the cars, of course-- why do that when they could pass the chore off onto someone else?) Suddenly, without warning, someone whacked me on the head, knocking me out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the driver's seat of a car, staring at the barrel of Russa's loaded M1911. 'If you want to live, drive,' she said. I took the hint and went around the track."

"After we had gone around the track a few times, Russa knocked me out. I woke up back in the garage, staring at the broken, paintballed remains of the cars. None of the other servants were around-- I guess they still had something 'better' to do than care for the cars.

"Well, I'm so sorry, Izeroth, for not guarding the cars. I was too busy installing the protective shields around them to ensure that they would be safe. In fact, the shields would have kept the cars safe, but Soren ruined them when he shot the cars with a gun for reasons I don't know. And then, with the shields gone, the paintballs and shopping cars damaged the cars.

I wasn't around when Iz came back because I was at the hospital after my leg got totaled."

OOC: Should be my last post unless someone attacks me

OOC: Claimed post.

OOC: Claimed

Quote from: Mhera on August 12, 2015, 02:28:30 AM
The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

OOC: The 918???!!! That's one of the fastest hybrids in the world! I think it's only competitors are the Mclaren P1 and the Ferrari LaFerrari!

OOC: I googled "Most expensive Porsche" and the 918 came up :P

Quote from: Delthion on August 15, 2015, 03:01:20 PM

Quote from: Mhera on August 12, 2015, 02:28:30 AM
The Overlady looked expectantly at James, waiting for an explanation of his actions and appearing slightly disappointed when none was forthcoming. "James," she began, "it appears you actually did do all that you have been accused of. Your punishment is to walk around in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit for forever." Out of nowhere, a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit materialized around James. Almost immediately afterwards a beam of blue light came down from the ceiling and teleported him away.

Staring at the bunker door for which the servants had failed to retrieve a key, Mhera began her next monologue. "Eh, the key wasn't that important. That door is just the entrance to the cleaning closet. Speaking of cleaning, I have new orders for you. My cousin Vinny called and asked if I could give him a hand at his Porsche dealership while he and the other employees went on an Alaskan cruise. I told him that you, my servants, could look after his stock. All you have to do is make sure nothing - and I mean nothing - happens to Vinny's dealership's cars for a week. Simple. Get to it!"

A week later...

The Overlady cast a withering glare over the servants fidgeting in front of her. "Soooo, let's go over how you failed this time. All of the cars have sustained some sort of damage, mostly from a rogue shopping cart running loose in the car lot (given that there's not another store in sight of the dealership, I would really like to know how that got there) and what appears to have been a paintball fight. Also, cousin Vinny told me that one particular model- a two-seater sports car he called "918" -has 500 miles on it that weren't there when he left. Needless to say, I am not at all pleased with your work here. Adequately explain how all of this happened and I might let some of you see tomorrow."

OOC: The 918???!!! That's one of the fastest hybrids in the world! I think it's only competitors are the Mclaren P1 and the Ferrari LaFerrari!

OOC: He's correct. Also, the P1 is wayyyyy better.

OOC: Agreed! And the LaFerarri is so out of control and crazed that it isn't very good.

First of all, Sky's "shields" suck. They're manufactured by Mitsubishi. Mitsubishi is famous for making atrocities of products. Why she would think this was ok to install, I have no idea. Here's exactly how it went down.
Sky had suggested we install shields to protect the cars. But se insisted we use Mitsubishi. I tried to tell her how awful those shields were, but she insisted. Anyway, she said we should test the shields. She gave me a loaded gun, and said "Here, shoot the shields, so we can make sure they work." I did, and of course they collapsed. Sky then hit me on the head.
You see, it was at Sky's request I shoot the shields.

"Overlady, please listen to me. I had no idea Mitsubishi shields suck. In fact, I got my info that they were strong shields from this magazine Izeroth gave me. He told me that everything in the magazine was true and to follow its advice.

Soren failed to mention that when he was trying to tell me how awful the shields were, he was speaking Swahili. I have no idea why, especially since he knows I don't understand that language, but it was his choice.

So I simply didn't know. I asked Soren to test the shields, but I said to shoot once. If he shot only once like I asked him to, they would have been fine. Instead, he started shooting like a madman (I have no idea why). So I knocked him out since he was destroying the shields."

Of corse I was speaking Swahili, because Izeroth had said that we should all speak the language. Sky also had agreed, but I guess she really can't speak it. When she told me how many times to shoot, she spoke in Swahili. She must have confused the word "once" with "like crazy". It happens all the time.
So it must have been an issue of miscommunication. As to WHY we were all, at least trying, to speak Swahili, I don't know. Izeroth said that it was essential to the mission, and that he had special orders from yourself, my lady.

OOC: I'm going to try to defend in a way that you don't have to reply, Soren

IC: "I tried to learn Swahili, I really did. But Russa stole all my Swahili textbooks and threw them in the Bottomless Pit of Despair Which Nothing Can Escape From (I don't know why).

I spoke Swahili by accident. Iz kept drilling into my head, "Speak Swahili" over and over again. So when I opened my mouth to talk to Soren, I accidentally spoke Swahili. It was an honest mistake, Overlady. I'm sorry. And I had the phrase confused because like I said, I couldn't learn Swahili correctly after Russa stole all my learning devices. I did my best, but the others impeded my efforts."

 "When I gave Sky the magazine, I sincerely believed that everything within it was true. The new, stronger shields had just been released earlier that day, you see, and neither I nor the magazine editors were yet aware of the new products. I would have gotten relevant, up-to-date information on the subject from the Mebook news feed, but Soren had somehow managed to disable my account."

"My 'drilling' of the Swahili language likely saved my comrades' lives. Mind-controlling dragons had invaded the garage (no one else noticed them, naturally), and were threatening to doom my fellows to a life of eternal servitude. As any reputable resource on the subject will inform you, the dragons' one weakness is Swahili. They absolutely hate to listen to people speak the language, and will quickly vacate any area where people are speaking it. Without my assistance, our group would've had about as much chance of survival as a goldfish in a shark tank. Surely, you remember how you ordered us to complete the mission using whatever means necessary?"

Dear Overlady, perhaps to Sky and the others it looked like Jukka, Russa, and I were having a paint ball fight, but in reality we were battling evil ghosts sent by the mind-controlling dragons. The evil ghosts can only be killed by paint, and you can only see them if you have special goggles on, which explains why the others couldn't see them. I had first discovered the evil ghosts when I found a pair of goggles lying in the building with a bunch of similar ones next to it. I randomly put them on, and saw the ghosts. I heard them talking; they were hatching a plan to destroy us. Naturally, I gathered my two sisters and told them, but before I could tell the other servants about it, the ghosts attacked, so we had to fight them off. The reason I knew that paint kills them is because I heard one say to his fellow ghost, "Avoid any paint you find, 'cause paint kills you." That was exactly what he said.

Sky also said that Izeroth and I left together. That is not true. I simply had to use the bathroom.

I also had nothing to do with the missing 918.

OOC: Claimed post!

Ma'am, I only disabled Izeroth's Mebook account because he's completely inept, technology wise. He asked me too, as a favor to him. I have no idea why he wanted his account disabled.

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 12, 2015, 06:48:24 AM
My lady, I can explain. As soon as you dispatched us, the first thing that happened was that Jukka went completely mad. She started yelling about how they had a great deal on shopping carts on Amazon, and she ordered 500 to be delivered to the dealership. When we tried to tell her what she did wrong, she pulled out a paintball gun and shot at us. Something must have happened, because someone hit me over the head with a Porche tire wrench, and tied me up. I woke up in the passenger seat of a 918, upside down with my face where your feet go and my feet where my head should be, doing 225mph at a track  called "The Nurburgring". Izeroth was driving. How exactly they got the Porche to Germany, I have no idea. But I remember every bump on the road and every twist in that 13 mile track. I blacked out again because of the tumbling. I woke up here, ma'am. I have no idea what happened with the paintball fight at the dealership, but I think it's all connected to Jukka and Izeroth.

It might've looked like I was completely mad, but in reality I was only thinking of the preservation of Vinny's dealership.  I'd heard beforehand that he hadn't been selling a lot of cars lately, and being possessed of a caring and philanthropic nature, I was worried about his business.

I love Amazon, so when I discovered that they had a great deal on shopping carts, I was super happy.  "Now," I said to myself, "we can order 500 carts and sell them in three days once the shopping cart stock prices rise!  Then we'll give all the money to Vinny!  He'll be so happy!"  (You see, a friend of mine who works for the stock exchange told me all this, and she's never wrong when it comes to stock predictions.  In fact, she suggested that I buy a bunch of the cheap Amazon carts in preparation for this.)

Just as I was sitting at my computer finalizing the order, the others approached me, telling me that I'd done a bad thing and should cancel the order.  However, I knew what I was doing, and hit 'submit'.  Just then, with the special goggles, I saw one of the ghosts sneaking up behind my dear companions.  My sisters had already warned me, so I grabbed a handy paintball gun and shot over the others' heads at the ghosts.  It might've looked like I was shooting at my fellow servants, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Anyway, later on I heard the ghosts plotting our demise in a corner of the parking lot.  They were sniggering about how they'd tricked Amber into thinking that paint was their weakness.  One stupid young ghost said foolishly, "They'll never know that our weakness is actually shopping carts!"  I was stunned and slipped quietly away.  They never noticed me.

I knew what I had to do, for our lives were all in danger, but I didn't want to alarm the others.  Once the shopping carts arrived, I enlisted Russa's help (Amber was busy with the bookkeeping, which was sadly not that much, as the dealership wasn't doing so well), and we zoomed around the parking lot with shopping carts, killing ghosts left, right, and center.  To do this, we had to crash into them.  I tried not to damage the cars in the process, but it was inevitable.  However, it wasn't that big a deal because Vinny was going to be fully repaid five times over when stock prices rose.

I think I should also mention that the shopping carts were constructed out of high-quality titanium, which is virtually indestructible.  Therefore, the carts sustained no damage.

Also, I feel that you should know that Soren was very unhelpful.  I know this will pain you, but the entire truth is necessary.  You see, Soren decided to construct a very large chicken coop that took up a quarter of the parking lot.  He also bought fifty roosters to inhabit it, and you can imagine the noise that occurred from morning 'til night.  I think this also deterred potential car buyers, for Amber, our bookkeeper, said that sales hit an all-time low during that time.  I told him that it was foolish and unnecessary and that he should take it down or face the Overlady's righteous wrath, but he smirked and told me that it was for the common good, whatever that means.

 "While it is true that I have experienced difficulties with modern technology, I hardly need Soren to 'fix' them for me. When I told Soren (who had been annoying me all morning) to 'do me a favor and go do something useful for once', I was not aware that he would interpret this as disabling my Mebook account."

Quote from: Skyblade on August 12, 2015, 07:34:43 AM
...but Russa ran the shopping cart over my leg and damaged it horribly. I couldn't get up or even move, and I was helpless during the rest of the mission...

I can explain Overlady! You see, just as my sisters said, there were malevolent ghosts on the loose. Jukka and I, knowing their only weakness to be shopping carts, tried to stop them. We were succeeding, most of the ghosts had been destroyed. Unfortunately, (with my special goggles) I noticed a ghost standing in front of Sky, it was about to stab her with a sharp and ghostly looking knife. Sky didn't have goggles on so she was unaware of the great danger she was in. I heroically charged the ghost with my shopping cart, but it floated out of the way just in time. I tried to swerve to the left so as to not crash into Sky, but the stupid cart kept trying to turn to the right (you know how carts do). It was all an accident, I was trying to save her life!

Quote from: Izeroth on August 12, 2015, 05:07:35 PM
...Suddenly, without warning, someone whacked me on the head, knocking me out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the driver's seat of a car, staring at the barrel of Russa's loaded M1911. 'If you want to live, drive,' she said. I took the hint and went around the track."

"After we had gone around the track a few times, Russa knocked me out...

Quote from: Skyblade on August 15, 2015, 08:40:17 PM
"I tried to learn Swahili, I really did. But Russa stole all my Swahili textbooks and threw them in the Bottomless Pit of Despair Which Nothing Can Escape From (I don't know why).

What Izeroth and Sky say is true, I did all that they said I did, but only to protect the Overlady and my fellow servants. You see, during the mission Amber pulled out a gun and said that if I didn't steal Sky's Swahili textbooks and throw them into the Bottomless Pit of Despair Which Nothing Can Escape From and also if I didn't kidnap Izeroth and Soren and take them to Germany, she'd kill my fellow servants and the Overlady. I had to obey.

I might also add that the gun I had was a realistic toy.

OOC: claimed

The gun I pulled out on Russa was not real in the least. Not only that, but I was just playing around. I had no idea she would actually do it. In fact, it seemed to me that she knew I was joking. Her exact words were, "Oh, come on, Amber, you expect me to believe you? Hey, that's a pretty realistic-looking fake gun, where did you get it?"

EDIT: OOC: I added a bit more to my post. I hope that's alright.

I failed to mention in my previous statement that each shopping cart represented one share of a shopping cart company.  That was how the whole stock thing was supposed to work.

Quote from: Jukka the Sling on August 18, 2015, 09:32:07 PM
Also, I feel that you should know that Soren was very unhelpful.  I know this will pain you, but the entire truth is necessary.  You see, Soren decided to construct a very large chicken coop that took up a quarter of the parking lot.  He also bought fifty roosters to inhabit it, and you can imagine the noise that occurred from morning 'til night.  I think this also deterred potential car buyers, for Amber, our bookkeeper, said that sales hit an all-time low during that time.  I told him that it was foolish and unnecessary and that he should take it down or face the Overlady's righteous wrath, but he smirked and told me that it was for the common good, whatever that means.

My lady, Amber had told me that you had issued additional orders to construct a chicken coop. Amber said that you had told it was was part of your "Common Good Community Support Program", using the poultry market to support local farmers. I thought this was your will, based off what Amber told me. For some reason Amber lied to me to get me to build this coop.

Quote from: Izeroth on August 18, 2015, 09:58:57 PM
"While it is true that I have experienced difficulties with modern technology, I hardly need Soren to 'fix' them for me. When I told Soren (who had been annoying me all morning) to 'do me a favor and go do something useful for once', I was not aware that he would interpret this as disabling my Mebook account."

Izeroth had said that it would be useful if someone disabled his account, because he had "experienced difficulty enjoying this Mebook service." He was annoyed by my face, I don't know why, but every time I looked at him, he suddenly yelled "GOSH YOUR FACE IS STUPID AND ANNOYING, LIKE THE OVERLADY'S, GO AWAY!!" I thought this strange.

If I lied to Soren, I am indeed sorry. The reason I told Soren to build the chicken coop and that it was part of your "Common Good Community Support Program", was because Sky told me this. I was too busy to start construction on the coop, so I asked Soren to do it. He readily and gladly accepted, saying, and I quote, "I consider it a great privilege to help the Overlady in this worthy cause, and will start work immediately."

Skyblade sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm tired of people bending the details. Let me go back to the beginning; then you'll understand.

The servants entered a competition called "The Most Ridiculous Scenario Wins $1,000". My objective was to donate 100% of the completely real and not fake money to you or use it to buy you an awesome gift. Anyway, for my entry, I made a scenario about building a giant chicken coop to support an organization that doesn't even exist. By the way, I won the contest with that entry (I think that explains why you received $1000 in the mail today). I made it very clear to each and every one of the other servants that it was purely hypothetical and not to be taken seriously. Not sure why Amber, Jukka, and Soren were so confused when they all knew I was just saying all that chicken coop stuff to win the contest."

I was just trying to be a "team player" and help the team finish our assignment. I thought I initially misunderstood what Sky intended when we did decided to make the chicken coop. I figured I heard wrong, in that my initial understanding was that this was hypothetical. Both en the others started to actually work on the project, so I went ahead. I dunno why they started.

Yes, I was a tad confused when Skye said that.  But I didn't have a chance to ask her about it again, 'cause right then a customer pulled up and I ran to show them around.  And later Skye was busy, so I never had a chance.

 "The "difficulties" my computer experienced were caused by a virus. Several viruses, actually. They temporarily disabled everything except for Mebook, making me (sarcastically) wish that my Mebook account would be disabled too. I never imagined that anyone would take the comment to be literal. (On a side note, when I later looked at the virus files, I noticed that they were all named 'Soren-warrior.infiltrate.trojan'.)"

"Insulting as it may seem, my sudden outburst has a perfectly rational explanation. Soren, you see, owns a pet basilisk named "The Overlady". (Contrary to popular belief, basilisks do not kill you on sight, but rather force you to insult anyone in the vicinity.) When Soren walked up to me with the monster perched on his shoulder, I was instantly compelled to insult him and his pet. Soren knew full-well that his basilisk was capable of hypnosis, and I am also sure that he was quite aware of the issues associated with naming it after Your Majesty."

When Sky told me about the whole chicken coop thing, I was listening to some music on my headphones, so I thought that she ment we were actually supposed to build a chicken coop. In fact, I had no idea it was hypothetical until this moment. And as I said earlier, I was too busy with the book-keeping to start building, so I got Soren to go and start.

First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

About the virus, it's weird someone would use my name. Russa always dated she likes my username.
Anywho, I don't know anything about viruses. I use Macs, which aren't effected by them. I told Izeroth he should get one, but he said he liked to use the technology from his era, such as the old Windows 95 he drags around. Interesting, Russa used to have a Windows 95.
I never touched Izeroth's computer.

And Izeroth knows, sarcasim breeds passive aggression, which leads to anger among team members. He gave a lecture about it recently at a local community college. Why he would chose to use it in a time like this, I have no idea. I never use it while on a mission.

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 21, 2015, 08:48:14 PM
About the virus, it's weird someone would use my name. Russa always dated she likes my username.
Anywho, I don't know anything about viruses. I use Macs, which aren't effected by them. I told Izeroth he should get one, but he said he liked to use the technology from his era, such as the old Windows 95 he drags around. Interesting, Russa used to have a Windows 95.

Apparently Soren can not tell the difference between a Windows 95 and a Windows 7. There is, in fact, a very large difference between the two computers. Obviously Soren is in need of the aid which glasses provide.

Nevertheless, I have neither never touched the computer nor seen it.

 "Jesús means "Overlord or Overlady" in Ithuavian. Soren, having gone on several AWOL vacations there, would be quite familiar with the language. I would have, of course, called the lizard by its regular name, but certain unfortunate legal restrictions prevent me from speaking that language. Come to think of it, Soren's exact words were, "I'll name it in Ithuavian, so Izeroth won't be able to say its name." This was accompanied by a lot of snickering and (mostly on the basilisk's part) salivating."

"While it's true that viruses haven't effected Soren's computer, it's quite obvious that they've affected it. Soren's programs are always shutting down or running mind-numbingly slow, and his desktop is usually nothing but a jumbled mess of static. It's no wonder, then, that Soren wanted to trade his computer for my highly-customized, super-efficient modern remake of Windows 95. If I were in his position, I'd probably be pretty desperate too."

"Yes, sarcasm can breed passive agression, which may lead to anger among team members. If Soren had bothered to listen to the rest of my lecture, however, he would have discovered that sarcasm can actually be quite beneficial. Among other things, sarcasm creates lasting friendships between team members, promotes a sense of comaradarie, and contributes to a highly productive work atmosphere. As I stated at the end of the lecture, a sarcastic worker is a happy worker. Perhaps Soren could benefit from this lesson."

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 21, 2015, 08:48:14 PM
First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

Soren had once told me that in his youth, his sister had owned a basilisk which she never let Soren play with.  This led me to believe that giving Soren a pet basilisk would make up for all the pain and mental anguish he must have suffered as a result of his sister's unkindness.

OOC: Can you say "round flooding"? I'm trying to keep this to where none of you should have to reply.

BIC:

Quote from: Izeroth on August 22, 2015, 01:09:18 AM
"Jesús means "Overlord or Overlady" in Ithuavian. Soren, having gone on several AWOL vacations there, would be quite familiar with the language. I would have, of course, called the lizard by its regular name, but certain unfortunate legal restrictions prevent me from speaking that language. Come to think of it, Soren's exact words were, "I'll name it in Ithuavian, so Izeroth won't be able to say its name." This was accompanied by a lot of snickering and (mostly on the basilisk's part) salivating."

As I said my lady, there were many side effects to the treatment for my infant head injury. One was uncontrollable drooling. I have good days, and bad days.

And although I did take vacations, I always asked James, (the responsible one) if I could go. He always would relay my requests to you, or so he said. Pity he's not here to confirm this. I thought you were aware of my vacation patterns.  Izeroth always says he hates Jesús's name, so I was trying to be considerate by naming him in a language I knew.

Quote from: Izeroth on August 22, 2015, 01:09:18 AM
"While it's true that viruses haven't effected Soren's computer, it's quite obvious that they've affected it. Soren's programs are always shutting down or running mind-numbingly slow, and his desktop is usually nothing but a jumbled mess of static. It's no wonder, then, that Soren wanted to trade his computer for my highly-customized, super-efficient modern remake of Windows 95. If I were in his position, I'd probably be pretty desperate too."

My computer is stuck this way because SOMEBODY named Rrrrr ripped out my hard drive and replaced it with a drive from a Lenovo. So there's that. He sayed she likes Lenovo better, "and you will too!". That was before he betrayed you, ma'am.

I'm happy I get a disability check each month for the unfortunate conditions I have. Thanks to Del's impact on my head. Anyway, I have trouble paying attention during boring meetings given by boring people. Of course, I donate my monthly check along with my other belongings to you, oh Overlady.

Quote from: Jukka the Sling on August 22, 2015, 01:36:55 AM

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 21, 2015, 08:48:14 PM
First of all, that pet was a gift from Jukka. It's rude to re-gift things that are alive, so I was stuck with it.  I decided to name the lizard Jesús, just for fun. Except for some reason, Izeroth always calls Jesús, "The Overlady".  I don't know why. Anyway, Jesús has an unfortunate habit of perching on my shoulder whenever he's in the vicinity of Izeroth. Basilisks are weary of dishonesty, and retreat to their owners shoulders whenever they sense dishonest people. Funny he only does that around Izeroth.

Soren had once told me that in his youth, his sister had owned a basilisk which she never let Soren play with.  This led me to believe that giving Soren a pet basilisk would make up for all the pain and mental anguish he must have suffered as a result of his sister's unkindness.

I am grateful to Jukka for the thought, even though Jesús sometimes brings up those terrible memories of my sister knocking me down, laughing at my despair, knowing I have little ability to straighten myself up on dates that end with the number 6. Another side effect, oh Overlady.

After the usual bickering between the servants had wound down, the Overlady pronounced her judgment. "Obviously, every one of you messed up terribly. If I wanted to I could just be rid of you all right now. However, certain idiosyncrasies and subtle touches in their style of disaster separates one minion out for special attention.

Russa, you're free to go, with your only punishment being an unstoppable compulsion to run on a treadmill for five minutes out of every hour for the rest of your life."

The other servants watched as Russa vaporized out of the room.

"Before I give the rest of you your next mission," Mhera continued, "there's an issue that needs to be addressed. Soren, Skyblade, and Izeroth, you three encountered an inordinate amount of physical harm during the last session, getting legs and heads smashed and whatnot. As your Overlady, I've decided that, for safety's sake, you trio of accident-and-attempted-murder prone servants will wear hot pink body armor (complete with helmet) for the duration of this task (the color is for visibility purposes; I don't want you accidentally getting run over by any more shopping carts and the like). If you perform well and stay out of excessive danger I might eventually let you take it off.

Now, your next assignment is to design and successfully market a popular clothing line. Budget is no obstacle, here's my credit card. Should be simple. Get to it!"

An indeterminate amount of time later...

"So your idea of a popular clothing line is garbage bags with holes cut in them sold for $49 apiece? And marketing wise, you raised and then, only one day later, razed a single billboard by the side of a deserted highway. So surprise surprise, no one bought a single one of your...articles of clothing. That's hardly the result I asked for, you incompetent orcas! Explain!"

OOC: Yay, I get to make the first post! ;D

BIC:
Allow me to explain, Overlady. I thought that Jukka, Skye, and I, since we are girls, would design the outfits, while Soren and Izeroth would see to it that people were hired to make them and all that. Everyone thought that this was a great idea, so we all got to work. However, disaster was one of the first things that happened. You see, while Jukka, Skye, and I were sitting around a table, thinking up designs, we got a call from Soren saying that an explosion had obliterated the entire building we were using as our factory. The reason that him and Izeroth had survived was because they weren't present when the explosion took place. Us girls were quite shocked, and asked him if he knew why it had happened. He said, "I don't exactly know, but Izeroth did have a strange grin on his face when we first heard the news." His exact words. Anyway, we managed to purchase another building, and we were almost finished with clothing designs, when Skye, who had been so helpful in the process of making the designs, suddenly picked them up and flushed them down the toilet. "These things are so terrible, I don't even want to look at them. In fact, I don't want to take part in this stupid project, no matter want the Overlady says," she stated. (Exact words, as well.) Me and Jukka were shocked, but before we could confront her, she stormed out of the room and drove off in her car.
Thankfully, Jukka and I could mostly remember how they looked, but it did take a while to draw them again.

Anyway, after the clothes had all been made, we sent Jukka off to the headquarters of a major clothing store, to see if they would be willing to sell them at their store. However, Jukka never got there, 'cause after a long time, she didn't come back or call us on her cell phone. We called her, and she informed us that Izeroth had held her at gunpoint upon arriving at the building, and had taken the clothes. She was at the police station when we had called.

I don't know anything about the trash bags being sold for 49 dollars, or the billboard being put up on the deserted highway, for I was busy trying to take charge and get more clothes made to present to the major clothing store, although I have a feeling it has to do with Skye and Izeroth the betrayers.

"Amber makes it seem like the clothing designs she and Jukka came up with were good and viable, but they actually weren't. You see, Amber suggested that we make pillow cases with holes cut in them and sell them for $48 apiece. I tried to tell them her that seemed like a bad idea, but she replied, "Of course it's a bad idea! That's why I want to do it!" I turned to Jukka for sense, but she agreed and said, "I'll do anything to make sure our mission fails. Let's go along with Amber's sure-to-fail plot."

When I protested and made more sensible suggestions, they tied me up. When Amber said I was being helpful, she must have meant I was being helpful to make the mission succeed (making the pillowcases for our clothing design would inevitably result in failure). I finally broke free when they were almost done. "This won't work," I said. I knew they were going to use that for the clothing design if I didn't do something, so I flushed the poorly made pillowcase things they had made down the toilet saying, "These things are so terrible, I don't even want to look at them." (It was true though)

"Sky, you're always so honest," said Jukka. "Can I hear you say something that's NOT true for once?"

I rolled my eyes and decided to indulge her. "In fact, I don't want to take part in this stupid project, no matter want the Overlady says. There. That was a lie."

Anyway, I made a really good design for suits and dresses. I put it on a billboard, and got 100% positive feedback from the general public. However, Søren snuck in and destroyed all my clothes somehow. And Izeroth destroyed the billboard.

Meanwhile, Amber made those weird pillowcases again, which didn't sell well at all. It's true that Amber didn't know about the garbage bags, but she totally knew about the pillowcases.

And Jukka made the garbage bag things. I don't know why."

Madam, the incident with me destroying the clothes that Sky had made was for the greater good. While they were excellent suits and dresses, they were for some reason made for sea loins. I have no idea why, but she designed the clothes with the marine mammals in mind rather then humans. Her 100% positive feedback was the 100% thumbs up on that YouTube video she posted with the sea lion wearing a suit, strutting about trying to eat poor, innocent penguins. You've never seen a three-piece suit so bloody. YouTubers are heartless, aren't they?

Anyway, I had to destroy these clothes, or else the human population would turn against our upcoming clothing line.

As for the factory:
I went straight to the Unemployment Office after we were deployed in this mission to let them know we were accepting job applications. (You must be present to do this, there are papers to sign.) Izeroth said he'd go to the factory and "Get the machines warmed up.) Next thing I knew, there was an explosion at the factory. I was still at the unemployment agency when I called Amber and gave her the news. Now, we have 3,330 workers ready to pump out some garbage bags with holes, except no factory for them to work at.

 "I had intended on warming up the factory machines, (as they tend to shut down when cold) but the facility was already a ruin by the time I arrived. The strange grin I had on my face was the result of damage to my facial nerve tissues, sustained while helping half-dead workers out of the smoldering ruins of our factory. (Strangely, Soren never came to aid the injured personnel, despite his position as leader of the disaster response team.) You would think, given my disheveled and clearly traumatized state, that the others would have been sensible enough to realize I was injured."

"As for my destruction of Sky's sign, it is true that the sign contained useful advertising material. Next to the suit and dress designs (which, admittedly, were not my taste), however, was written an advertisement for my assassination. According to the advertisement, which was written in large red letters, any bounty hunter who could successfully complete the contract (which specified that I was to be dismembered and/or cremated)  would receive $1000, as well as "great street cred". Obviously, I destroyed the sign so aspiring assassins wouldn't get any ideas."

I was leader of the response team, after I had called Amber. But we couldn't get within 500-yards of the explosion because of the police and Homeland security who were blocking the wa. They said it was dangerous, and illegal. We protested, and tried to get through anyway, but they arrested us for trying to save the lives of those poor people. But that was me and the response team, I don't know about the others on the mission. I had been stuck in jail (and no one posted my $50 bail) for nearly a week. By that time, every survivor had been freed from the rubble. I then heard of Sky's weird sea lion clothing line as I was leaving the prison. I headed straight over, saved us from a PR nightmare (the factory is bad enough), and came straight here.

"I did design the clothes with sea loins in mind. "Sea loin" means teenager in Korean (OOC: Not IRL). I guess Søren has been learning Korean, good for him. Anyway, we all know teenagers are marine mammals (they love to swim), but too strange to be considered actual humans.

I asked Søren to help me make a video to help advertise the clothing, since he's good at making videos and was loitering around doing nothing at the time. "Please make it formal and professional. And make sure you have teenagers wearing the clothes," I told him. Well, instead he made a bloody video about SEA LIONS. I was speaking clear English to him! My clothing was so good, though, that I got 100% positive feedback anyway even though the video was horrendous.

Woah! I didn't know there was an advertisement for Izeroth's assassination. But actually, that would make perfect sense: Jukka and Amber have been talking about wanting to get Izeroth killed, and they were carrying red paint and mentioned something about getting a $1,000 reward and street cred. I thought they were joking, but it must have been them. I had nothing to do with it; all I did was put up the billboard for my clothing.

Anyway, Izeroth is still to blame for razing my billboard. Why did he have to destroy the entire billboard? The assassination thing was only on one section. He could've just gotten rid of that part and left my billboard so we could complete the mission."

Sky had been helping me learn Korean. She told me that she was going to say everything that I had learned in Korean in normal speech mixed in with English, and vice versa. I thought she meant sea lions, the marine mammal, not human teens. I guess that part was lost in translation, madam.

The reason I said I wanted us to fail the mission by making holes in pillowcases, was because Soren was making a funny skit but couldn't be there to do it, so he set up some cameras so we could do it while he was gone. Soren thought that we could film it while making the actual clothing designs that we were planning to use. Skye had memorized her lines and everything, and we all knew what we were supposed to do, but for some reason she flushed them down the toilet. They were just props, but she failed to mention that she flushed the REAL DESIGNS that we were actually going to use down the toilet, as well. "I hate these things in real life, too, and I mean the actual designs that you guys are planning to sell. And guess what? Absolutely no one told me to do this, or told me to lie, or wrote me a note, or anything." Exactly want she said.

Jukka and I were carrying red paint because we were planning to paint an area of the place where we did our designing. We knew your favorite color was red, oh Overlady, so that's why we chose that color in particular, in honor of you. Also, we weren't talking about wanting to get Izeroth killed in real life, we were talking about how we wanted him to get killed in the latest movie he was in. He played the main villain; Jukka and I had gotten a copy of the movie from Izeroth himself, and we hadn't finished it yet, so we were simply saying how we wanted THE CHARACTER he played to get killed. Jukka and I were joking around, saying that we would get a $1,000 reward from you, Overlady, because of the red-painted room, as well as street cred from the surrounding populace, who totally loves you.

The skit was part of our advertising campaign, madam Overlady.

 "The "movie" was a documentary about the effects of excess chemical runoff on stream ecosystems. Considering the fact that the only "evil acts" I committed were providing intelligent narration and clever use of metaphors, I have no idea how anyone could have supposed me to be a malicious villain. As the saying goes, I guess, some people are offended by anything and everything."

As the others have said, at Soren's suggestion we performed a skit that was part of our advertising campaign.  The skit was an entry for a YouTube challenge that would give the winner $250,000 - and the only requirements were that we do some random and unexpected things along with the things laid out in the script.  (It seems that Skye was unaware of the "random and unexpected things" bit.  And if I'm wrong, and she meant to be random and unexpected by flushing our REAL designs down the toilet, that was totally over the line.)

If we won the YouTube contest (which we were almost sure to do, because our idea was just so unique), we'd have an extra $250,000 to invest in our clothing line and free advertising on YouTube to boot.  Tying Skye to a chair was all part of the hilariousness and uniqueness of the skit.  Everything else that I said was part of the skit script.

Everything else Amber said about me is true.  Including the fact that Izeroth held me at gunpoint and stole a bunch of finished clothes before I could present them to the store headquarters for review.

I need to inform you that Skye is absolutely correct about Izeroth razing the billboard to the ground even though only one part had an ad for his assassination and he could've just removed that.  (I had nothing whatsoever to do with the ad for his assassination, by the way.)

As for the fact that Izeroth was simply the narrator for a documentary, well, he was actually one of TWO narrators for the documentary.  In the style of many old-time book writers, the documentary used two different people arguing a point.  Izeroth played the guy who was arrogant and didn't care about the excess chemical runoff on stream ecosystems.  (Also, it was hinted that he (the character) might have drowned his pet gerbil in chemical waste.)  Who wouldn't like the character?  While our jokes may have been in poor taste, rest assured that we meant nothing to Izeroth by it.  He played the part of the unlikable guy very well.

Also, after the sad affair of the razed billboard, I endeavored to build another myself.  However, Soren dumped arsenic-laden paint all over the only wood we had.  (As well as being unsafe, it's against the Highway Billboard Code to use arsenic paint on billboards.) I told him to make up for his mean-spirited action by buying more wood and assisting me in making a billboard, but he refused.  I was forced to buy the wood and make it myself, but the delay cost me valuable time.

Skyblade facedesked. "Why practice the skit during a mission? Here, check this out. The entries aren't due until six months from today. I don't see why they had to practice during a mission we all knew was very important. Even though the skit was important, they were fully capable of waiting as we had nothing to do after the mission. They should have focused on the mission so we could succeed, not concentrated on that.

In addition, Jukka and Amber had good intentions with painting your room red; I'll acknowledge that. But why did they do that during a mission? Again, it's better to focus on the mission first, then do everything else.

Anyway, I flushed the props down the toilet because Amber and Jukka were done using them anyway, and they told me to discard them. I was following their directions.

QuoteThey were just props, but she failed to mention that she flushed the REAL DESIGNS that we were actually going to use down the toilet, as well. "I hate these things in real life, too, and I mean the actual designs that you guys are planning to sell. And guess what? Absolutely no one told me to do this, or told me to lie, or wrote me a note, or anything." Exactly want she said.

The real designs were even worse and I had reason to hate them. They were bombs that were set to kill whoever wore them. And they only kill completely innocent people. I saved people's lives with my action.

Oh, and regarding things being lost in translation. Soren insisted that I speak in a mixture of Korean and English. He said it helped me him learn better."

OOC: I feel like I might be flooding the round. I'll try to make this my last defense.

EDIT: Edited the post to reflect that I knew about the skit.

 "I 'threatened' Jukka with a harmless plastic pistol. Jukka was quite aware of the fact that the pistol was fake, and at one point even instructed me to hold it in a more realistic-looking way. As for the stolen clothes, Jukka had ordered me to take them as part of an 'advertising skit'. (I had, of course, initially refused to carry out this 'skit', but Jukka had threatened to ruin my reputation if I did not comply.) Clearly, I cannot be blamed for whatever ridiculous scheme she had in mind."

"It's true that in the documentary I played a... less than morally perfect character. Jukka might have mentioned, however, that I also played the part of the good guy (and, in my opinion, did it quite well). Moreover, the name my 'comrades' put on the sign wasn't even the evil character's name; the sign used my real name: Izeroth."

"As for the whole 'destroying the whole sign as opposed to destroying part of it' fiasco, I have a perfectly good justification for what occurred. Besides the fact that the sign would have looked terrible after I removed part of it, I might add that someone had rigged the entire advertisement with explosives that would self-destruct the sign should someone remove part of it. Unfortunately, this fact was only made known to me after I had removed part of the sign."

OOC:

@Skye: I already said that you had memorized your lines and that we all knew about the skit.

@Iz: Jukka already said that she had nothing to do with the billboard for your assassination.

BIC:
I did not know that we had six months to do the skit. Soren made it sound like we didn't have a lot of time at all by saying these exact words. "Guys, we only have a few weeks to do the ad for the Youtube challenge, and I'm talking about the actual ad for our advertising campaign, not any other one, just to let you know." I thought that was why we had to film it during the mission.

The reason me and Jukka painted the room red when we were supposed to be working on the designs, was because the color red, (as well as other cheery and bright colors), is proven to help give a cheery and fun atmosphere over whichever room the color is in. We thought we could honor you in this way, as well as make it a fun place to work in.

Anyway, Jukka and I knew absolutely nothing about the bombs until we were here, when Soren decided to tell us that the crystals which we had put on the clothes were actually tiny bombs, in fully-working condition, and able to kill the person wearing the clothes, as well as injuring people standing near the person with the bomb clothes. He also said that he himself had constructed the crystals in this way. After he had told us all this, he said, "I'm not lying, by the way. Also, no one told me to do this, or forced me to do this, or wrote me a note telling me to do this, or wrote me a note forcing me to do this, or anything like that at all." Exact quote.

QuoteMeanwhile, Amber made those weird pillowcases again, which didn't sell well at all.

OOC: I don't think I ever addressed this, so I will now.

BIC: The reason the pillowcases never sold, was because I never tried to sell them at all, or give them to a store to sell. I made them because they were for a play my nephews and nieces were in, in which they were peasants, so they had to wear old sacks as clothes.

OOC: Sorry; I edited it.

First of all, about that billboard. I posted that paint on it because it's against the Highway Billboard Code regulations to use a wooden billboard (they're all steel nowadays). Jukka was insisting on breaking the law, and incurring a nasty lawsuit by the city, no doubt. So I poured the paint on her wood before she could break the regulations. Yet she made it anyway, so I wouldn't be surprised if we're all served because of Jukka.

Also, regarding the skit. I was under the impression that we were on a short timetable. Jukka had mentioned how we should "hurry with it because it's really only a few weeks away". I don't know what she meant by that if it was really not due anytime soon.

And, about the bombs. Although I hadn't been told to construct the bombs, I did it because Izeroth implied that he would kill everyone with his "Shotgun that shoots real bullets. I've killed many squirrel and ocelots with it." (Exact quote) he implied to me that if I didn't construct these crystals "exactly in a certain explosively deadly way" he'd "deal with the team members, by using my shotgun" (Exact quotes)
So I made the bombs, and Izeroth snatched them before I could disarm them. So I went to Jukka and Amber to tell them what had happened, and how, although I made the bombs, I didn't plant them. I just wanted to save everyone, and the mission, from Izeroth's murderous rage.

QuoteAnyway, I flushed the props down the toilet because Amber and Jukka were done using them anyway, and they told me to discard them. I was following their directions.

We had told her to flush them down the toilet after we were done with the skit and the real designs, but she said, "I'll just flush them down the toilet right now, even though we might have to use them some more." Exact quote. Also, we hadn't asked her to flush the real designs down the toilet.

By the time Soren had told us about the explosive crystals, it was too late; there was nothing we could do, for we were already here.

Quote from: Izeroth on August 29, 2015, 08:29:01 AM
"I 'threatened' Jukka with a harmless plastic pistol. Jukka was quite aware of the fact that the pistol was fake, and at one point even instructed me to hold it in a more realistic-looking way. As for the stolen clothes, Jukka had ordered me to take them as part of an 'advertising skit'. (I had, of course, initially refused to carry out this 'skit', but Jukka had threatened to ruin my reputation if I did not comply.) Clearly, I cannot be blamed for whatever ridiculous scheme she had in mind."

This is true, partly.  But I had told Izeroth to do the advertising skit the NEXT DAY, not that day, saying that if he didn't help, I would ruin his reputation WITH OVERLADY MHERA, because I'd tell her all about his unhelpfulness.  Strangely, he did it that day.  I was surprised, because I wasn't ready and didn't even have a camera with me to film the skit.  I told Izeroth he was supposed to do it the next day, but then gave up and showed him how to hold the fake pistol more realistically so he'd be prepared for the skit we were supposed to do the next day.  Suddenly, Izeroth dropped the fake gun and pulled a real pistol out of his pocket.  He aimed it at me and said,  "I'll shoot you with this real pistol if you don't hand over those clothes you're going to present to the store headquarters for review."  Afraid for my life, I acquiesced and then ran for my life as Izeroth chased me out of the parking lot, still waving the real gun.

Quote
"It's true that in the documentary I played a... less than morally perfect character. Jukka might have mentioned, however, that I also played the part of the good guy (and, in my opinion, did it quite well). Moreover, the name my 'comrades' put on the sign wasn't even the evil character's name; the sign used my real name: Izeroth."

As I said earlier, whoever made that part of the sign wasn't me (or Amber).

Izeroth played the good guy too?  Wow, I had no idea!  In the credits, the "Good Guy" was credited as some dude named Boris Vladimir.  Perhaps that's one of Izeroth's stage names?  Also, the good guy's voice was so different from the bad guy's.  Izzy must be a master of voices.  I didn't know he was able to disguise his voice so drastically.

Quote from: Soren the Warrior on August 30, 2015, 06:15:25 AM
First of all, about that billboard. I posted that paint on it because it's against the Highway Billboard Code regulations to use a wooden billboard (they're all steel nowadays). Jukka was insisting on breaking the law, and incurring a nasty lawsuit by the city, no doubt. So I poured the paint on her wood before she could break the regulations. Yet she made it anyway, so I wouldn't be surprised if we're all served because of Jukka.

That was the old Highway Billboard Code.  That very day they had changed the regulations and said that you're allowed to make billboards out of any type of wood, and that it was perfectly safe.

Quote
Also, regarding the skit. I was under the impression that we were on a short timetable. Jukka had mentioned how we should "hurry with it because it's really only a few weeks away". I don't know what she meant by that if it was really not due anytime soon.

Izeroth had told me that.  This was, of course, before he threatened me with a gun and made me distrust him.  When he told me, I had no reason to distrust him.

"Amber cut out the last part of my sentence. I said I would dump them out before they could use them to "embellish" the play more. I noticed that we were running out of time because the others were too focused on the skit. I know we had to do that, but the mission came first. It was our top priority. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one who thinks this way. I got rid of the props because

Quote from: SkybladeAmber and Jukka were done using them anyway, and they told me to discard them.

The real designs, as I already said, had bombs designed to kill innocent people. I don't know why. I saved many people's lives with that action. In my humble opinion, I should be thanked and not punished for such a heroic action."

As I stated earlier, the crystals we had put on the clothes were bombs, but we didn't know until Soren had told us after we had all gotten here to report to you, and by then it was too late. So Jukka and I didn't know the reason for Skye flushing the real designs down the toilet, because she didn't even explain WHY she did it.

Also, like I have already said, we had told her to discard of the props after we were completely done with the skit and all the real designs.

"I didn't explain why because we were pressed for time and I hoped, considering my dependable work ethic and attitude in previous missions (I've been doing nothing but the right thing all this time), that Amber and Jukka would trust that I was doing this for the good of the mission.

As for discarding the props, there must have been a misunderstanding, then, Overlady. We were all over the place trying to work things out, and it was hard to hear each other over the fireworks people nearby kept putting off for some reason. Anyway, this was a minor thing and the skit (which had nothing to do with the mission anyway) was still completed successfully. Nevertheless, I apologize."

OOC: Edited, we weren't in the factory

 "I own a virtual-reality gaming device, and I often use it to hone my fighting skills. One day, while I was playing a game with Soren, he commented on how realistic everything looked, saying, 'that shotgun you have looks really realistic, Izeroth. I bet you've killed lots of stuff with it.' I replied that I'd killed plenty of squirrels and ocelots (enemies in the game we were playing), and that the shotgun did indeed look quite real. The only time I 'threatened' Soren with my shotgun was when I jokingly told him I'd 'deal with the team members' if he didn't finish his work. He could tell I was joking, and commented that he would 'enjoy chopping your head off with a virtual sword.'"

"I never intended to provide Soren with any input on the clothing designs, but he begged me to give him some advice. Therefore, finding the clothes to be frankly quite drab-looking, I told Soren that they needed to 'shine exactly in a certain explosively deadly and exciting way. I thought he might misinterpret my words, but Soren said he understood that the 'explosively' and 'deadly' parts were metaphorical, and (after assuring me that the clothes would be perfectly safe) cheerfully told me that he'd take my advice to heart."

"As Jukka knows, I take my reputation very seriously. When my credibility was threatened by accusations of supposed 'unhelpfulness', I decided to work particularly hard on Jukka's skit, and thus show her that I was indeed quite helpful. One of Jukka's main requirements for the skit project was that I do something (in her exact words) 'very unexpected and dangerous.' Therefore, following a normal rehearsal of the skit, I pulled put a gun (which, though technically 'real', was set to fire harmless blanks) and threatened to 'shoot' Jukka if she didn't hand over the clothes. Despite my explaining that the weapon was fake, (and 'shooting' myself in the face to prove it), Jukka ran away, screaming something along the lines of 'you're insane! You're all insane!' before running into a wall."

Jukka and I thought that Skye had flushed them down the toilet as part of the skit, that's why we didn't "trust that she was doing it for the good of the mission."

OOC: @Skye: I had said something one time that the factory had exploded, and Jukka, you, and I weren't actually in the factory, so maybe you should change your post to make it so we weren't in the factory.

Quote from: Izeroth on September 07, 2015, 05:00:39 PM
"As Jukka knows, I take my reputation very seriously. When my credibility was threatened by accusations of supposed 'unhelpfulness', I decided to work particularly hard on Jukka's skit, and thus show her that I was indeed quite helpful. One of Jukka's main requirements for the skit project was that I do something (in her exact words) 'very unexpected and dangerous.' Therefore, following a normal rehearsal of the skit, I pulled put a gun (which, though technically 'real', was set to fire harmless blanks) and threatened to 'shoot' Jukka if she didn't hand over the clothes. Despite my explaining that the weapon was fake, (and 'shooting' myself in the face to prove it), Jukka ran away, screaming something along the lines of 'you're insane! You're all insane!' before running into a wall."

I remember it all now!  Earlier that day, while trying to move a heavy crate full of clothing material so we could make even more clothes, I stumbled and hit my head hard on a cement wall.  While I seemed fine after a moment, I think I must have forgotten all about the 'very unexpected and dangerous' brief I gave Izeroth regarding the skit.  Until now.  That's why I was so alarmed and confused.

"So many exact quotes," the Overlady interrupted her servants. "I bet you all could memorize a Shakespeare play in an hour. Speaking of acting, all of you have put forth some incredibly disappointing performances lately, though I must say that one's failures outshine the others. Amber, you are dismissed from your duties as my servant, with an additional punishment for good measure: you will never be able to brush your teeth yourself again."

Amber vaporized out of the room.

"For the rest of you, I have yet another task. I bought an ancient shipwreck off the coast of Florida. In addition to being worth millions on its own, there's a rumor that the ship is filled with treasure. Your job is to go scuba diving in the wreckage and get me any gold it contains. Go on!"

Some time later...

"So let me get this straight: you found the treasure, but instead of retrieving it you dumped it into an underwater crevice and then traded my valuable shipwreck for a bottle of laundry detergent. Please, explain your ludicrous actions."

 "Determined to finally get a mission done right, I made sure to hire the finest professionals for the job. The others protested, saying that professional archeologists would be 'too qualified' and 'too efficient', but I ignored them. (I honestly think that my comrades are drawn to ineptitude and uselessness, and attempt to emulate it wherever possible. For humanity's sake, I dearly hope that this trait is not inheritable.) Had it not been for my careful pre-planning, the entire mission would have been a failure from the start."

"As I expected, our archeologists were able to easily locate and remove the treasure, causing remarkably little damage to the historic artwork and currency. Immediately after dragging the gold and silver articles onboard our ship, however, the professionals (who were quite costly to hire) all jumped in the water and began swimming away, yelling something that sounded a bit like 'Cthulhu is awakening!' I turned around, too late, to find Jukka wearing a Cthulhu suit, smiling malevolently at me and showing no remorse whatsoever."

"So, anyway, Skyblade started spreading rumors that 'Blackbeard' was going to get us for stealing his treasure. My comrades freaked out, and Soren suggested that we dump the treasure in an underwater crevice to 'remove the curse.' (Some of Soren's other suggestions, such as summoning a hurricane and throwing me into an active volcano, were fortunately not approved by the group.) Despite my objections, your gullible servants bought everything Soren said, and dumped all of your priceless treasure in a nearby abyss."

"When our ship (after running aground on a reef which I had repeatedly warned Skyblade, our navigator, to avoid) limped back to port, I assumed our troubles were over and that I'd finally be able to get a marginally comfortable night's rest. Unfortunately, Soren was determined to ruin what little remained of our dignity. Practically as soon as we stepped off of the ship, the aforementioned servant ran to the nearest tavern and traded our shipwreck for a bottle of laundry detergent. Afterward, Soren bragged about the 'great bargain' he'd been able to get for it, and said we should all thank him for saving the mission."

First of all, they should thank we, I almost saved the mission and their lives. They're incompetence foiled my attempt to save the mission. I wonder why Izeroth continuo only partially quote me, when I had said "Wow Izeroth, that's a good job hiring those people, even if they do charge a lot. But I guess we never can be too qualified or too efficient." He then ignored what I said for some reason.
I have no idea what was Jukka doing in that suit.
We all know there are no such things as curses. But Sky had been forsaking out so much that she was driven to say "BLACKBEARD PUT A CURSE ON THIS TREAUSRE WE SHOULD DUMP IT!" I said to calm down. I told Jukka, who was driving to boat, that we dunk the treasure into very shallow water so I could come back momentarily and get it, so that Sky would stop whining. Well, Jukka must have misheard me, because when she said it was ok to drop the treasure, it went into an abyss rather then a shallow puddle. I asked why did she tell me to dump it when she knew we were supposed to keep it. She said "Oh, did I do something wrong?"
Well, when we reached port, I saw a ad in the newspaper saying that the Sultan of Arah was giving away 2 priceless shipwreck with included treasure if someone did his laundry for a week. I thought if we could get two shipwrecks and two treasure chests, it could make up for our losses. So I consulted with the other team members. They all agreed. So we traded the shipwreck for industrial strength laundry detergent and set to work. However, someone besides we put the reds in with the whites, and we got a huge pile of pink clothes. The Sultan hates pink, and refused the deal. I don't know who it was that did this though my lady. I am truly sorry for what's happened. But I did my best to fix it.

The Cthulhu suit was not my idea.  Skye suggested I wear it, saying (and I quote), "All archeologists, from anywhere on earth or in this universe or any other universe, LOVE Cthulhu.  Wearing this Cthulhu suit that I am currently holding in my hand will make the archeologists that Izeroth hired to retrieve the treasure love us and charge less for retrieving Overlady Mhera's treasure."  I took the Cthulhu suit and put it on, sure that no matter what, the archeologists would do as Skye had explained.  I did not smile "malevolently" intentionally; I just have a really unusual way of smiling, that's all.  And I didn't hear the archeologists yelling in panic, because the suit was equipped with earbuds that played steampunk music really loudly.  I have no idea why.

So, basically, it seems that Skyblade misled me for evil purposes.

Now, I dumped the treasure into an underwater crevice was for this reason: I noticed the telltale signs of invisible Space Nightcrawlers (a type of fearsome alien) on board the ship just as Soren suggested I dump the treasure in shallow water.  Space Nightcrawlers will kill anyone who happens to be around treasure, so immediately I dumped it into a crevice, knowing that Space Nightcrawlers are unable to go more than one foot underwater.  The crevice was just fifteen feet underwater; I felt sure that we would easily be able to retrieve it afterwards.  I tried to explain to the others about the Space Nightcrawlers, but they didn't listen.

Anyway, after the Sultan of Arah deal, I saw Izeroth sniggering evilly to himself and putting reds and whites in the washing machine at the same time.  "NOOO!!!" I screamed, diving at him, but he slammed the lid shut and the washer started.  Unfortunately for us, the Sultan of Arah's washing machine is impossible to stop once the washing cycle's started, so all of the clothes turned pink.

OOC: Goodness, this is SO fun :D Why did I wait longer?

BIC: "I'm pretty sure Izeroth, despite his eloquence, wanted to doom this mission from the start. I know I seem like the one at fault here, but please let me explain.

Equivocation, what a powerful tool. Iz failed to mention that the archeologists, experienced as they were, had sadistic purposes. See, their being qualified and too efficient was just the surface. It's widely known that the particular group of archeologists Iz hired are evil and not to be trusted. Hasn't it been on the national news (which we all watch as a group every morning, so nobody has an excuse to not know of it) time and time again how they always "help" people get expensive items, then steal and/or destroy them at the last moment? (While charging of tons of money while they're at it).

I tried to tell everyone this, but Iz said he didn't care less and wanted to appear to be doing something good even though he wasn't. Soren told me to shut up and that I never say anything useful, and Jukka just yelled, "PIEEEEEEEEEEE!". My teammates also confessed that they knew this was a bad idea, but still forced me to go along with it.

I knew I was the group's only salvation, so I did a lot of research and discovered that the archelogists's one weakness is Cthulhu (or however you spell it) suits. I was ecstatic. I could save this mission! (Again). I would have worn it myself, but the suit was too big, so I asked Jukka. When I tried to explain why, she said she WANTED the evil group to succeed, so I had to lie to get her to do something good for the team. As for the steampunk music, that just comes with the suit for some reason.

The evil archeologists would have doomed us if I hadn't done this for the team.

As for the Blackbeard thing, goodness, can people stop leaving out details? Jukka was the one who said I needed to practice my lying skills (I don't know why). She said to say a lie, and kept bothering me until I said, "Fine. A lie is that Blackbeard cursed this treasure and we need to dump it. Everyone, that was the best lie I ever told. Happy now, Jukka?" Then Soren said, "Calm down", and for some reason thought I was being serious even though I explicity said I was lying to appease Jukka. I yelled to stop dumping the treasure, but Iz said there was a bump on my head and decided to try to fix it by knocking me out with a blender.

Iz failed to mention that he warned me to avoid the reef while I was unconscious. Obviously, that didn't help. I woke up with a massive headache, not sure what was going on, with Jukka screaming at me to navigate the ship. Dizzy and confused, with Jukka's screaming exacerbating the situation, I accidentally crashed the ship into the reef.

As for the laundry thing, I was all for the idea. I was hard at work, and had nothing to do with the pink fiasco."

 "As all loyal Arahians would know, the Sultan of Arah is a big fan of Poland, and had specifically requested that country's colors to be washed together. I was skeptical of the process at first, knowing of the Sultan's well-known hatred of the color pink, but the benevolent ruler assured me that his high-tech washer was quite capable of separating red from white. The washer worked just as expected, and the patriotically-colored clothes were cleaned without incident. The Sultan reviewed the wash after I had finished, and was quite pleased with my work; my "evil" grin was the result of satisfaction at a job well done. Unfortunately, someone covered all of the clothes with pink dye overnight, permanently ruining them. (Needless to say, the Sultan was quite mad.) Were it not for my negotiation skills, my comrades would have been executed by firing squad, crushed beneath the treads of a T-72, and hung from the battlements of the Sultan's palace. (And not necessarily in that order.)

Skyblade, I imagine, would know quite a lot about the power of equivocation, having used it so many times. The 'sadistic' archeologists last engaged in theft a decade ago; had Sky paid attention to the news as much as she claims, she would have been quite aware of the fact that the 'criminals' are now reformed and running a successful, entirely reputable business. Despite the lack of any real evidence that the archeologists were planning to cheat us, Sky pestered me ceaselessly, ordering me to admi that the archeologists were evil. Eventually, I 'admitted' that the archeologists were awful, and expressed my lack of concern so no one would order me to do anything about the supposed 'criminals'.

"As for that... small incident, there was indeed a bump on Sky's head. Judging by its color (a sort of reddish-purple), I determined the bump to be a dangerous fungal infection, which would, if untreated, lead to all manner of horrible health issues. Knowing that the most expedient and effective way of removing the infection would be to hit Sky on the head with a heavy object, I did just that.

"According to Søren and Jukka, the news as of the last two months is false and corrupt, and that was when the archaeologists must have reformed. Sor and Jukka showed me very official-looking documents from the "US government" to back up their deception. That's all I heard from them. I'm sorry, sir; I truly tried to act out of the good of the mission. Had I been informed, surely I would have acted differently and accordingly."

I was told by Jukka that the documents were legitimate, she got me to join her in what she was doing.

The Overlady sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm done with this." As soon as she was finished speaking, a teleporter beam picked her up, and she disappeared in a flash.

A nearby door opened, and a wild-eyed, disheveled man skipped into the room, grinning maniacally. "My name's Games Jryphon and I'm very pleased to meet all of you! Your overladyship just traded her fortress, the works, and y'all to me on Gregslist for a bag of pretzels and the deed to Park Place. Anyway, we're going to have sooo much fun together!"

The heir apparent took a device out of his pocket, pointed it at Soren, and pushed a button. A green ray shot out, turning the hapless servant into a parrot. Games took out a small square-shaped biscuit and waved it in the bird's direction. "Sorey want a cracker?"

When Games had finished feeding his new pet, he turned and gave the remaining servants an indulgent smile.

"I always wanted to celebrate my greatness. Go somewhere, rent a nice big room, and set up a party for me. I want cake, balloons, candles, the whole works. Make sure there's plenty of drinks and serving staff; I don't want to depend on any of you. Have it all done in three days. When that time's done, to this minute, I'll drop in and we can kick off my reign in style."

Three days later...

Games appeared in the hotel reception room, took one look around at the servants and the scene, and laughed, scaring the green parrot that was now his constant companion off of his shoulder.

"I knew that you were going to mess up everything I told you to do. Well, that's perfectly all right. If I wanted to get the job done correctly I'd have called a catering company. What I want from you is nothing less than the finest excuses. Tell me all about it! I'm just dying to know how you drank all the drinks, popped all the balloons, ate all the snacks, "misplaced" the ten-layer two-story cake, and turned all of the walls hot pink."

"I, being the responsible one, immediately got to dividing tasks. I had Jukka rent the nice, big room and Izeroth call a serving staff - easy things I figured even foolish servants like them wouldn't mess up. They agreed to the job assignment. Everything else, I decided, I would take care of. As the quote goes, If you want something done right, do it yourself.

With my own money, I bought the drinks, cake, balloons, candles, and everything else a good party would need. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Jukka and Iz had actually done their jobs correctly as well.

Afterwards, I was putting up decorations in the party room (while Jukka and Iz were wasting time playing an app called "Kill the Overlord" on Jukka's mePhone, might I add) when the phone rang. I picked it up, seeing as how my allies were too busy with their game. The person on the other side said he was the cake delivery man, and someone needed to go outside and get the cake.

I went outside and got the ten-layer two-story cake. When I came back, I found the drinks all drunk down and the snacks eaten, with juice stains and crumbs copiously found on Jukka and Iz's shirts. I asked what had happened, and Jukka just said, "We got thirsty and hungry, so we consumed all of the Overlord's party stuff. That's perfectly fine, right?"

I was mad. Iz suggested, "Maybe painting all of the walls hot pink will lighten the mood!" I said that was a bad idea, pointing out how hot pink is your most hated color in the history of colors. Iz said he didn't care what you thought  and pulled out a hot pink spraycan thing. I ran to stop him, and Jukka tackled me to the ground. By the time I could get up, Iz had already sprayed the walls.

I demanded that Jukka and Iz calm down so we could do the mission right. They ignored me and said, "Oh! Cake!" both running to the cake I had just gotten for you. I ran in front of the cake and tried to protect it, but they pushed me and I fell inside the giant cake. As I struggled to get out, they got the cake (with me still in  it) and dumped it in the trash can. They then got the trash can and emptied it in the nearest dumpster, closing the lid and locking it (I never knew dumpsters could lock).

It took me a while to get out of the cake, trash can, and locked dumpster. By the time I did and got back, I saw Iz and Jukka sitting in the ruined hotel reception room. The food and drinks were still in Iz and Jukka's stomachs, the walls still your least favorite color, and sometime while I was gone all the balloons had been popped. Meanwhile, Jukka and Iz were back playing the "Kill the Overlord" app and doing nothing about the situation. As soon as I walked in, I said we HAD to fix everything before you showed up. Iz told me to shut up and that he thought you were a (insert expletive here). Jukka added that she had to beat her highscore of killing you in eleven seconds. Right after, you walked in and found us all here. And that's my story, sir."

 "Knowing, as I did, that Skyblade had disdain for my work ethic (she had once referred to me as 'the Overlord's mindless drone'), it wasn't surprising when I was delegated the relatively unimportant job of procuring servants for your event. Despite the glaring injustices of the situation, I performed my job as well as I was able, and hired a full staff of droids to serve you and your.... pet.

The 'Kill the Overlord' app was quite useful. You see, it described how loyal servants should act in the event of an attempt on Your Lordship's life, and revealed the various methods of assassins, providing excellent advice on how to thwart their insidious scheming. I tried to explain the app's usefulness to Skyblade, but she (as usual) ignored me.

Once Skyblade had gone to get the cake, Jukka immediately began devouring the food. When I (being genuinely concerned with the food's preservation), ordered her to cease eating it immediately, Jukka threw it at me, thus getting crumbs all over my shirt.

As Skyblade was berating me for something I was entirely unresponsible for, I noticed that a rare fungal mold was growing on one of the walls. Knowing that it would instantly kill anyone who touched it, and that its only weakness was the color pink, I immediately set about removing the deadly fungi via spray can. (I told the others that I was painting in order to 'lighten to mood', so that they wouldn't get freaked out. I planned to later remove the pink paint and repaint the walls with their original color, but Jukka prevented me from doing so, telling me, 'I want the Overlord to see it. It'll be hilarious when he finds out what you did.')

Jukka bolted for the cake with the sole intention of ruining it; I ran in a futile attempt to save the mission. I valiantly fought to keep the cake intact, but Jukka pushed me over, thus causing me to accidentally dump the cake in the trash can. When I attempted to salvage what little remained of the mission's integrity, and stop Jukka from throwing the cake (and Sky) into the dumpster, she drew a tranquilizer gun and shot me in the forehead.

When I awoke, I found myself being ruthlessly interrogated; I told Skyblade to shut up because she was speaking in Nonsense, a made-up language that only she could understand. When Sky then randomly asked me (in English) what I thought of the Overlord, I answered with, 'he's a great guy'. As I would only later discover, 'great guy' means something less than respectful in Sky's imaginary language."

"To me it seems rather unreasonable to trust other servants when you've seen, with your very own eyes, their reputation for failing.

As for ignoring Iz, that was never my intention. He must have been trying to speak to me at inopportune moments when I was busy doing something for the party.

When I got thrown in the dumpster, my head hit the wall quite hard, and it was difficult to think straight. I didn't realize until after I'd spoken that I had been using Nonsense, a made-up language Jukka convinced me to create and learn (she said it would help in future missions. I don't know how). Upon realizing this, I switched to English, but by then you had already walked in the room."

Games, with an expectant grin, turned to the only servant who had not spoken. As the seconds ticked by, however, his smile slowly faded. "Well? Get on with it!" When at last it became obvious that the servant had no intention of answering the accusations against her, Games lost all pretense of cordiality. He began ranting and raving in some arcane alien language. After a full minute of this, having apparently run out of words to say, he reached inside his trench coat, pulled out a dangerous looking object, and pressed the red button on its top. A violet ray struck Jukka the Sling, and she seemed to disappear. Games ran over to where she had just been and quickly stomped one foot down on the floor.

"There," he said, a rather malicious smile returning to his face. "That takes care of that louse." He looked up at Izeroth and Skyblade, did a double take, and blinked.

"You're still here? Well, isn't that nice. Isn't that just great. Two more bugs to get in the way." He paused for a moment, apparently pondering something.

"Well, maybe you can do something useful. One of these shoes has a dead bug on its sole now. Go get me a new pair. Oh, and my eight-year-old kid sister Gamie should be getting here pretty shortly. Take her out and get her some ice cream or something, since she can't have any of the cake that you wasted. Meet me back at the fortress when you're done. Get a move on; time's a-wasting."

Some time later...

The servants looked on as Gamie sat in her big brother's lap, crying up a storm. He spoke softly to her, in a manner seemingly unbefitting the galaxy's most notorious criminal. After some time, she seemed to calm down, and even smiled. Games snapped his fingers. A very large, very tall, grey-skinned, grey-clad woman came into the room and made a deep curtsy before the throne. (She was about a foot taller kneeling than the Overlord would have been standing upright). He spoke. "Attend to my sister. I'll be back there with you in just a few minutes." After ruffling Gamie's hair, he let her go, and she skipped away, matron in tow.

Games Jryphon sat up straight in his high throne, and glared down at the servants below.

"You know, I'm starting to see why that other lady thought she'd get out of this business. I'm thinking it might be time to return to my solo career, myself." He paused, tapping his fingers against one of the arms of his chair. He continued, now screaming. "You were supposed to take care of her! Instead I got that. And what is with these ridiculous clown shoes?!"

"Oh, I'm sure your previous ruler was just so sugar-sweet, and all she had to do was to draw you into the rehabilitative embrace of love when you did wrong. Well, your days of being mollycoddled are over! I feel like killing both of you, right now. Unfortunately, I have to spare one of you if you can give me a good enough excuse. Don't ask me why; union regulations. So, let's get this over with. Start talking."

"As you know, My Lord, I would never dream of causing physical harm to befall your sister. I exist only to serve you and your immediate family, and my actions have always reflected this. With that in mind, I will relate to you the unfortunate circumstances by which our mission failed.

Upon arrival at the ice-cream shop, I personally paid for Gamie's ice-cream, ignoring some of the more eccentric and/or dangerous flavors (Sky had suggested that we get your sister 'snake-venom and cyanide' flavor) in favor of mint chocolate chip. She seemed to like the ice-cream, and finished it within the span of about thirty seconds. After ensuring that Gamie was not experiencing any allergic reactions, I went to the shoe store to buy you new footwear.

 The shoe store was enormous, and contained more sizes and brands of shoes than I had ever thought possible. As I was checking out the store's inventory, attempting to find a pair of shoes that would perfectly fit your feet, Sky surprise attacked me with a highly-charged stun baton. (The attack was entirely unprovoked-- I suspect that it was either the result of unseen scheming or spontaneous insanity.) The store clerk called security, but it was too late: the mission had already fallen apart. As Sky ran off, leaving me in an incapacitated state, I could faintly hear her muttering about her 'great plan', and how she would find a way to frame me for the entire situation.

 In the town fairground, the annual clown festival happened to be taking place, and Sky (who has repeatedly admitted to me that she is obsessed with clowns and all things related to them) couldn't resist forcing Gamie to attend. Such ridiculous games as 'shoe decoration' and 'pie throwing' occurred; needless to say, Sky was a participant in the former.

By the time I had awoken from my stunned state, Sky and Gamie (who was now inconsolable due to clown-induced trauma) had already left via a personal teleportation device. I was forced to take the afternoon train back to your base, and had the great misfortune of sharing the car with a traveling accordion group."

Skyblade stepped forth and bowed respectfully to Games Jryphon before speaking.

"This, sir, is my perspective.

Once we had arrived at the ice cream shop, I noticed the owners saying they were pulling a prank. The seemingly innocuous ice cream flavors were in reality detrimental to bodily functions, and the ones labeled to be dangerous were actually perfectly harmless. They even explicitly told me and Iz about this, and we saw everyone eating and recommending the flavor titled "snake-venom and cyanide". I was about to order this when Iz – for reasons I didn't know – used money he had unlawfully stolen from me a few weeks ago to order mint chocolate chip.

"Excuse me, that ice cream is debilitating to the body," said an owner of the shop.

Iz told him he didn't care. When I tried to stop him from letting Game eat the ice cream, he attacked me with a stun baton he had brought along to discipline Gamie (I, for one, disapproved). The ice cream may have tasted good, but its effect was bad.

I have a friend who is able to read minds, and he had read Iz's mind. According to him, Iz was planning to use his phone to do something very bad to Gamie when we got to the shoe store. Considering that this friend is incapable of lying and Iz had done enough questionable things in the past that something like this wasn't a surprise, I realized I had to do act.

But first I had to help Gamie, who was starting to suffocate. (Iz had already disappeared to another part of the store and didn't see any of this). The suffocating had been the health effect written on the mint chocolate ice cream. I quickly performed the right medical procedure and saved her life.

Afterwards, I got the stun baton and used it on Iz. I meant to stun him for only a short period of time, just enough for me to take the phone and dispose of it. But before the mission Iz had been teaching me how to use the baton, and he must have taught me incorrectly, for when I pressed a button he had told me corresponded to five minutes it stunned him for an hour.

And I certainly had great plans. "Saving your sister's life" is great. As for framing Iz, I was referring to that picture party you said you would throw us if we did the mission correctly. If I saved the mission, Iz would get his picture taken and put in a frame.

The security were running over to help me move Iz to a safe place while he was stunned. Even though Iz was a traitor, I figured you wouldn't be happy if I let him die on a mission. So the security and I put him in a safe place, while keeping an eye on Gamie (who was happy now that I had saved her life).

Right after this, I was about to get back to Iz when a clown tapped my shoulder. Iz had called his team via phone and bribed the clowns into kidnapping and torturing Gamie. I had been too late in stopping Iz's plan – he must have called the clowns while I was busy saving Gamie's life. I had to force Gamie into complying with the clowns, who wanted us to go to a clown festival, or they would have killed her. I had even bought the perfect shoes for you, sir, but they destroyed them.

Yes, I am obsessed with clowns: I am so scared of them I can't stop thinking of them. The clowns knocked us out and we woke up in a nearby fair and were forced to play stupid games. All this time, I tried to comfort Gamie, but it was no use because the clowns knocked me out with a file cabinet. I woke up outside the fair with Gamie screaming about clowns. Even though she came back crying, Overlord, she was actually doing even worse before I managed to calm her down just a little. I came back as soon as possible, knowing you could help her better and that the police would escort Iz back through the afternoon train."

 Sky might (and, indeed, should) have mentioned that 'everyone' in the shop was suffering from Poor Judgement Syndrome, an unfortunate sickness that causes one to make unwise choices. (Due to the sickness' short lifespan, none of us were in danger of getting it.) These poor people, having been damaged by the disease, now thought that eating a deadly poison would be good for them. This was explained to Skyblade, but she insisted that there was nothing to fear from the bizarre flavor. The $5 I used to buy the ice-cream had been given to me a week prior by Sky, (under the laws of the Outer Rim United Republics, giving someone a gift constitutes theft) thus making me a 'thief'.

The shop's owner was clearly suffering from the disease, and gave Sky his 'advice' as he was being dragged away by a hazmat crew. I said that I 'didn't care' after he grabbed me by the collar and began talking in gibberish. The stun baton I had brought along to 'discipline' Gamie was set to be harmless; I had intended to use its interactive light display to teach Gamie the basics of the LED system (as all competent teachers will tell you, teaching increases knowledge, and knowledge increases discipline). I 'attacked' Sky with the baton after she tried to prevent me from leaving the building; it caused no injury whatsoever, and had force roughly equivalent to that of a pillow.

Sky's 'friend' (a random person she had met on the street a few minutes ago) was indeed a mind-reader. However, he was a denizen of the Outer Rim United Republic, a unique state in which (as I've mentioned before) practically all laws have been turned upside down. This person's poor, misguided conscience thought that truth was a lie, and that telling someone an untruth would be true honesty. (So, this 'friend' was technically incapable of 'lying'.) He told Sky of my 'evil' plans through this twisted, confusing system of moral opposites.

 Gamie suffocated because Sky put the ice-cream packaging around her head; the health effect on the label stated that 'packaging may cause suffocation if airways are blocked.'

When I had originally instructed Sky in the use of the stun baton, I did indeed tell her that the 'shock' button knocked one out for five minutes. What she fails to mention, however, is that I was referencing the normal setting; I had never considered that Sky would set the stun baton to 'very painful' before shocking me.

'Great' is a highly relative term; I do not consider Sky's plans to have been even moderately within the definition of the word. As for the picture, I have to admit that I've always been a fan of personal portraits.

I hardly bribed the clowns; they were traveling as part of a circus exhibition (part of my 'team' in that I had invested stock in their circus company.) The clowns had an excellent reputation in every city they had visited, and I simply paid them to entertain Gamie; I had no idea that their idea of entertainment was kidnapping and torture. (Sky had, in fact, earlier lauded me for proposing the idea of hiring clowns, and specifically suggested this company.)

"Actually, a lot of this was caused by Iz's own actions.

Quote from: IzI said that I 'didn't care' after he grabbed me by the collar and began talking in gibberish.

Yes, Iz, in gibberish. The language you created to confuse me and subtly wreck the entire mission.

Overlord, I must add that while we were going to the ice cream shop, Iz contacted everyone in the world and told them to speak in gibberish* whenever they had to say something important and that I actually needed to know. I watched, powerless, as he did so (he had paralyzed me with another stun baton he had brought along ("Gotta have a backup weapon to be successful in destroying this mission", he had proclaimed), and I had been completely immobilized as he did this).

Now, something to know about gibberish is that everyone can comprehend and communicate in it except me.

Once we got to the ice cream shop, I was completely confused. Some people were saying, in perfect English, that the shop was pulling a prank and the dangerous flavors were actually safe. Meanwhile, some people were speaking gibberish. There was no way for me to understand what they were saying, whether anybody translated it or not. As Iz instructed them, they said everything about the Poor Judgment Syndrome in gibberish and I didn't understand. Also, the hazmat crew was dressed up like normal shop owners, and I thought they were just playing around as part of the prank. There was no clue indicating anything of this Poor Judgment Syndrome. Is it my fault they were speaking in a language I didn't know? Iz was the one who told them to do so.

When Iz attacked me with the stun baton, it wasn't the baton that caused pain. It was how he pushed me into a vat of dangerous lava as he did so. I almost died.

Well, how on earth was I to know that my friend was from the Outer Rim whatever it's called place? In fact, it was Iz himself who never mentioned ANYTHING about the Outer Rim United Republic or its laws (I'm barely hearing about this place and its weird laws just now). Iz was the one who told me that this friend could be trusted and everything he said was true. Also, Iz said that while using a legitimate truth machine on himself to prove that it wasn't some type of trick.

The health effect about the packaging causing suffocation was written in gibberish, and I didn't understand it. In English, though, the packaging said, verbatim, "put this packaging over a child's head to bless them". Little did I know Iz had written both messages in to trick me.

Well, Iz was speaking in gibberish when he taught me about the stun baton. When I insisted he speak in a language I actually knew, he refused, and I just had to do my best to use the stun baton with what I knew.

Leaving out details again...I lauded Iz for proposing the idea of hiring clowns (and not these clowns, a different and harmless group of clowns) for cleaning our base (it's always a mess because Iz likes to invite his loud and messy friends of his "Destroy the Overlord" club over and they leave the place a junkyard). And I suggested that the clowns who torture and kidnap be thrown into jail.

Also, the clowns have excellent reputation in every city they visited because fear of the clowns makes the people who live there lie about them. Also, while it is not well known that the clowns kidnap and torture, it is common knowledge that they enjoy murdering all children...we knew this, Iz. I said to keep away from them. I never recommended the clowns for anything except throwing them in jail where they lawfully belong."

*Gibberish - a made-up language of Iz, originally created to confuse me and cause havoc in our missions

 "As we were going to the Ice Cream shop, my phone notified me that a K'yrhal (an insectoid species from the center of the galaxy) invasion fleet had positioned itself around the Earth. The Grand Emperor of the K'yrhal, posting on the Empire's Mebook page, said that their high command had received a message from Skyblade. According to the Emperor, Sky had stated that earth was in dire need of language reform, and ordered the fleet to annihilate the Human race should they refuse to comply with its requests. (I was completely unaware that such a message existed; Sky had never told me anything about it.)

When I contacted them via hologram, the aliens gave me an ultimatum: get almost all of Earth's inhabitants to (in their exact words) 'speak in a made-up language whenever they're saying anything important that Skyblade needs to know,' or leave Earth at the mercy of the fleet's powerful plasma artillery. The terms were non-negotiable; the aliens told me that Sky had demanded they be followed to the letter.

When I asked Sky about the message, she (completely of her own will, with no coercion whatsoever) drew a deadly ion pistol and attempted to pulverize me. I dodged the blast, and stunned her in order to prevent injury to myself or others. 'Gotta have a backup weapon to be successful in not destroying this mission,' I had noted.

Contacting the entire world's population via a telepathic communication device, I informed them of the great danger that the planet was in. Understanding the need for emergency measure, they began speaking in Gibberish, a made-up language of my own design. If Skyblade was confused by what they said, she has no one to blame but herself; she was responsible for the language's creation, after all.

When I attacked Skyblade with the stun baton, I had no intention of causing her any harm. The vat of lava (in Skyblade's own handwriting) said that its contents were entirely safe, and would only cause one minor discomfort. After I realized the untruth of the writing on the vat, I risked my own life to haul Skyblade out of the lava, and sustained several horrible burns in the process.

I had never mentioned anything about the Outer Rim United Republic (ORUR) or its laws because the information had never before been relevant. (I was not aware that this stranger came from the ORUR until after his meeting with Skyblade, and assumed that he was a simple bystander.) When I told Sky that he 'could be trusted' and that 'everything he said was true,' with the 'legitimate truth machine,' I sincerely thought it applied to our standards of truth; only later would I learn that the machine had been set to settings proscribed by the 'legitimate' ORUR system, by Skyblade herself.

Yes, I wrote both messages on the wrapper to 'trick' Skyblade (she's convinced that all health advisories are a trick). As I had repeatedly (in English) explained, 'bless' means 'suffocate' in wrapper speak, while Gibberish serves to reiterate the message to Gibberish-speakers (of which 99.9999% of the world's population was then composed) and form the wrapper's scanning code. Skyblade, having taken a course in healthcare recently, was quite well aware of what happens when a wrapper is placed over a child's head.

I was speaking in Gibberish when I taught Sky about the stun baton due to planetary laws; she would have known this, having been responsible for instituting said laws. There were numerous booklets in English that explained how to use the baton, but Skyblade refused to read them.

I invite my 'friends' over to the 'Destroy the Overlord' club in order to root out traitors to Your Lordship. Anyone who says anything against you is, of course, thrown in the dungeons.

 Sky had suggested that the clowns 'who torture and kidnap' be thrown into jail, but never specified exactly who those clowns were. The clowns I hired, for all apparent intents and purposes, did indeed have an excellent reputation (Skyblade knew that the people who were visited by the clowns always lied about them, but she chose to withhold this information from me.) I knew that they enjoy 'murdering' (fair-speak for entertaining) all children; all of the major fair reviewers repeatedly awarded them 'best source of child entertainment' medals specifically because of this. Sky had recommended throwing them in jail (jail is, again, fair-speak for the Office of Childcare Management), but I had decided not to do that, thinking that it wouldn't be a good idea for them to have such important positions.

Games listened carefully to his servants prattle on, looking honestly perplexed at the the tangled web they wove. When they finally stopped speaking, he sighed and stood up.

"Well, I can't say that I'm angry at you anymore." He paused for a moment, listening for the sighs of relief he expected to come. "No... now I'm FURIOUS."

"What do you think you're playing at to disobey all of my instructions, try to kill my own sister, and then come in here and tell me such a load of nonsense? Do you think old Games's losing a step? Well, maybe I am... to have ever entrusted you with anything at all."

"You know, though, there is one reason I'm glad this little misadventure took place. I've always held a hatred in my heart for all clown-kind. I'd almost forgotten about it, but your insolent incompetence has reminded me of the necessity of dealing with them." Games pressed a button on his chair. A microphone popped out from the ceiling, and he spoke into it. "Lord Nader. Listen up. Every single clown is now an enemy of the Empire. Go to the planet Earth and wipe them out... all of them." He clicked the device back off and glared back down at the two servants.

"I can forgive a lot of things, but I can never forgive alleged servants of mine for cavorting with clowns. Skyblade. Your punishment is to live the rest of your miserable life as a clown. From now on, whenever you look in the mirror, you will see a clown face. Your body will be permanently clownformed; no amount of washing or surgery will be able to change it back. All the clothes you wear will be clown clothes, including these despicable clown shoes. If you can convince another clown to marry you, you will bear children who will be born as clowns, not humans. You can try to get a normal job, but I expect your only future will be to work in the circus, where you will be surrounded by your kind every day. I feel this is an appropriate punishment for you."

Games pulled a lever, and Skyblade fell into a bubbling vat of radioactive clown makeup. She emerged, sobbing, as that which she most feared. Games smiled, then turned to look at Izeroth.

"Wipe that stupid smirk off your face. You're not getting off any easier. I know your heart is almost as ambitious and megalomaniacal as mine, so I've decided that the best way to punish you is to crush your dreams. You see, I found out from your old boss that this fortress and everything that goes with it are in terrible shape. The foundation is cracked and things are liable to start collapsing here at any minute. So, I'm taking what's mine and leaving this mess to you. You will reign as the next ruler from this crumbling castle. As Overlord, you will acquire terrible servants ten times worse than yourself. You'll give them orders, but they'll never carry them out successfully. Your every whim will always be thwarted by their malicious incompetence. All your restless days and sleepless nights will be spent in constant fear of what they will do next to ruin your life. You'll punish them, but things will only get worse. Eventually, with your hopes dashed, you will retire in shame and disgrace as a wretched, lonely old man, and your sorriest servant will succeed you."

Done pronouncing his judgments, Games skipped out of the room, cackling maniacally. A couple of minutes later, a big rocket ship blasted off of the landing pad in the backyard. The ex-servants saw Gamie, who was holding a big cookie in one hand, wave to them through one of the portholes; then, in the blink of an eye, the ship was gone. They never saw Games or his family again.

---

Well, that wraps it up for this round. It was a long time coming, so I hope this ending is satisfactory. If anybody wants to know why they were eliminated, please feel free to contact me, and I'll try to help clarify it for you. Special thanks go to Mhera, and all of the players for making this such an experience. Finally, best of luck to Izeroth; I hope the next round is even better, and finished in a more timely fashion, than this one.

Kudos, Iz! You deserve it.

I apologize for my mistakes throughout this game.

With Izeroth doing the next round, it should be full of the Galactic Empire, poisons, and angry scorpions, I'm sure.

Quote from: Skyblade on October 28, 2015, 03:59:22 AM
I apologize for my mistakes throughout this game.

Stop.

You're the most successful player that's never actually hosted a game, and as far as I know nobody else has ever made the final phase three consecutive times.

This is the way records are made. If you join the next one and do your best, and if I get around to actually playing through an entire round, I think there's a good chance we'll meet in the last stage.

Izeroth better kill James just for assuming he'll beat me.

Quote from: James Gryphon on October 28, 2015, 01:53:39 PM

Quote from: Skyblade on October 28, 2015, 03:59:22 AM
I apologize for my mistakes throughout this game.

Stop.

You're the most successful player that's never actually hosted a game, and as far as I know nobody else has ever made the final phase three consecutive times.

This is the way records are made. If you join the next one and do your best, and if I get around to actually playing through an entire round, I think there's a good chance we'll meet in the last stage.

Thank you. I guess it's hard for me to think of winning second three times in a row as a good thing. As an achievement. Maybe it is.

Perhaps we will. I shudder to think of facing against you and the old and new challengers alike I have heard of. But I'll do my best.

Quote from: Skyblade on October 29, 2015, 03:45:51 AM
Thank you. I guess it's hard for me to think of winning second three times in a row as a good thing. As an achievement. Maybe it is.

I guarantee you that it is. My goal when I started playing after I hosted XI wasn't to win Overlord every time, but to place top two each time (I didn't, mostly because I kept going inactive in the middle of the game).

That's because, at the time, the final phase had always been a tossup. There are at least two of them where the winner was decided essentially by rolling a die. Back in the "ask a question" days, it was about the same. The Overlord decided on a whim who they wanted to win, factoring in such things as whether they were "due" or not. The last few rounds have had more serious challenges than that, but even so, there's always going to be an element of Overlord's whim in there. The factors I preferred in my judgment this time were probably not shared by some of the other people who've OLed in the past.

That's a factor influenced by chance. But making it that far three times in a row is not an accident. I don't know for sure whether I'll be in the next final round (I know I have the talent, but I also have a tendency of not writing enough to save my hide). However, if you do your best, I have every reason to expect to see you there. I can take it to the bank and cash it.

Thank you, James :) You're going to be a tough opponent.